gsly Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 so about a month ago i met this girl..i'll be 23 in a about a month and she's only 18 1/2..we both work at the same place of employement, both have a bunch of things in common. im just have a few concerns(red flags) that i need advice on. basically we met at work, talked a bunch on facebook until she gave me her number and hung out. we hung out a few times until i took her to dinner and when i asked her out she said yes. the one thing she didnt tell me until a week into our relationship was that about a week before her and i met she had let go of a boyfriend who she dated on and off for about 3 years. she comes into work tells me that she's going to the bar with him and his parents and then going by his house, i wasnt happy about that. then for our 2 week anniversery last monday i took her to a restauraunt about a hour away and she comes out and tells me that one of the rings thatshe has on is from that same ex(needless to say i wasnt happy). She randomly takes my phone and basically goes through my txt messages and whenever i talk to a ex(they're ex's for a reason and i'd never get back with them) she yells at me. note: i'm not allowed to look at her txts, because she doesnt want me to know who she's talking to. The biggest thing that makes me confused is she doesnt want me to meet her parents or come over to her house when her parents are home. are these red flags? I love this girl alot, i lost my virginity to her and i dont know what's keeping me with her.
Author gsly Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 trust me we were both alot happier before we had sex..basically everyday weve gotten in fights and are unhappy, honestly i dont know why she didnt break up with me..it's just she knows how to make me happy and ive never had a gf who's cared for me so much.
sagetalk Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 How does she care for you? I read your post and I don't see it. Her talking to her ex and going out with him is nightmarishly bad. That isn't a red flag, that's an eject button.
OceanTropic Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 BIG red flags. She's using you. You are her rebound. Move on man.
seekandfind Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 You met this girl a month ago, and you say that you love her? This is called infatuation my friend. You haven't gotten to know the real her yet, that makes many months, even years sometimes. You need to put your foot down about her and her ex, why are they going to the bars together? And she shouldn't be going through your phone, and you shouldn't be going through hers either. If you guys can't trust each other, then you can't have a loving relationship. There is still a chance for you guys, but it will only work if changes are made.
Adunaphel Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 It doesn't sound like it's really over between her and her not-so-ex boyfriend. Perhaps you should postpone having an exclusive relationship with her... at least until she gets rid of the baggage from her previous relationship and the guy becomes a real ex bf.
Author gsly Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 basically after i made the first post she sent me a txt when she was on break at work saying i dont have to worry about her ex anymore since he wants nothing to do with her anymore..then i told her a few things that i wanted in a relationship and said its either that or we just break up and be friends. on a positive note i did go out to ice cream with girl tonight who im really good friends with and wouldnt mind dating..I dont think of it as cheating because it wasnt a date....
aerogurl87 Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Break up with her, it's as simple as that. But I'm gonna tell you this now, you're screwed when, not if, you two break up. First of all you lost your virginity to her so pulling away from her will be hell. And secondly you two work together so expect lots of work drama. Good luck.
MyNameIsJane Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I think you need to walk away from this chick. One... you aren't in a serious relationship yet. A month isn't serious and it sounds like she certainly isn't taking you seriously. I think you have an attachment to her because of losing her virginity to her - and that is normal... but her going through your phone but not allowing the same openness (I use that word loosely) with you in her phone is a red flag. going out with the ex is a red flag. Not meeting the parents is a red flag... walk away. or run
that girl Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Have you discussed exclusivity with her? You've only been involved two weeks, it is possible she doesn't consider you her boyfriend. Why are you letting her go through your phone while you can't go through hers? It sounds like you haven't talked to her at all about relationship ground rules. And yes, she does seem immature. But that is kind of what you get with an 18 year old.
phineas Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 dude, "two week anniversary"? that made me cringe. Start looking for a new job. seriously. because working with her post breakup will be hell on earth.
Author gsly Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 basically she just told me she wanted to have make up sex today..because she thinks everything is better...and about the whole work thing..she's the type that i think if we talk about it we could just be good friends
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