Failed reconnection? Still hope? I don't know what to think... or do...

[lullaby]

Hi Lull,

 

Sounds like you had a pretty rough weekend. Honestly, I did too. Cried the entire time. Maybe this is what staying at home does to us. It gives us more time to think about our sadness so we'd end up crying.

 

Things were pretty tough these days. One is being fourth of July, I knew id cry. I got used to him sending me videos of fireworks whenever he watches them with his family. He said that way, it's like im there with him. I knew he wouldnt do it this time because we're broken up, but i still couldnt help but get sad about it and cry. Also, I mightve mentioned to Kaskas about a yearly event coming up. I couldnt help it and searched it online and when that's going to be. I saw this itll be this weekend coming up and i am extremely sad. Not only am i not gonna be there but im scared that he'll invite someone else. Particularly that girl i was talking about. I dont know if he will. People are telling me that he probably wont because he doesnt seem to be the type of person to do that and he seems to genuinely still care about how i feel and he knows im gonna get hurt. But im extremely scared. I couldnt sleep at all this weekend thinking about it.

 

And your ex seems like he really doesnt know what he wants and is super confused. I think he needs to make a decision though. I truly think its unfair for you. It's like your stuck in the middle and cant completely go on and move on with your life because even you don't know what's going on. Of course, you know your ex better than anybody and I wouldnt tell you what to do. Ive heard people saying that it's better not too bring up getting back together coz it'll pressure the ex, and that would push him further away. But he needs to make a decision. He's making it harder for you. What are you planning to do?

 

Hi!

 

yeah, we both had tough weekends and I bet it was hard having that important upcoming event you told about but try not to think. I don't think he would invite someone else.

How are you feeling today?

 

As regards my ex, the only thing I'm planning is to try not to contact him anymore. At least for now, I'm still too emotional and he can't give what I need right now. I thought about talking about getting back, but I already know he's not ready to do that. He doesn't know what he wants, only that he may not want to lose me, but it's complicated for me, so I try not to think about that and don't expect him to come back, because otherwise I will never be better or move on, right? I convince myself that it's over and time will tell.

 

hope you're doing fine.

 

Best,

[supersub]

Hi sweety! I've just read your other post and it's exactly like that. It's like a frustration to feel 'my God, am I still mourning about this?' and it's not that you miss THAT person, it's the fact that you come home, alone, and there's no one to share your day with, right? I have that too and it's so sad at moments.

 

I miss you too.

 

I'm doing fine, just fine. I also have the feeling that even if there are guys I find attractive, are they boyfriend material? because I don't want to fool around anymore, I want to be in a committed relationship with someone.

 

Hope you're doing fine darling.

 

Lull

 

I'm doing well, all the better from hearing from you!

 

Thanks for reading the other post, I guess I just had a bad moment. Things are okay again now. It comes less and less.

 

So are you going NC? Good for you, I think its best, because the situation has gone stale from what I have read. I'm sorry that it ended up like that, but new things are coming your way. I know it! It just takes time.

 

You know we just need to have a little more self belief that we can overcome these moments when they arise. Like tell your brain "I know what this is and it will pass soon.." I mean we have done it a bunch of times haven't we, so we should be able to handle it a little better each time.

 

Totally with you on the fooling around stuff. Its nice to get attention from girls, but it would be even better to have a decent meaningful relationship wouldn't it?

 

Stay in contact with me Lull, its been too long.

 

Godspeed.

[lullaby]

I'm doing well, all the better from hearing from you!

 

Thanks for reading the other post, I guess I just had a bad moment. Things are okay again now. It comes less and less.

 

So are you going NC? Good for you, I think its best, because the situation has gone stale from what I have read. I'm sorry that it ended up like that, but new things are coming your way. I know it! It just takes time.

 

You know we just need to have a little more self belief that we can overcome these moments when they arise. Like tell your brain "I know what this is and it will pass soon.." I mean we have done it a bunch of times haven't we, so we should be able to handle it a little better each time.

 

Totally with you on the fooling around stuff. Its nice to get attention from girls, but it would be even better to have a decent meaningful relationship wouldn't it?

 

Stay in contact with me Lull, its been too long.

 

Godspeed.

 

Hey cutie! So good to hear from you again. It always cheers up my day.

 

Yes. For the time being I'm just doing NC, not only to put some distance between me and my ex, but also to see how I feel, because I know these past weeks I was too emotional and nothing good came out of that.

 

I was thinking the other day and I don't know if that happened to you too, but don't you feel like you suffer more now that you're a grown up than in the past? I don't think I suffered like this with my previous break up, maybe because I was the dumper but I don't know... I guess that when we get older and see that time passes and we're still alone, it hits more.

 

And yes, we need to know we can overcome this, we did it tons of time!!! And it's certainly not the same pain as the beginning of the break up but there's that residual feeling of opening again to your ex, putting your all, and still having a 'failure'.

 

I'm taking a new approach this time. I told a friend yesterday 'yes, this is a day to cry and I know I will', and I did. But I knew it was coming, I felt the urge to cry my heart out and felt so much better afterwards. What I mean is that I knew it was unstoppable, but could control it though, it was just a moment of weakness and they will come less and less as you say.

 

It would be sooo much better to be in a relationship. I realized I'm no longer interested in fooling around or just flirting, I want a man by my size, someone who commits to me.

 

I do think my ex was committed to me though, and I guess I will be hearing from him again, because everything was OK the last time we talked, but I'm hoping that doesn't happen, I want him to disappear because I'm still weak.

 

Of course I'll be in contact, I'm always here for you. You bet I am!

 

How are you doing?

 

Stay strong!

[supersub]

Hey cutie! So good to hear from you again. It always cheers up my day.

 

Yes. For the time being I'm just doing NC, not only to put some distance between me and my ex, but also to see how I feel, because I know these past weeks I was too emotional and nothing good came out of that.

 

I was thinking the other day and I don't know if that happened to you too, but don't you feel like you suffer more now that you're a grown up than in the past? I don't think I suffered like this with my previous break up, maybe because I was the dumper but I don't know... I guess that when we get older and see that time passes and we're still alone, it hits more.

 

And yes, we need to know we can overcome this, we did it tons of time!!! And it's certainly not the same pain as the beginning of the break up but there's that residual feeling of opening again to your ex, putting your all, and still having a 'failure'.

 

I'm taking a new approach this time. I told a friend yesterday 'yes, this is a day to cry and I know I will', and I did. But I knew it was coming, I felt the urge to cry my heart out and felt so much better afterwards. What I mean is that I knew it was unstoppable, but could control it though, it was just a moment of weakness and they will come less and less as you say.

 

It would be sooo much better to be in a relationship. I realized I'm no longer interested in fooling around or just flirting, I want a man by my size, someone who commits to me.

 

I do think my ex was committed to me though, and I guess I will be hearing from him again, because everything was OK the last time we talked, but I'm hoping that doesn't happen, I want him to disappear because I'm still weak.

 

Of course I'll be in contact, I'm always here for you. You bet I am!

 

How are you doing?

 

Stay strong!

 

Hey Lull,

 

Its not making you happy though is it? Not overall. I think that's the grind. You care about him ,but no one seems to be able to solve the issues you guys have, so you cannot start afresh, and you are constantly feeling let down, I know that's how I felt upon reflection with my ex.

 

Yes I totally agree that things hurt more these days than they used too. I think there may be multiple reasons for this. I know for me that one thing that seems more rife today is apathy - no one cares about your plight, well not unless your on this site!

 

But I do know what you mean, life seems harder for some reason. But then maybe not. Maybe its not that life is harder, its just that people are harder to pin down, or understand. People have so many options today (self absorbed), they don't really know what they want, or they are always looking for the bigger better deal. They change like mountain weather, and it can leave you reeling.

 

Your hurting because of the connection you guys had, and now a reconnect on unsure ground? It just inflicts more pain.

 

By cutting the cord, certainly for me, I can at least concentrate on something else, cos you know it gets wearing reconnecting to the point where you want to give up.

 

I'm doing really well actually (thanks for asking), very happy, made some new friends the past few weeks. People I really like.

 

But Im doing fine. Like I said I have some rare moments, but they are maybe once or twice a month rather than 3 or 4 times a week and that's a big change isn't it?

 

Can't be too much longer can it.

 

How you doing today?

 

You need new circles Lull, I think that pulling away for at least a few months would be your best bet. I say this cos you are my best friend here, and I don't want to see you suffer. I think you need a break from all of it. Period. Everything is crumbs, its what happened to me you see.

 

Hope you understand.

 

Sup;)

[marigo]

Hi!

 

yeah, we both had tough weekends and I bet it was hard having that important upcoming event you told about but try not to think. I don't think he would invite someone else.

How are you feeling today?

 

As regards my ex, the only thing I'm planning is to try not to contact him anymore. At least for now, I'm still too emotional and he can't give what I need right now. I thought about talking about getting back, but I already know he's not ready to do that. He doesn't know what he wants, only that he may not want to lose me, but it's complicated for me, so I try not to think about that and don't expect him to come back, because otherwise I will never be better or move on, right? I convince myself that it's over and time will tell.

 

hope you're doing fine.

 

Best,

 

Hey Lull,

 

Yeah i really hope he doesnt coz i know its gonna kill me if it does. Its been a terrible 2 days for me. I know its my fault and i did this to myself. I think i like to torture myself. One thing i havent mentioned is that, i still have my ex's password for his email and i check it everyday. I know i sound like a stalker but that is my only way to know how hes been doing and what hes been up to. I dont think hes changed it yet because he probably doesnt think that id be checking it. I do feel bad checking it though coz i know he trusts me that i wouldnt but i do. Anyway, remember the whole commenting thing with the girl. That stopped but just yesterday, i saw that she messaged him and im pretty sure he messaged her first. Theres really nothing wrong about what they were talking about and i guess what's bothering me is the thought of the possibility that he might be interested in her or feelings develop. I dont know why i need to know that because itll hurt me. But i guess sometimes the feeling of knowing is better than imagining the worst all the time. So now here i am studyin for my midterm and i cant focus because i keep wondering when this messaging thing is gonna stop. What is wrong with me?

 

I dont know if you ever did that with ur ex's accounts, but, i really wish its that easy to stop because i dont want to check it anymore. And i agree about you not contacting your ex for now or not until he does. Hopefully, ur not like me waiting every single day. It seems that for someone whos heart broken, you seem to be in the right mind set and wanting to move on instead of expecting something. And yeah, i dont think bringing up about getting back together is a good idea. It might push him further away, and maybe a lot of time apart would be good coz you really get to work on yourself and somehow learn to live your life without him too. And maybe the time apart would make your ex really decide on what he wants. I just wish he can do it sooner so you're not always feeling like this. How is it today for you dear??

[lullaby]

Hey Lull,

 

Yeah i really hope he doesnt coz i know its gonna kill me if it does. Its been a terrible 2 days for me. I know its my fault and i did this to myself. I think i like to torture myself. One thing i havent mentioned is that, i still have my ex's password for his email and i check it everyday. I know i sound like a stalker but that is my only way to know how hes been doing and what hes been up to. I dont think hes changed it yet because he probably doesnt think that id be checking it. I do feel bad checking it though coz i know he trusts me that i wouldnt but i do. Anyway, remember the whole commenting thing with the girl. That stopped but just yesterday, i saw that she messaged him and im pretty sure he messaged her first. Theres really nothing wrong about what they were talking about and i guess what's bothering me is the thought of the possibility that he might be interested in her or feelings develop. I dont know why i need to know that because itll hurt me. But i guess sometimes the feeling of knowing is better than imagining the worst all the time. So now here i am studyin for my midterm and i cant focus because i keep wondering when this messaging thing is gonna stop. What is wrong with me?

 

I dont know if you ever did that with ur ex's accounts, but, i really wish its that easy to stop because i dont want to check it anymore. And i agree about you not contacting your ex for now or not until he does. Hopefully, ur not like me waiting every single day. It seems that for someone whos heart broken, you seem to be in the right mind set and wanting to move on instead of expecting something. And yeah, i dont think bringing up about getting back together is a good idea. It might push him further away, and maybe a lot of time apart would be good coz you really get to work on yourself and somehow learn to live your life without him too. And maybe the time apart would make your ex really decide on what he wants. I just wish he can do it sooner so you're not always feeling like this. How is it today for you dear??

 

Hi Marigo. Sorry I've been away these days, I've been really busy at work.

How are you doing?

 

I would advice you to stop checking your ex account. I know it's hard to do that but that doesn't do you no good and you know it.

of course it's always better to know, because at least you can put a closure to it. I always say it would be so much easier if my ex was a jerk who cheated on me or something, of course the pain would be even bigger, but the fact of knowing he still cares, he's confused, and may still have feelings for me is worst because you're in a way waiting for something t happen.

Try to focus, it takes time and it's a rocky path, embrace yourself for tough moments but they'll pass to and they'll come less and less as one great friend told me. Just remember we're and you're meant to be, then you'll be together but try to cut all contact from him and be strong for you.

read your own words. You told me to be apart, to work on me and don't expect, you can do that too darling! remember that what is the use of being with someone who took a good look at what we were and still decided to let us go? is it worthy? of course it is because we love them, but they don't love us the way we should be loved so we have to do it for ourselves.

 

How are you feeling?

[marigo]

Hi Marigo. Sorry I've been away these days, I've been really busy at work.

How are you doing?

 

I would advice you to stop checking your ex account. I know it's hard to do that but that doesn't do you no good and you know it.

of course it's always better to know, because at least you can put a closure to it. I always say it would be so much easier if my ex was a jerk who cheated on me or something, of course the pain would be even bigger, but the fact of knowing he still cares, he's confused, and may still have feelings for me is worst because you're in a way waiting for something t happen.

Try to focus, it takes time and it's a rocky path, embrace yourself for tough moments but they'll pass to and they'll come less and less as one great friend told me. Just remember we're and you're meant to be, then you'll be together but try to cut all contact from him and be strong for you.

read your own words. You told me to be apart, to work on me and don't expect, you can do that too darling! remember that what is the use of being with someone who took a good look at what we were and still decided to let us go? is it worthy? of course it is because we love them, but they don't love us the way we should be loved so we have to do it for ourselves.

 

How are you feeling?

 

Hi Lull,

 

No worries. Im glad to know uve been busy though because i knw being busy get your mind off of things so hopefully, you're feeling better. Im feeling a lot better. I mean i still check his account like everyday but on Friday, i was just mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted that when i was about to log onto his account, all i could think of is that "im so tired of this. im so tired of feeling scared every single time i go on his account. im so tired to even keep getting hurt." of course that didnt stop me from checking but i think im getting to a point where i feel like i just dont want to care.

 

And funny you said that sometimes you think that it wouldve been better if you're ex cheated on you instead coz i said the exact same things. Because not only will it be easier for us to get over them because the anger will take over later on but you know theyre not gonna come back. I do think though, that being cheated on is gonna be more painful in the long run and would damage your self-esteem 10x worse so im glad it didnt happen.

 

I wish i can follow my own advice. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes, i give advice to friends and people but i know i cant follow them myself.

 

How are you doing dear?

[lullaby]

Hi Lull,

 

No worries. Im glad to know uve been busy though because i knw being busy get your mind off of things so hopefully, you're feeling better. Im feeling a lot better. I mean i still check his account like everyday but on Friday, i was just mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted that when i was about to log onto his account, all i could think of is that "im so tired of this. im so tired of feeling scared every single time i go on his account. im so tired to even keep getting hurt." of course that didnt stop me from checking but i think im getting to a point where i feel like i just dont want to care.

 

And funny you said that sometimes you think that it wouldve been better if you're ex cheated on you instead coz i said the exact same things. Because not only will it be easier for us to get over them because the anger will take over later on but you know theyre not gonna come back. I do think though, that being cheated on is gonna be more painful in the long run and would damage your self-esteem 10x worse so im glad it didnt happen.

 

I wish i can follow my own advice. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes, i give advice to friends and people but i know i cant follow them myself.

 

How are you doing dear?

 

 

Hi Marigo!

 

Yes. I guess you'll begin to feel exhausted, of course you'll be curious, but remember that you're hurting yourself, sometimes it's better not to know certain things, right?

 

How are you feeling these days?

 

Sure it would hurt more if our ex cheated on us and it would crush our self steem but at least you'd have a full closure. I don't know. Sometimes the fact that all you can remember are good things doesn't help because you will still hope to have him back.

 

Hope you're doing good sweet lady!

 

Keep in contact!

[marigo]

Hi Marigo!

 

Yes. I guess you'll begin to feel exhausted, of course you'll be curious, but remember that you're hurting yourself, sometimes it's better not to know certain things, right?

 

How are you feeling these days?

 

Sure it would hurt more if our ex cheated on us and it would crush our self steem but at least you'd have a full closure. I don't know. Sometimes the fact that all you can remember are good things doesn't help because you will still hope to have him back.

 

Hope you're doing good sweet lady!

 

Keep in contact!

 

Hey Lull,

 

How have you been?

 

I was feeling better these days until actually today. Yes, it is better to not know certain things. And right now, i wish i didnt know. Theyre messaging each other again and it pisses me off so much. I cant help but overanalyze things thinking if theyre connected or im just making a connection because my brain is all over the place. Sorry, i just had to vent coz im super pissed right now. Its been a month since we talked and he hasnt contacted me. Seriously, im here suffering and all i can see he's doing is flirting!

 

And yeah, i agree with you that remembering all the good things gives you hope. Its like theres no way for you to get some anger out. Altho the mere fact that they left us should be making us angry.

 

How are you dear?