johnny_w Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 This thread is also to explain my break up. it would help me to hear answers from other people who are or have gone through this. Of course only after the break up do you realize it was slipping away. i didnt know what was truly important. i was mean to her. i like to be in control of things without meaning to intentionally be a dick its just my nature. she would get worked up over the smallest things and i would get so pissed off because it would always be something stupid. woman always making their decisions based on their emotions. the more she did it the meaner i was. i would blame everything on her. always try to be right and be controlling. i was selfish too. i went so far as to telling her if she ever left me i would kill myself. as much as i never meant that i tried to scare her so she couldnt leave me. very selfish i know i just couldnt face the responsibility of losing her. she always told me she would be unhappy without me and couldnt imagine her life without me. i took that for granted. on the 12/06/2010 those terrifying words i read that i knew would cause me to almost faint or collapse. 'i will never be with you again i dont want to be with you im moving on' i begged, i pleaded etc etc i even went as far to say that i really was going to kill myself only to seem more like a psycho who needs help. which drove her straight out of my life. shes now with someone else which i believe might be a rebound relationship after one week. she said she doesnt care if im her friend or not. now it feels like she will NEVER want to talk to me again and NEVER think about anything good we ever had. it is convincingly IMPOSSIBLE! especially when they sound so convincing that they really dont want to know you! i had anxiety attacks ive been shaking hurendously when im in bed not from being cold. i could not stop trembling. i really hope its not wishful thinking that she will come back to me if i do no contact and act is if im moving on. it just feels like ive done enough damage to her for her to never ever come back to me. she says hes everything she always needed she says she is way more happier than she was with me. which shatters any hopes of getting her back! someone help me. tell me exactly what you did from the start did you plead did you shake in bed? how long have you had no contact? when does it get easier? what makes you feel like not caring as much as you used to? please help me. i feel incredibly lost. i have no job no car home alone every week.. TRAPPED. like im inside a box in the middle of no where when my ex is happy with someone else. please help me.
ALombard Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Ok Johnny, Here it goes. First, yes I have been what you are going through. My ex left me for another guy. Her reason, I wasn't caring enough and put others before her in my life. There were of course other reasons but that was the main one. The way you describe your relationship almost sounds like mine before she ended it. After the break up, which was about 2 monts ago, I was crushed. I was depressed, I felt like all hope was lost especially because I knew I couldn't get her back. My begging and pleading just pushed her further and further away. I was going crazy, texting her saying I was seeing other girls just to piss her off, etc. Put it this way, I went off the deep end mentally and emotionally. I drank a lot, barely slept, barely ate. I couldn't even find the drive to do simple things like laundry, clean, shower, etc. I never did cry or shake or anything but that's because I'm not a big crier. So here's the good news. It's been a month since I decided to get on with my life and I am perfectly happy. Of course I do think of her sometimes but there's no pain anymore. Now I am going to tell you how to get back into a normal lifestyle again. First, cut her out of your life completely! Delete her number, block her facebook, change your email address, change your number. If you do all that and make it impossible for her to contact you then at least you have the ball in your court when it comes to any sort of future contact. This however won't work if you start talking to her. When I did all those things it gave me a reason not to contact her. Ask anyone on this site, still contacting an ex after a break up is horrible. It will slowly chip away at you and then you're f*cked. Next thing my friend, get rid of anything in your house/room that reminds you of her. Any pictures, letters, gifts, clothing, anything! Anything that somehow connects her to you still must be thrown away. Without triggers in your life to remind you of her you won't think of her all the time. Another thing, you need to start doing things for yourself or to better yourself. Go out and get a job, start running or going to the gym, eat better. Go get a haircut, buy some new clothes. Dress to impress my friend, if you want to ever find another girlfriend you need build your confidence up again. Now believe me when I tell you that it wasn't easy for me but I stuck to the plan. You know why? Because I decided I didn't want to be miserable anymore, I didn't want to be some shell of a man. I wanted to enjoy my life and have fun so I did. It may seem impossible right now but if you stick to my plan and realize that you have more respect for yourself and that being the way you are now isn't what you want. I promise you if you do everything I told you to do you will feel great.
LoveTruthChaos Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I am currently in your situation, and yet, I have been in her situation too. Let me try to explain. I'm in your situation currently, because my ex left me for someone else. I have been in her situation because I had to walkaway from someone who was emotionally blackmailing me. It hurts being in the situation you are now, I know. It sucks knowing that your ex is happy with someone else, when you're left to pick up the pieces. The best thing you can do in all of this is to go complete NC and move on. Find something that you love to do, and do it! My sorrow after the breakup caused my inability to eat for a fair while. I'm okay now, but on the plus side, I've lost 9 kilos (18 pounds) and I can manage my weight. Which is nice, because I'm looking great and my ex can stick it! And secondly, I've been putting my career aspirations on the backburner. Don't know why, but I've rediscovered my true passion (photography), and I'm shooting as many photos as I can to keep busy, building my portfolio. Writing a journal may help you too. Just getting the thoughts out of your head and onto paper where you can analyse them at a distance really helps me - maybe try that? And use LS to vent. That's what it's here for! As hard as it was for you, WELL DONE for admitting what your part in the relationship was. Some people never figure out what their mistakes were, always blaming the other person. That was a very courageous step. Now to the part that you may not want to hear, but I'm going to say it. She won't return to you. I know this from experience. My ex ex said and did very similar things that you did (threatening suicide as a form of control over me), and that did NOT want me to stay. It made me run for the hills and never look back. She's in damage control just as much as you are right now. But in all of this, it's YOU who you need to worry about, NOT her. Work on things that make you happy and in time, you will heal. Best of luck
Author johnny_w Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 I am currently in your situation, and yet, I have been in her situation too. Let me try to explain. I'm in your situation currently, because my ex left me for someone else. I have been in her situation because I had to walkaway from someone who was emotionally blackmailing me. It hurts being in the situation you are now, I know. It sucks knowing that your ex is happy with someone else, when you're left to pick up the pieces. The best thing you can do in all of this is to go complete NC and move on. Find something that you love to do, and do it! My sorrow after the breakup caused my inability to eat for a fair while. I'm okay now, but on the plus side, I've lost 9 kilos (18 pounds) and I can manage my weight. Which is nice, because I'm looking great and my ex can stick it! And secondly, I've been putting my career aspirations on the backburner. Don't know why, but I've rediscovered my true passion (photography), and I'm shooting as many photos as I can to keep busy, building my portfolio. Writing a journal may help you too. Just getting the thoughts out of your head and onto paper where you can analyse them at a distance really helps me - maybe try that? And use LS to vent. That's what it's here for! As hard as it was for you, WELL DONE for admitting what your part in the relationship was. Some people never figure out what their mistakes were, always blaming the other person. That was a very courageous step. Now to the part that you may not want to hear, but I'm going to say it. She won't return to you. I know this from experience. My ex ex said and did very similar things that you did (threatening suicide as a form of control over me), and that did NOT want me to stay. It made me run for the hills and never look back. She's in damage control just as much as you are right now. But in all of this, it's YOU who you need to worry about, NOT her. Work on things that make you happy and in time, you will heal. Best of luck Hmm yes all of what you say and the other person say Is all true. Well she didnt leave me for him she said she didnt have those feelings for him a week ago and now she does. So what you're saying even though shes in a rebound relationship her repressed feelings for me wont come back to the surface if NC is established for some time? That she wont heal and realize that her rebound WAS Just to help her move on like a 'quick fix'? are you meaning to tell me no matter how more attractive i become and seem like im moving on she wont be curious or have second thoughts?
ALombard Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Basically. She might be curious but she most likely won't come back. In break ups as bad as yours they very rarely do. If she still wanted something to do with you she would let you know. My ex and I went through crazy fights after our break up always started by me but still before we stopped talking we were talking a lot before I cut it off.
LoveTruthChaos Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 You need to do those things for you and you only. If you do those things for YOURSELF, you will feel a whole lot better, and you will heal. One of my most recent favourite quotes goes something like this: 'It doesn't matter what you do for someone, they will always remember how you made them feel'. A girl never forgets. She won't come back.
Author johnny_w Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 You need to do those things for you and you only. If you do those things for YOURSELF, you will feel a whole lot better, and you will heal. One of my most recent favourite quotes goes something like this: 'It doesn't matter what you do for someone, they will always remember how you made them feel'. A girl never forgets. She won't come back. Im a bit surprised though. May i ask all of you who read this that you realize rebound relationships barely ever work? And that if she breaks up with him it would be a good chance to let time do its thing then slowly work my way back together with her..
LoveTruthChaos Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Well, my ex is in a rebound (he left me for her actually, but kind of similar). But although I know that won't last, I also know he won't come back to me. That's not just common sense, but it's also because he left me. I don't WANT someone back who left me for someone else and hurt me so badly. You have to adopt the same attitude. Because after him, you will be her SECOND choice, IF she comes back. You deserve better. She will not return, because she will never forget. I'm really sorry it's not the words you want to hear, but girls don't return to guys who've hurt them.
Author johnny_w Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 (edited) Well, my ex is in a rebound (he left me for her actually, but kind of similar). But although I know that won't last, I also know he won't come back to me. That's not just common sense, but it's also because he left me. I don't WANT someone back who left me for someone else and hurt me so badly. You have to adopt the same attitude. Because after him, you will be her SECOND choice, IF she comes back. You deserve better. She will not return, because she will never forget. I'm really sorry it's not the words you want to hear, but girls don't return to guys who've hurt them. Im very sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like preference to me. Its a little different for me. My ex Is In a rebound but she did not leave me for him. That reason does not exist In why me and her broke up. I apologize if i correct you in a rude manner It is not my intention. I have seen and also experienced a few times before many girls and or guys get back together no matter If they cheated on them or hurt them in anyway. Many of my friends have had this happen to them. At first I was a bit confused by your point. But now I see. Ive been reading a few stories over the web about even the most seemingly impossible stories. having gained perspective on the emotional and logic side, i realized that the only reason why people believe they will never get their ex back based on the fact it seems impossible, is caused by emotion because the idea is counter-intuitive. Which Is when the logic reality is seen to be believed, people who had doubt, are in shock. I am a man of logic like most men and i believe that it is human nature psychologically to chase what we miss regardless of what or who did what and when. Edited June 22, 2010 by johnny_w .
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