White Dove Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 I think of him even when I told him off. Good and bad -- I think of him all the time. It's hard not to when you love that person. Even after years apart, when we got back together -- it's as if it never ended.
Author wheelwright Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 Echo and the Bunnymen?!??! Good song...The Killing Moon She's always never been far from my thoughts... in over six years... Used to be once or twice a day, then every second, then every other second... now I think I get 30-60 second gaps Yes great song. Always nice to have references understood. Much about your experience also speaks to me - I have followed. Is that it? We think about them (pretty much) all the time and a wink is supposed to suffice by way of understanding our own heart, or theirs? Not that I don't appreciate the wink. I wink to myself in this way all the time (at least the every 18 minutes (oh hell 18 seconds) I think of him - I'm doing well eh? ).
pureinheart Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Ummm. No. That is NOT from the Beatitudes. The Beatitudes are the "Blessed are the peacekeepers" and so on section in the Gospels said by Jesus. The description of Love is from 1 Corinthians 13, and was said by Paul. Don't want someone to go looking for this where you said it was and not find it. Thanks NID:o...man nothing like being way off:)
pureinheart Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 I really can't answer this question. I have a couple of ideas, but none of them seem quite right as I am no Biblical scholar, just a decently read layperson. I do know that most Christians would agree that romantic love for a Christian should lead up to and continue in a marriage. No room is made in this belief for anything shared in an affair. Its always considered wrong, even though there were apparent ways around the punishment for it - if you marry the king, LOL. In the teaching on marriage in the Bible, only the man is commanded to love his W. But the W is commanded to respect her H. And, ironicly, this is the reason that so many affairs happen on both sides. A woman not feeling loved, and a man not feeling respected/appreciated. These are apparently core needs to us, gender-wise. This is profound...wow
Silly_Girl Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 I think this hits the nail on the head for me. I really did think about him (xMOM) above myself. I cared about his M when he started to etc. I felt that about him, and acted in accordance. I felt about him as I did about my kids. Honestly (I could go into the wherewhithal, but you may as well trust me). I loved that man. But I think he felt towards me more about what he could get for himself. It was eerie for me to read that. And the 'kids' reference. xMM was the first man I had feelings for similar to those for my son: I thought he had a wonderful soul, was a kind and gentle person, had a good heart, someone I was slightly in awe of, someone that lifted my spirits just by me being in contact with them, someone who worked hard and deserved good things to happen. Something I found destructive was that I DID care for him more than myself and through the course of the relationship found I had lost my 'edge', had forgotten about my needs, I would worry about him so, so much when he had tough stuff on. He, on the other hand, thought of me constantly but had to weigh that against the time in the house with his wife and so I think it did not become verging on the obsessive, unlike me.
jennie-jennie Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 (edited) Quote from Lissie's recent single 'Worried about': "For the last 4 years of my life I've thought about you pretty much every 15 seconds" True for me about xMOM for the last 2 years of my life - 3 months pre-A, 9 months during, 1 year post-A (which includes getting over him thinking and 'love' thinking). Question: What is the relationship between thinking about someone pretty much all the time with 'love' thoughts and love for said person? A) pre-A B) during A C) post A xMOM said every time we saw one another he 'thought about me all the time'. Apparently he still does after 1 year NC. I asked what he thought about. He said he imagined what it would be like to be with me properly. When I thought about him, I thought about the incredible feelings, the sex, the way we were a wonderful fit. And my doubts about his (and my own) integrity. And how good a future would be - gut instinct was that we would make each other happy. Given my previous posts, some may interpret this OP as me still not letting go. Really it's more philosophical than that. Has thinking about someone a correlation to loving them? I am not asking for a reality check (had plenty thanks to my friends and Jthorne AMOs). Just what does this mean? I'm curious as to whether there is any love at all in this 'thinking about you'. This is why I like to spend time on LS. It allows me to think about my MM and our relationship and at the same time engage in an activity that is intellectually (and socially) stimulating. Edited June 20, 2010 by jennie-jennie
Author wheelwright Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 (edited) It was eerie for me to read that. And the 'kids' reference. xMM was the first man I had feelings for similar to those for my son: I thought he had a wonderful soul, was a kind and gentle person, had a good heart, someone I was slightly in awe of, someone that lifted my spirits just by me being in contact with them, someone who worked hard and deserved good things to happen. Something I found destructive was that I DID care for him more than myself and through the course of the relationship found I had lost my 'edge', had forgotten about my needs, I would worry about him so, so much when he had tough stuff on. He, on the other hand, thought of me constantly but had to weigh that against the time in the house with his wife and so I think it did not become verging on the obsessive, unlike me. A friend of mine who had done a lot of 'work' (counselling etc) said that she thought the kind of love that that hits us this hard, takes us away from other ways of engendering our own lives as much as another kind of love. It is the not the kind of love that is for keeps. It would stop you living, looking after your own kids. She didn't say what it means instead. I don't know what we are meant to make of the kind of love you/I describe. I thought it meant it was incredibly important. The way in which it was important shifts as I 'get over it'. There isn't really getting over it though, in these cases ther is just learning to deal with how you don't fully get over it. It's a love lost. We get to smile and feel whole again. That's the best we can hope for. (IMHO). Edited June 21, 2010 by wheelwright w
Author wheelwright Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 This is why I like to spend time on LS. It allows me to think about my MM and our relationship and at the same time engage in an activity that is intellectually (and socially) stimulating. It's probably why I shouldn't spend time here. But this is very much chicken and egg, a paradox I don't feel has been fully answered either morally, by bashing, or by conversation! We are here because we are either intrigued, bored or a combination. Not to mention unre-f***ing-solved.
Circular Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 A friend of mine who had done a lot of 'work' (counselling etc) said that she thought the kind of love that that hits us this hard, takes us away from other ways of engendering our own lives as much as another kind of love. It is the not the kind of love that is for keeps. It would stop you living, looking after your own kids. She didn't say what it means instead. I don't know what we are meant to make of the kind of love you/I describe. I thought it meant it was incredibly important. The way in which it was important shifts as I 'get over it'. There isn't really getting over it though, in these cases ther is just learning to deal with how you don't fully get over it. It's a love lost. We get to smile and feel whole again. That's the best we can hope for. (IMHO). I agree with this and your friends take. I remember a conversation I once had in college with some friends, musing about women we dated. And I recall thinking my experience was of running into three basic situations. Women I dated because I found them interesting, but no chemistry and no long term prospects whatsoever (about 80% of the women I dated) - these were simple, easy dates (I dont mean easy like easy-sleezy - easy in making the date and doing something). Women that I felt a connection with, but typically mostly a one-dimensional relationship (18%) - these usually turned out to be more long term dating situations, a couple of months, maybe even a couple of years. Women that I felt a deep connection with, a multi-dimensional relationship (2% or less) - You know this person almost at the time when you meet them, there's no doubt and both of you recognize it quite quickly. And there's this odd, deep down feeling of why do I feel I known you?? It can become consuming and make you feel things you haven't felt before. I've only experienced this 2 times in my life. The first time I was to shocked by it that I never saw her again (I was young, high-school, met her at a friends party) It was the first time I ever felt 'wow, I could lose something here and it would be painful'. And it was 'instant' - you just knew. I've forgotten mostly about the 75% folks, a few lingering of the 18%, but really only 2 in the 2% - and the high-school one still rears up in the way back of my mind to haunt me sometimes.
Author wheelwright Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 I agree with this and your friends take. I remember a conversation I once had in college with some friends, musing about women we dated. And I recall thinking my experience was of running into three basic situations. Women I dated because I found them interesting, but no chemistry and no long term prospects whatsoever (about 80% of the women I dated) - these were simple, easy dates (I dont mean easy like easy-sleezy - easy in making the date and doing something). Women that I felt a connection with, but typically mostly a one-dimensional relationship (18%) - these usually turned out to be more long term dating situations, a couple of months, maybe even a couple of years. Women that I felt a deep connection with, a multi-dimensional relationship (2% or less) - You know this person almost at the time when you meet them, there's no doubt and both of you recognize it quite quickly. And there's this odd, deep down feeling of why do I feel I known you?? It can become consuming and make you feel things you haven't felt before. I've only experienced this 2 times in my life. The first time I was to shocked by it that I never saw her again (I was young, high-school, met her at a friends party) It was the first time I ever felt 'wow, I could lose something here and it would be painful'. And it was 'instant' - you just knew. I've forgotten mostly about the 75% folks, a few lingering of the 18%, but really only 2 in the 2% - and the high-school one still rears up in the way back of my mind to haunt me sometimes. I've also only felt it twice. The first time I thought it would be the only time, the second I thought it would be the last. We know it's rare at any rate.
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 A friend of mine who had done a lot of 'work' (counselling etc) said that she thought the kind of love that that hits us this hard, takes us away from other ways of engendering our own lives as much as another kind of love. It is the not the kind of love that is for keeps. It would stop you living, looking after your own kids. She didn't say what it means instead. I don't know what we are meant to make of the kind of love you/I describe. I thought it meant it was incredibly important. The way in which it was important shifts as I 'get over it'. There isn't really getting over it though, in these cases ther is just learning to deal with how you don't fully get over it. It's a love lost. We get to smile and feel whole again. That's the best we can hope for. (IMHO). ---------------- The so-called 'love' with a MM is destructive and eats a portion of your valuable life. More than "whole again" .. It's an absolute relief, when you again become the whole complete woman that you were before..
White Flower Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Quote from Lissie's recent single 'Worried about': "For the last 4 years of my life I've thought about you pretty much every 15 seconds" True for me about xMOM for the last 2 years of my life - 3 months pre-A, 9 months during, 1 year post-A (which includes getting over him thinking and 'love' thinking). Question: What is the relationship between thinking about someone pretty much all the time with 'love' thoughts and love for said person? A) pre-A B) during A C) post A xMOM said every time we saw one another he 'thought about me all the time'. Apparently he still does after 1 year NC. I asked what he thought about. He said he imagined what it would be like to be with me properly. When I thought about him, I thought about the incredible feelings, the sex, the way we were a wonderful fit. And my doubts about his (and my own) integrity. And how good a future would be - gut instinct was that we would make each other happy. Given my previous posts, some may interpret this OP as me still not letting go. Really it's more philosophical than that. Has thinking about someone a correlation to loving them? I am not asking for a reality check (had plenty thanks to my friends and Jthorne AMOs). Just what does this mean? I'm curious as to whether there is any love at all in this 'thinking about you'. I'm not in a very philosophical mood today so I'll give you the short answer. I can't stand my ex, so I push every thought about him out of my mind. I can't stand what MM is doing to me currently, but I love him and so I think about him all the time. I suppose I allow myself to think about him because I love him; whereas I don't allow myself to think about my ex because I don't love him. If that makes sense.
Author wheelwright Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 I'm not in a very philosophical mood today so I'll give you the short answer. I can't stand my ex, so I push every thought about him out of my mind. I can't stand what MM is doing to me currently, but I love him and so I think about him all the time. I suppose I allow myself to think about him because I love him; whereas I don't allow myself to think about my ex because I don't love him. If that makes sense. I think this was no less wise for being one of your shorter posts. I get it and I agree.
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