ivyterre83 Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 I met a great guy recently. We've gone on three dates and they have all gone well we held hands and kissed it was great. He introduced me to his buds on our second outing and I introduced mine on our third. The only issue I've been having with him is communication outside of our dates. I don't know him as much as I'd like too and his work schedule is always changing so its difficult to catch him. Last Monday I text him asking if I could call he replied saying he had a long day and I text him saying maybe another time. I didn't get text back. I felt he might have taken it weird so I text him again saying I apologize for the text if it offended him and have a great day its been 5 days and I've got nothing back. Idk what's going on and he doesn't seem like the kind to disappear without reason
Serenitynow Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 If I ever get a date again. I am telling her I dont have texting on my phone. I would love to know how many relationships have gone south due to texting. It's hard to say what this guy is doing. TONS of people use texting as an excuse: - I didnt get your text - I just got your text today - My battery was dead His buddies may have made a remark about you and now he feels a fool and wont call you back. He may be truly busy, and doesnt have manners to tell you hes busy and say he'll contact you later How old are you and him ? If he's under 25 I pretty much guarantee that he doesnt have any consideration in giving you a heads up if hes busy. Or maybe he's just dead .
Author ivyterre83 Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 I'm 19 he's 20 turning 21 its his bday tomorrow and I wanna say happy bday however I'm upset about his lack of contact. I just need to know whats going on because i kind of put all my focus on him and stopped dating other people. There are so many possibilities of what could be up ya know? He's definitely not the player type, so I don't understand what's up.
LoveBites Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Haha are you the girl I am talking too? jk Seriously, this sounds pretty close to the situation I am going through. I had 3 great dates with a girl and then all of a sudden no contact. Then I contact her and asked her why there wasnt and she said "you tell me". We haven't talked or met since even though I still like her. Definately say happy birthday to him. Text him a "Happy Birthday stranger!!! : )" If he doesnt say thanks back then it should say he doesnt want a relationship. If he says thanks send him a text back saying "lets not be strangers anymore :)" and see what he says.
Serenitynow Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 How did I know he was young He may still be into you, but the idiot may be waiting for you to contact him. Some people think that they contacted you last, and are wondering why they havent heard back from you. I would give him one last chance with the bday message. But by doing that, you are empowering his poor behavior.
Author ivyterre83 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 ok, he just texted me saying he was sorry he didn't text me these past 5 days and that if he hurt me hes sorry, and asked how I'm doing. I feel conflicted because while I'm happy he's finally texted me, I'm kind of upset he took so long and I don't want him to think I was ok with him not getting back to me. Aaah, i don't know what to do lol
Serenitynow Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I bet he went out with another girl, and when that fell through, you are still there for the backup Dump him. I'm available wait nevermind you're only 19 lol
Diezel Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Next time, pick up the phone and JUST CALL. I don't get this tendency nowadays to TEXT just to ask permission to CALL? Whatever happened with just picking up a phone and reaching out to someone. He probably thought you were just insecure by texting: Can I call later? And then... furthermore, apologizing for texting that in the first place. I know I sound old saying this, but in the good ole days, we'd pick up the phone and ring up the other person and well... hope for the best.
Serenitynow Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I don't get this tendency nowadays to TEXT just to ask permission to CALL? Whatever happened with just picking up a phone and reaching out to someone. Because society is turning into a bunch of A-holes People are using texting as a form of screening who they interact with and when Especially the youth, 25 and under, studies are showing how inept they are with social skills. They are closing themselves in to their own little shell little by little
Diezel Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Yeah, I definitely feel old now after reading that, Serenity.
D-Lish Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 ok, he just texted me saying he was sorry he didn't text me these past 5 days and that if he hurt me hes sorry, and asked how I'm doing. I feel conflicted because while I'm happy he's finally texted me, I'm kind of upset he took so long and I don't want him to think I was ok with him not getting back to me. Aaah, i don't know what to do lol Because you are young, you should learn early how to teach people how to treat you. It's not okay to go 5 days without a peep from him- it's totally disrespectful. If you believe you deserve better, establish the precedence. If I had a few dates with a guy and things were going well and he dropped off the face of the earth and ignored a text- he'd be history. If you accept this, and you continue to see him, you are setting the precedence for how he is allowed to treat you in the future. When a dude demonstrates this kind of behaviour so early on- you can expect much more of it in the future. Put an end to it, don't accept it.
Author ivyterre83 Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 I'm definitely keeping my guard up now, thanks for the advice everyone!
Author ivyterre83 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 Because you are young, you should learn early how to teach people how to treat you. It's not okay to go 5 days without a peep from him- it's totally disrespectful. If you believe you deserve better, establish the precedence. If I had a few dates with a guy and things were going well and he dropped off the face of the earth and ignored a text- he'd be history. If you accept this, and you continue to see him, you are setting the precedence for how he is allowed to treat you in the future. When a dude demonstrates this kind of behaviour so early on- you can expect much more of it in the future. Put an end to it, don't accept it. its funny you said that because he actually got more distant. it wasnt like he ever really initiated conversations with me but i would have expected this too change as time progressed. i feel now were back to square 1 and i dont know where we stand. i send flirty texts and he flirts back im just going crazy! last monday night i sent him a casual text asking if he was free anytime during the week but i never got a text back. because i asked him such a direct statement i told myself if he didnt respond then hes just not interested. the next day i waited still nothing i took it as me getting rejected so i just went mia from facebook phone etc the rest of the day. lucky for me i was going out that wednesday so i didnt even have time to think about him. i got home and checked my phone nothing. then i get on my facebook and i see a comment from him on one of my posts. at that point i was like what the hell is going on here? so i responded to it. whatever i sent him a fourth of july text like i do everyone else he responded(i thought he wouldnt) im utterly confused should i confront him? do you think he ever got my text im hanging out with another guy tomorow but i just dont feel right doing this.
Diezel Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 im hanging out with another guy tomorow but i just dont feel right doing this. Uh, why not? There's obviously nothing going on with the first guy.
lso802 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 From texting to facebook comments. Nothing to be confused about. He is not interested.
Kamille Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 1) Stop initiating contact. Let him take the lead. 2) Pay attention to the effort he makes. Writing a comment on FB? 1 point for effort. Texting you directly, 2 points. Calling you: 5 points. Asking you out: 20 points. Never exceed the amount of effort he makes. I believe you can stay on par, but not exceed. And am I understanding correctly that you apologized for trying to get in touch with him? He should be and probably was flattered you did get in touch with him. Don't sell yourself short with unnecessary apologies.
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Because you are young, you should learn early how to teach people how to treat you. It's not okay to go 5 days without a peep from him- it's totally disrespectful. If you believe you deserve better, establish the precedence. If I had a few dates with a guy and things were going well and he dropped off the face of the earth and ignored a text- he'd be history. If you accept this, and you continue to see him, you are setting the precedence for how he is allowed to treat you in the future. When a dude demonstrates this kind of behaviour so early on- you can expect much more of it in the future. Put an end to it, don't accept it. Completely, 100% agree with this. Women who put up with lousy behaviour from males have no one to blame but themselves.
Author ivyterre83 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 1) Stop initiating contact. Let him take the lead. 2) Pay attention to the effort he makes. Writing a comment on FB? 1 point for effort. Texting you directly, 2 points. Calling you: 5 points. Asking you out: 20 points. Never exceed the amount of effort he makes. I believe you can stay on par, but not exceed. And am I understanding correctly that you apologized for trying to get in touch with him? He should be and probably was flattered you did get in touch with him. Don't sell yourself short with unnecessary apologies. trust me ill never apologize for no reason again. normally by now i would have been done. but this guy has something that the others dont. maybe its because he doesnt give me the attention i always get. thanks for your advice ill update again soon.
Author ivyterre83 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 Uh, why not? There's obviously nothing going on with the first guy. because i feel like im using him as a backup becuase number 1 isnt coming through. i dont have any feelings for him and i dont think its going to change. hes also a guy who i previously dated. we were talking then out of nowhere he stopped all contact with me for a good month. then i just decided to hit him up after so long and its like he just picked up where we left off like he wasnt the one who stopped contacting me. lol i think i should just stop talking to guys for a while lol
Leia Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I still don't get why people can't dial the damn number and call! Why text?! Geez.
Author ivyterre83 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 Completely, 100% agree with this. Women who put up with lousy behaviour from males have no one to blame but themselves. this is true but i willl never make that mistake again!
Author ivyterre83 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 I still don't get why people can't dial the damn number and call! Why text?! Geez. i have no problem talking on the phone i can talk for days and never ever miss a beat however im not going to make an effort to call someone who cant even send me a text saying hi or wats up?
D-Lish Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 i have no problem talking on the phone i can talk for days and never ever miss a beat however im not going to make an effort to call someone who cant even send me a text saying hi or wats up? That should be telling you all you need to know about this guy. He isn't making any effort, which means he doesn't value you. If someone doesn't value you, you need to move on.
gamma1 Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 Next time, pick up the phone and JUST CALL. I don't get this tendency nowadays to TEXT just to ask permission to CALL? Whatever happened with just picking up a phone and reaching out to someone. He probably thought you were just insecure by texting: Can I call later? And then... furthermore, apologizing for texting that in the first place. I know I sound old saying this, but in the good ole days, we'd pick up the phone and ring up the other person and well... hope for the best. I don't think texting is the problem. I think a text is more likely to get returned than a call. The only thing I don't like is when she wants to text back and forth 30 times. The problem here was no contact of any kind for 5 days.
Author ivyterre83 Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 I don't think texting is the problem. I think a text is more likely to get returned than a call. The only thing I don't like is when she wants to text back and forth 30 times. The problem here was no contact of any kind for 5 days. although he apologized it just got worse because the next week summerschool started for him and from then its been..ehh i really like him and i was looking forward to something coming out of it i guess ill just see him around school in fall haha
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