VelveteenBunny Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Sometimes I just go numb. It's sort of like that now. I feel a vague upset, a disappointment, and ocassionally something flares up, but it's more angry than sad, usually, although the pain does come once in awhile, but the pain has dulled most days because I'm accepting or blocking. Maybe both. There are timelines for things, and not simply the arbitrary ones we consciously place on them. If you wait until a person shuts down emotionally, until they block something out or "heal" or abandon hope, is it too late to do something differently? Is it the same as doing it before? Why do you all wait until I shut myself down?
Arbitrariness Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I'm not sure if you wanted an answer or even if a question was asked, but heres my attempt. A person is responsible for their own state of mind, your emotional void that you may be feeling is a manifestation of your own thoughts and feelings. Nothing is connected and it's definately not your 'fate' to be fulfilled or happy. My answer to your final question is that it appears that the only one waiting is you. Must you be so cryptic?
Author VelveteenBunny Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 (edited) Arbitrariness, Thanks for the reply. Although I asked a question at the end,that was directed more towards people in my life, who aren't here to answer it. However, there was a seperate question posed in my OP for people on here. It was this part: "If you wait until a person shuts down emotionally, until they block something out or 'heal' or abandon hope, is it too late to do something differently? Is it the same as doing it before?" I was cryptic because I was hoping that people would be able to get the jist of what I meant simply from the above question, since it can be applied to a few diff. scenarios. Since no one seems to get it, I take it people here can't relate. I was mostly referring to two types of situations- reconciling a relationship and saying "I love you"...or perhaps more accurately, reconciling, or moving the relationship forward in some way (marriage is an example). To give some examples, however, here goes: 1. My father left many years ago and hasn't spoken to me since. In the beginning, shortly after he left, if he changed his mind, yes, it might have still harmed our relationship, but it's possible the damage would be temporary, or at least, not so great. Years later, had he came back, the damage might be lasting, but I still think we could have had a good relationship. At this point, he's waited until I've "healed" and I have closed my heart off to him in the process. At this point, I truly do not believe we could ever have a very close relationship, at all. A friend of mine had a father that was gone a long time and she went from wanting him back, to not caring. Another finally got hers back, but says she will never love him like her mother, because he wasn't around. He waited too long. 2. When my ex first left me, I would have loved to reconcile. A couple later, I would have wanted to. Three years later, I might have been open to it. At this point, I'd love to be friends, because the neg. feelings have dissolved and the love is still there, and I miss my friend. I even have romantic feelings for him, but would I date him now? No. I don't think I would, even if he wanted to. He's not coming back, but if he did, at this point, he needn't expect anything beyond friends. And I have heard of men coming back much later and actually marrying women. Now that I have healed, and also shut him out somewhat emotionally to protect myself, I don't want to be with him in that way, even though I love him. 3. When I lost my father, I lost my sisters. We lost a lot of time, and critical young years. I feel like he has stolen the possibility of ever being close to them, from me. We've waited too long. 4. The man I am with now has not said he loves me. In the beginning it would have meant so much to me. But he continued to put it off or take it back. The second time he almost said it, it still had impact on me, though not as much, prob. partially because I didn't know if he meant it because he'd basically retracted before. He immediately took it back. At this point, I love him, I want him to love me, but if he said it, I think it might go right through me. He's waited so long, and waffled so long, and I've built up a wall during this time, so that now, if he says it, I don't know if I'll be able to enjoy it. Another lady told me she waited years to hear it, and it meant a lot to her, but by the time he finally said it, she no longer cared to hear the words, even though she loved him. He'd sucked the joy out of it. Edited June 22, 2010 by VelveteenBunny
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