She wants me, but she's crazy (ex boyfriend tried to kill her)

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

What a surreal day. Today, in the time frame of 3 hours, I've gotten further with a girl than I have than in the past year. Except, the girl it was with is, I think, mentally unstable.

 

I saw this girl at a bookstore. She was really pretty, but had a very unconventional style; short bleached hair with red and purple high lights, a green, hippy-ish dress and what I thought were feathery ankle bracelets. I said, "I like the ankle bracelets" and she said "Oh thanks. They're actually part of my shoes." I saw she was carrying some thick comic books, but not kiddy/superhero kinds; things like Watchmen and From Hell and DMZ and the more violent, gritty Batman ones. I said "Is that Watchmen" and she said yes. "I've never read it. How disappointing is the movie compared to it?"

 

We then got into a conversation about comic books, how she liked gritty graphic novels and I liked anthologies and collections of short stories compiled by different artists. We then talked about the Batman movie, which led to a conversation about Inception (since it has the same director as the Dark Knight) which led to a conversation about Leonardo Dicaprio (since he's in Inception), which led to a conversation back to art. She was an artist out of some art school in NYC.

 

I should have seen some red flags then and there, because there was something about the way she spoke and her demeanor that seemed off. She was engaging me, but I could sense this sort of tired, sarcastic, cynicism in her voice. If I could describe how she acted, it would be sort of like Marla in Fight Club (best I could think of)

 

Eventually, after only an hour of talking, she invited me to her place to see her artwork. I was like "Uhhh...sure why not" but in my mind I was like "Hell yes!"

 

We got to her place, she showed me some paintings, and she invited me to sit down and watch Shutter Island with her. We were sitting down and a while into the movie we started making out. After a few minutes, she told me that she had to stop because her back was starting to hurt.

 

Then she started revealing to me all these personal things to me. She told me that her ex-boyfriend tried to kill her; they got into a fight and he actually stabbed her several times in the back; that she suffered severe muscle and spinal injury from it so she couldn't do some things. She even showed me the scars. She told me straight up "If we have sex, you can't be on top. I can only do cowgirl and doggy style. Don't get any ideas." I just awkwardly tried to laugh off that statement by saying "Well, that's a pretty big IF."

 

So we just relaxed and watched the movie. We talked intermittently. She talked about ex boyfriends who were players who cheated on her constantly as well, how she just recently dumped ALL of her friends because they were stoners and cocaine addicts. She then told me that I was cute; that she liked the way I carried myself and dressed. She said "You look like you have your **** together."

 

Eventually, I got her number and left her place. I'm THINKING about seeing her again; she obviously likes me and wants me, but at the same time (not that it's her fault) she seems to have a lot of anger and cynicism inside her. You can feel it just by talking to her (though maybe it's just fear). The biggest concern was her telling me that I look like "I have my **** together." Why would she notice that about me unless she did NOT have her **** together?

 

Maybe she wants to move forward and cut the negative influences from her life (like I said, she dumped her drug-addict friends) but at the same time, I don't want to be her "rock" or her "island of stability."

Edited June 21, 2010 by Don'tWannabeAWannabe

[Serenitynow]

Except, the girl it was with is, I think, mentally unstable.

 

Those girls are usually wild in bed

 

If I could describe how she acted, it would be sort of like Marla in Fight Club (best I could think of)

 

Nothing wrong with that. I had a gf that had that edgy attitude, kind of like a street smart swagger. I liked it.

 

Obviously you are many notches above the trash she is used to. So she knows you got your **** together.

 

You just need to ask yourself, do you really see yourself having a LTR with her ? Or are you just gonna hit it n quit it like all the guys in the past ?

[VertexSquared]

I know you may have had some progress compared to what you've experienced over the past year, but I would stay away from this one. I don't know if you are feeling desperate, but don't let desperation cloud your standards and judgment. She sounds like she's got a screw loose or two.

 

Sharing way too much information up front, especially of that nature, is a pretty big red flag, too. She's not all there emotionally. I think you already know the "best" response to this situation. If this is the tip of the iceberg, lord only knows what's under the surface.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

I know you may have had some progress compared to what you've experienced over the past year, but I would stay away from this one. I don't know if you are feeling desperate, but don't let desperation cloud your standards and judgment. She sounds like she's got a screw loose or two.

 

Sharing way too much information up front, especially of that nature, is a pretty big red flag, too. She's not all there emotionally. I think you already know the "best" response to this situation. If this is the tip of the iceberg, lord only knows what's under the surface.

 

It's really hard to let this opportunity go. As pathetic as it may sound, I kinda feel "desperate" only because I haven't dated or even hooked up in over a year. This is the furthest and fastest I've gone with a girl in a really long time, and despite the mental baggage, I am physically attracted to her; I wouldn't have started talking to her if I wasn't.

 

I've dated art school girls before, and I know for a fact that art school people in general are a bit cooky and out there, and usually interested in casual sex rather than serious relationships. Obviously this girl has been through a lot of pain, so her issues aren't entirely her fault (someone did try to kill her). Is there any way of sensitively exploring the possibility pf a casual relationship with this girl?

[deebeechrisyo]

The thing is, she just told her the types of guys she goes for. She is attracted to coke-dealing thugs who won't hesitate to attempt to kill her if she gets out of line. If you aren't these things she won't find you attractive for the long run. If you all you want is some casual sex then go for it.

 

Another thing, she invited you back to her place and brought up the topic of sex. That means she wanted you to have sex with her right then and there. You missed an opportunity. Unless you didn't have any condoms on you!

[VertexSquared]

People who wind up with abusive boyfriends (especially of the stabbing variety) and coke-addicted friends aren't necessarily fully blameless. By no means am I implying that any of the unfortunate occurrences are her fault, but I am saying that one chooses who to associate with and who to be in a relationship with. It's not like they're faultless and oblivious, only to find one day that everyone they know is actually a maladjusted douche. I would question her judgment and be wary of her stability.

 

It seems like she'd be way too unstable at the current moment to get into a relationship with, but I also worry that taking a purely casual approach may result in an attachment issue down the road which may be hard to reconcile. Again, it's your decision, but I find that those who are involved with druggies/people who are violent/etc are not the kind of people you want to involve yourself with. I know you've been trying to make some personal progress, and it'd be a shame to let that slide.

 

I am obviously tossing in some of my own personal views into my advice here, but only because I myself have had experience with such people. I have a sibling who is involved with a group of rather violent drugheads, and I can tell you that it's a drama-ridden gauntlet that is best avoided.

 

Again, it's your choice, but I think you can do better. There's too much risk here.

[Engadget]

The crazy ones always dump their life story at your feet almost right when you meet them. It'll be the best sex you'll have, but you'll run the risk of mental or physical injury indulging.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

The thing is, she just told her the types of guys she goes for. She is attracted to coke-dealing thugs who won't hesitate to attempt to kill her if she gets out of line. If you aren't these things she won't find you attractive for the long run. If you all you want is some casual sex then go for it.

 

Another thing, she invited you back to her place and brought up the topic of sex. That means she wanted you to have sex with her right then and there. You missed an opportunity. Unless you didn't have any condoms on you!

 

She said her back was starting to hurt only because I was slightly leaning into her while we were making out. I was afraid of, I dunno, "breaking her" if we had sex.

[Diezel]

I know you are excited that she offered sex... but come on, this one's a nut.

 

Let it go.

 

Sure, you do her and then 6 weeks later, those STD tests come back positive.

 

Even women will agree that a girl willing to give up dark secrets AND sex within the first three hours of meeting a guy... is clinically and certifiably loca.

 

You sure you're ready to have your pen!s fall off in a few weeks?

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

I know you are excited that she offered sex... but come on, this one's a nut.

 

Let it go.

 

Sure, you do her and then 6 weeks later, those STD tests come back positive.

 

Even women will agree that a girl willing to give up dark secrets AND sex within the first three hours of meeting a guy... is clinically and certifiably loca.

 

You sure you're ready to have your pen!s fall off in a few weeks?

 

Ummm.... condoms?

[Diezel]

Ummm.... condoms?

 

Ummm... sure. We'll see how that goes, specially when she starts begging you to do it WITHOUT a condom because raw dogging feels SOOOO much better and how much willpower you have to turn this nut down.

 

Good luck, you clearly need it.

[MorningCoffee]

This woman sounds seriously off. The grandiosity and sexual TMI on first meeting seem like huge red flags of emotional instability. Flee, while it is still easy, IMO.

[Serenitynow]

A girl I dated was a cutter, best sex ever, but one day I caught her cutting, and she came after me with the knife

 

.

[Diezel]

A girl I dated was a cutter, best sex ever, but one day I caught her cutting, and she came after me with the knife

 

.

 

Ah, the ever so infamous BPD...

Wanna bet that's the kinda girl the OP is dealing with, who thinks that condoms will solve his problem?

 

Just sucks to read a guy so starved for sex that he'll just take in the first lunatic willing to give it up to him.

[Green]

First off CONGRATULATIONS!!! IF you didn't APROACH WOMEN THIS GIFT FROM GOD WOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED

 

Its happened to me too. When I was single I would say "HI" to some pretty girl and we'd start a conversation next thing you know they are like "Why don't you come over" and I'm like "Sure" but thinking in my head HELL YEAH!!!

 

What a fun way to meet a girl, TALKING ABOUT COMICS AND MOVIES.

 

Dude WHO CARES IF THIS GIRL IS POSIBLY CRAZY. Never forget ALL WOMEN ARE DANGEROUS... no such thing as a safe woman.

 

Doggie style and GIRL ON TOP ARE THE BEST SEX. Dude just let her do girl on top your first time all you have to do is lay back and enjoy.

 

As for STI's who knows if she has them. You should probably just flat out ask her if she has STI's... Just because a girl isn't a virgin doesn't mean she has them.

 

SERIOUSLY TAKE A CHANCE WITH THIS GIRL SHE SOUNDS PRETTY EXCITING AND FUN!!!!

 

DON'T SCREW THIS UP... CALL HER TODAY AND SET UP A DATE FOR TODAY.... Just invite yourself over and offer to bring a cool movie and some take out food from a resteraunt. You provide the food she provides the boos you could be having SEX TODAY!!! DO NOT F THIS UP... CALL TODAY AND SET UP A DATE FOR TODAY IF POSSIBLE. Make sure you let her know you think she is "COOL"

 

I say that you should bring LUBE with your condoms TOO. Just ordianry lube not of that heated stuff.

 

And as for the getting stabbed thing I wouldn't hold that against her seriously that had to be traumatic.

 

SHE REALLY MIGHT BE CRAZY BUT WHO CARES... THE HOT ONES ALWAYS ARE

 

PLus a girl who likes COMICS... verry cool

[Choboto]

What a surreal day. Today, in the time frame of 3 hours, I've gotten further with a girl than I have than in the past year. Except, the girl it was with is, I think, mentally unstable.

 

I saw this girl at a bookstore. She was really pretty, but had a very unconventional style; short bleached hair with red and purple high lights, a green, hippy-ish dress and what I thought were feathery ankle bracelets. I said, "I like the ankle bracelets" and she said "Oh thanks. They're actually part of my shoes." I saw she was carrying some thick comic books, but not kiddy/superhero kinds; things like Watchmen and From Hell and DMZ and the more violent, gritty Batman ones. I said "Is that Watchmen" and she said yes. "I've never read it. How disappointing is the movie compared to it?"

 

We then got into a conversation about comic books, how she liked gritty graphic novels and I liked anthologies and collections of short stories compiled by different artists. We then talked about the Batman movie, which led to a conversation about Inception (since it has the same director as the Dark Knight) which led to a conversation about Leonardo Dicaprio (since he's in Inception), which led to a conversation back to art. She was an artist out of some art school in NYC.

 

I should have seen some red flags then and there, because there was something about the way she spoke and her demeanor that seemed off. She was engaging me, but I could sense this sort of tired, sarcastic, cynicism in her voice. If I could describe how she acted, it would be sort of like Marla in Fight Club (best I could think of)

 

Eventually, after only an hour of talking, she invited me to her place to see her artwork. I was like "Uhhh...sure why not" but in my mind I was like "Hell yes!"

 

We got to her place, she showed me some paintings, and she invited me to sit down and watch Shutter Island with her. We were sitting down and a while into the movie we started making out. After a few minutes, she told me that she had to stop because her back was starting to hurt.

 

Then she started revealing to me all these personal things to me. She told me that her ex-boyfriend tried to kill her; they got into a fight and he actually stabbed her several times in the back; that she suffered severe muscle and spinal injury from it so she couldn't do some things. She even showed me the scars. She told me straight up "If we have sex, you can't be on top. I can only do cowgirl and doggy style. Don't get any ideas." I just awkwardly tried to laugh off that statement by saying "Well, that's a pretty big IF."

 

So we just relaxed and watched the movie. We talked intermittently. She talked about ex boyfriends who were players who cheated on her constantly as well, how she just recently dumped ALL of her friends because they were stoners and cocaine addicts. She then told me that I was cute; that she liked the way I carried myself and dressed. She said "You look like you have your **** together."

 

Eventually, I got her number and left her place. I'm THINKING about seeing her again; she obviously likes me and wants me, but at the same time (not that it's her fault) she seems to have a lot of anger and cynicism inside her. You can feel it just by talking to her (though maybe it's just fear). The biggest concern was her telling me that I look like "I have my **** together." Why would she notice that about me unless she did NOT have her **** together?

 

Maybe she wants to move forward and cut the negative influences from her life (like I said, she dumped her drug-addict friends) but at the same time, I don't want to be her "rock" or her "island of stability."

 

from what i read, how is she crazy? her ex BF would be the crazy one. people fight, doesnt make anyone crazy, but him stabbing makes him the crazy one. shes getting rid bad influences in her life? hows that make her crazy?

 

i can guarantee that she is just extremely hurt and looking for someone good for her since everyone else hasnt been. jsut take it slow and im sure youll be fine. being stabbed by a bf, friends turning into cokeheads, id be pretty suspicious of ppl too....

[sweetjasmine]

GIFT FROM GOD

 

Are you serious?

 

Yeah, a total nutjob is a great gift from God. Honestly, I don't understand some people sometimes. Do people really get so desperate that they'll pick up a clearly labeled drama bomb and enthusiastically stick their d-ck in it? And people who do stupid sh-t like that inevitably complain the loudest when it blows up in their face.

 

OP, be careful. That chick is totally mentally unstable. I'd stay far away if I were you.

[sweetjasmine]

from what i read, how is she crazy? her ex BF would be the crazy one. people fight, doesnt make anyone crazy, but him stabbing makes him the crazy one. shes getting rid bad influences in her life? hows that make her crazy?

 

i can guarantee that she is just extremely hurt and looking for someone good for her since everyone else hasnt been. jsut take it slow and im sure youll be fine. being stabbed by a bf, friends turning into cokeheads, id be pretty suspicious of ppl too....

 

Yeah, she's so suspicious of people that she invites a guy she just met in a bookstore back to her house to have sex and spills her messed up life story at the drop of a hat, talking at length about how she's been abused, cheated on, and hurt by everyone.

 

Sounds perfectly stable and healthy to me.

[Choboto]

It's really hard to let this opportunity go. As pathetic as it may sound, I kinda feel "desperate" only because I haven't dated or even hooked up in over a year. This is the furthest and fastest I've gone with a girl in a really long time, and despite the mental baggage, I am physically attracted to her; I wouldn't have started talking to her if I wasn't.

 

I've dated art school girls before, and I know for a fact that art school people in general are a bit cooky and out there, and usually interested in casual sex rather than serious relationships. Obviously this girl has been through a lot of pain, so her issues aren't entirely her fault (someone did try to kill her). Is there any way of sensitively exploring the possibility pf a casual relationship with this girl?

 

hoenstly she told you her life story, and how guys ****ed with her, and you want to use her? if you ahve a shred of decency youd either get through it and figure this out(if oyu like her) or gtfo before you hurt her again. im sure you know girls usually cant have casual relationships for too long before emotions start coming in and you know how broke she is so bite the bullet and stop thinking about yourself and think what would be best for her(gtfo before you cause any more damage, or try to work through it in a mature manner).

[Choboto]

The thing is, she just told her the types of guys she goes for. She is attracted to coke-dealing thugs who won't hesitate to attempt to kill her if she gets out of line. If you aren't these things she won't find you attractive for the long run. If you all you want is some casual sex then go for it.

 

Another thing, she invited you back to her place and brought up the topic of sex. That means she wanted you to have sex with her right then and there. You missed an opportunity. Unless you didn't have any condoms on you!

 

she dumped those friends. dude read . shes trying to find better people for her if she dumped those friends.

[Green]

Are you serious?

 

Yeah, a total nutjob is a great gift from God. Honestly, I don't understand some people sometimes. Do people really get so desperate that they'll pick up a clearly labeled drama bomb and enthusiastically stick their d-ck in it? And people who do stupid sh-t like that inevitably complain the loudest when it blows up in their face.

 

OP, be careful. That chick is totally mentally unstable. I'd stay far away if I were you.

 

Yes I was seriouse. He saw her and thought to himself " WOW THIS GIRL IS PRETTY" then he went and talked to her and made a connection.

 

I really don't think the fact that she has been stabbed and treated badly by men makes her a total nut job as you put it.

 

And I personaly LOVE ART and COMICS and MOVIES so this girl actualy sounds kinda cool. I really don't think he is in any place to judge her and just think he is SCARED and looking for excuses.

 

HES SHOULD GIVE HER A CALL ASAP and follow my advice about 1) asking her out today 2) suggesting he bring over food from some good take out place .. and a movie and they watch it at her place 3) He let her know he thinks she is cool/pretty ect. and YES HAVE GIRL ON TOP SEX... soo good especialy for a guy like him who its been a while.. he just has to lay back be HARD and enjoy.

[CLC2008]

Yes I was seriouse. He saw her and thought to himself " WOW THIS GIRL IS PRETTY" then he went and talked to her and made a connection.

 

I really don't think the fact that she has been stabbed and treated badly by men makes her a total nut job as you put it.

 

And I personaly LOVE ART and COMICS and MOVIES so this girl actualy sounds kinda cool. I really don't think he is in any place to judge her and just think he is SCARED and looking for excuses.

 

HES SHOULD GIVE HER A CALL ASAP and follow my advice about 1) asking her out today 2) suggesting he bring over food from some good take out place .. and a movie and they watch it at her place 3) He let her know he thinks she is cool/pretty ect. and YES HAVE GIRL ON TOP SEX... soo good especialy for a guy like him who its been a while.. he just has to lay back be HARD and enjoy.

 

Please, do not reproduce, ever.

[Choboto]

Yeah, she's so suspicious of people that she invites a guy she just met in a bookstore back to her house to have sex and spills her messed up life story at the drop of a hat, talking at length about how she's been abused, cheated on, and hurt by everyone.

 

Sounds perfectly stable and healthy to me.

 

well some people liek to get **** out up front. and not everyone can afford 150 dollars a hour for a shrink.

 

this is exactly how i got one of my best friends that i would die for. we met, talked on facebook for a few days and she spilt her life story on me after a fight with her mah, helped her with some **** and weve been best friends since and shes a perfectly normal being. shes not mentally instable in the slightest and she spilt that after like 2 days on 'hows the weather' talk...

 

so im kinda testy about judging people with problems before understanding them.

[sweetjasmine]

I really don't think the fact that she has been stabbed and treated badly by men makes her a total nut job as you put it.

 

You don't get it.

 

It's not that her ex-boyfriend tried to stab her.

 

It's that she did all of the following:

- invited him back to her place with the intent of having sex even though she just met him -- which on its own could be okay but she...

- started spilling her life story

- told him that her ex stabbed her and tried to kill her and showed him the scars

- talked about her exes and how they were all players who hurt her

- talked about how all her friends were stoners and cocaine addicts

- said OP has his sh-t together, implying that she's impressed because she doesn't have her own sh-t together

 

Honestly, talking about your exes and how badly they treated you when you just met someone is a pretty standard red flag. But this girl had only been talking to OP for a freaking hour before she started mentioning all of those things, and she nonchalantly mentions her ex stabbed her and shows OP her scars? Wtf?

 

If I had that happen to me, I certainly wouldn't be showing off my scars within an hour of meeting someone new.

 

She sounds seriously mentally unstable.

[Diezel]

Was your BFF trying to eff your brains out within the first hour of meeting you?