Doc put my son on drugs to calm him, I feel guilty

[mishkers]

Today is my son's 3rd birthday. Yesterday I took him in for his check up at the doctor. This is the same doctor that has seen him since he was born. I trust him entirely. He has decided that it is time to place my son on risperodol. This is a drug that is used for everything from bipolar mania to autistic aggitation. My son is not autisitic, although they have thought of it as a possibility in the past. However, the redflags are slightly outnumbered by the nos. In addition to the drugs, he is sending us to a child pyscologist and a neurologist. He was also just accepted to early childhood and will be starting school this fall.

He is very aggressive with me one minute and then will hug and kiss me and say sorry for (really!) hurting me the very next. He does the same to the dogs. He is absolutely undisciplinable, and I have actually had outside help in my efforts. He typically takes 2-3 hours to fall asleep, not always because he's fighting it, but usually cause he just can't shut down. He's like an adult tossing and turning over a project at work. He has no sense of danger and very little pain reception, which can be very dangerous for him. However, he is typically outstanding with other children and can actually add simple numbers already! That is truly impressive considering he barely even talked 2 months ago.

The medicine is to help calm him so he can think, focus, and learn. The doctor says he won't be numb or staring at the wall.

PROBLEM: I can't help feeling horribly guilty over drugging my son. I feel like I am a bad mother because I don't just deal with his bad behavior or can't get it under control on my own. Has anyone ever been through this?

[TaraMaiden]

The drugs are not only for your son, they're also for you to help you cope.

 

If this was the only treatment your doctor had advised, I would agree that it may be an issue.

but he has referred you to other consultants for an accurate assessment and evaluation.

Until then, keep your son medicated, stay well yourself and know that everything you are doing is the ultimate good for your child, even if it seems negative in and of itself.

This is temporary.

your son has a long life ahead of him, and it sounds to me as if you're a caring, concerned and loving mother.

Don't feel guilty, you're doing the best you can, with the tools you have available.

 

Let us know about his progress, and feel free to vent, any time.

 

All the best to you.

Take care, and relax. You're doing just fine.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I'd be looking at a second opinion. Sometimes doctors will take the course of treatment that will most benefit the bottom line, rather than the patient. It never hurts to get a second opinion, particularly when it comes to your child.

[ADF]

Your story reminds me of an ex-GF whose stepfather was a manic-depressive. He steadfastly refused to take medication, claiming he wasn't about to make himself a "slave" to a bunch of pills. What he failed to see was that by not taling the pills, he made himself a slave to his illness, which was far worse.

 

The choice you faced with your son was similar. You were not faced with the decision of whether to medicate or leave him healthy and happy. You were faced with the choice of doing what you could to treat his condition or letting it run its course. The latter choice would have been far worse for him in the long run.

[Jilly Bean]

Are the meds helping?

 

And you would medicate your son if he had a physical illness, correct? So, a mental or emotional disorder shouldn't be viewed any differently. Treating brain chemistry is no different than treating the physical body, so don't buy into the stigma. You wouldn't feel guilty for getting him antibiotics for an infection, so don't feel guilty about treating this.

 

[mishkers]

I'd be looking at a second opinion. Sometimes doctors will take the course of treatment that will most benefit the bottom line, rather than the patient. It never hurts to get a second opinion, particularly when it comes to your child.

 

That is why he is sending us to both a psychologist and neurologist to see if they have other options.

[mishkers]

Are the meds helping?

 

And you would medicate your son if he had a physical illness, correct? So, a mental or emotional disorder shouldn't be viewed any differently. Treating brain chemistry is no different than treating the physical body, so don't buy into the stigma. You wouldn't feel guilty for getting him antibiotics for an infection, so don't feel guilty about treating this.

 

 

It's not that the stigma of drugs scares me. I was treated for depression after I had my son and was in the middle of a divorce within 4 months after his birth. I just don't want to change him into someone that isnt my little boy.

He was just prescribed them on Friday, so he's only taken it for 2 days. I will have to wait and see if it helps.

[mishkers]

You were not faced with the decision of whether to medicate or leave him healthy and happy. You were faced with the choice of doing what you could to treat his condition or letting it run its course. The latter choice would have been far worse for him in the long run.

 

That is true.

 

 

 

TaraMaiden: You make some very good points and I thank you for them.

[nittygritty]

Have you researched the side effects of the medication and whether or not it has been established to be safe to administer to three year olds? I did a quick google of it and yikes! I wouldn't do it without a second, third or fourth doctor's opinion and even then I'd fully research all possible treatment options.

 

While the problems you have described that your son is having do sound more serious than just a severe case of the terrible twos, kids do change soooo much at around your son's age. Two years old and three years old are both difficult ages that kids go through. I'd want a firm diagnosis from several doctors first and then I'd still want to know about all of the possible treatment options that were available.

 

Since your feeling guilty about medicating your son, get another opinion from a doctor that wasn't recommended by the doctor who prescribed the medication. He could be a quack.

Edited June 21, 2010 by nittygritty

[mishkers]

I have done research on the drug. It is approved for children, even as young as he is, and the side effects are no more drastic than average for a drug. It has been on the market for 17 years now and I can't find any allegations of there being a problem with it.

This is not behavior that has appeared now that he is at the terrible 2 and 3's. He has been this way since birth. We have see multiple outside therapist in the past. He has been in the early intervention program here since 12 months and saw an occupational therapist for about a year.

I am not solely going on this one doctors opinion, although I do trust it greatly, I am looking at a community wide worth of opinions and evaluating them. This does seem to be what is appropriate to help him.

My concern was that I should let him just act this way and deal without. I greatly appreciated some earlier comments that this is no different than a physical ailment and I should treat it as such.

[nittygritty]

I have done research on the drug. It is approved for children, even as young as he is, and the side effects are no more drastic than average for a drug. It has been on the market for 17 years now and I can't find any allegations of there being a problem with it.

This is not behavior that has appeared now that he is at the terrible 2 and 3's. He has been this way since birth. We have see multiple outside therapist in the past. He has been in the early intervention program here since 12 months and saw an occupational therapist for about a year.

I am not solely going on this one doctors opinion, although I do trust it greatly, I am looking at a community wide worth of opinions and evaluating them. This does seem to be what is appropriate to help him.

My concern was that I should let him just act this way and deal without. I greatly appreciated some earlier comments that this is no different than a physical ailment and I should treat it as such.

 

If you are talking about the antipsychotic medication called Risperdal then I'd recommend that you do more research about some of the possible serious side effects it can cause in children.

 

CBS did a news story about it...

 

[Krytie TV]

In my experience working in mental health, doctors will throw meds at children by default. Unless they see a reason not to you WILL leave there with a script. Do not take a script to mean that there is not another way to treat your son's behavior. You can get mad at me, but have you really really looked into your parenting style? Is there a father or positive firm male role model around? Drugs do not replace these things.

[nittygritty]

I'd be looking at a second opinion. Sometimes doctors will take the course of treatment that will most benefit the bottom line, rather than the patient. It never hurts to get a second opinion, particularly when it comes to your child.

 

Yep and sometimes doctors receive incentive pay (or kickbacks) from pharmaceutical companies for helping them market their drugs.

 

http://www.judgerc.org/SideEffectsArticles/PsychiatristsChildren.pdf

[Clep]

Today is my son's 3rd birthday. Yesterday I took him in for his check up at the doctor. This is the same doctor that has seen him since he was born. I trust him entirely. He has decided that it is time to place my son on risperodol. This is a drug that is used for everything from bipolar mania to autistic aggitation. My son is not autisitic, although they have thought of it as a possibility in the past. However, the redflags are slightly outnumbered by the nos. In addition to the drugs, he is sending us to a child pyscologist and a neurologist. He was also just accepted to early childhood and will be starting school this fall.

He is very aggressive with me one minute and then will hug and kiss me and say sorry for (really!) hurting me the very next. He does the same to the dogs. He is absolutely undisciplinable, and I have actually had outside help in my efforts. He typically takes 2-3 hours to fall asleep, not always because he's fighting it, but usually cause he just can't shut down. He's like an adult tossing and turning over a project at work. He has no sense of danger and very little pain reception, which can be very dangerous for him. However, he is typically outstanding with other children and can actually add simple numbers already! That is truly impressive considering he barely even talked 2 months ago.

The medicine is to help calm him so he can think, focus, and learn. The doctor says he won't be numb or staring at the wall.

PROBLEM: I can't help feeling horribly guilty over drugging my son. I feel like I am a bad mother because I don't just deal with his bad behavior or can't get it under control on my own. Has anyone ever been through this?

 

First of all I am sorry to hear that your child and you are going through this type of thing. I have been through this via children that I had in my care.

 

Have you checked into diet? Nothing unnatural, dyes, artificial anything, wheat etc? Maybe check out an elimination diet. I know of a few children with the same types of behaviors that were put on medication. They are no longer on the medication, even the ones with Autism.

 

What was he diagnosed with? Why did the doctor feel your child should be on medication? I mean did he diagnose him, or just put him on medication because?

 

Have you taken your son to be tested for anything yet? Also have you looked into Celiac disease?

 

I personally would not allow my child to be on drugs for any reason. It sounds like you aren't too sure of it either. Listen to your mother instincts.

[Fight4Me]

If you have any concerns whatsoever about this drug being prescribed to your son, talk to a pharmacist (not assistant) because they will know far more about the risks involved, and will be more than happy to discuss what to watch for in regards to side-effects. Truly, they are the experts when it comes to prescriptions.

 

I have a child with Tourette's and OCD that manifested pretty early in his life. I completely understand the guilt and turmoil you feel as a mom. Let's face it, we want what is best for our children and seeing them struggle at an age when they're not yet able to understand or cope with their issues is heartbreaking for us moms.

 

I know a lot of doctors get a bad wrap, but when you find a really good one, you know it. Yours may not be an expert, but he is doing right by you and your son by referring you to those who are. The fact that something has been "off" since your son was an infant speaks to the fact that it isn't your parenting. I have friends with mild to severe autistic children, and they are emotionally worn down because they are meant to feel like bad parents.

 

Choosing to medicate is a difficult decision. We decided to go that route when our little boy was so consumed with his pants zipper lining up perfectly with his shirt buttons that we couldn't get him out the door to school. He also began to shut down because he couldn't get his handwriting "just so" and would mangle his papers from erasing. We had been to many specialists and finally decided on a drug, but switched to a different one a few months later. Trial and error. Our little boy was back!

 

A year or so later, we tapered him off the drug because he was old enough to deal with his condition and learn to cope. When he hit puberty, it resolved itself completely as one of the doctors said might happen. Okay, he still has some perfectionist tendencies, but he's generally a girl-crazy average teenager now.

 

One last piece of advice I have is to make sure all records from each specialist/doctor are shared amongst each other. In fact, our general practitioner is our go-to guy and has absolutely everything from everyone on file.

 

Hang in there. You're a good mom!

[Enchanted Girl]

Don't listen to the people who are being overly paranoid about medication and doctors. Anyone who says that doctors are just trying to make money and don't care about helping you are people you shouldn't be listening to. It's a conspiracy theory to believe that all or even most doctors don't care about hurting us and only care about making money.

 

I am cautious about taking medicine myself. I only take it if I deem it necessary and sometimes it IS necessary and there's no reason to feel guilty about that. You're doing the best you can.

 

I've also, personally, experienced (and witnessed my mother experiencing) some of the rare side effects you can get from medication, but that doesn't mean I don't believe it. Even though we suffered a lot because of it. I had to be hospitalized one of the times. Just because I was hospitalized, doesn't mean I think my doctor was trying to kill me. =/ I think he was doing the best he could and just didn't expect me to have one of the side effects. Sometimes it's just worth the risk and you want your child to grow-up to be a happy, healthy adult someday. If this is what you need to do, then do it.

 

I also think it's pretty ridiculous that everyone thinks that they know more than a doctor, who went to school much longer than any of them probably ever will, about medication and who needs what. I'd listen to doctors over random people on the internet that you meet. It doesn't hurt to get second or third opinions though. Just don't make your decisions based off of people who are obviously not experts and who have no degree online.

 

I think you're a great mother and doing the best you can. You're not hurting him. You're helping him cope with things and by helping him cope this way, you're also helping yourself be a better mother. It's always easier to show that love and gentleness to a child that's easier to take care of and not one that's harder. You don't need to make things harder for yourself purposefully. You'll actually be a better mother if you don't.

 

Anyway, please, please talk to a doctor about your concerns. I'm sure they've heard this kind of thing from people before. If you talk to a doctor, they can give you other treatment ideas if there are any and also explain their reasonings as to why they prescribed the medication to your son. That should help. Don't leave an appointment feeling afraid or guilty about the treatments you are giving your son. Ask questions.