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Need Insight: Exchanging Email Address While GF in Hospital

lola7

By lola7
in General Relationship Discussion

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lola7 Member

lola7

Posted
Posted

Hello everyone. I am new here. I'm also in a new relationship. We have been seeing each other for about two months. I have a big concern. I hope some of you could share your insight on the following matter. I'm open to all opinions and I appreciate being able to reach out here from some unbiased feedback.

 

Ok, so here's the story:

 

I was in the hospital for a potential flare-up of a rather significant illness that caused a very serious reaction that impacts mobility. I was feeling slightly better, due to the wonders of medicine. While we were waiting, my BF says he wants to step outside for a bit and excuses himself. He was gone for approximately a half of an hour. When I finish with matters in the hospital, I step outside and see him sitting down, conversing with with a woman. The woman was a stranger, but I'd say that she was cute (in her own way). She looked quite different than I do. If I could guess, I'd say that she was definitely BF's type, yet BF likes me because of what's in "my heart," reportedly.

 

So, I walk up to them after exiting the hospital. He invites me to sit and join the conversation. Mind you, I'm super sick you guys. So I tell him, no thank you, I need to sit in the car, I'm still not feeling well. He continues the conversation with the girl. I sit down in the car, and begin to rest. Then, it was as if an evil angel came and sat on my shoulder and prompted me to watch the two of them interacting. I began to make predictions. I said to myself, I bet he is going to grab a pen and a paper. He did. Then I overheard him urging her to contact him for more information. Ten minutes or so later, he comes out to the car, where I sit wondering if I should say something or not. I decide to trust that he is simply a social butterfly, and elect to not express any concern over the issue.

 

However, the next day I wake up to angry feelings towards him. These feelings shocked me. But they are now with me. I feel hurt that he was sharing his contact information with a woman. I'm not sure if my judgment is impacted by the sedating medications or not. So, I'm turning to you all to see what you think. Because now I don't wish to have any contact with him. This may sound extreme, but I swear I feel like just disappearing. It's early enough in the relationship for me to pretend that none of this happened and walk away. I might just make it a point to say that I'm not feeling secure in the relationship...and call the relationship quits. I'm sick with a potentially deadly illness that might leave me deaf soon. Maybe I'm overreacting to what I observed from the illness and the medications. Maybe the illness makes me feel vulnerable. Regardless, I can't seem to see this issue about him exchanging contact info with a stranger, right in front of me while I was in the car, with any substantial amount of clarity...

:confused:

 

It hurt me that he was socializing with a girl and that he made sure she had a way to contact him. He seemed so excited about talking to her and being able to "help her" with something when she makes contact. In those moments, I was drugged, so I simply asked, "What was her name?" And he replied, "I don't know."

 

Ok. Pardon the long post. I anxiously await your undrugged opinions. :p

CLC2008 Established Member

CLC2008

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You could have simply asked him about the email exchange, for all you know it could have been completely innocent.

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lola7 Member

lola7

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Yes. Good insight CLC. Thank you. He wanted to share information about a vehicle and camping equipment with her, I recall he was super excited about doing so. I felt I knew enough to not ask. But I could not help but feel odd about it, as, I don't regularly make it a point to give someone of the opposite sex my email address to talk about yoga and baking brownies (unless I am single...wink, wink.). Anyway, I'm high (on prescription drugs), so I'm trying to find my gut so I can follow it, as my gut says run, run forest run, right now.

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

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Yes. Good insight CLC. Thank you. He wanted to share information about a vehicle and camping equipment with her, I recall he was super excited about doing so. I felt I knew enough to not ask. But I could not help but feel odd about it, as, I don't regularly make it a point to give someone of the opposite sex my email address to talk about yoga and baking brownies (unless I am single...wink, wink.). Anyway, I'm high (on prescription drugs), so I'm trying to find my gut so I can follow it, as my gut says run, run forest run, right now.

 

Something he wants to sell to her- or buy from her?

CLC2008 Established Member

CLC2008

Posted
Posted
Yes. Good insight CLC. Thank you. He wanted to share information about a vehicle and camping equipment with her, I recall he was super excited about doing so. I felt I knew enough to not ask. But I could not help but feel odd about it, as, I don't regularly make it a point to give someone of the opposite sex my email address to talk about yoga and baking brownies (unless I am single...wink, wink.). Anyway, I'm high (on prescription drugs), so I'm trying to find my gut so I can follow it, as my gut says run, run forest run, right now.

 

OK I can see why it might appear strange, and I'd probably think the same thing at first too. "That's weird, why is he exchanging emails with someone"...

 

But strange doesn't mean he exhanged emails because he is going to cheat.

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lola7 Member

lola7

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D-Lish, no, but maybe something he would like to buy with her? He was going to share information about something he and I have been shopping for. Only, he says she has the cash now, so he wants to "help her" pick a good enough one from the research he did while shopping for ours. We have yet to buy ours yet, and I am feeling threatened a bit too because my portion of the purchase of "it" is in the thousands of dollars range. So to recap, he just wants to share the research he did for us, with her, this woman who he met.

 

Thanks for inquiring and your support D.

 

True CLC, and I don't think he would cheat--but this exchange was what got me thinking to myself, "Don't be dumb Lola, he had no REAL reason to exchange the contact info, maybe he was just being slick..." But generally, I trust men, so I find myself taken back by my own "drugged gut instincts" about this. I feel taken back, it is really weird that this upset me so. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Edited by lola7
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lola7 Member

lola7

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Okaaaaay.... :o

 

I'm a little less intoxicated by the medications right now.

 

CLC, I just wanted to say that this nugget of insight is a real gem. Thanks.

 

"But strange doesn't mean he exchanged emails because he is going to cheat"

 

I guess a little common sense goes a long way, eh?

Edited by lola7
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CLC2008 Established Member

CLC2008

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Sometimes I lack common sense, so I can't really help you there.

 

But, in situations like these, my rational side tells me the following:

 

(1) Would I feel/think the same if the person in question was not attractive (i.e. would YOU have felt the same if the girl in question was unattractive)?

 

(2) Could my mistrust towards the incident have anything to do with something that occured in the past (i.e. being cheated on in a previous relationship, or an incident that occured in the past that is not directly related to your current BF).

 

And then I tell myself, "if the person is going to cheat, I will find out. And if that day ever comes, then I will leave that person".

 

(For me personally, I've been cheated on and I left that person, I have no problem doing it again if it were to happen to me again).

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lola7 Member

lola7

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CLC:

 

Well, not to argue or anything, but I think you had enough common sense after I asked for feedback to really be effective on my behalf! :D Thanks. You might have kept me from damaging a very important relationship. I like your logic. Here are my answers:

 

1) No. If the girl was either older or more homely, I would have admired his concern and wish to "help" a lot more than I originally did. So I will watch to see if he is equally "helpful" to men and less attractive folks. (LOL)

 

2) Yes. My last BF told me he did not know why he was with me because I wasn't even pretty. He also cheated on me with my cousin and one of my fellow college classmates. I do NOT want this baggage to harm my relationships.

 

I feel like if he does cheat, I will never know, sadly. But you are right--the truth always does come out, eventually.

 

Hugs,

L7

Edited by lola7
CLC2008 Established Member

CLC2008

Posted
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CLC:

 

Well, not to argue or anything, but I think you had enough common sense after I asked for feedback to really be effective on my behalf! :D Thanks. You might have kept me from damaging a very important relationship. I like your logic. Here are my answers:

 

1) No. If the girl was either older or more homely, I would have admired his concern and wish to "help" a lot more than I originally did. So I will watch to see if he is equally "helpful" to men and less attractive folks. (LOL)

 

2) Yes. My last BF told me he did not know why he was with me because I wasn't even pretty. He also cheated on me with my cousin and one of my fellow college classmates. I do NOT want this baggage to harm my relationships.

 

I feel like if he does cheat, I will never know, sadly. But you are right--the truth always does come out, eventually.

 

Hugs,

L7

 

Thanks. :)

 

See for question number one, if said woman was this person:

 

http://www.becks.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/mullet2-215x213-custom.jpg

 

(I don't want to be rude towards the woman in this photo, but I think based on what you initially posted, might it be a source of insecurity for you?).

 

For question #2, that is truly aweful :sick::mad: and I hope your current BF is someone you feel would not harm you in such a way.

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lola7 Member

lola7

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Bingo. If she looked like that, I wouldn't STILL be tripping.

 

SO, since I've sobered up, I've decided to give him a taste of his own medicine CLC. Tomorrow, I'm wearing a dress on our date and I'm going to make it a point to give my email address to a man right in front of him. We shall see how he likes it.

 

:D

 

Stay tuned to this channel.

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

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So, I walk up to them after exiting the hospital. He invites me to sit and join the conversation. Mind you, I'm super sick you guys. So I tell him, no thank you, I need to sit in the car, I'm still not feeling well. He continues the conversation with the girl.

 

Drop him. I don't care what his intent is. You just visited the hospital, told him you still don't feel well, and he makes you wait so he can talk longer to a complete stranger?

CLC2008 Established Member

CLC2008

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I

Bingo. If she looked like that, I wouldn't STILL be tripping.

 

SO, since I've sobered up, I've decided to give him a taste of his own medicine CLC. Tomorrow, I'm wearing a dress on our date and I'm going to make it a point to give my email address to a man right in front of him. We shall see how he likes it.

 

:D

 

Stay tuned to this channel.

 

I'm not sure that employing tit for tat tactics is beneficial within a relationship and that is what it sounds like you are suggesting. Yeah, he def could and should have been more considerate towards you since you were just out of the hospital and not left you waiting in the car, but why can't you tell him that versus "well since you did this, I am going to do this to you now so you can see how it feels".

 

You described it as such that he was taking his time to help someone and that bothered you. Had you not felt threatned by it, your reaction would have probably been different. If he was flirting, being touchy feely with her, inappropriate glances and body language that would suggest crossing boundaries, yeah that would warrant a much different reaction on your part in which case I wouldn't blame you for kicking him to the curb.

Joe Normal Established Member

Joe Normal

Posted
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Bingo. If she looked like that, I wouldn't STILL be tripping.

 

SO, since I've sobered up, I've decided to give him a taste of his own medicine CLC. Tomorrow, I'm wearing a dress on our date and I'm going to make it a point to give my email address to a man right in front of him. We shall see how he likes it.

 

:D

 

Stay tuned to this channel.

 

Rofl. You are playing with fire :)

 

Personally I would be a tad suspicious about the first incident, enough to keep my eyes open, but not necessarily massively so. He did after all do it pretty much in front of you - if he had something to hide, would he not be more careful?

 

Just pay attention to how he acts in the next few weeks and see if anything is amiss. I wouldn't start freaking out right away.

  • 3 weeks later...
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lola7 Member

lola7

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Ok. I didn't have the guts to implement my master revenge plan. :laugh: So I have have done nothing but observe for signs ever since. I noticed some, which I will now report...

 

Sign #1: During a certain style of intimacy after the notable *incident,* he now says, "oh, don't do it that way...oh, that is too much, oh, do this, do that, go faster...blah, blah." This is odd as before his response to my lips was off the chain.

 

Sign #2: If I touch him in a flirty fashion, he says, "oh, that tickles." I'm thinking, it tickles? Men have gone into states of ecstasy when I touch them, but now, my, my, my touch tickles? WTF?

 

Sign #3: We were alone, perfectly alone, 2x. All he did the first time was jump into his bed while I was working at a desk and turn his back, as if he was napping. The second time we were perfectly alone, he dimmed the lights, turned on music, and layed back in the bed, looking spacey. On both "passionate moment" opportunities, he did not deeply kiss me, nor did he throw me on the bed and do me. He didn't even try to cuddle with me. :(

 

Sign #4: One night, he said he was "sleepy" and that he would be logging off of chat. His chat activity light stayed on, all night. It did not go into idle mode. I checked a few hours later, and his chat icon was still active. The last time I checked, it was 3:00am, and the dang chat activity indicator had still not gone idle.

 

Sign #5: He used to call me a lot. The last time we spoke on the phone, he got off rather quickly, saying he would call back, and never did. Today, he did not call me at all, although he did send me a few homes for sale to look at, which brings me to my bigger problem.

 

He knows I am shopping for a house. He has been really helping me find one. He is not working. He does not like where he is living--and has ever proposed sharing the payments when some settlement comes in.

 

The only emails he sent me today was that he forgot a gift I gave him in my car--and a little note about how sleepy he is today, an excuse for not calling earlier, perhaps. But, the thing is, he sent me two homes in my price range today. Oh shoot, he is calling now...and I don't feel like picking up the phone. Perhaps I am falling out of love? I felt so much for him...but the lack of passion--combined with my new found suspiciousness--is wearing on me.

 

In a nutshell, I am feeling scared away from him. It is the strangest thing. He seemed so perfect for me, intellectually, physically, intellectually...but now, it seems as if a wee bit of the "sexually" and "emotionally" aspects are vanishing, against my will...almost. It is weird. I've never felt like I liked someone so much but at the same time felt ultimately unsatisfied--and unsafe--never have I literally felt "unsafe." I am accustomed to men who make it clear that they desire me and I'm not getting that from this person, as sweet as he may *seem*. I feel like I'm not getting a clear reading on how he feels about me. I don't like this feeling--and I fear being used, I fear being "the best option" in his life right now too, as honestly my virtual friends, that is how I feel when I am with him lately. So I never answered his call. I think a part of me needs to see that he actually wants me. I don't mean to play games, really I don't, but the angst I feel over this potential that he might just be using me is now driving me a bit crazy, it seems. I've been in other relationships--and I was confident in all of them, but not this time folks, not this time...

 

Oh yes, and when we met he *shared* that he was in a satisfactory "romantic" relationship (kind of eluding to it being hot and spicy) with a woman who was 13 years younger than him--but she ended the relationship after learning about his age, and he was shocked because they had such a great physical connection. I hated that he told me that! I'm his age... When he said that, on our first date, I said, that's a bit too much info... Perhaps he set the tone for the "romance" then. What I learned from that was we must all treat each other like precious jewels when beginning a relationship, lest inspire insecurities down the road...

 

Thanks for listening.

Edited by lola7
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lola7 Member

lola7

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Dropping phase now in progress. I shared ALL of what I've been feeling.

Krytie TV Established Member

Krytie TV

Posted
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You have a hardcore jealousy issue OP. Even if this issue resolves, there is BIG trouble ahead for you unless you get it under control.

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