shadowplay Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I mean particularly ones born in the middle east who now live in an English speaking country. How willing are they on average to date white women who don't belong to their religion or ethnicity? There's a 27-year-old Iranian graduate student at my university that I recently met in a school related club, and I'm a bit interested in him. We have an unusual amount in common and he's cute and very smart, but I'm wondering if the cultural barrier is insurmountable. I think he first came to America when he was 23, but his English is excellent. Don't know anything about how traditional or religious he is.
phineas Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I don't know any middle eastern men transplanted in the U.S. However I've met a lot of middle eastern women that moved here with their husbands from the middle east. I met them all in college. Young, hot, & enjoying Half of their ex-husbands US holdings. Why? Because middle eastern women are treated like 2nd class citizens. I've also been told by women who dated middle eastern men that they will never marry a non muslum & that they are controlling. Like I said, never knew one, just heard accounts from middle eastern women who divorced after immigration & women who dated them in college.
Sivok Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Of the 10 males consisting of my cousins, brother, 3 friends of mine, and I, I can assure you that you can toss the stereotypes aside. We love dating American chicks. Infact, I've never dated an arab chick. All but 3 grew up here, and of those 3 that didn't (moved here for school), one is dating an Italian woman (going on 2 years now), another is dating a French woman (1 year), and the third met a girl from New Zealand online that moved to Canada to be with him (also on two years now) - this guy is also Irani. We wont lock you in the house forcing you to wear a burka and renew our hookah coals, don't worry. If you like him, date him. Hope that helps
White Dove Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I have a lot of friends from Iraq, Iran and Saudi Arabia. Iranians are more likely to date outside their race. Iraqis, I was told, prefer to date Muslims only for the sake of having someone to go out with but rarely would they want to marry anyone outside their race. They still practice arranged marriage (which are related) and will not go against their families even though they are in love with the girl from different race. Same thing goes with Saudi Arabians.
TouchedByViolet Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I'm a first generation Iranian and personally know Iranian guys and girls who have SOs of varying ethnicities. There is nothing to worry about based only on his background. Think of him more as an individual, he isn't some cookie cutter stereotype. Oh and Iranian food is amazing. yuuuuummmm
Sivok Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Interms of 'dating but not marrying' outside race, I have two family friends with interracial marriages - one is a guy and the other a girl who married americans. Also, my cousin in Michigan married his Greek highschool sweetheart - they've been together for 10 years.
White Dove Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Like I said, Iraqis are different. Most of them prefer to date Muslims and only marry Iraqi women. shadowplay, seeing that he's Iranian, I don't think you have a lot to worry about.
LivingInMomsBasement Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 When I was in college I dated an Arab. We had language barriers....and cultural barriers. He was a Christian Arab from Isreal. I slept with him and he became very possessive. I think he may have lost his virginity to me. He was not a citizen and I was leary about moving forward with him....and while his family was lovely....having dinner with them at their home was a shock. They spoke no english and used their hands to serve food. He was a gorgeous man....but boy....it was hard...and breaking up with him was scary. He had only been in the country a few months. I think if he had been here a few years it may have been different. I'd give it a try and hope for the best. I don't think they would all be this way.
tigressA Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 In my experience, they have no qualms about dating outside their race. Go for it, Shadow! Middle Eastern men are HOT! That is all...
daphne Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I would be cautious. I just broke up with an Iranian. He was overly jealous, controlling and very secretive. And he was a very liberal one raised in Europe. I thought there was a chance because of this, but I was pretty disappointed that his personality fit some of the stereotypes that I had previously held about Middle Eastern men. They're not all the same, but I wouldn't take a chance again. Because despite all of his wonderful qualities, I just can't handle being controlled like that. The silent treatment and games due to his own insecurities and different cultural expectations was too much. He's still playing games today even though I've started to ignore him.
123BeachFan Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 My only experience comes from dating an Arab guy a few years back. He was charming and wonderful the first two months, then his penchant for being a control freak and overly opinionated started coming out. We broke up, and ironically he married a white (Christian) chick about 6 months later. They divorced, and I recently ran into him. He ranted about all her shortcomings, and as he did I thought to myself "poor woman." Because all his gripes and compaints had more to do with her American customs than anything else. Okay, so I realize that didn't help you! My point is that he did marry an American girl, but he had lots of issues that I couldn't personally live with.
TaraMaiden Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Don't know anything about how traditional or religious he is. This must be the absolute first thing you find out about him. Iranians love dating white English-speaking women. Marrying one is a completely different ball-game.....
daphne Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 My only experience comes from dating an Arab guy a few years back. He was charming and wonderful the first two months, then his penchant for being a control freak and overly opinionated started coming out. Control freak is probably an understatement. Try getting check up calls to see if you're doing what you say you're doing, early in teh relationship! Op you'd be wise to really take it slow and not jump in with both feet. There are going to be cultural differences that will probably create many misunderstandings. Americans and Middle Easterners do not have the same customs, beliefs or understanding at all. Even if it may seem that way at first.
123BeachFan Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I'll add a suggestion for the OP regarding dating Muslim men (and Indian men as well). There's a big curiosity factor in dating American women. Americans are supposedly easier for casual sex, for starters. American culture allows for more permissive behavior without promise to marry. But until/unless he's introducing you to his friends and family as his girlfriend, don't assume he's serious about you.
Author shadowplay Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 Based on the little I know about him, this guy seems like he could be pretty different from the stereotype. He's very nice and polite, he's respectful of women when they talk and treats them like equals in intellectual discussions. He's also very well read and cultured, seems to be liberal, and has a nuanced understanding of people. I don't get the sense he's narrow-minded. If he didn't seem so different from the stereotype, I'd be totally dismissive of the idea of dating him. Then again, this is only what I can glean from having just met him recently. I could be totally off, and undesirable traits might emerge once I got to know him better.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 In what is becoming a true melting pot, where white people will be in the minority in very short order, we have to start getting over some of these stereotypes. Believe me, I understand them. But it's time to evolve past them. I would date a Middle Easterner. And yes, I agree they can be almost unnaturally attractive.
Jilly Bean Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I agree they can be almost unnaturally attractive. More like, naturally unattractive, actually.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 People who grew up in a place where religion was the state have a fundamentally different gamebook. In the west where we have the rule of law passed by men and woman, middle easteners have histories of no law but the man and what he perceives to be god as interpretted by the nutty save goat effing prophet. This makes the man the law. Now, not everybody goes around wearing symbols of this but it's undeniably part of the world view of everything they've seen and known (not true of some countries who were not Muslim states but true of regional families and cross border tribes who followed Islamic traditons and eventually become figures middle eatern men are concerned with keeping happy.) This may not be a deal-breaker as people have free will and certainly there are liberated middle eastern men. But one does not want to make a mistake and become a piece of property to be ordered to surrender her identity. A word to the wise s/b sufficient.
Lakeside_runner Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Well, Shadowplay, he's just who he is. Him being from the middle east may or may not have something to do how your dating experience will be. I say - go for it! If you're interested in him - get to know him better, make him ask you out and enjoy. It will be certainly better than wondering if he satisfies some of the stereotypes... The world is full of different people and a person growing up in a certain culture can be very different from other people who were brought up in the same place. I was reading some of the responses to OP and some of them just reek of overgeneralization... It's not like he asked you to move to Iran in a couple of weeks. I don't see the difference to getting to know someone who's from, say, the East Coast. It's just another guy with possibly some distinct physical features.
Mr White Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 People who grew up in a place where religion was the state have a fundamentally different gamebook. In the west where we have the rule of law passed by men and woman, middle easteners have histories of no law but the man and what he perceives to be god as interpretted by the nutty save goat effing prophet. This makes the man the law. Now, not everybody goes around wearing symbols of this but it's undeniably part of the world view of everything they've seen and known (not true of some countries who were not Muslim states but true of regional families and cross border tribes who followed Islamic traditons and eventually become figures middle eatern men are concerned with keeping happy.) This may not be a deal-breaker as people have free will and certainly there are liberated middle eastern men. But one does not want to make a mistake and become a piece of property to be ordered to surrender her identity. A word to the wise s/b sufficient. I see your point, but if you take a trip to rural Texas, you'll be left wondering how on earth did we manage to send a man to the moon and preserve the young tradition of a secular government
tincanman99 Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 In the biz I am I encounter lots of different ethnicities and that includes middle easterners and Iranians. I had a bunch of Iranian friends when I was in my 20s and dated an Iranian girl. That being said the men are a whole other animal. Iranian men love dating western women because they will sleep with them but marrying a western woman is a whole other animal. MANY but not all will follow the wishes of their family. They may appear westernized on the surface but underneath they are NOT. Many of them have a piece of the family most of the time that is extremely conservative and this conservatism raises its head periodically when you are involved with them. Because of their culture they have their own values and ideas of how women should behave and what they should be. They have a very hard time reconciling the fact they live in a western society but are Iranian. The Iranian girl I dated came here when she was like 10. Of course I was sleeping with her and she did all the things that were prohibited including shellfish, dairy, alchohol, blah, blah. I was dating her for close 2 years before I met her family and they went beserk when they found out we were living together. She almost had a nervous breakdown, they tortured her that much. That being said she said she would NEVER date nor marry a middle eastern guy for all the reasons I listed above. They are way, way too conflicted.
bac Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 The men do love to date white females because it is a casual sex thing. In their culture, they can not have sex with any muslim woman unless they get married her. Also, before the marriage, she must be a virgin and approved by their family. If a muslim female is divorced, she must not have sex with any male before she gets married him.
daphne Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Shadow, Mine seemed the same way as well. Persian men do appear to be very charming, intelligent and respectful of women. That doesn't mean they aren't controlling and womanizers. They are far more skillful at hiding things than your average American guy. You just have to take it from a naive American woman who has talked about this with various Muslim men and Persians who suggested I take a walk on mine. Everyone's different to a certain degree, but there will always be strong cultural differences that you wont' be prepared for.
White Dove Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Shadow, Mine seemed the same way as well. Persian men do appear to be very charming, intelligent and respectful of women. That doesn't mean they aren't controlling and womanizers. They are far more skillful at hiding things than your average American guy. You just have to take it from a naive American woman who has talked about this with various Muslim men and Persians who suggested I take a walk on mine. Everyone's different to a certain degree, but there will always be strong cultural differences that you wont' be prepared for. Perfectly said! I know you're not talking about marrying him, shadowplay but you should take all of this into account -- in case you start falling for him. They are really good with how they show their interest in non-Muslim/non-Middle Eastern women.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I was reading some of the responses to OP and some of them just reek of overgeneralization... More like racism. If you replaced "Middle Eastern man" with "black man" and tweaked the tired stereotypes a little, this thread would cause an outrage. But because of our stupid oil wars, racism against Middle Easterners is more accepted. People with no vision or ability to learn more than they already know really disappoint me.
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