My best friend is sleeping with a married man and dragging me into the drama!

[Rain33]

I swear this topic should be in the best friend/infidelity folder

 

So my best friend who I live with had came to me one day and told me that she just lost her virginity the day before to our mutual friend who she worked with.This dude has to be the biggest LOSER:sick: I have ever seen. She waited so long to lose her virginity and then she gives it up to a married man with 5 kids. Her reason to me for losing her virginity was redic but I didn't say anything and I supported her. This man only calls her when he wants something from her and she gives it up everytime. Besides that he is older and his definitely taking advantage of her. They don't hangout, the don't go anywhere public, he doesn't buy her flowers but all he does is use her for sex and then goes home to is wife.

 

 

Its very ackward for me because I knew him and his wife before this affair started. My friend knows that telling me was not the best idea just because I've been in relationships and I told her before how I feel about women sleeping with married men. It somewhat has me looking down on my best friend just because how the way she thinks. She admitted to me that she doesn't care about his wife and she's going to keep sleeping with him until HE breaks it off. He has my friend thinking that his wife is some kind of demon that is trying to keep him away from his kids but this is not the case. My friend is a very weak minded person and I could actually see her getting pregnant by him and him disappearing.

 

For me, the best thing that I try to do is stay out of it but she is always calling me, coming in my room and telling me about their situation but I just don't wanna hear. I don't wanna be is their drama and I don't want to be here when his wife finds out and comes to our home with a shotgun. Besides this I feel guilty for knowing. I feel so bad for his wife because she's just really woman scorned and she's getting cheated on again. What should I do? I tried giving my friend advise (finding a single man) but she doesn't want to hear it.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I swear this topic should be in the best friend/infidelity folder

 

So my best friend who I live with had came to me one day and told me that she just lost her virginity the day before to our mutual friend who she worked with.This dude has to be the biggest LOSER:sick: I have ever seen. She waited so long to lose her virginity and then she gives it up to a married man with 5 kids. Her reason to me for losing her virginity was redic but I didn't say anything and I supported her. This man only calls her when he wants something from her and she gives it up everytime. Besides that he is older and his definitely taking advantage of her. They don't hangout, the don't go anywhere public, he doesn't buy her flowers but all he does is use her for sex and then goes home to is wife.

 

 

Its very ackward for me because I knew him and his wife before this affair started. My friend knows that telling me was not the best idea just because I've been in relationships and I told her before how I feel about women sleeping with married men. It somewhat has me looking down on my best friend just because how the way she thinks. She admitted to me that she doesn't care about his wife and she's going to keep sleeping with him until HE breaks it off. He has my friend thinking that his wife is some kind of demon that is trying to keep him away from his kids but this is not the case. My friend is a very weak minded person and I could actually see her getting pregnant by him and him disappearing.

 

For me, the best thing that I try to do is stay out of it but she is always calling me, coming in my room and telling me about their situation but I just don't wanna hear. I don't wanna be is their drama and I don't want to be here when his wife finds out and comes to our home with a shotgun. Besides this I feel guilty for knowing. I feel so bad for his wife because she's just really woman scorned and she's getting cheated on again. What should I do? I tried giving my friend advise (finding a single man) but she doesn't want to hear it.

Oh thats a tough one to be in 1st off ide move out pronto its the only way your going to be able to put some distance between yourself and the situation.

 

And 2ed once thats done I would try to persuade your friend one last time to end things. Tell her if she doesn't you will reveal it to the wife anyways!

 

Its just not right that people get cheated on and I just don't believe in turning a blind eye.

 

In return I would hope that if people had concrete evidence that I was being cheated on that they would also do the same for me!

[Tayla]

There are a few choices you have:

1: Ask her to leave and give her time to gather her things to do such. IF she cares about the friendship she'll understand your dilema.

2: Gather the two hooligans together and share with them your concerns. Be straight up and set the ground rules. Your place is not a love shack and they can take their inappropriate behavior elsewhere. You just do not want it there.

3: If you both are on the lease - this maybe legally tough to get her off the lease. You will suffer financially til a substitute can be found.

4:I caution you to stay out of the confrontation saga with the wife. Its the hubby and your friends problem to come forth honestly.

5: You can enforce some clear healthy boundaries with this friend, first being: You really want her to keep her tryst between herself. That topic is OFF Limits. She is an adult and if she wants to ruin her life, thats her decision. You spoke your mind and she is deaf to it. Move on and keep that topic off limits.

[Jilly Bean]

I'm kinda in the same boat, as a friend recently got involved in total love drama. I won't go into it, but this was a sick and unhealthy situation from the get-go. I finally told her I didn't want to talk about their "relationship" at all. She has respected that, though it has definitely impacted our friendship. Things are much cooler between us, as the pink elephant is always there.

 

So, if you set boundaries, which I obviously would do, just know that there may be fallout from it.

 

I will support my friends when they get blindsided and/or make a mistake, but when you see them doing something like this, I will always back off. You tried to get her straight on this, and she refuses. I'd let her handle the consequences on her own.

[White Dove]

The best is to get yourself out of the situation as suggested by Tayla -- move out of the house/get your friend to move out or set some boundaries. I'd rather just not get involved at all.

 

I agree with Jilly Bean. My friends will always have my support but when and if they get themselves in a situation such as your friend's, then they know where I stand on the situation.

[blueyedgrl85]

Refuse to listen if she brings the matter up. If she needs a sympathetic ear, you could state your position more explicitly- "Friend, you know I love you very much. And, you also know that I think what you are doing is very, very wrong, because of a lot of reasons. I am not going to be a participant in any of this so unless you want to tell me that its over for good, I don't need to hear any of it."

(And you also don't need to hear the details/drama of how it ended and all. No talking, period.)

 

Your friend needs some tough love.

 

Then as Tayla stated, move on from her.

[D-Lish]

Ugh, I had 2 gf's that were really unhappy in their marriages, and they used to tell their husband's they were going out with me or staying at my place when they were off with other men. That drove me crazy, as I'd get a phone call from the men looking for their wives... And the wive's had said they were out with me.

 

I always supported my gf's emotionally. I didn't condone the affairs, but I didn't judge them. The affairs were part of a destructive pattern, and I tried to help them see that and encourage them to make better choices. They both eventually left their H's- and I supported them through that as well.

 

I put a stop to them using me as an excuse- but I never outed them, and never considered it. One had an abusive Husband, and the other was dealing with an H that strayed himself.

 

Your room mate is just refusing to face the truth, that she is being used.

If she's not willing to recognize that or deal with it, she will face the consequences of her choices soon enough. He's not even feeding her the lines that he's wanting to leave his wife- he's actually being open about using her. Sounds like she has major self esteem issues.

 

I get tired of helping people that make the same mistakes over and over again and have no inclination to help themselves. I was able to deal with my gf's because they did want to move forward and change. That made it easier to want to help them.