robinhill Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 (edited) Help please.....hi, not sure where else to go.. My boyfriend of 2 years living together for 1 year. he lies all the time..in the beginning there were weird calls from women one I finally confronted she said she knew nothing about me...but would not deny or confirm a physical relationship...but there must have been..but without proof I let it go...next few months more wierd stuff phone bills showed calls to a couple of women all the time....then when he was pretty much caught..he said he didnt want to be that way anymore had been in his previous marriage (compulsive liar and cheater) I found out later how bad he had been. so, I probably should have left him then..but I didnt...he always had excuses that made sense...and everything else was good with us..I wanted to believe he would change. he would also slightly cut up my body in that its funny but not funny way...which my body is fine! then my father passed away suddenly and the guy seemed to grow up and be there for me...things were good...it was a hard time but I tried to make it ok for his kids etc taking them up to the cottage making things still fun....then I over hear him say to a friend a few months after my fathers tragic passing in a plane crash..."my summer has been ****, I have had to deal with her"....I dont think there is any excuse to talk that way. even in a bad mood.... now I have found him lying again alto!! about stupid things...where he is..he says hes in traffic yet I know he is having coffee with a guy friend why would I care...so I am finding these kinds of stupis lies every day?? lies that seem to have no reason. last week I found a new number in his contacts a girl..I asked him who it was...and he says he cant remember...he added her to the contacts...its only been 2 weeks...how can he not remember?? it is so confusing when you are in a relationship like this to see what is going on...I never seem to have real proof of cheating...but yes, lying. Am I crazy??? is it obvious that this is an extremely bad guy for me to be with...I dont want to ruin my life...just so exhausted and confused now. thanks for listening Edited June 20, 2010 by robinhill make it sound better
2sunny Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 now is your chance to get out! you have all the evidence you need - whether or not you can admit it to yourself is beside the point. no one lies - if they don't have something to cover up. he's covering up all the women he tends to be interested in. get tested for STD's... and get out! or reverse that order - get out and get tested. you owe him no explanation with the way he's treated you - just that you deserve better.
D-Lish Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 I never seem to have real proof of cheating...but yes, lying. Am I crazy??? is it obvious Not crazy, but too forgiving. If you know he's lying, and something seems out of whack, it IS. Why do you put up with his behaviour? A few redeeming qualities and sweet moments doesn't make a good relationship, trust and consistency does.
ADF Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 I think this man chose well when he chose you. 9 out of 10 women would have been long gone by now--and rightly so. The fact you're not sends you BF the message that there is nothing he can not talk his way out of with you, nothing you won't put up with. Confused? You ought to be furious--and miles away by now.
D-Lish Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 I think this man chose well when he chose you. 9 out of 10 women would have been long gone by now--and rightly so. The fact you're not sends you BF the message that there is nothing he can not talk his way out of with you, nothing you won't put up with. Confused? You ought to be furious--and miles away by now. So right ADF, so right.
tiffyb Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Help please.....hi, not sure where else to go.. My boyfriend of 2 years living together for 1 year. he lies all the time..in the beginning there were weird calls from women one I finally confronted she said she knew nothing about me...but would not deny or confirm a physical relationship...but there must have been..but without proof I let it go...next few months more wierd stuff phone bills showed calls to a couple of women all the time....then when he was pretty much caught..he said he didnt want to be that way anymore had been in his previous marriage (compulsive liar and cheater) I found out later how bad he had been. so, I probably should have left him then..but I didnt...he always had excuses that made sense...and everything else was good with us..I wanted to believe he would change. he would also slightly cut up my body in that its funny but not funny way...which my body is fine! then my father passed away suddenly and the guy seemed to grow up and be there for me...things were good...it was a hard time but I tried to make it ok for his kids etc taking them up to the cottage making things still fun....then I over hear him say to a friend a few months after my fathers tragic passing in a plane crash..."my summer has been ****, I have had to deal with her"....I dont think there is any excuse to talk that way. even in a bad mood.... now I have found him lying again alto!! about stupid things...where he is..he says hes in traffic yet I know he is having coffee with a guy friend why would I care...so I am finding these kinds of stupis lies every day?? lies that seem to have no reason. last week I found a new number in his contacts a girl..I asked him who it was...and he says he cant remember...he added her to the contacts...its only been 2 weeks...how can he not remember?? it is so confusing when you are in a relationship like this to see what is going on...I never seem to have real proof of cheating...but yes, lying. Am I crazy??? is it obvious that this is an extremely bad guy for me to be with...I dont want to ruin my life...just so exhausted and confused now. thanks for listening 2 words: DUMP THAT
Author robinhill Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 I think I know I have to dump him...it has just gone on so long and he has been so good most of the time...I guess I am trying to get enough opinions to help me see this more clearly...he got me at a very vulnerable time...2 years before I met him my mother passed away suddenly...then during the relationship my father. I thought he was great at first...then the lies just started showing up..and there is no way I have caught all of them...I have only recently started to really look...and allthough they are innocent stupid lies mostly...I dont understand that menality...he will lie about any stupid thing...he lied about where he went for lunch the other day.he is with me pretty much all the time but it doesnt take much time to sleep w someone...the woman in his contacts that he "cant remember"....I cant imagine any other reason for saying you cant remember than it being bad. I tried calling her, no answer then someone texted me from another number and basically said she is 50 stop calling....sounds like a set up to me..so I checked her out as much as I could..she is a 34 yr old very skanky woman...him and I are both in our early 40,s.....there is no way to prove it...but if it was innocent he would remember why he put her in his contacts 2 weeks ago.....and what he said to his friend shortly after my father died...does not sound like a good person to me...what is weird...I would never have expected him to talk that way....I gues you are all right...he chose well with me
Author robinhill Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 why do I put up with his behaviour?....not really sure...I think I want the smoking gun proof...my sister thinks I have about ten smoking guns:) and I saw a thereapist...she had a good analogy..."you are like a duck that was put in a pot of cold water..and it has been heating up slowly, and now you are asking everyone...hey, is it hot in here".... thanks for your great reply...
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