Rosie Rose Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Its coming I know it is...the day I will be told that I can't have any contact at all with my step daughter. Well my ex step daughter. I am the only 'mom' she has ever known as her own biological mother passed away when she was not quite 2. It hurts so much that after 2 years of caring and raising this beautiful girl I'm now no longer of use. Simply because the older brother doens't like me and there is a new woman in the picture now. How do I get past all this hurt and feeling of betrayal and the feeling of being used. Is it wrong for me to try and find her when she gets older?????? I've lost so much in the last 2 months that I don't know if I can handle this one too.
Gold Pile Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Time really really does heel. You just have to survive until then. A lawyer may be able to fight for visitation rights...if you want to go that way. Most relationships end. Kids go with the biological parent 99 out of 100 times. I tell people to be aware of this from the start. Things will end someday, the kids go with the biological parent and you probably can't stop it. Also...you will eventually move onto another relationship. The pain from this will be a dull ache if you're strongly attached to the kid (it will be a permenant character forming scar...we all have them) or if you're not so close the pain will be gone in time. Good luck, give it time. Delay drastic moves until time has passed.
Major Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Rosie Rose, I will offer this and hope it helps. My stepson was 5 years old when I married his father. We were married 15 years and I didn't have any children at the time. When he was around 19, he got into some trouble with the law. His dad wasn't too involved in his life unfortunately, and I was always the one asking if he would pick him up to spend time with him and spend the night etc. I would tutor him for school, etc. Well, when he got into trouble, his mom didn't care and I had to beg my ex to help him. Anyway, during his trial and all that, I was the one taking him underwear and all the stuff you can take to the jailhouse. While this was going on, my ex and I divorced, (not anything having to do with this at all, we were headed that way anyway), however, I still took care of my stepson as much as I could. I had a true love for this child. It had nothing to do with his dad, although that's how he came into my life. Unfortunately, he had to do two years. He wrote me and we stayed in touch. He was transferred to another prison after the sentencing. My attorney kept up with his whereabouts for me also. When he got out, he contacted me, and of course, I had moved and life was headed in a different direction, but we keep in touch. He says he always appreciates me for not giving up on him. He is out and doing well. I guess just a hard lesson he had to learn. Anyway, if you have a relationship with her, don't think about the negative, aspect of not being with her although it hurts. Children always know. They have the purest hearts and they know what love is and they know what it is not. Don't force anything because she is experiencing confusion and a lot of pain right now, and really, the kids are the most important thing, not us. Yes we have feelings, however, life has made us a little, more adept at handling situations. If you are allowed any contact with her, do that. Ask the ex if she can contact you, etc. Now may not be a good time because things are new, and the new, wife is there, however, blending families takes a long time. I think if she knows how to contact you, she will when she needs to. That's the most important thing. If she feels she needs to reach out to you, she will. I know it's a passive way to do it, but it is also a caring and loving way to do it. The older brother doesn't matter, he is a child. I just think if you handle it with love and consideration, and not in a confrontational way, after things calm down, everyone will be more stable. Just always give her a way to contact you for encouragement and love if she needs it. Not to interfere in the new, situation, but just to keep her whole. I hope this helps:)
Recommended Posts