CallMeKizzy Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 I need answers, i need to change, but i am one of those people afraid of change. heres the situation: I am single, i always meet guys, i am always able to talk to them on the phone, but i am never able to meet up with them. when i am, i fall under the one night stand thing. Most guys like to have sex with me(ugh) and it hurts badly that, that is all they want. I finally meet this guy, he's ok, very respectful, funny, blah blah. (i dont really have a type, more of a desire, i like a person to look a certain way, and have certain characteristics). soo he's cool, we talk talk talk on the phone allll the time, and when i cam home from school, he wanted to see me, AND I BLUFFED HIM! i just have every excuse in the world, he wants to meet my family, take me out do things. But i'd rather sit on the phone and have a long distance relationship. Then i think he is talking to someone else, and that upsets me, because i want him now, but i just cannot get the guts to go out on a date with him, (partially becase my eyebrows arent done).lol I KNOW ITS STUPID.... but i need to know how to overcome this before i be a lonely person with cats :-?
Serenitynow Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 You must be the same girl that I dealt with on a dating site. I think you need psycological help if you are that insecure with yourself that you find petty issues not to meet someone you like.
Author CallMeKizzy Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 I dont think that would be me. Nor do i need psychological help. Some people have insecurities, sorry i fault for that... i do worry about what others think. I think because I am admitting to it, and willing to change something about it, is a stepping stone. Dont judge me, but thank you for your response
I'm Batman Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 These were my initial thoughts and I don't mean to offend. Just take my opinion with a grain of salt. I am single, i always meet guys, i am always able to talk to them on the phone, but i am never able to meet up with them. when i am, i fall under the one night stand thing. Most guys like to have sex with me(ugh) and it hurts badly that, that is all they want. How come you allow this? Is it because your sexual desires overcome your intelligence? Every time you pull down your pants does this make you happy? Are you sure that this is what they want? Or what you want? Doesn't seem like you really want to find a long term partner but flings with different people. Remember sex isn't always everything in a relationship. I finally meet this guy, he's ok, very respectful, funny, blah blah. (i dont really have a type, more of a desire, i like a person to look a certain way, and have certain characteristics). soo he's cool, we talk talk talk on the phone allll the time, and when i cam home from school, he wanted to see me, AND I BLUFFED HIM! i just have every excuse in the world, he wants to meet my family, take me out do things. But i'd rather sit on the phone and have a long distance relationship. You finally meet a guy who's interested in you other than getting in your pants but you blow him off. Any reason? You play games with guys early in the communication phase, we get bored of waiting for the first date so we move on. Why don't you try to get out of your comfort zone and give him a try? Then i think he is talking to someone else, and that upsets me, because i want him now, but i just cannot get the guts to go out on a date with him, (partially becase my eyebrows arent done).lol I KNOW ITS STUPID.... but i need to know how to overcome this before i be a lonely person with cats :-? You know this how? You haven't even dated the guy! He has every right to talk to other people. Final thoughts, you can either sit there grooming your cats or your eyebrows and continue pulling down your pants to strangers OR you can give this guy a try...at least you can get a free meal out of it if he's a jerk. GL OP
Author CallMeKizzy Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 ..i really dont like having sex.. but, I think it's because i have been single for so long, that being with someone like that just makes me feel a little accepted.No one was ever there to tell me some guys are dogs, or some guys are good. I'm open to anyone, and i dont mean sexually, i just am. I don't know why I am afraid to get out of my comfort zone.. thats my issue!..hmm you made me think about some things, thank you for that, and i'm not offended at all. THANK YOU for your opinion
Serenitynow Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 (edited) I was kidding about the dating site I only said that because women love to email for ever but dont want to meet. You are right, I should be applauding you for your honesty. Women rarely open up the vault and spill whats actually going on. The funny thing though, if a guy posted on here complaing about what you did to him. The women on here would bash him and discredit any point he tried to make. But since its actually coming from the horses mouth, there are no women to be found This is what I keep saying over and over about forums. Most women will not open up, or they stay away from posts like this that hit too close to home. OP I still think you need some kind of help. If you are giving up sex as a way to acheive admiration from guys, than thats something that needs to be addressed and I doubt you can self-help yourself. . Edited June 21, 2010 by Serenitynow
Diezel Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Ever tried just NOT putting out on the first date? I don't know... just a thought. It just seems that you're cases are all LDR or just one night stands. Maybe I misread.
Serenitynow Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Shes not coming back for any more interaction. And no other woman is gonna touch this topic with a 10 ft pole.
Enlightened Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Okay, just a reply to the poster about women emailing forever and ever and never wanting to meet up. Have you thought about ASKING if she wants to meet for a drink, or coffee, etc? You know, we women are told to let you know we're interested but not to actually make the first move. Because typically, if we DO make the first move...you guys see that as desparate and run quickly in the other direction. Yet, a lot of guys will email, and email, and email...and we're waiting for you to freaking ASK US OUT ALREADY. Sheesh, is it really that difficult?? I can't even TELL you how SUPREMELY frustrating that is. If I'm on an online dating site, then I want to actually GO.ON.A.DATE. Duh, hello???? I mean, it's fine to trade a couple of emails, and maybe a phone call before the first meeting...but dammit, MEET us. Set something up. Doesn't have to be anything grand, just MEET UP with us. Okay, now I'm off my soapbox. You may continue.
that girl Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 You must be the same girl that I dealt with on a dating site. I think you need psycological help if you are that insecure with yourself that you find petty issues not to meet someone you like. Did you catch the part where she mentioned school? I'm pretty sure she's under 21, so she deserves some leeway not for a (I'm pretty sure) grown man to make her the cause of his problems. I'm Batman isn't much better. For Kizzy- Tell him you love talking on the phone with him and you really see romantic relationship potential, but you're a little nervous to go on a date and need things to go slow. Worse thing that happens is that he says he isn't interested and then you know he probably wasn't thinking boyfriend/girlfriend.
Author CallMeKizzy Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 I was kidding about the dating site I only said that because women love to email for ever but dont want to meet. You are right, I should be applauding you for your honesty. Women rarely open up the vault and spill whats actually going on. The funny thing though, if a guy posted on here complaing about what you did to him. The women on here would bash him and discredit any point he tried to make. But since its actually coming from the horses mouth, there are no women to be found This is what I keep saying over and over about forums. Most women will not open up, or they stay away from posts like this that hit too close to home. OP I still think you need some kind of help. If you are giving up sex as a way to acheive admiration from guys, than thats something that needs to be addressed and I doubt you can self-help yourself. . i dont need psychological help. I am a psychology major, im not using sex to cover anything up, or have joy from my endeavors. I feel guilty, i feel bad after sex...
Author CallMeKizzy Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 i told him today that i haven't been seeing him because of my insecurities. He said why i dont judge you have nothing to worry about.. we have a date this weekend Thank You for your understanding.. Its just after you've been put down, and hurt so many times, you began to wonder, and it makes you (well it made me) become insecure.. top that off --IM SHY. but i have opened up more..
Author CallMeKizzy Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 Ever tried just NOT putting out on the first date? I don't know... just a thought. It just seems that you're cases are all LDR or just one night stands. Maybe I misread. most of them arent dates. I'm young, guys my age really done do dates (20) to be exact.
Author CallMeKizzy Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 Shes not coming back for any more interaction. And no other woman is gonna touch this topic with a 10 ft pole. noo i'm back, i have a life outside of my computer. lol:laugh:
Serenitynow Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 (edited) guys my age really dont do dates See how you lay the blame on the guy for you jumping into the sack so soon ? You never said its "his" fault, but the above statement is a round about way for justifying your actions. Oh and just because you are a psycology major, means NOTHING for helping yourself. Anyone with half a brain knows that. You could be an absolute genius with helping others, and not be able to help yourself a bit. I dated a girl that had a degree in psycology, and had a job dealing with all the students that were to disruptive and bad to be in a regular teaching environment. She was amazing at dealing with them and knowing how to get them on the right track and teach them the tools they needed to deal with their issues. She was also a cutter, and killed herself. You are young, and you dont know much about yourself and the world around you. im not using sex to cover anything up, or have joy from my endeavors. I feel guilty, i feel bad after sex i really dont like having sex.. but, I think it's because i have been single for so long, that being with someone like that just makes me feel a little acceptedYOU said you are having sex with guys for acceptance. And you dont even enjoy it at all. Am I the only adult here to tell her somthings wrong with that ? Or should I coddle her like the women did with their replies ? Most guys like to have sex with me(ugh) and it hurts badly that, that is all they want.Again, you are the one choosing to have sex with these guys. IF you cant stop yourself from having sex, than you NEED help Edited June 21, 2010 by Serenitynow
Sivok Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I dated a psych major once, she loved her cat and had it tattooe'd across her stomach *ahem* Goodluck on your date! And like the others are saying, don't ever sleep with a guy on the first date. We really do love the chase and if you give us absolutely everything (well, sex is really the pinnacle of what a guy looks for in a woman - initially anyway) on the first date, we WILL lose interest. There are exceptions, but this is the rule. Trust me on this.
Diezel Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Since you are a Psych Major, I guess you don't need advice, and can use your textbooks to analyze what's wrong with your situation. No need for anyone else to lend a hand here. Thread closed?
I'm Batman Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I dated a psych major once, she loved her cat and had it tattooe'd across her stomach. Funny, but messed up! Hold on are you saying psych majors cannot prevent STD's ? All this time I thought the OP was in her late 20's. She's an immature college student that doesn't even know what she wants in the world. Isnt' a psych degree the same as a degree in Arts? OP, stop worrying about douchebags, think about your future. Graduate with honors, get a successful job and with patience, Mr. Right will come along to sweep you off your feet.
Author CallMeKizzy Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 I'm not blaming anyone..Nor did i say i could help myself. I just explained that because i am a psych major, i read that when people have sex like that its to cover up something..etc. never did i say i could treat myself or diagnose myself. Thats the reason why i asked you all. Its not like i go on crazy sex rampages, what i said was most of the guys i end up with i have sex with. I dont have random crazy wild sex escapades, where i enjoy them or using them as a way to cover something up. I am naive, insecure female. I can admit that, And all i asked was what i could do about my dating situation.
Serenitynow Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Thinking about this post at work today. I realized that its the males on here trying to help the OP And the females instead of giving her advice, attacked us for telling it to her straight, and trying to wake her up You act like its OUR fault shes screwing all these guys. You dont have the balls to confront her with her actions so you take it out on us.
that girl Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Thinking about this post at work today. I realized that its the males on here trying to help the OP And the females instead of giving her advice, attacked us for telling it to her straight, and trying to wake her up You act like its OUR fault shes screwing all these guys. You dont have the balls to confront her with her actions so you take it out on us. The males aren't trying to help her. They are using her as a way of venting at the women that have done them wrong. I actually did offer her a suggestion of how to handle her current relationship - be upfront about your need to take it slow- rather than just she is a game player who doesn't take responsibility for her actions. I also recognized the fact that she's obviously young from the post. I didn't complain about how the women I meet on dating sites don't like me enough.
Serenitynow Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 (edited) How is telling her that she needs to stop sleeping with guys so soon venting against women ? Edited June 21, 2010 by Serenitynow
Diezel Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I gave her advice. I said: Ever try just NOT sleeping with men on the first date? It really is THAT simple. All it takes is a little willpower and she just... might... make... it to the second date without having sex and then... he might even stick around. Really, what's so hard about setting boundaries on WHEN to have sex? And "that girl", QUESTION: Are you suggesting that she should bring up the conversation about waiting?
Serenitynow Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 No reply ? Still waiting to hear how its venting against women by telling her to stop sleeping with guys.
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