tassle01 Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months and since the start we have been serious and have recentely started talking about marriage. He tells me everyday he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and I feel the same way. We have not had any trust issues and things have been great. The past 2 months we have been doing long distance during which time we have seen each other twice. I randomly went into an email account of his tonight (he dosen't know I have the password) and read emails he sent to personal ad's on craigslist to women about a month ago. There were about 10 emails all sent on the same day and all of them said something along the lines of "you look delicious ... it's a beautiful day, how about we take a ride on my boat (he has a boat) and we take it from there" ... being that these emails were all sent on the same day and there were no others, I don't really know what to think or do. Trust is very important to him and since day 1 he has been stressing honesty, openness and loyalty. Should I somehow mention this to him? I wouldn't even know where to begin ... He broke up with his last girlfriend of 2 years because he found an incriminating conversation with another man in her inbox and says he was heartbroken. It's almost as if I am in the same shoes ... I love him and would never cheat on him and do not think he would cheat on me ... I am not sure if those emails are the equivelent of looking at porno ... maybe he was bored and he wouldn't act on them? I really am not sure if this is worth bringing up because I clearly violated his privacy and it will be a huge conflict and argument if I do address it ... please help.
Citizen Erased Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 So you're concerned he's going to be pissed that you've checked his email when he has been effectively seeking out sex with another woman. Something which he more than likely achieved. Priorities.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Forward the emails to yourself and then forward them to him from your account. Say 'have a nice life' and never speak to him again. He's having sex with strangers he picks up on CraigsList or who knows where. He likely got a phone number out of one of those emails, and took it to phone conversations. Trying to minimize it or explain it away will only result in one thing: he will continue to have sex with strangers on CraigsList or wherever else he is picking up casual sex. Unless you want to find yourself on the receiving end of a particularly nasty STD, you will get out now while you can.
phineas Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Cheaters are the biggest hypocrites when it comes to talking about how against cheating they are. Your boyfriend is playing you. 6 months is not a long time. If he really loved you & really wanted to marry you he wouldn't be e-mailing women from craiglist ads.
Green Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Cheaters are the biggest hypocrites when it comes to talking about how against cheating they are. Your boyfriend is playing you. 6 months is not a long time. If he really loved you & really wanted to marry you he wouldn't be e-mailing women from craiglist ads. Yeah this would end it for me. I understand you still like the guy BUT MAILING WOMEN FROM CRAIGSLIST ADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mimolicious Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 OK this is disturbing... I mean, few chicks have gone missing by responding to Craigslist ads. How well do you know this guy??? I have to agree with LS'ers here. 6 months is not a long time and it sure is creepy that he is seeking for thrills on cragislist. You should def address the issue. I mean, do you want to marry someone that is capable of doing this so early in your relationship? What's going to happen when you are pregnant, 35 pounds heavier and not looking so attractive to him? He's going to get "bored" again and search for excitement wherever he can find it. Beware! Hence the fact that he can get you seriously sick!
ADF Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Just tell him you broke into his email account to spy on him. If he has any self-respect at all, he'll dump your sorry, stupid a__ for disrespecting his privacy that way. Sorry, but people who snoop and spy deserve to be cheated on. Serves them right.
Mimolicious Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I love it when the person with the least amount of respect in a relationship becomes the invaded victim. Please!
txsilkysmoothe Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 You said there are no trust issues but there had to be some reason you felt the need to look at his email. Why did you not trust him? Why are you long distance right now? Six months is pretty early to start talking marriage - whose idea was it?
Author tassle01 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 Perhaps 6 months is too early ... but it was more along the lines of "when you know you know" to be a bit cliche. We both see our lives progressing together and we are doing long distance due to a career choice I made which is forcing me to be away for 4 months. Violation of privacy or no violation of privacy I did what I had to do and do not feel bad for it. Two adults talking about marriage should have nothing to hide from each other. There really is no reason that I have begun to get suspicious ... he hasn't done anything to influence it, I guess it's just a feeling I had and finally acted on it ... Not sure how I should confront him and have not been taking his calls or answering text messages since I read the emails ...
MyNameIsJane Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Trust is very important to him and since day 1 he has been stressing honesty, openness and loyalty. This is how my ex was. He was constantly giving me a hard time about things and acting suspicious of everything I did. He would lecture me on the importance of being open and honest with each other. Then I found out I was one of THREE long-term girlfriends he had.
ADF Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I love it when the person with the least amount of respect in a relationship becomes the invaded victim. Please! Hey, even criminals can have crimes committed aginst them. What the OP's BF did in no way excuses her actions. To say otherwise is just a copout. And what did it get her, really? She obviously didn't trust the guy anyway. If she did, why did she break into his email? I bet she knew in her gut he was a liar and a cheater, but chose to date him anyway. Sigh. People never learn.
Maggotface Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I don't know.. I've always been on the fence about the whole snooping thing. Yes, it is bad, but honestly how can you feel bad about it when you find something like this? I guess it boils down to both people were in the wrong, but whos wrong was worse? The OP is a sneaky, untrusting, girlfriend but she's also just looking out for herself. She got suspicious and it was for the best, imagine if she had married this loser like they had talked about. He most likely would have went behind her back their entire marriage.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 (edited) Just tell him you broke into his email account to spy on him. If he has any self-respect at all, he'll dump your sorry, stupid a__ for disrespecting his privacy that way. Sorry, but people who snoop and spy deserve to be cheated on. Serves them right. So if she didn't find out that way and got a nasty STD would he still be a good guy? would it still serve her right? I seriously don't get your thinking on the subject the guy is openly looking to cheat on her theres is no doubt in this situation hes out there looking for it How is it wrong to look out for ones self in a relationship even more so when there is doubt about the partners loyalty? When you enter into a relationship with another person doesn't honestly and openness come into it anymore? You want your 100% privacy then be single and date away you want something serious then treat it that way and be 100% open anything else is having a bit of a cake eater mentality thats JMO on it. Edited June 22, 2010 by SpanksTheMonkey
SpanksTheMonkey Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Perhaps 6 months is too early ... but it was more along the lines of "when you know you know" to be a bit cliche. We both see our lives progressing together and we are doing long distance due to a career choice I made which is forcing me to be away for 4 months. Violation of privacy or no violation of privacy I did what I had to do and do not feel bad for it. Two adults talking about marriage should have nothing to hide from each other. There really is no reason that I have begun to get suspicious ... he hasn't done anything to influence it, I guess it's just a feeling I had and finally acted on it ... Not sure how I should confront him and have not been taking his calls or answering text messages since I read the emails ... Don't feel bad op like you said you did what you felt you had to and as a result you now know what this man is capable of good on you! What you need to do now is be upfront with him and tell him exactly what you found. The argument of you snooped thu my stuff poor me is void at this point it doesn't matter in the big picture. If hes trying to hook up now then chances are hes done it before ide get yourself a health check just to be sure. If it was me Ide leave him but thats up to you as another poster said earlier hows he going to treat you after the marriage and a few kids later? If hes doing this now? honestly op why set yourself up for a failed marriage and possibly to be a single mom someday?
blueberries Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 6 months isn't too big of an investment OP, i'd dump his sorry ass. he had intentions of cheating on you, whether he did or not, no one knows. i've had a similar experience in this OP. i had suspicions and checked. my ex actually got mad that i found what i found...and his words were "those emails weren't for you to read" like WTF??? if you want, you can print out all the copies of his email transactions, leave it somewhere for him to find, and be gone. he's the one preaching about loyalty. ditch this loser!
Woman In Blue Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 There were about 10 emails all sent on the same day and all of them said something along the lines of "you look delicious ... it's a beautiful day, how about we take a ride on my boat (he has a boat) and we take it from there" LOL. What a dumb ass. Over 90% of the ads on CL are placed by hookers looking to drum up business, not beautiful, lonely women looking for NSA sex. What an ass. Trust is very important to him and since day 1 he has been stressing honesty, openness and loyalty. LOL..it sure is. YOUR honesty and loyalty to him, not HIS to you. He broke up with his last girlfriend of 2 years because he found an incriminating conversation with another man in her inbox and says he was heartbroken. I wouldn't be so quick to take that story at face value. I am not sure if those emails are the equivelent of looking at porno ... Asking some Craig's List woman to come out on his boat and calling her "delicious" is equivalent to jacking off to a dirty movie he watches online??? Are you kidding? ...maybe he was bored and he wouldn't act on them? ROFL! Yes, that must be it. He was bored. I really am not sure if this is worth bringing up because I clearly violated his privacy and it will be a huge conflict and argument if I do address it ... please help. Yup you did violate his "privacy." It's clearly the worst sin on earth - MUCH worse than the "sin" of him propositioning women he's NEVER MET on CL and offering them "boat rides" while drooling all over their pictures and telling them they're "delicious." What a complete ass. I always crack up when I read about mental midgets thinking the internet is some kind of woman candy store where these dipsh*its (i.e., your boyfriend) think they can just come online and order up a "perfect 10" who'll rush right over to their houses and do their sexual bidding - and all for nothing! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I bet if you do a little more digging, you'll find a profile for him on Adult*Friend*Finder dot com and probably a bunch of internet dating websites as well.
sally4sara Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 You don't mention it to him. You just dump him and move on. What is there to talk about? "hey honey, I hacked into your emails and found incriminating correspondence showing you are trying to cheat behind my back. We need to talk about this so you will be more careful about not leaving evidence I can find next time."
make me believe Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 GROSS! He's trying to cheat on you and to make matters worse he's doing it in an incredibly desperate, sleazy manner! I mean, seriously, craigslist?? Pathetic. I love the advice to fwd the emails to yourself and then fwd them to him from your email address. That would be awesome. I'd do that, no note or message attached, and then completely ignore him and move on. There is nothing to discuss, nothing else that needs to be said. Send him the emails, and immediately cut him out of your life for good.
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