sean1970 Posted July 2, 2010 Posted July 2, 2010 (edited) Am I in the minority here when I believe that she should leave the prick yesterday? This is nuts.... Counseling? Really people? How do you counsel integrity, class, and respect? This was HER BEST FRIEND people!!! Come on... Won't wear his wedding ring at their anniversary because he is still talking to her!!! I want to soccer kick this guy in the berries and then I will 'counsel' him wear I saw them land. Confront her? Fu<k her! I would not waste my breath on the tramp nor poisin my ears with hearing what she has to say. What could she possibly say that would make any difference, what? They chose to swim in $hit water; dont wade in with them. Sweetie, yes, you have been married for a long time... But this level of disrespect is not acceptable. There has to be consequence. Kick him the fu<k out.... Edited July 2, 2010 by sean1970
Author rogersk1968 Posted July 2, 2010 Author Posted July 2, 2010 Am I in the minority here when I believe that she should leave the prick yesterday? This is nuts.... Counseling? Really people? How do you counsel integrity, class, and respect? This was HER BEST FRIEND people!!! Come on... Won't wear his wedding ring at their anniversary because he is still talking to her!!! I want to soccer kick this guy in the berries and then I will 'counsel' him wear I saw them land. Confront her? Fu<k her! I would not waste my breath on the tramp nor poisin my ears with hearing what she has to say. What could she possibly say that would make any difference, what? They chose to swim in $hit water; dont wade in with them. Sweetie, yes, you have been married for a long time... But this level of disrespect is not acceptable. There has to be consequence. Kick him the fu<k out.... Thank you for making me feel better!! Hopefully I will meet a very nice man someday and he'll treat me with respect and love that I so deserve!!!
YellowShark Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I know, everyone says just get out. I have done just that and frankly it hurts like hell. I am a wreck. People tell me that will pass. But now that I have my own place I know she can't hurt me anymore, she can't lie to me anymore, and she can't abuse me anymore. Here's the thing: I've been with this man since I was a teenager (seriously, 12-1/2 years old when I met him). That is not a free pass to allow ANYONE to abuse you and hurt you. I love him so much even though he's hurt me SO bad. Me too. I loved my EX with all my heart.. and still do sadly. But I cannot, and will not, be abused simply because I love her. We are either in this relationship TOGETHER or not, a "third party" is a deal breaker. I'm afraid to be on my own. Why? You won't turn into a pumpkin if you are single! What you fear is the unknown, and it's ok, it's natural. I know I'll lose my house. But in the meantime, I'm slowing losing my mind and my self-respect. A house is an object, a material item. That's all it is. Meanwhile your life in "that house" is like a prison. It's a living hell for you because the man you share it with has one foot out the door and doesn't care. And if you don't think the kids feel the sadness and tension then you are mistaken.
cavedweller Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 rodgersk1968, Contact a divorce attorney now. Don't wait another day.
ComputerJock Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 You are a walking blind woman at this stage. You need legal advice to find out what your rights are. Start gathering information on you and you husbands finances. He is in a fog and thinks he can have both you and OW. When he gets divorce papers (you don't have to go throught with divorce, but it shows him you are serious) and child support requirements reality is going to slap him in the face and he is going to realize this piece of tail on the side is costing him his marrige and his family.
Corporate Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Affair survives on secretcy. Have you exposed the affair yet? If not, do it now to EVERYONE whom they respect including his and her parents, sibligns, employers, uncles, etc. The message is that you and your husband are working on your marriage and that this OW is getting in between you and you ask for their support.
ComputerJock Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Affairs are conducted in secrecy with lies and deceit. Exposed to the light to family and friends and they scurry for cover. It's hard to keep an affair secret if everyone knows about and treats the cheaters with disgust.
Corporate Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Affairs are conducted in secrecy with lies and deceit. Exposed to the light to family and friends and they scurry for cover. It's hard to keep an affair secret if everyone knows about and treats the cheaters with disgust. There is really no need to repeat what I wrote above. I think I got my message out loud and clear.
Author rogersk1968 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Affair survives on secretcy. Have you exposed the affair yet? If not, do it now to EVERYONE whom they respect including his and her parents, sibligns, employers, uncles, etc. The message is that you and your husband are working on your marriage and that this OW is getting in between you and you ask for their support. Yes, his entire family knows and they don't care. He has made it look like I'm the bad person here. I feel like I really don't have any support at all. A few days ago I found a letter to me (that he hasn't given me yet) and it says he's ending the affair with her. Then the next letter says let's start over with a clean slate and move on. Then I find a letter to her (not ending the affair) and saying he cares for me, doesn't want to hurt me anymore, etc. And he was looking at again at how to end an affair (on this website I might add). I'm sure he's been reading these posts.
spyyder Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 (edited) Wow, I must say your story is so sad, especially the bit that you met him when you were just 12 years old. It's hard to imagine meeting someone so young, who then would do something so bad to you later on. From what you've said your Husband is clearly an idiot and only thinks with his dick. I'm very surprised that someone of his age can be so half-baked, and this is coming from a 21 year old. It really takes a special kind of person that would throw so much away over a bit of pleasure. It also really takes a special kind of family that would be okay with all this. I guess since they have no moral values, why should he. I know my parents would go crazy if I ever cheated on anyone.They actually get angry at me if they can see that I'm not being very nice to my gf for no reason. I'm sure most parents are like this too. Obviously his isn't. Just wondering, is this woman he's seeing better looking than you, not as much, or the same? Have you found out if he's cheating because the sex is better with her, or he just wants someone else? Also I wouldn't immediately accept whats on those letters. Remember, he didn't send/give them yet so perhaps he's still thinking. Don't forget that he is an idiot (dumb enough to look up 'how to end an affair' on google) so those letters might not mean anything just yet. Just to let you know, I looked up 'How to breathe' on google - there's an unsurprisingly large number of results . Edited July 5, 2010 by spyyder
RegardingMe Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Get tested for every kind of STD there is. Second, you can't repair the relationship if he is in contact with the other woman. Show him what he would be missing if he continues. Do a Plan A. Have you exposed to the OW's family.
Author rogersk1968 Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 Okay, so about 4 or 5 weeks ago, he finally admitted that getting involved with HER was "the biggest mistake of his life" and he said he really wanted us to work on this together, AND he said he truly believed I loved him or else I wouldn't have put myself through this. So .... another 4 weeks goes by and we don't speak one word about this. I wrote him a simple letter (I'm not good at saying how I feel, and he asked me to do it). I waited for 2 weeks to give it to him. Among other things, I wrote one paragraph saying that I NEEDED proof that the A was over and that I was sorry I was suspicious that they were still in contact via work phone and work email. This was 4 days ago, and I haven't received any response - specifically to that question. What I am supposed to think?
lonelygurl Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 (edited) I don't want to leave him, I want to stay together, and I want her to get the **** out of our lives!!!! There is a good chance he will never stop seeing her, especially when you know about it now. Many years ago I had an affair with a married man for almost 2 years. The only reason it ended was because I dumped him. He has been begging to start up again for 9 years now. Pathetic really. I would strongly suggest you leave him. You can make it on your own. This is not good for you to stay with a man who clearly won't ever give up his OW. I mean why would he. I was a member of a website for the OW and some of them had been having ongoing affairs for 10 years and some 20. Also, depending on her situation he may leave you for her. This has just happened to a friend of ours. She found out her husband was having an affair. She tolerated it and now he has finally left her. Edited August 21, 2010 by lonelygurl
lonelygurl Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 you can confiscate all the phones and computer in the world it will not stop them from talking. What will is you confronting them and facing whatever fear is stopping you from talking to them. If you do not, I know you won't leave him. But you will be a spineless doormat and setting a poor example for your sons. Step up! Confronting him or her will not work. He may stop for a month or two but it almost always starts right back up after they figure the wife has settle into thinking the affair is over. Trust me I was a member of an OW website for almost 2 years and that was happening all the time.
Author rogersk1968 Posted September 15, 2010 Author Posted September 15, 2010 Okay, so about 4 or 5 weeks ago, he finally admitted that getting involved with HER was "the biggest mistake of his life" and he said he really wanted us to work on this together, AND he said he truly believed I loved him or else I wouldn't have put myself through this. So .... another 4 weeks goes by and we don't speak one word about this. I wrote him a simple letter (I'm not good at saying how I feel, and he asked me to do it). I waited for 2 weeks to give it to him. Among other things, I wrote one paragraph saying that I NEEDED proof that the A was over and that I was sorry I was suspicious that they were still in contact via work phone and work email. This was 4 days ago, and I haven't received any response - specifically to that question. What I am supposed to think? STILL have not received any response from H to my letter. OW has been putting quotes on Facebook that clearly indicate she believes they will be together eventually. I keep running into her at random places and I panic when it comes to saying something to her. I'm getting the silent treatment again at home. You know what, I just really don't care anymore. I'm done trying. It's up to him now if he wants to make this work.
PixieStix Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I don't want to leave him, I want to stay together, and I want her to get the **** out of our lives!!!! Why would you want to stay with someone who cheated on you with your friend? Once a cheater always a cheater.
In_Repair Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 Stop being mrs nicey and confront the bitch. Tell her to her face, tell her in front of everyone, how you Trusted her, loved and cared for her as a sister and she ****ed you over, betrayed you and broke your trust by ****ing your husband. Then tell her to get the **** off your face and out of your lives (throw your drink in her face) then walk away. Then go face your husband. Break dishes, the TV and let it all out tell him how you gave him everything and every inch of you that you had and you'd be dammed if you'd let him destroy you and your marriage. I'll admit up front that I'm a rather sick individual... but that's kind of sexy. Only way to make that night more fun would be to slap me a couple of times too, and then follow it up with an hour or two of sex.
Minnie09 Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 STILL have not received any response from H to my letter. OW has been putting quotes on Facebook that clearly indicate she believes they will be together eventually. I keep running into her at random places and I panic when it comes to saying something to her. I'm getting the silent treatment again at home. You know what, I just really don't care anymore. I'm done trying. It's up to him now if he wants to make this work. Why on earth are you uncomfortable when you run into her? She's the cheater, not you! Work on your self-esteem and understand that she is so below you! Waiting for him to make the M work is not going to solve anything. Has he shown you that he is willing to work on it within the past few months? No. So what are you waiting for? You have to start getting proactive about it. Reread the previous posts from helpful members regarding legal advice and confronting. And then do it! I know it feels unnatural to make changes and take actions, if it wasn't you who put the M through so much ****. However, noone else will do it for you. Especially not your H. You've been waiting far too long and nothing has happened. Stop waiting. Stop hoping. If things should turn out they way you want them to, they will, but only as a result of your being proactive about the current situation. Doing nothing and waiting it out won't help you and your kids. Stand up for yourself!
Author rogersk1968 Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 I'll admit up front that I'm a rather sick individual... but that's kind of sexy. Only way to make that night more fun would be to slap me a couple of times too, and then follow it up with an hour or two of sex. alrighty then ......
Author rogersk1968 Posted September 16, 2010 Author Posted September 16, 2010 What?..... You made me laugh!!!
tornandmarried Posted September 16, 2010 Posted September 16, 2010 start having your own affair and see how he likes it (bad advice but itll make you feel better)
Author rogersk1968 Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 start having your own affair and see how he likes it (bad advice but itll make you feel better) In all honesty, it would feel really nice to be wanted by someone and be made to feel special .....
strawberrysprinkles Posted September 17, 2010 Posted September 17, 2010 Be careful. Things like that backfire. Presenting divorce papers might be a better idea.
Author rogersk1968 Posted September 17, 2010 Author Posted September 17, 2010 Be careful. Things like that backfire. Presenting divorce papers might be a better idea. I know they do..... I was just sayin' ....
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