spookie Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 They grew up in the same town, and one of their mutual friends is having a party. I was invited but chose not to go. He told me she would be there over the phone, on his way there. It's their first encounter since the breakup. She wants to be friends, he does not. I'm not sure how I feel about all this. I guess I'm a little nervous since they were together for four years. I know feelings like that don't disappear over night. I'm afraid he'll get wasted and she'll come on to him, and he won't be able to say no. Or they'll both be trashed and get to reminiscing. Anyways, just thought I'd post. Please pray that I don't wind up the rebound in their on-off affair. I really like this guy!
ADF Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Unless you have some specific reason to think your BF is going to do someting inappropriate, he deserves the benfit of the doubt. Look at ti this way: had he not mentioned this woman was going to be there, would you have ever known? I bet not. That suggests he is honest.
D-Lish Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Benefit of the doubt spooks- he left her for you for a reason.
Author spookie Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 Unless you have some specific reason to think your BF is going to do someting inappropriate, he deserves the benfit of the doubt. Look at ti this way: had he not mentioned this woman was going to be there, would you have ever known? I bet not. That suggests he is honest. I realize that, which is why I'm trying not to get my panties up in a bunch. I was invited regardless of whether she was coming; he told me she would be there even though there was no way I'd have found out otherwise. It isn't like they're hanging out one-on-one; a close mutual childhood friend of theirs is having a party. I probably have nothing to worry about, and I'm not worried, per se. Just a little nervous.
Author spookie Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 Over the phone he told me he wasn't looking forward to running into her, and was now considering just having a couple beers and going home (as opposed to get completely ****-faced as previously planned and crashing there for the night). When I asked him why, he said they never got along while they were dating, so he didn't expect to get along with her now that they are not. I am nervous that they WILL get along. I know how those encounters after a breakup with someone you really cared about can be. You can both be deceived, thinking its been long enough where you've learned and changed. They have a past together, an emotional connection acquired thorugh having been there for each other for so long, and I can't fathom them NOT wanting to sleep together when they meet. Especially if they've been drinking. I just hope he cares enough about me and values what we have not to sabotage it like that.
SadandConfusedWA Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Why didn't you go to the party? I would probably go and then over-analyze the c$ap out of the situation.
Author spookie Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 i had a lot of **** to do this weekend, so i thought id stay in. of course hearing hed be out with her got me drinking. so im out with my friends, wondering what haoppened, with plans for tomorrow i really cant keep. and im really nauseous =(
SadandConfusedWA Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Well, I think that after 4 years together and no progression their R has run its course. Also - he left her, I would be much more worried if it was the other way around. Hope you feel better spookie
Author spookie Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 I'm not gonna lie, I got really hammered last night to try to make myself feel better about all this. I haven't heard from him since he was on his way to the party, and I know y'all said not to worry, but today the flip floppy feeling in my stomach's even worse. I guess I'll know in a couple of hours if anything happened.
sagetalk Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 I'm not gonna lie, I got really hammered last night to try to make myself feel better about all this. I haven't heard from him since he was on his way to the party, and I know y'all said not to worry, but today the flip floppy feeling in my stomach's even worse. I guess I'll know in a couple of hours if anything happened. If it did, I hope you know what to do. It involves a kick to the butt and a goodbye wave.
OceanTropic Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Uh oh. It all comes down to whether or not you trust him. If he runs back to her and they make up, then at least this happened now and not years from now when you guys are considering getting really serious. Take it as life being kind to you.
Adunaphel Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 spookie, I do hope he does not disappoint you. I hope you hear from him soon. He would probably have called you hours ago if he knew that you are worried).
make me believe Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 IMO the best thing for him to do in this situation would have been to kinda keep you updated/in the loop all night long. Just a text every once in awhile to ease your worries. That's what I would do for my BF and what I would expect from him. I hope you hear from him soon and that he makes you feel better about everything!
Author spookie Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 He seemed nervous about seeing her. The way he tried to make it sound to me, was that he was nervous because he was expecting it to be so negative. But I think if you're really over it, you just wouldn't care. Anyways, it WOULD have been nice to have been kept in the loop. Or at least to have received a short text from him at the end of the night, or this morning, something along the lines of, "excited to see you". But we're not the kind of couple that have those kinds of expectations, so I don't think I need to be jumping to conclusions based on the lack-of-texts thing alone. He said he could call me this evening, after he was done doing father's day with both of his dads. If he neglects to do that, I'm writing him off.
likestolaugh Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 He said he could call me this evening, after he was done doing father's day with both of his dads. If he neglects to do that, I'm writing him off. you'll write-off a relationship of over 6 months if he doesn't call? yikes.
Citizen Erased Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 you'll write-off a relationship of over 6 months if he doesn't call? yikes. Yeah, I mean it's fine to be irritated but if you're going to give up on him that easily...You don't know anything. If you want him to be in more regular contact, tell him.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 It's clear you are feeling incredibly insecure in this relationship. Whatever has or has not happened at this party, that seems to be the core of the matter that you need to take a good look at.
Serenitynow Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I got really hammered last night to try to make myself feel better Thats a good sign of maturity He said he could call me this evening, If he neglects to do that, I'm writing him off And another How do you plan on finding out if he did anything at the party ? .
Jilly Bean Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Spookie - are you still pregnant? What happened with that? As far as this goes, I'd be feeling pretty anxious too, at this point. But, if your dynamic isn't one where it's not unusual for him to not check in by now, then give it a pass.
Serenitynow Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 are you still pregnant? I got really hammered last night to try to make myself feel better Both of those go so well together if she is.
Author spookie Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 No, I wound up not being pregnant. I'm getting more and more anxious as the hours creep by. It's past 8 PM and he is supposed to be coming over tonight. Granted, it is father's day, and he does have 2 dads; but still, even though we're not constant communicators, to have no communication like this is rare, too. It could be nothing, or it could be that they realized their on-off affair isn't totally dead yet. I hope that it's nothing.
Jilly Bean Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Spook - have you reached out to him at all? Why not try that?
Author spookie Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 Spook - have you reached out to him at all? Why not try that? No. I would sound like an insecure emotional mess.
Jilly Bean Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 No. I would sound like an insecure emotional mess. How about a short text? "Miss you, baby! Hope you're having a great day. TTYL"
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