heavensmesenger Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Well I thought I'd post the story of me and my ex here hoping you guys can give me some good advice/help. We were together for 18 Months, loved each other madly, few arguements but in general we were happy, though towards the end of the relationship we both got stuck in a bit of a rut and lost that passion. About 6 weeks ago she ignores me for a week, phonecalls, texts everything. There was no critical incident, no arguement, everything I assumed was fine. Then a week later she breaks up with me via text message. I end up seeing her a week later as she wants to see how I am and I found out she's with somebody else. I break down, she leaves. I enter therapy. I see her every week after this and the same thing happens, I can't break contact but she still sees me. I found out 2 weeks ago that she was cheating on me with him, and she fell out of love with me 2 months ago. Once again I break down, get angry and this ends up with me being kicked out her house. We agree not to see each other. Well I didn't she tells me to leave her alone so I do. I get a phonecall Friday night just gone asking for advice. She states her new boyfriends ex is coming over from another country to stay with him for 2 months and she didn't know what to do. I offer her advice and we leave it at that. I see her Saturday and we end up spending all day/night together sleeping together, kissing, sex etc. She tells me she wants me back, missed me and I agree saying we can work things out. She says she wants that more then anything. She tells me i'm not second best and she is happy with me not him. We agree to take things slow and get her new boyfriend out her life. Yesterday I see her after she was "suppose" to break it off with her new boyfriend. She tells me she's decided to give him a second chance even if his ex is coming over to stay with him for 2 months. She tells me that she felt awkward with me and it was a mistake, that we should never speak or see each other again. She tells me to leave her alone because I confuse her to much and there is no future. I asked her where my second chance was and she said one is enough for me. She can't see herself with me ever. She says that the feelings she felt for me will disappear and told me to leave her alone. I don't understand how she can change her mind so quickly and break my heart once again. I never cheated on her, I was never possesive, I treated her like a princess. Now after everything that has happened I feel worthless, I feel used, I have no confidence and no self esteem, after everything I feel that I'll never find somebody. I need help moving forward and being able to stay true to no contact. Can somebody help me please? I don't have a huge amount of friends and the ones I do have are always busy.
ALombard Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Hey, So after reading this I will be honest, I feel really bad for you. I've been through something like your situation before. It was a long time ago though, however I still remember how I dealt with it. So I hope my advice helps. First and foremost, you really need to look at yourself in this situation. It is very easy for guys to get caught up in the games of their ex's especially if we are the one being dumped. Now I know it may seem impossible to do, but, you need to cut her out of your life completely. That means; delete her phone number (so you wont be tempted to call her), change your phone number (so she won't be able to contact you again), block her from any social networking sites you're on (so she won't be able to contact you and vice versa), change you're e-mail address (once again, if she knows it she may try contacting you through there), take any and all mementos of her and either throw them away or burn them (it will help you forget and also can be theraputical). Now you really have to listen to me here. All the things I said are just the beginning stages. You really need to do those things because the one thing I've noticed from experience is staying in contact with your ex is THE WORST thing you can do for yourself. Understand you cannot be friends, acquaintances, or f*ck buddies with her so don't try. Get everything about her out of your life or you will not be able to cope and move on. Now here's stage two. After you have actually done everything I told you to do regarding going no contact, it's time to start to heal. Now after my break up I was very tempted to just sit at home and mope and drink. Don't do that, it only feeds the sadness and lonliness. Go out with friends, even if they are busy bug the hell out of them. Go to the gym, run, clean your house, do whatever it is that will keep your mind occupied. A simple task such as cleaning my room helped me. You may also find (like I did) that your ability to get your daily routine done without them actually boosts your confidence. Example; when I decided to stop being depressed, things like shopping and cleaning my room made me realize that life does go on and it made me happy. Go out and buy new clothes, change your style around. Dress everyday like you're going out on a date. The better you look, the better you fell, and the more confident you are. Women are attracted to confident guys not the ones who cry all day. Stage three; start putting yourself out there. My friend gave me great advice one day. He said, " If you see a girl who is cute or you like ask them out on a date or get their number. Because seriously what can you possibly loose?" Use that, I did and it worked out great. Rejection will happen but hey, you already got your heart smashed to pieces, nothing can hurt you that much anymore right? Be confident and positive. Don't just meet girls though, talk to everyone! Make new friends! Talk to co-workers, strangers at parties or bars, literally anyone who catches your interest talk to. In a few weeks you will have some new friends and maybe through them you can meet someone new. Just don't act desperate, one thing I have noticed is that when you stop looking for something you find it. So there it is my friend, the things I did to get over my ex. Now trust me I know the pain you're in and the feeling of being used and lower than low but it does go away. BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THAT! And also, I cannot stress enough how important the first stage is. You must NOT! and I will repeat that, NOT contact your ex or let her contact you in any way, shape, or form. You MUST drop her from your life. If it helps, put it in your head that she is dead. You can't talk to a dead person. Anyone on this website that has got over their ex and had success in future relationships will agree with me that the first stage is key. Good luck and I'm on the site a lot. So feel free to talk.
Author heavensmesenger Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 Thanks for the reply...I can see myself posting lots on here I'm going to try and be strong because I deserve so much more.
newdawn Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Thanks for the reply...I can see myself posting lots on here I'm going to try and be strong because I deserve so much more. Yes, you do deserve so much more. ALombard's advice is really perfect. I'm going to do it too. Best to you, better days are coming.
LoveTruthChaos Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 If it helps, put it in your head that she is dead. You can't talk to a dead person. OOOH! I like this a LOT! Mainly because at the moment, VERY much in my anger stage, this is a very soothing thought. "It's not that I want you to be dead...it's just, I don't want you to be alive, anymore" (Stewie, Family Guy)
ALombard Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Hey guys, I'm glad you like my advice. I only put what I believe will help because I was in a horrible and dark place a month ago. LoveTruthChaos, don't let that anger stage consume you. Try your best to accept what has happened completely. One thing that really screwed me up for a little bit was holding onto animosity. I can safely say that now I have no bad blood with or towards my ex. I just don't talk to her anymore because I don't see the point. You know you're completely over someone when this happens; You are no longer hurting, you no longer hate them, and you they no longer plague your thoughts. You just feel indifferent.
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