Failed reconnection? Still hope? I don't know what to think... or do...

[lullaby]

So here I am, initiating a new thread about my situation. I would really appreciate some insights regarding what is going on with my ex because I’m really upset today

 

To sum up the events of our story (you can find them in the other post with details):

 

He broke up with me at the beginning of April because we had argued a lot. I went NC for a month, he appeared arguing ‘he wanted to see how I was doing’. We met. He had bought a car and we went in it to have a cup of coffee. From then on, we started sending texts, or calling, and to send emails with silly stuff ‘flirting with each other’. I never asked why he left or anything, just let time pass and see how things went.

 

The following weekend, we just talked and never meet, neither of us could. The following, we met, on a Sat. afternoon and had a drink, in a romantic place, nothing happened. We just talked, flirted. I was changing jobs so it was a huge moment for me and he was happy and surprised! So that ‘date’ passed, we sort of kissed when I had to get of the car, it was just a short kiss on the lips and nothing more.

 

We continued talking during the week, one day he called, the other I texted, and so on... I NEVER called him at his house. My b-day came. I had invited him, and he came. He stayed with my friends talking and having a good time. He then came home, I invited him to stay over and he accepted and so... the obvious happened and we spent the night together. He then left the following day at night.

 

From that day on, it got more lovable. We texted during the day, calling with nicknames and sweet affectionate words.

 

Now here comes the problem, we continued like that but nothing else happened. The following weekend we couldn’t meet and the following, well... he said he had to go and see his friend at concert and there was some sort of confusion (it’s in the other post fully told) and so we met for a short time and he then left, but nothing physical happened, except that he kept looking at me, tried to kiss me and I sort of push him away because I was mad he was leaving.

 

So he called Monday night. He said he knew I was mad for what he had done on Sat. I said everything was ok, it was just I felt like actions didn’t follow his words. He then said sth like ‘I don’t know if we are ready to see each other like this again, what do you think? are you?’ And I said I didn’t know, that time would eventually let us know if we get back or not, but if we continue with silly texts, calls during the week, and then the weekend comes and we don’t meet or maybe do for a coffee short meeting like friends, there’s no point either!! We then decided to let the conversation for another time.

 

Am I irrational for wanting to spend a Sat. night with him and for not settling with texts and calls or is this the process I need to be in? This has been going for over a month and a half. He keeps expressing his feelings towards me when we meet, with sweet words, caress, he contacts... comes to see me...

 

I made a mistake maybe and texted him on Friday. I maintained NC during the week. I told him I’d like to meet to talk. He hasn’t replied so far. There have been times his cell phone dies, sometimes it doesn’t, but well... I know I shouldn’t do nothing more, and I’m struggling with it, but I’m totally devastated.... I don’t want to move on, I know we have something here.... what should I do? what do you make of it?

 

I would really appreciate your opinion.

 

Thanks for reading.

Edited June 20, 2010 by lullaby

[BiAxident]

So here I am, initiating a new thread about my situation. I would really appreciate some insights regarding what is going on with my ex because I’m really upset today

 

My situation is a bit different than yours in that she originally left me, but I was the one waffling on restarting the relationship out of fear of getting burned again. In your case, given that he dumped you, he is either stringing you along or honestly just uncertain about what he wants right now. Having been the guy in that situation, I would give him more time. Be direct, but avoid using ultimatums. Love takes time.

[supersub]

Hey Lull,

 

Your emotions have taken over. Its time to let go your grasp. Go full NC. Get out and start working on you again.

 

I would forget it at this point. Its time to start doing whats right for you, not for him or for your relationship. It has to be 100 percent about you.

 

Know why?

 

Cos that's what I've done and I feel much much better.

 

There may be another opportunity in the future but I wouldn't let that guide you now. Make it all about you again.

 

You can do it.

 

I know you can.

 

Sup.

[lullaby]

Hey Lull,

 

Your emotions have taken over. Its time to let go your grasp. Go full NC. Get out and start working on you again.

 

I would forget it at this point. Its time to start doing whats right for you, not for him or for your relationship. It has to be 100 percent about you.

 

Know why?

 

Cos that's what I've done and I feel much much better.

 

There may be another opportunity in the future but I wouldn't let that guide you now. Make it all about you again.

 

You can do it.

 

I know you can.

 

Sup.

 

thanks Sup! where were you? I missed you around here! How are you doing? news?

 

Yes, I won't do a thing now. There's nothing left for me to do, this time I have to be stronger and not let myself fall so easily into his games.

I feel like I went back at the beginning of the horrible process like when he first left, and now I remember you once said you were upset and couldn't understand why you were missing her so much. And I told you it was the remaining feelings you had, similar to those from the breakup, and that it was only a matter of time till they strike again. And that's what is happening to me! I'm really emotional, crying a lot, but I know it's all part of the process and have to deal with it.

 

I know I can do it, I did before, right? it's just that I wouldn't want to do it, I wish it could have worked. I wish I didn't have to be crying over him and trying to move on. It's so disappointing!!!!!!!!!! I had really hopes for us to work out.

 

Well, nothing is set on stone, but for now, it's over... It was too soon for him, and even for me, so it's time... again... but this time it must be different and I need to think things more carefully before getting involved.

 

Thanks, Sup!!!! you support helps me a lot. You've been through the entire process

[supersub]

thanks Sup! where were you? I missed you around here! How are you doing? news?

Yes, I won't do a thing now. There's nothing left for me to do, this time I have to be stronger and not let myself fall so easily into his games.

I feel like I went back at the beginning of the horrible process like when he first left, and now I remember you once said you were upset and couldn't understand why you were missing her so much. And I told you it was the remaining feelings you had, similar to those from the breakup, and that it was only a matter of time till they strike again. And that's what is happening to me! I'm really emotional, crying a lot, but I know it's all part of the process and have to deal with it.

 

I know I can do it, I did before, right? it's just that I wouldn't want to do it, I wish it could have worked. I wish I didn't have to be crying over him and trying to move on. It's so disappointing!!!!!!!!!! I had really hopes for us to work out.

 

Well, nothing is set on stone, but for now, it's over... It was too soon for him, and even for me, so it's time... again... but this time it must be different and I need to think things more carefully before getting involved.

 

Thanks, Sup!!!! you support helps me a lot. You've been through the entire process

 

First off hello and sorry for not being around. I've just been busier because to be honest I have gotten over her. Yep. I don't get any feelings anymore, and I don't even give a toss about what she may or may not be doing. Great feeling!

 

On a roll, been making new friends, and hanging out with lots of people old and new. Am doing great with the ladies right now (getting loads of attention!), so my confidence level has rocketed. My physique is good, I have a wonderful tan as Ive been at the pool and the lake loads. Not trying to be a tool or nothing, but it is great to feel this confident after feeling so unsure about things these past few months.

 

Now your situation; The beauty of this process is that you are right and this is the easy part. You really don't have to do anything now, except for yourself, and in a few weeks its going to feel great I can promise you.

 

Your tears are normal, its a very wearing process, and its taken its toll on you. I should imagine you are also very confused and hurt as I was, but you know what? It doesn't matter. Let me be your muse! I can do it. you can too!

 

Forget him, hes just another Guy, and you deserve someone who treats you right.

 

Dress up and get out with friends this weekend. Be the single girl again for a while. I'm being the single guy and I'm loving it again! Not interested in a relationship and I shouldn't be. I want to have fun!

 

I know that when you get to this point Lull you will not look back. Its a fantastic feeling, and you WILL get there, sooner than you think.

 

Embrace the feelings for now, get the tears out, and then start smiling and moving forward again.

 

Does this help.

 

Let me be your muse. I'll help you as much as I can!

 

Sup:cool:

[lullaby]

First off hello and sorry for not being around. I've just been busier because to be honest I have gotten over her. Yep. I don't get any feelings anymore, and I don't even give a toss about what she may or may not be doing. Great feeling!

 

On a roll, been making new friends, and hanging out with lots of people old and new. Am doing great with the ladies right now (getting loads of attention!), so my confidence level has rocketed. My physique is good, I have a wonderful tan as Ive been at the pool and the lake loads. Not trying to be a tool or nothing, but it is great to feel this confident after feeling so unsure about things these past few months.

 

Now your situation; The beauty of this process is that you are right and this is the easy part. You really don't have to do anything now, except for yourself, and in a few weeks its going to feel great I can promise you.

 

Your tears are normal, its a very wearing process, and its taken its toll on you. I should imagine you are also very confused and hurt as I was, but you know what? It doesn't matter. Let me be your muse! I can do it. you can too!

 

Forget him, hes just another Guy, and you deserve someone who treats you right.

 

Dress up and get out with friends this weekend. Be the single girl again for a while. I'm being the single guy and I'm loving it again! Not interested in a relationship and I shouldn't be. I want to have fun!

 

I know that when you get to this point Lull you will not look back. Its a fantastic feeling, and you WILL get there, sooner than you think.

 

Embrace the feelings for now, get the tears out, and then start smiling and moving forward again.

 

Does this help.

 

Let me be your muse. I'll help you as much as I can!

 

Sup:cool:

 

Thank you so much Sup!!

 

So you're over her!!!!!! GOOD JOB!!!!! Keep having fun, meeting new people and enjoy being the single guy you used to be. Of course it doesn't matter if you get a tan, a haircut, or even a piercing, it's all about doing things that make you feel good. I bought a new pair of boots on Saturday and it made me feel great!!!

 

So good to hear you moved on and had the strength to walk past it and work on you like you did. You should be really proud of you. I certainly am of you!!!

 

Yes. I will cry whatever I have to cry, and I know I'll get stronger by the day. You did have a sense of regret for having another go, right? I recall that. And I can totally see it now because I feel it. I'm happy I tried, but I regret letting him touch me and kiss me again. He didn't and doesn't deserve me. At least, not in the way he wanted me.

 

Let's see what comes. I'm meeting new people at my new job and really distracting myself. The night and the morning are the hardest moments but I will do it. I know I will.

 

Eventually, time will tell. Who knows? But I won't cling on the idea of 'maybe in the future we get back' because I won't move on. If he does, well, it'll be for good, if not, then it wasn't meant to be.

 

I guess indifference is what strikes the most, and the sense that he risks losing me and intends to play me under his terms, when I should be the one settling the ground rules. How could I be soooo naive?????

 

I'll take you as my muse. No doubt about it. You've been true to me this whole time and I have nothing but appreciation for what we have shared here and I hope we continue to share because we've been on the same boat and can really help each other.

 

Thanks again!

[lullaby]

Hi Sup! Me again!

 

OK. HE HAD JUST LEFT my house!!!!! He showed up here without warning. I was totally caught up by surprise!

 

I heard the bell and he was downstairs. I wasn't strong enough to tell him to leave, but I did say I didn't have much time, so he stayed an hour and left.

 

He came to apologize for his behavior from last week and wanted to amend things between us because he didn't like the way we had ended everything when we talked.

 

I chose not to ask anything because I'm no longer eager to hear words, I need action, so I just let him talk and said it was fine. That it was OK and I didn't want to be mad at him either over such a silly thing, but that was all I said.

 

He then asked a few things about my job, the uni, told me what he did during the weekend with full detail, he didn't have to, but did it. I never told him what I did and I could tell he wanted to know. But I stood to my promise and just answered his questions without being the friendly girl I used to be, but without treating him bad either, just polite.

 

He never said anything about going out or whatever, and it's fine. He didn't have to. He knows he has to step up to the plate in order not to lose me so he can't promise something he won't do, right?

 

I'm fine. Can't lie and say that I wasn't moved by his prompt visit. I keep trying to understand why he does this. He's constantly trying not to lose me, wanting me in his life, but at the same time does not provide what I need. It's so surreal.

 

We can say that we've amended the anger that caused last week incident and everything is fine but that's all. I won't do a thing this time. I will continue with my philosophy of life and keep working on me. If he comes, calls or texts, I will simply reply, but I won't work this time. He'll have to do it and if it's too late, then it'll be too late. I'll try not to fall into his claws again.

 

Oh... and when he was leaving, he said 'well, you can invite me over for dinner sometime' and my reply was 'you know I did, you never came, so if you won't come, I won't ask again'.

 

What do you make of it? grrrrrrr!!!!

[supersub]

Hi Sup! Me again!

 

OK. HE HAD JUST LEFT my house!!!!! He showed up here without warning. I was totally caught up by surprise!

 

I heard the bell and he was downstairs. I wasn't strong enough to tell him to leave, but I did say I didn't have much time, so he stayed an hour and left.

 

He came to apologize for his behavior from last week and wanted to amend things between us because he didn't like the way we had ended everything when we talked.

 

I chose not to ask anything because I'm no longer eager to hear words, I need action, so I just let him talk and said it was fine. That it was OK and I didn't want to be mad at him either over such a silly thing, but that was all I said.

 

He then asked a few things about my job, the uni, told me what he did during the weekend with full detail, he didn't have to, but did it. I never told him what I did and I could tell he wanted to know. But I stood to my promise and just answered his questions without being the friendly girl I used to be, but without treating him bad either, just polite.

 

He never said anything about going out or whatever, and it's fine. He didn't have to. He knows he has to step up to the plate in order not to lose me so he can't promise something he won't do, right?

 

I'm fine. Can't lie and say that I wasn't moved by his prompt visit. I keep trying to understand why he does this. He's constantly trying not to lose me, wanting me in his life, but at the same time does not provide what I need. It's so surreal.

 

We can say that we've amended the anger that caused last week incident and everything is fine but that's all. I won't do a thing this time. I will continue with my philosophy of life and keep working on me. If he comes, calls or texts, I will simply reply, but I won't work this time. He'll have to do it and if it's too late, then it'll be too late. I'll try not to fall into his claws again.

 

Oh... and when he was leaving, he said 'well, you can invite me over for dinner sometime' and my reply was 'you know I did, you never came, so if you won't come, I won't ask again'.

 

What do you make of it? grrrrrrr!!!!

 

I think you have to still do your own thing, because you don't want it to be like recent times do you?

 

You want a fresh start with him.

 

Him showing up at your house is a good sign, but don't settle for the recent status quo. That left you confused and frustrated didn't it?

 

You can really turn the tables here. (saying no to dinner was good thing)

 

You need to look out for you, let him pander to you for a bit, and let him say "I want us to get back together and will do anything to make it work."

 

Understand?

 

Anything less are crumbs of confusion.

[lullaby]

I think you have to still do your own thing, because you don't want it to be like recent times do you?

 

You want a fresh start with him.

 

Him showing up at your house is a good sign, but don't settle for the recent status quo. That left you confused and frustrated didn't it?

 

You can really turn the tables here. (saying no to dinner was good thing)

 

You need to look out for you, let him pander to you for a bit, and let him say "I want us to get back together and will do anything to make it work."

 

Understand?

 

Anything less are crumbs of confusion.

 

Hi Sup!

 

Yes. Totally. I need to be really cautious and continue with this new attitude because I surely don't want to get back to that unending cycle of texts, calls, friendly talks and nothing else.

 

It's true that a good dialogue is necessary to set the ground for a reconciliation but that's already done, we have a great dialogue, but actions need to play their role now.

 

I don't think he will say 'I want to get back' anytime soon though. I'm positive about that. Well, he didn't say that so why should now, right? But I have hope.

 

It will be different this time. I won't contact him. At least, not till his b-day. I'll try not to plan a meeting. He'll have to do it and pander as you say.

 

Yes, it's a good sign he came, a sign that he doesn't want to lose and may be afraid I might move on, a sign that he still thinks of me and needs me but it's not enough. Not this time.

 

I know I can turn the tables now and change the rules to my advantage!

 

I hope I can be strong to keep looking out for me and to think twice before acting. I don't want to get back to confusion world

 

How are you?

[supersub]

Hi Sup!

 

Yes. Totally. I need to be really cautious and continue with this new attitude because I surely don't want to get back to that unending cycle of texts, calls, friendly talks and nothing else.

 

It's true that a good dialogue is necessary to set the ground for a reconciliation but that's already done, we have a great dialogue, but actions need to play their role now.

 

I don't think he will say 'I want to get back' anytime soon though. I'm positive about that. Well, he didn't say that so why should now, right? But I have hope.

 

It will be different this time. I won't contact him. At least, not till his b-day. I'll try not to plan a meeting. He'll have to do it and pander as you say.

 

Yes, it's a good sign he came, a sign that he doesn't want to lose and may be afraid I might move on, a sign that he still thinks of me and needs me but it's not enough. Not this time.

 

I know I can turn the tables now and change the rules to my advantage!

 

I hope I can be strong to keep looking out for me and to think twice before acting. I don't want to get back to confusion world

 

How are you?

 

Yeah I think you know what you need to do, and you can always post on here if you need support. I log in to help more these days because I'm happy being single again. I don't get any types of feelings where I'm upset and its a Godsend.

 

Sure I'd like to have a girlfriend and a connection with someone, but I know that its something I can work on and wait for. Right now I'm just being a little selfish and taking care of me. But the difference is that for the first time I understand why.

 

Like I said having some girls chasing you is always a good thing:cool:, and I'm just having fun, nothing heavy, no drama, don't need that!

 

If you ever need to vent, do it here, and I will try to help you as much as I can.

 

Its funny but when I look back on my reconnect I realize what an annoyance it really was and how in many ways it really was the best thing that happened to me!

 

Thanks Ex!!! I got loads of girls chasing me!!!

 

Ha ha!!

 

Whether you get to reconnect or not Lull you will win either way, so have a good think about what you really want, and try to be as honest with yourself as you can!

 

I'm always here for you.

 

Sup.

[lullaby]

Yeah I think you know what you need to do, and you can always post on here if you need support. I log in to help more these days because I'm happy being single again. I don't get any types of feelings where I'm upset and its a Godsend.

 

Sure I'd like to have a girlfriend and a connection with someone, but I know that its something I can work on and wait for. Right now I'm just being a little selfish and taking care of me. But the difference is that for the first time I understand why.

 

Like I said having some girls chasing you is always a good thing:cool:, and I'm just having fun, nothing heavy, no drama, don't need that!

 

If you ever need to vent, do it here, and I will try to help you as much as I can.

 

Its funny but when I look back on my reconnect I realize what an annoyance it really was and how in many ways it really was the best thing that happened to me!

 

Thanks Ex!!! I got loads of girls chasing me!!!

 

Ha ha!!

 

Whether you get to reconnect or not Lull you will win either way, so have a good think about what you really want, and try to be as honest with yourself as you can!

 

I'm always here for you.

 

Sup.

 

That's great news Sup!!! Of course you'd love to have a girlfriend and all that comes along with that, but it's good that you're enjoying this process of getting to know you again, know your strengths and weaknesses and recover from everything before getting into a relationship again.

 

See? everything happens for a reason. It's a pity you suffered, but look how strong you're now! you've embracing all that is presenting in your life and it's all good! you deserve it!

 

Thanks for your sweet words! again, it's so weird to see how someone from the other side of the computer, without seeing faces, how someone can help another, right? we always said that.

 

I'm good actually I know I'll win either way. And you know what? there's a guy at work that is really cute. We talked already, and I think there's some flirting going on. I'm new and he's curious about me haha! I'm not saying we're going to hook up, but it's great as a distraction and who knows? as I said before, everything happens for a reason, and it may help me to see that my ex is not the only one in the world and I'm feeling confident again. I dress up for work thinking I'm going to see that cuttie and it feels great!!!!

 

I still have hopes for my ex to work things out, but I'm too busy flirting with this guy, with work, the uni, to be crying over him!

 

Thanks for all your support! I'm here for you too!!

[supersub]

That's great news Sup!!! Of course you'd love to have a girlfriend and all that comes along with that, but it's good that you're enjoying this process of getting to know you again, know your strengths and weaknesses and recover from everything before getting into a relationship again.

 

See? everything happens for a reason. It's a pity you suffered, but look how strong you're now! you've embracing all that is presenting in your life and it's all good! you deserve it!

 

Thanks for your sweet words! again, it's so weird to see how someone from the other side of the computer, without seeing faces, how someone can help another, right? we always said that.

 

I'm good actually I know I'll win either way. And you know what? there's a guy at work that is really cute. We talked already, and I think there's some flirting going on. I'm new and he's curious about me haha! I'm not saying we're going to hook up, but it's great as a distraction and who knows? as I said before, everything happens for a reason, and it may help me to see that my ex is not the only one in the world and I'm feeling confident again. I dress up for work thinking I'm going to see that cuttie and it feels great!!!!

 

I still have hopes for my ex to work things out, but I'm too busy flirting with this guy, with work, the uni, to be crying over him!

 

Thanks for all your support! I'm here for you too!!

 

Whoa Lull flirting with a guy at work!! nice one.

 

That's what you need to be doing. Occupying yourself with other people and other distractions. Its boosts your confidence.

 

I ran again tonight. shirtless with tan. Girl in car slowed up to check me out. So I waved at her!! Fantastic!! CONFIDENCE!

 

If you stray and do feel bad, let me know okay?

 

I'm always around, if only to help.

 

Sup

[lullaby]

Whoa Lull flirting with a guy at work!! nice one.

 

That's what you need to be doing. Occupying yourself with other people and other distractions. Its boosts your confidence.

 

I ran again tonight. shirtless with tan. Girl in car slowed up to check me out. So I waved at her!! Fantastic!! CONFIDENCE!

If you stray and do feel bad, let me know okay?

 

I'm always around, if only to help.

 

Sup

 

Yep! flirting! let's see how it goes today.

 

I miss HIM though, but at least I'm not crying or sinking because of him. I'll let you know if I stray or feel upset.

 

Way to go Sup!!! look at you! running shirtless with tan!!! you're making me jealous with all those girls you're meeting! haha! IT'S AWESOME!!!!!!! and I'm so so so so proud of you sweety!!!!!

 

I'm always around too Sup! have a great day!!!!

[lullaby]

Hi Sup! how are you doing? I'm so and so today. Well, of course. It's Saturday. The worst day ever!!!!! still no news of him, but it's fine. He won't contact knowing his b-day is coming next Tuesday and he probably thinks I will contact, which I will. I can't avoid wishing him a happy b-day so...

 

I cried a bit today, I'm so disappointed at him, really. And I started to think that it'll be too late when he realizes what he lost because I don't see him acting properly anytime soon. I was great during the week but again, I was distracted by that cuttie at work, exams, etc. Today it's taking its toll on me but I'm better than other times and I will get even better, I know I will.

 

Well, nothing. Just wanted to catch up. Hope you're doing great muse!

[supersub]

Hi Sup! how are you doing? I'm so and so today. Well, of course. It's Saturday. The worst day ever!!!!! still no news of him, but it's fine. He won't contact knowing his b-day is coming next Tuesday and he probably thinks I will contact, which I will. I can't avoid wishing him a happy b-day so...

 

I cried a bit today, I'm so disappointed at him, really. And I started to think that it'll be too late when he realizes what he lost because I don't see him acting properly anytime soon. I was great during the week but again, I was distracted by that cuttie at work, exams, etc. Today it's taking its toll on me but I'm better than other times and I will get even better, I know I will.

 

Well, nothing. Just wanted to catch up. Hope you're doing great muse!

 

I'm sorry Lull, sorry to hear that you are unhappy today, but I know it will get better.

 

Keep doing what you are doing and lean on me when you need to.

 

I am not doing good today. For some reason I am very unhappy. I cried yesterday, but not because of her. I don't want her back, I just think its been all the pressure and ups and downs of recent months, and longing for a deep and meaningful connection.

 

Not to say I haven't thought of her, but I think of her less and less.

 

How are you doing?

[lullaby]

I'm sorry Lull, sorry to hear that you are unhappy today, but I know it will get better.

 

Keep doing what you are doing and lean on me when you need to.

 

I am not doing good today. For some reason I am very unhappy. I cried yesterday, but not because of her. I don't want her back, I just think its been all the pressure and ups and downs of recent months, and longing for a deep and meaningful connection.

 

Not to say I haven't thought of her, but I think of her less and less.

 

How are you doing?

 

Hi Sup! Thanks for being there.

 

I had an exam today and couldn't concentrate, but it's a tough subject

 

You're down? Oh honey, you'll get better. The recovery process also has ups and downs, just like the process of reconnection because you have mixed feelings, and it doesn't mean you want HER back, sure you want a meaningful connection and relationship with someone. We all do! But don't be upset, you've come a long way.

 

I know you'll find someone but it will take time. Keep working on you and you won't even remember her then. We are in this together, OK?

 

I'm doing just fine. His b-day is tomorrow and I'm planning on contacting him tomorrow midday. I was gonna call him tonight to be the first but I decided not to.

 

With the guy at work everything fine, we're just getting to know each other so at least I distract myself, but I had a tough weekend and cried a lot.

 

How you're feeling now?

[marigo]

I've been reading your guys' posts even back in that other thread. I forgot the title of it. Just like you guys, I have been going through a difficult time. I actually just posted something earlier and no one has replied yet. My ex and I broke up 4 months ago because he said he wasnt as in love with me as he used to be. I dont understand how it could just go away like that. We were together for 2 years. I asked him when it happened and he said just a few weeks and he decided to break it off. We tried to be friends right after the break up and continued talking for about 3 months until i reached a point when I feel too hurt that hes around but only as a friend. I said goodbye to him a few weeks ago (2 weeks) and i havent talked to him since. I miss him so much and a part of me wishes that he'll contact me. i never stopped him from contacting me. I want to better my life and to find happiness thats not coming from him. I want to be able to face him the next time and be the girl he fell in love with only better and stronger. But i know i shouldnt do this. I shouldnt hope and i shouldnt better myself for him. I just cant help it. I want him back so bad.

[supersub]

Hi Sup! Thanks for being there.

 

I had an exam today and couldn't concentrate, but it's a tough subject

 

You're down? Oh honey, you'll get better. The recovery process also has ups and downs, just like the process of reconnection because you have mixed feelings, and it doesn't mean you want HER back, sure you want a meaningful connection and relationship with someone. We all do! But don't be upset, you've come a long way.

 

I know you'll find someone but it will take time. Keep working on you and you won't even remember her then. We are in this together, OK?

 

I'm doing just fine. His b-day is tomorrow and I'm planning on contacting him tomorrow midday. I was gonna call him tonight to be the first but I decided not to.

 

With the guy at work everything fine, we're just getting to know each other so at least I distract myself, but I had a tough weekend and cried a lot.

 

How you're feeling now?

 

Im sorry its been tough for you. I think you need to keep on doing what you have been doing and try to concentrate on other stuff.

 

Personally not sure about the B'day greet. I know its something you care about, but ironically her B'day is coming and I will not be passing any wishes I can promise you. Not my place to.

 

I'm feeling a bit odd really. Ive been having such a good time these past few weeks, and then suddenly on Sunday I was watching the World Cup with my buddy, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The usual type stuff. You know? Like why and how? it was weird, but like I said I still don't want her back, and will never take her back even if she came crawling, because I know she would hurt me again. Smart enough to know that. Anyhow I got home and burst into tears sun. It came from no where. Without warning. Honestly I think it was another release of pressure and that's a good thing right?

 

I feel good today. Went running with a friend last night. Having a quiet weekend this weekend. I've decided. may cook out with friends on the 4th.

 

I guess its just weird that after all this time and the fact that I have been able to do so well that I'm kind of annoyed by it coming back again.

 

Still at least I know I wont be going back there again.

 

That's a positive.

 

How are you feeling today? Did you send the Birthday wishes?

[supersub]

I've been reading your guys' posts even back in that other thread. I forgot the title of it. Just like you guys, I have been going through a difficult time. I actually just posted something earlier and no one has replied yet. My ex and I broke up 4 months ago because he said he wasnt as in love with me as he used to be. I dont understand how it could just go away like that. We were together for 2 years. I asked him when it happened and he said just a few weeks and he decided to break it off. We tried to be friends right after the break up and continued talking for about 3 months until i reached a point when I feel too hurt that hes around but only as a friend. I said goodbye to him a few weeks ago (2 weeks) and i havent talked to him since. I miss him so much and a part of me wishes that he'll contact me. i never stopped him from contacting me. I want to better my life and to find happiness thats not coming from him. I want to be able to face him the next time and be the girl he fell in love with only better and stronger. But i know i shouldnt do this. I shouldnt hope and i shouldnt better myself for him. I just cant help it. I want him back so bad.

 

Hi Marigo,

 

I feel your pain, really I do. Completely understand and you have to realize its perfectly normal to feel this way.

 

Its over 7 months for me (also failed reconnect in between), and Im still not 100 percent, but I'm proof that it does get better. That NC is the way to go, and working on yourself gives you confidence.

 

Lull will back me up on this, and she has been there since the failed reconnect as my closest friend on here.

 

My advice is stay NC. Keep yourself as busy as possible, and if you feel like venting or breaking NC. Post here instead. You will thank yourself later on. Believe me. I've been there.

 

And you know what? It is tough, but you will get stronger.

 

Well done on 2 wks NC!! Stay that way, cos if you contact you will just feel worse after. I'm also proof of that!

 

your wanting and longing will fade, just stay NC.

 

Smile too. We are here to help!!

 

Okay!?

 

Sup

[lullaby]

Im sorry its been tough for you. I think you need to keep on doing what you have been doing and try to concentrate on other stuff.

 

Personally not sure about the B'day greet. I know its something you care about, but ironically her B'day is coming and I will not be passing any wishes I can promise you. Not my place to.

 

I'm feeling a bit odd really. Ive been having such a good time these past few weeks, and then suddenly on Sunday I was watching the World Cup with my buddy, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The usual type stuff. You know? Like why and how? it was weird, but like I said I still don't want her back, and will never take her back even if she came crawling, because I know she would hurt me again. Smart enough to know that. Anyhow I got home and burst into tears sun. It came from no where. Without warning. Honestly I think it was another release of pressure and that's a good thing right?

 

I feel good today. Went running with a friend last night. Having a quiet weekend this weekend. I've decided. may cook out with friends on the 4th.

 

I guess its just weird that after all this time and the fact that I have been able to do so well that I'm kind of annoyed by it coming back again.

 

Still at least I know I wont be going back there again.

 

That's a positive.

 

How are you feeling today? Did you send the Birthday wishes?

 

Hi Sup!

 

Yes, I'll get better, I know it.

I already wished him happy b-day, yeah... I know what you're thinking but I couldn't help it. It was fine though, and he said he'd like to talk tonight again with me. Let's see. I won't think or plann anything and I'll try to continue with my point of view and stay under control as much as possible.

 

On the other hand, I've just seen the cuttie at work we're getting to know each other, but we need to go past 'hello, how are you?' hahahaha!

 

Yeah, it's definitely that; a release of pressure and trust me, it's good. That's what happened to me on Saturday and Sunday! I just woke up crying my heart out and couldn't even breath. Sometimes it's not just about the person, but because you say 'hey, don't I deserve to be loved? don't I? why am I still hurting like this when I should be having a real f** relationship with someone who appreaciates me?'

Well, that's what hurts me the most these days. The thought that I don't deserve to be suffering like this.

 

You just have to let that moments pass, cry, scream, shout. Release everything you have inside so you can finish cleansing, OK? I do that.

 

I guess its just weird that after all this time and the fact that I have been able to do so well that I'm kind of annoyed by it coming back again.

 

This is what I meant with the angry thoughts. It's like 'why is this coming back??? can't I just move on please?'

 

Still at least I know I wont be going back there again.

 

This is great news! At least you know what you DON'T want! and you won't go back there, not after suffering like this.

 

I'm here for you, OK? We're together in this. Remember that!

[lullaby]

Hi Marigo,

 

I feel your pain, really I do. Completely understand and you have to realize its perfectly normal to feel this way.

 

Its over 7 months for me (also failed reconnect in between), and Im still not 100 percent, but I'm proof that it does get better. That NC is the way to go, and working on yourself gives you confidence.

 

Lull will back me up on this, and she has been there since the failed reconnect as my closest friend on here.

 

My advice is stay NC. Keep yourself as busy as possible, and if you feel like venting or breaking NC. Post here instead. You will thank yourself later on. Believe me. I've been there.

 

And you know what? It is tough, but you will get stronger.

 

Well done on 2 wks NC!! Stay that way, cos if you contact you will just feel worse after. I'm also proof of that!

 

your wanting and longing will fade, just stay NC.

 

Smile too. We are here to help!!

 

Okay!?

 

Sup

 

 

Hi Marigo!

 

I really feel for you and I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

You've seen our post and we've both been through this sort of reconnection process that was failed. Well, mine is still 'there' but it's not enough so...

 

You have to balance between what's making you happy and what isn't, because you may think that talking to him will you feel great, but when you see he's not providing what you deserve or just leaving you on the friend zone, then it'll hurt like hell. Believe me.

 

I do back Sup on what he said. We've been together since the beginning of this process and we've stood to each other. It was really helpful for us and he's also one my closest friend here.

 

So you can lean on us. Write here instead and let it go.

 

My advice would also be to stay NC. At least for a while, so you can work on you. But do it for you, not just because you want to be different when you see your ex, OK? It doesn't work that way and it's really difficult, but you'll find it out on your own. You can do it!

 

Hope it all goes well!

 

Just one question though, how was the relationship with your ex during that process of talking those 2 months?

[supersub]

Hi Sup!

 

Yes, I'll get better, I know it.

I already wished him happy b-day, yeah... I know what you're thinking but I couldn't help it. It was fine though, and he said he'd like to talk tonight again with me. Let's see. I won't think or plann anything and I'll try to continue with my point of view and stay under control as much as possible.

 

On the other hand, I've just seen the cuttie at work we're getting to know each other, but we need to go past 'hello, how are you?' hahahaha!

 

Yeah, it's definitely that; a release of pressure and trust me, it's good. That's what happened to me on Saturday and Sunday! I just woke up crying my heart out and couldn't even breath. Sometimes it's not just about the person, but because you say 'hey, don't I deserve to be loved? don't I? why am I still hurting like this when I should be having a real f** relationship with someone who appreaciates me?'

Well, that's what hurts me the most these days. The thought that I don't deserve to be suffering like this.

 

You just have to let that moments pass, cry, scream, shout. Release everything you have inside so you can finish cleansing, OK? I do that.

 

I guess its just weird that after all this time and the fact that I have been able to do so well that I'm kind of annoyed by it coming back again.

 

This is what I meant with the angry thoughts. It's like 'why is this coming back??? can't I just move on please?'

 

Still at least I know I wont be going back there again.

 

This is great news! At least you know what you DON'T want! and you won't go back there, not after suffering like this.

 

I'm here for you, OK? We're together in this. Remember that!

 

Yes Lull, thanks as ever for being there, and know that I am here also for you to lean on.

 

It feels like a bad dream this sometimes doesn't it? Like it can't really be happening. Kind of surreal. Times change, and very quickly too.

 

Maybe you should make plans, so then you are not around when he calls. LOL!

 

Right now I'm either 100 percent confident or it bottoms, the good news is that when it does bottom (like Sunday) its not for long which is a massive change from months ago. In other words I can pick myself up quickly.

 

Feeling better overall today though.

[KafkasLastWords]

Im sorry its been tough for you. I think you need to keep on doing what you have been doing and try to concentrate on other stuff.

 

Personally not sure about the B'day greet. I know its something you care about, but ironically her B'day is coming and I will not be passing any wishes I can promise you. Not my place to.

 

I'm feeling a bit odd really. Ive been having such a good time these past few weeks, and then suddenly on Sunday I was watching the World Cup with my buddy, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The usual type stuff. You know? Like why and how? it was weird, but like I said I still don't want her back, and will never take her back even if she came crawling, because I know she would hurt me again. Smart enough to know that. Anyhow I got home and burst into tears sun. It came from no where. Without warning. Honestly I think it was another release of pressure and that's a good thing right?

 

I feel good today. Went running with a friend last night. Having a quiet weekend this weekend. I've decided. may cook out with friends on the 4th.

 

I guess its just weird that after all this time and the fact that I have been able to do so well that I'm kind of annoyed by it coming back again.

 

Still at least I know I wont be going back there again.

 

That's a positive.

 

How are you feeling today? Did you send the Birthday wishes?

 

Sub and Lull... my ex's birthday was yesterday! maybe we should all stay away from people born around this time

 

Reading all these posts helps me every day. I'm sorry you both had a bad day or two in the past week. I totally get it and reading this makes me feel more sane. I'll go days and days being so proud of myself because I feel better and see my old self in the mirror. Then all of a sudden something will trigger and BAM - welcome to emotional disaster area. It could last minutes, hours or a couple days but I have learned it is temporary every time.

 

Do you guys ever find yourself feeling empowered and, only hours later, feel terribly again? There are days I feel bipolar.

 

Lull, I wished my ex a happy bday too but just a simple 3-word text. I didn't expect a response but he sent me one... which I immediately deleted. I was just trying to take what I thought was the highroad but when he responded I realized I had no desire to engage in text dialogue.

 

Hope you are both feeling good today. I have been looking to the stories of friends as inspiration. I have a friend that just got married to an amazing guy after less than 2 years... before him, she came out of a 6 year relationship and was just like one of us. Onwards and upwards!!!

[marigo]

Hi Marigo,

 

I feel your pain, really I do. Completely understand and you have to realize its perfectly normal to feel this way.

 

Its over 7 months for me (also failed reconnect in between), and Im still not 100 percent, but I'm proof that it does get better. That NC is the way to go, and working on yourself gives you confidence.

 

Lull will back me up on this, and she has been there since the failed reconnect as my closest friend on here.

 

My advice is stay NC. Keep yourself as busy as possible, and if you feel like venting or breaking NC. Post here instead. You will thank yourself later on. Believe me. I've been there.

 

And you know what? It is tough, but you will get stronger.

 

Well done on 2 wks NC!! Stay that way, cos if you contact you will just feel worse after. I'm also proof of that!

 

your wanting and longing will fade, just stay NC.

 

Smile too. We are here to help!!

 

Okay!?

 

Sup

 

Hi Sup,

 

Thank you so much! Im glad to know that there are people out there who are willing to listen and I def have seen how this made you and Lull close.

 

Well, its actually been 3 weeks since i said goodbye to him. I couldnt resist the urge the first week and called him 2 days in a row. Both times it didnt turn out the way i want it to be and we had a misunderstanding and argued. Of course, it made me feel worse but im glad it happened. During our last conversation he said something like he knows its gonna happen again that we're gonna have a conversation like that again where we would be arguing coz i would accuse him of not being there for me or sumthin like that. I remember when he said that, i wanted to tell him and say "you know what this will be the last time that im gonna call you" but i know if i say it, he probbly wouldnt believe me since i didnt stick to it the first time. So i told myself, instead of saying it to him, just do it. I wont call him anymore and prove him wrong.

 

I am gonna stick by what i say that i wont contact him. I truly do miss him tho. And a part of me is wishing that he would contact me.

 

I feel so proud of you though. I saw almost all your posts and it seems that even if you do have ur down times, uve been fighting and now ur so much better!

[marigo]

Hi Marigo!

 

I really feel for you and I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

You've seen our post and we've both been through this sort of reconnection process that was failed. Well, mine is still 'there' but it's not enough so...

 

You have to balance between what's making you happy and what isn't, because you may think that talking to him will you feel great, but when you see he's not providing what you deserve or just leaving you on the friend zone, then it'll hurt like hell. Believe me.

 

I do back Sup on what he said. We've been together since the beginning of this process and we've stood to each other. It was really helpful for us and he's also one my closest friend here.

 

So you can lean on us. Write here instead and let it go.

 

My advice would also be to stay NC. At least for a while, so you can work on you. But do it for you, not just because you want to be different when you see your ex, OK? It doesn't work that way and it's really difficult, but you'll find it out on your own. You can do it!

 

Hope it all goes well!

 

Just one question though, how was the relationship with your ex during that process of talking those 2 months?

 

Hi Lull,

 

Thank you so much! I have been wanting to post here and join into your and Sup's conversation but felt like i was just gonna add onto your guys' problems.

 

I will really live by no contact at least for now. I know that even if he doesnt come back to me, I know that someday I do want to be friends. He will always be special and important to me. But right now, you're right, i need to work on ME for myself. I just dont know how. Or how do i know if i truly am doing it for myself?

 

And you ask how our relationship was on the 2 months that we've been talking after the break up? It was actually 3. And i dont really know how to describe that relationship. Of course, right after the break up, i did the typical begging and crying, then he'll start feeling guilty all the time. Then i told myself that i need to stop being like that. I need to show him that im not always depressed. That i can be happy too. More than half of the people we know probably dont knw that we've been broken up. Because everyday, he would still text me (not all day like we used to for the past 2 years) but sometime during the day he'd ask me how i am or how my day was. He would ask me to eat lunch or dinner almost everyday. People would see us all the time and still assume we're together. I guess one thing that never went away is our ability to talk to each other about everything. Whenever we're together, we can be normal. It was never awkward. We get to talk like we normally do and laugh and have fun. I liked it, but deep inside me i was hurting because it was truly the feeling of we get to be the way we used to be but we cant be together? Why? He truly does make it a point to say goodnite to me every night. Minus the 2 times that he didnt. A lot of people are saying that hes leading me on but honestly, i dont think he is. I honestly wasnt even led on by the things he did at all. I know that it is over for him and the reason he's still there is that he truly just wants to be friends. We were each others' first love and we both dont really know how to deal with this break up. So wenever i get a goodnite from him, im happy to know that I came across his mind at some points or that he still remembers me.

 

Towards the end though before i said goodbye to him, i did become so much more clingy and needy coz i know im about to take him out of my life and i wanted to spend more time with him for the last time. Ive been scared that wen i come back into his life, i know that deep inside me i would still want to get a "goodnight" from him every night but i cant expect anymore. And those are the changes that i risked when I chose NC.

 

I know that he wasnt keeping me around just to make me friends with benefits. Because as embarassing as it sounds, i tried to be intimate with him a few times and he didnt even want to. I tried to kiss him and he wont exactly push me away but i could tell he didnt want to. I would ask how he can suddenly be so disgusted by me and he would say that hes not disgusted but he thinks its gonna hurt me more if i try doing those things. I just really cannot accept the fact that its over. I just dont understand how he can suddenly not be as in love with me anymore. I feel like its still there and hes just repressing it because the month before the break up, we went through the biggest fight and challenge of our relationship. But he gave up.

 

Sorry for the long reply. Haha. I hope you're feeling better about your situation though. I know its hard not to be happy with the little things that your ex does. It gives you that giggly feeling. But just be careful, and i know you are now after being hurt by him so many times.