dflight12 Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Thats my current gf has slept with several men. I have heard nothing concrete but there are signs. So many guys talk to her and write her on her facebooks and myspaces. She was showing me something on facebook and i saw messages she sent drunk to some dudes a couple years ago. It was real slutty. Like "I want you baby blah blah blah." Guys used to message her all the time asking her to go out. I just have no idea at all im so confused. I don;t know if they think they have a chance to get laid or are just taking a shot a girl they have no shot with. Usually it wouldn;t bother me in a short term deal, but its getting to crunch time soon. Almost 8 months now. I don't for a second think she has cheated on me. She is in love with me and wants to be with me non stop. I enjoy being with her but me thinking this is holding me back and going to ruin everything eventually. Anytime it pops up about past experiences she always says we shouldn;t talk about it because she doesn;t want to judge me and she doesn;t want me judging her. I respect it but it only kills me more. Also almost all of her friends have done a LOT of dudes. She has no idea I feel this way but sooner or later its coming out. Curiousity killed the cat. Anyone have experience with this? How do i get it off my chest properly?
Diezel Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 If it's in the past... what's the point of worrying? You're panties are all up in a bunch about messages that she sent YEARS ago? Do you know how much a human being can mature in just ONE year, let alone a few? You say that you have nothing concrete to go on. Stop judging her past, only judge her present with you. Whatever she did BEFORE you shouldn't matter. Don't create a double standard where your past shouldn't matter to you but hers should matter. Don't be unfair in your assessments. Stop worrying about her past or you're gonna sabotage any possibility of a future with her.
USMCHokie Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 1. Grow up. 2. Get over it. 3. Her past is her past just as your past is your past. Don't ask, don't tell is always a good policy (except STD history). She's with you now, and as long as she's not cheating on you and sleeping with others during the relationship, then her past is not your business. 4. Grow up. 5. Get over it. 6. If you cannot perform steps 1-5, then get out of the relationship. Then grow up.
Author dflight12 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 I actually like that you said that. But isn;t there a part of a guy that should/want to know if the girl he's with has been around? I don't want a girl that 40 other guys had. Thats just awful I'm sorry. Also her past could be a reflection of her mental state. She may seem fine now but what if she just has other issues. A slut is never an even-keeled person. I mean I would say the judging is mainly from a relationship and match perspective. I am not saying she would be a bad person if any of these suspicions were true. I want to make the right decision for MY relationship. I know she is committed to me but for me to commit to her I have to get this roadblock crushed. And I know asking he would just be a disaster.
USMCHokie Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I don't want a girl that 40 other guys had. Thats just awful I'm sorry. Then find another girl. It really is that simple...
Diezel Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Trust is ALWAYS a risk. You just have to ask yourself whether you really want to risk it or not. Nothing is EVER a certainty in life when it comes to relationships. I know YOU WOULD LOVE absolute disclosure on her behalf as to what her past was... but in the end, this is why I prefer to NOT know... I simply judge by actions and not words. If her actions are congruent to what she is saying to you about being devoted to just you, then does it truly matter what her past was like?
jason83 Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Never ask about numbers. I never ask and I never share. No one needs to know. If there is STD history, hell yes. But who ultimately cares how many it's been? If you care about her for who she is, then be with her and enjoy her for what you two share together. We all have past relationships. She chose you over every guy out there. Yes, even that guy from 2 years ago. As long as she is loyal to you and is trustworthy, get the gunk out of your head and forget it. I do understand what you're saying to an extent because I've dated sorority girls and we all know the stereotype. But I ultimately didn't care because if I love someone, it's not about how many people she's slept with or hasn't slept with. If you can't deal with it, break up with her.
Author dflight12 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 I appreciate it guys. As much as it sucks I might have to end it. I am so much less attracted to her than before. She tried ****ing me yesterday and I just wasn't into it. If I knew that she wasn't what I suspect it would change everything. Its a double edged sword. I could be leaving her without being sure and if I stay with her I won't be sure. Either way I'll be ticked because I didn't know for sure. Its just me. I assume its just an insecurity I have. I want to be like 1 of 3 or 4 not 1 of 23 or 24.
jason83 Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Ok, think of it this way....if she knows what she's doing in the bedroom, isn't that actually a plus to most guys? Going back to Eddie Murphy "Raw" (a must see stand up routine if you haven't watched it!) from years ago.....do you want a girl who's going to say..."Honey....I want you to make LOVE to me"...or do you want a girl that's going to grab the back of your hair and say, "I want you to F#$% the Sh*t outta me"? Everyone has preferences and this is your choice. But also realize that it's 2010 and honestly....sex is widely accepted and it's now the norm to have multiple partners before marriage. That's just the reality. Is it worth giving up a potentially good thing just because of this? Again, if you can't handle it, then end it. That's gotta be your decision
Author dflight12 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 I dont want a virgin. If she told me she had 6 partners, I could overlook that. But if she said 20, I'm heading for the door. She is 23 and I am 22 by the way. There must be some of you guys who feel like that. I mean come on if you have been with a girl for a while and all of the sudden you found out she banged 35 guys before you, you wouldnt want out?
Diezel Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Okay, get it through your skull... NEVER ASK ABOUT THEIR PAST. Okay??? I've never asked for the number... want to know why? Watch Clerks.
jason83 Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Hell no I wouldn't care!! That's the point though. You're making an assumption that it's this outrageous number. Maybe she's just really sexually flirtatious. You're assuming. And you know what happens when you assume? Forget numbers. Do you like her? Do you think she's beautiful inside and out? Do you see potential? If you say no to these questions, then yes get out of the relationship. But getting your panties in a twist by making assumptions is stupid IMO
USMCHokie Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 There must be some of you guys who feel like that. I mean come on if you have been with a girl for a while and all of the sudden you found out she banged 35 guys before you, you wouldnt want out? I actually used to think this way too...and it bothered me a little bit about my ex that she even had a past...but a lot of things changed in my mind after that breakup almost a year ago, and this was one of those things... It's just something you have to learn to get over...and it'll be easier as you get older and get more experience under your belt...
Cracker Jack Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Dude, you have no evidence of her even being out there like that. She could just be flirty by nature. And I know plenty of women who get messaged and asked out by tons of men; doesn't mean they're sexually active with a lot of men. So much for a new beginning when you dwell on a part of her life that had nothing to do with you. That's unfair and you know it.
Author dflight12 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 I know and I want to feel that way. I have no problem with guys messaging her at all, it alctually makes me feel better that other guys chased her or are still. But when I've seen ones sent from her to other guys that were very sexual, it drove me nuts. Just makes me wonder. And can someone actually change if they were getting around in college? Like especially at this poiint a year later. Don't know if I can believe that.
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