WheatusDirtBag Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Guys...Would you still be friends with a girl who liked you if you really didn't like her like that? Like, if you found out? Or would you not want to deal with that, would it make things awkward?
ADF Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 I would be her friend. All of us, men and woman, will run into people throughout our lives who we find attractive but who, for whatever reason, aren't available. That's just how life is. It is no reason not to be friends with someone.
Author WheatusDirtBag Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 Define obsessed. I'm more like, really in love and heartbroken.
Shakz Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Been in that situation more than once. It's awkward at first but her infatuation fades with time, especially when you include her in friendly adventures that prove you to be the ass everyone else knew you were but she was too blinded by love to see. Then you will have a friend.
SadandConfusedWA Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Yes, I think that most people would. My ex strongly wanted to stay friends with me even though I was still madly in love with him (at the time) and he has moved on and was in love with someone else. When I refused to stay friends, he even started coming to the chat room that I used to frequent every night, pretending to be some new guy just so that he could talk to me. He kept at it for 2 months too, until I had a strong instinct that it was him and traced the IP. After I busted him, it turns out this still didn't mean that he was in love with me or wanted to get back together with me at all. As long as you are not stalking him in a way that intrudes into his life, most men will find this an ego boost.
Author WheatusDirtBag Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 Would you...text her a million times for a period of a few months, find out she likes you, not tell her whether you like her or not at the time, give her stuff, take her out to coffee (drive and pay for her), THEN finally tell her over IM that you don't like her like that, and follow that up with asking you to go somewhere AND THEN follow that up with asking you to come to your house at 12:30am to drink and play video games in your bed with you when your mom doesn't know. Then continue the relationship by stopping texting, but constantly IMing now and telling you first about every little detail about your life, like inviting you to your first band's first "show" before you let the rest of your friends know. Guys, would you do that with a girl who you knew liked you like that and you didn't like that?
carhill Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I haven't experienced that yet with anyone who was 'available' (IOW they've always been married) but the dynamic is a subject I'd be willing to talk about (in person) with them in a respectful and sensitive way. Having experienced being 'friendzoned' in a brutish and insensitive manner numerous times in life, it's the best way I can return the favor in a positive manner. If the dynamic was unhealthy for them, I'd respect that.
USMCHokie Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I'd be her friend, but only if she was willing to just be friends... But then again, I've never run into this situation before...
Author WheatusDirtBag Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 USM, you mean you've never had a girl like you and didn't want to be just friends?
Author WheatusDirtBag Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 USMC, or you've never run into a situation with a girl who liked you that you didn't like back?
USMCHokie Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 USM, you mean you've never had a girl like you and didn't want to be just friends? Correct. Not too many women out there feel that way about me.
tippie Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Guys...Would you still be friends with a girl who liked you if you really didn't like her like that? Like, if you found out? Or would you not want to deal with that, would it make things awkward? take him/her out of the situation. best way not to get hurt. obsessed is taking things to the next level && some people dont react well to that. thats when some of the harshness (words) starts to come out. but if him/her can understand that the relationship will only be based on a friend level then thats completely different. then it would be a more maybe comfortable situation. but if they cant then thats a MAJOR ISSUE
Author WheatusDirtBag Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 well I definitely am not okay being just his friend
USMCHokie Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 USMC, or you've never run into a situation with a girl who liked you that you didn't like back? Well, if she liked me and made it known to me, then I would have probably given it a shot, but if dating didn't work out, then I wouldn't be her friend...I have enough friends, so I don't keep failed dates as friends... But if it was someone I truly and deeply unattracted to, then I can only speculate that I would tell her that I don't feel the same way and stay out of her life...again, I have enough friends...
Author WheatusDirtBag Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 Well, if she liked me and made it known to me, then I would have probably given it a shot, but if dating didn't work out, then I wouldn't be her friend...I have enough friends, so I don't keep failed dates as friends... But if it was someone I truly and deeply unattracted to, then I can only speculate that I would tell her that I don't feel the same way and stay out of her life...again, I have enough friends... Well it's not like I am ugly...I'm 5'6" around 130lbs, long brown hair, blue eyes. I had a picture up not too long ago...I'm not perfect and I'm certainly not anorexically thin, but I'm certainly not bad on the eyes. A guy would have to be gay to not be attracted...(okay so I'm tooting my own horn just a bit). Like I said...read above... Would you take her out to coffee and invite her to your house if you didn't like her? Amongst all those other things...
Author WheatusDirtBag Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 I guess what I want to know is if I am being led on or if he somehow likes me and said he doesn't (for whatever stupid reason) 'cause I know of some guys who have played that game before. They think it will make the girl like them more if they say they don't like them...well, all that's made me do is be depressed for a long time now and now I don't want to talk to anyone.
carhill Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Would you take her out to coffee and invite her to your house if you didn't like her? Amongst all those other things... A healthy man will date an unattached woman he's attracted to. If those signals aren't clear, then assume he's not interested and/or not healthy. I used to do the above, and more, like trips and shopping, with my best female friend and we had great times together without any romance whatsoever. Mutual non-attraction but great rapport and platonic chemistry. The key was communication. We both acknowledged clearly that the 'like' part was compatible so no one's feelings were hurt. If he's taking you to coffee and inviting you to his house and not overtly flirting with you in a sexual way, even if not being aggressive physically, that's clear to me. Friends. Talk with him about it. If he's healthy, it won't be a problem. Unhealthy friends are a waste of time
Author WheatusDirtBag Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 A healthy man will date an unattached woman he's attracted to. If those signals aren't clear, then assume he's not interested and/or not healthy. I used to do the above, and more, like trips and shopping, with my best female friend and we had great times together without any romance whatsoever. Mutual non-attraction but great rapport and platonic chemistry. The key was communication. We both acknowledged clearly that the 'like' part was compatible so no one's feelings were hurt. If he's taking you to coffee and inviting you to his house and not overtly flirting with you in a sexual way, even if not being aggressive physically, that's clear to me. Friends. Talk with him about it. If he's healthy, it won't be a problem. Unhealthy friends are a waste of time I have no idea what you mean by the first part. So, a healthy man will only date a woman who doesn't already like him? Is that what you're saying? Because that doesn't seem healthy to me...and it's not mutual non-attraction. Our conversations have also turned sexual more than once...started by him.
tippie Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 A healthy man will date an unattached woman he's attracted to. If those signals aren't clear, then assume he's not interested and/or not healthy. I used to do the above, and more, like trips and shopping, with my best female friend and we had great times together without any romance whatsoever. Mutual non-attraction but great rapport and platonic chemistry. The key was communication. We both acknowledged clearly that the 'like' part was compatible so no one's feelings were hurt. If he's taking you to coffee and inviting you to his house and not overtly flirting with you in a sexual way, even if not being aggressive physically, that's clear to me. Friends. Talk with him about it. If he's healthy, it won't be a problem. Unhealthy friends are a waste of time Well Written.... Most guys if they like someone after awhile they will make it clear. Even the shy ones they always find away..
tippie Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I have no idea what you mean by the first part. So, a healthy man will only date a woman who doesn't already like him? Is that what you're saying? Because that doesn't seem healthy to me...and it's not mutual non-attraction. Our conversations have also turned sexual more than once...started by him. i could be wrong but i think you mixed up unattached with the doesnt already like. THERES A BIG DIFFERENCE. most guys dont want a girl thats attached from the start because its extremely unhealthy. for example if you enter a relationship just liking your less likely to get heart broken but if you enter it already attached you for sure will end up with a broken heart. most men clearly want to know that a girl can stand on her own.. (sometimes thats whats appealing to men). (exception for a few). && if a guy REALLY likes a girl thats when they want those attachments to fall in place. dont fall for the mixed signals. sometimes guys are really just black && white no in between so dont read into things. please take this wisely. DONT PURSE A GUY LET THE GUY PURSE YOU
LoveTruthChaos Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Would you...text her a million times for a period of a few months, find out she likes you, not tell her whether you like her or not at the time, give her stuff, take her out to coffee (drive and pay for her), THEN finally tell her over IM that you don't like her like that, and follow that up with asking you to go somewhere AND THEN follow that up with asking you to come to your house at 12:30am to drink and play video games in your bed with you when your mom doesn't know. Then continue the relationship by stopping texting, but constantly IMing now and telling you first about every little detail about your life, like inviting you to your first band's first "show" before you let the rest of your friends know. Guys, would you do that with a girl who you knew liked you like that and you didn't like that? Oh yeah. my guy friend did that to me many years ago. What an A*S!!! Didn't know what he wanted. I didn't stick around to find out. Kicked him to the curb!
carhill Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 The mixed signals, flirting and not dating, or, worse, as I experience with married women, inappropriate touching and sexual innuendos from a committed (to someone else) person, all indicate 'unhealthiness' for that particular compatibility dynamic. Perhaps, in another dynamic, with another person with a different psychology and life path, such actions would be compatible. We're all different.
Author WheatusDirtBag Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 The mixed signals, flirting and not dating, or, worse, as I experience with married women, inappropriate touching and sexual innuendos from a committed (to someone else) person, all indicate 'unhealthiness' for that particular compatibility dynamic. Perhaps, in another dynamic, with another person with a different psychology and life path, such actions would be compatible. We're all different. He isn't married, though. He is single.
carhill Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Doesn't matter. Incompatibility and unhealthiness cross all relationship styles and lines. He could be in an open marriage. He could be bi-sexual. He could be a serial killer. This distinction (compatibility and healthiness) was a key lesson I learned in MC. We can be attracted to, interested in, have 'chemistry' with, and even love, people who are incompatible with and unhealthy for us. Learning to recognize and *accept* the signs, even in the face of those emotions, was a critical positive step. Yes, we want people to be and act a certain way with us. We *accept* that they are and act the way which is true to *their* path and decide whether that is compatible and healthy. You asked a man a question. A man with a lot of life experience whose made a lot of mistakes gave you his best shot. Hope it helps
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