BiAxident Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 About 10 weeks ago, I broke NC with my XGF after 2 years of separation by calling her on the phone. We got together, and wound up having sex that day. After a few weeks of being friends-with-benefits, she brought up the possibility of us making another attempt at the relationship. Originally, she was the one who broke things off, and very suddenly that at. Thus, I was very hesitant in responding to the offer. We live 40 minutes apart, I am looking for work and planning to start law school in January, so I have no idea how much free time I would have, and how often we would be able to see each other. In the end, I told her that I was leaning towards giving it another try, but that I had concerns about getting burned again. So yesterday, we went to a party together, during which she pretty much ignored me and chatted/flirted with another guy over the course of four hours. I did my best to keep my cool, while shaking, and after some cajoling we left the party and went back to my place. We spent the better part of the early morning hours discussing everything, and now that I am ready to give it another try, she says that she isn't sure. If I had decided to try even a week ago, she would have went for it, but now she has created an online dating profile and says that she "needs time" to decide if she wants to get back together with me, basically by dating other people to see if she can find someone better. She says that I'm still at the top of the list of the guys she has her eye on, but that after waiting so long she sorta "turned off the switch" as far as her affection toward me went. She says that she should need "a month or less" and that in the meantime I can help my hand by continuing to hang out and be friends with her, to demonstrate my desire. What I dont understand is how someone can have desire to be with me as recent as a week ago, and when I finally lay it all on the table, she isn't sure? I guess I'm left with no option but to hope for the best and prepare for the worst? Should I have acted faster, should she have been willing to wait longer?
lullaby Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 About 10 weeks ago, I broke NC with my XGF after 2 years of separation by calling her on the phone. We got together, and wound up having sex that day. After a few weeks of being friends-with-benefits, she brought up the possibility of us making another attempt at the relationship. Originally, she was the one who broke things off, and very suddenly that at. Thus, I was very hesitant in responding to the offer. We live 40 minutes apart, I am looking for work and planning to start law school in January, so I have no idea how much free time I would have, and how often we would be able to see each other. In the end, I told her that I was leaning towards giving it another try, but that I had concerns about getting burned again. So yesterday, we went to a party together, during which she pretty much ignored me and chatted/flirted with another guy over the course of four hours. I did my best to keep my cool, while shaking, and after some cajoling we left the party and went back to my place. We spent the better part of the early morning hours discussing everything, and now that I am ready to give it another try, she says that she isn't sure. If I had decided to try even a week ago, she would have went for it, but now she has created an online dating profile and says that she "needs time" to decide if she wants to get back together with me, basically by dating other people to see if she can find someone better. She says that I'm still at the top of the list of the guys she has her eye on, but that after waiting so long she sorta "turned off the switch" as far as her affection toward me went. She says that she should need "a month or less" and that in the meantime I can help my hand by continuing to hang out and be friends with her, to demonstrate my desire. What I dont understand is how someone can have desire to be with me as recent as a week ago, and when I finally lay it all on the table, she isn't sure? I guess I'm left with no option but to hope for the best and prepare for the worst? Should I have acted faster, should she have been willing to wait longer? I would wait if I were you. You're entitled to doubt and not be sure about whether to get back or not. Besides, if one week she wants to try it, and then, once you get into an argument, she doesn't want anymore?? How can she know how much time she needs? I don't get that. I would recommend you to do what you feel, but don't be too dependent of her, OK? Go slowly and cautiously so you don't get hurt again. Work on you and give it time. just like you told me. If she wants to be with you, she'll come and you'll be together.
Author BiAxident Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 I would wait if I were you. You're entitled to doubt and not be sure about whether to get back or not. Besides, if one week she wants to try it, and then, once you get into an argument, she doesn't want anymore? Believe it or not, but in the 17 years we've known each other, and the 2+ years we dated, we never had an argument, much less a fight. The bigger issue, I think, is how the hell can she be ready to be with me one week, and not ready the next? How can she know how much time she needs? I don't get that. I would recommend you to do what you feel, but don't be too dependent of her, OK? Go slowly and cautiously so you don't get hurt again. Well, I'm already hurting as it is for feeling that I wasted a second chance, a second chance, the thing that so many of us on here hope for. As for how much time she needs, I asked that same question. She's going looking for someone "better" than me, but I said to her "isnt there someone always better than whoever you're with at the time?" Her reply was that, basically, she believes in a perfect person for her and that, given that she only signed up for one month on the dating site, that is how much time she'll take. Of course, she could very well decide to sign up for another month, six months, or year. It is an odd situation. Work on you and give it time. just like you told me. If she wants to be with you, she'll come and you'll be together. Yep. Only time will tell. I've tempered my expectations severely, I'm expecting to get burned, to get it out of the way, and to move on (again) without her in my life in any form.
Recommended Posts