What Made You Fall in Love with MM/MW?

[Ellin]

I'd love to hear your stories - how did it all start, what caught your attention, what was is that made him/her special to you?

:love:

 

Or, if you prefer - what made you fall into that trap?

[Mombot]

We were friends for 3 years, he would come in to the office and talk to me the months he would work in the area. He would call me when he was home, we went out to dinner (I brought my daughter and her husband... if they did not like him, I would not see him again). We had some lunches and it evolved into a PA. He'd send for me to come when he worked out of state, now he's working about 200 miles away for an extended time. He is Separated but not D. It was a process with a life of it's own.

[Ellin]

Thanks Mombot. So it wasn't out of the blue, there was some logic in the way it evolved, right?

 

What was it that you liked about him? In terms of looks or personality.

[BB07]

There was a mutual attraction going on for a couple of years that neither one of us ever acted upon, (too scared, too stupid, cowardly and he was a supervisor, not mine but none the less in a dominant position where we both worked. etc.). We were both single at that time. So how stupid was that?

 

He hinted...I got up my nerve, but I waited too long and he got married for all the wrong reasons. After 6 months, they separated and I decided that I wasn't going to let him get by me THIS time. I won't go into the long drawn out details but after a few months of us, he felt he had to go back to the marriage. I didn't think he would stay, he didn't think he would stay, but he did for almost 4 years. He and I lasted about 1 1/2 years after he went back, and then I walked, stupidly into another relationship that was abusive. He and I kept in touch occasionally by email, but did not discuss our personal circumstances of our relationships with others.

 

I received a email in early 2008 and he had moved out, much to my surprise. I left the relationship that I was in in Aug (for reasons that had nothing to do with him) and we immediately started dating. All the feelings that we had prior became rekindled like a match to paper.

 

It's been wonderful but yet it's been very, very hard. He still hasn't got a divorce yet and his stbx has not wanted to turn him loose and it's been very difficult to reach an agreement with her concerning finances. We also live over 2 hours away from each other and our busy lives haven't left us much together time.

It's been one hell of a ride!

[Ellin]

There was a mutual attraction going on for a couple of years that neither one of us ever acted upon, (too scared, too stupid, cowardly and he was a supervisor, not mine but none the less in a dominant position where we both worked. etc.). We were both single at that time. So how stupid was that?

 

He hinted...I got up my nerve, but I waited too long and he got married for all the wrong reasons. After 6 months, they separated and I decided that I wasn't going to let him get by me THIS time. I won't go into the long drawn out details but after a few months of us, he felt he had to go back to the marriage. I didn't think he would stay, he didn't think he would stay, but he did for almost 4 years. He and I lasted about 1 1/2 years after he went back, and then I walked, stupidly into another relationship that was abusive. He and I kept in touch occasionally by email, but did not discuss our personal circumstances of our relationships with others.

 

I received a email in early 2008 and he had moved out, much to my surprise. I left the relationship that I was in in Aug (for reasons that had nothing to do with him) and we immediately started dating. All the feelings that we had prior became rekindled like a match to paper.

 

It's been wonderful but yet it's been very, very hard. He still hasn't got a divorce yet and his stbx has not wanted to turn him loose and it's been very difficult to reach an agreement with her concerning finances. We also live over 2 hours away from each other and our busy lives haven't left us much together time.

It's been one hell of a ride!

 

It certainly does sound like a hell of a ride.

 

This great attraction and strong chemistry that make you feel alive, make you just "lose it" and go into it like a moth flying into fire.

 

I'm just curious what is it about him that attracted you so strongly? Can you put your finger on it?

 

For me, for example, one of the things that got my attention in the very beginning was the way he walked....

[BB07]

It certainly does sound like a hell of a ride.

 

This great attraction and strong chemistry that make you feel alive, make you just "lose it" and go into it like a moth flying into fire.

 

I'm just curious what is it about him that attracted you so strongly? Can you put your finger on it?

 

For me, for example, one of the things that got my attention in the very beginning was the way he walked....

 

It's really hard to define, but the first time I saw him there was something about him that attracted me which hasn't happened to me that often in my life. If I had to pick one physical characteristic I'd say his eyes, but really I don't know, it just was. As I got to know him a bit better, his kindness to others and the way he handled himself in the position that he was in at work, make him that much more attractive.

[Ellin]

It's really hard to define, but the first time I saw him there was something about him that attracted me which hasn't happened to me that often in my life. If I had to pick one physical characteristic I'd say his eyes, but really I don't know, it just was. As I got to know him a bit better, his kindness to others and the way he handled himself in the position that he was in at work, make him that much more attractive.

 

I know what you're talking about. I can identify with that.

 

In my case the eyes and the kindness played a big part too. And the kindness could also be seen in his eyes. So yeah, it's a bit of everything.

 

There has to be physical attraction as well as mental compatibility, and a timeline when the bond develops. I guess these are the main ingredients...

[Mombot]

Thanks Mombot. So it wasn't out of the blue, there was some logic in the way it evolved, right?

 

What was it that you liked about him? In terms of looks or personality.

I liked his personalty especially well. and he has very pretty blue eyes.

Conversation was very easy, a level of comfort with each other that was very very high.

[Fallen Angel]

A mutual friend introduced us online many years ago, and we became friendly. Just idle chit-chat nothing too serious, but I knew I liked him as a person, and he enjoyed my company as well.

 

We stayed friendly for many years. Then he was deployed over seas several times back-to-back and we lost contact.

 

Whne we reconnected I was at a very low-point in my marriage, and he was easy to confide in. Comfortable, like a favorite comfy pillow or warm sweater that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. He was also "safe" in that he was half-way across the country from me, and so no threat for my husband. (My husband not only condoned my friendship with him, but actually encouraged my friendship with him.)

 

After a time, I realized I was falling in love. he is a wonderful, warm, caring, giving, tender, compassionate, passionate man. And he thought I was wonderful! Having someone else think I was something special and someone worthy of time, attention and affection was something I had not had in a very, very long time.

 

One day out of the blue he told me he loved me. I was not yet in a place that I was willing to verbalize that I felt the same, but it was not long afterwards that I confessed to also loving him.

 

In time, I separated, and have since divorced. Not FOR him, but he definately helped me to find my strength again to be able to leave a 15 yr long abusive marriage.

 

We are still very much in love. And he is sure to tell me daily that he loves me and values me. And I make sure he knows daily how much I love and value him.

 

Besides all that..

 

he is very smart.

 

very sexy.

 

very hard-working.

 

very loving.

 

very kind to me.

 

very gentle with me.

 

and very good to my kids.

 

What is NOT to love??

[MsRight]

I dated my OM in college...and what I always remembered about him was his great smile, and he was a great kisser. So when he got in contact with me, those things came right back to mind. Something I discovered in getting to know him better was how intellectual, philosophical and thoughtful he became. He was always smart, but now he was super sexy smart and our intellectual compatibility was tied with our physical.

 

I shouldn't be posting in this thread...

[TinaniT]

He drives after everything in his life with passion (Passion is a characteristic I give a lot of credit for, many go without it.) He has a strong personality naturally without overriding others or trying to assert himself over someone. He has achieved so much in so many aspects of his life. He enjoys the same hobbies as I, Ironman triathlon especially, and has a competitive spirit to match my own... Not to mention the body to show for all his hard work. He is intelligent. He is giving and kind and does anything I ask of him and acts happy to do so. He is incredibly handsome, but somehow does not know it -- I've seen girls fall over themselves around him and he doesn't even notice it. He's an awkward romantic, which I find charming. His accent is dreamy. There's so much I could go on forever. We felt like we connected immediately... I wouldn't say love at first sight, though he has, and has always acted accordingly, but it was clear quickly there was something between us neither of us had seen before. :love:

[wheelwright]

I think it's about appreciating there is an inherent fit between you.

 

I also think it happens when you are ready for a big transformation in your life. (see Francesco Alberoni).

 

Personally, I loved the way he spoke, was funny, held himself so tense like someone with a passionate spring ready to be released.

 

I was drawn to his loneliness, and wanted to relive him of the weight of it. But he was in many ways married to it more than he was married to his BS.

 

He was the only man who ever made me feel beautiful, though others told me I was.

 

He 'made me feel like a natural woman'

[Fallen Angel]

I think it's about appreciating there is an inherent fit between you.

 

I also think it happens when you are ready for a big transformation in your life. (see Francesco Alberoni).

 

Personally, I loved the way he spoke, was funny, held himself so tense like someone with a passionate spring ready to be released.

 

I was drawn to his loneliness, and wanted to relive him of the weight of it. But he was in many ways married to it more than he was married to his BS.

 

He was the only man who ever made me feel beautiful, though others told me I was.

 

He 'made me feel like a natural woman'

 

This post speaks to me...

 

About the loneliness... I was so lonely when we reconnected. So in need of someone to alleviate the feeling of being totally alone in the world. I sensed in him much the same emotion. An emptiness looking to be filled. In our loneliness we reached out and were able to fill the empty spaces for each other.

 

He, too, is the only man who ever made me FEEL beautiful, not just physically beautiful but emotionally, spiritually and intellectually beautiful. Though he says often that he thinks I am beautiful, he doesn't have to say it. He shows it. It is in the way he looks at me. It is in the way he touches me. The way he always wants to be near me. The way he always reaches out for me emotionally and physically and intellectually.

[wheelwright]

This post speaks to me...

 

About the loneliness... I was so lonely when we reconnected. So in need of someone to alleviate the feeling of being totally alone in the world. I sensed in him much the same emotion. An emptiness looking to be filled. In our loneliness we reached out and were able to fill the empty spaces for each other.

 

He, too, is the only man who ever made me FEEL beautiful, not just physically beautiful but emotionally, spiritually and intellectually beautiful. Though he says often that he thinks I am beautiful, he doesn't have to say it. He shows it. It is in the way he looks at me. It is in the way he touches me. The way he always wants to be near me. The way he always reaches out for me emotionally and physically and intellectually.

 

Soulmates?

[Fallen Angel]

Soulmates?

 

That seems such an overused and therefore scoffed at term, but yes, perhaps that is one way to say it.

 

I have always had good friends in my life. Family. People around me. My own sense of self. But I always felt an emptiness, even while living a full life. Always, until him.

 

He has touched a part of my spirit that no one else ever has. He has reached and entangled himself in my soul, if you will, in a way no one else has ever come close to. He fills up my empty spots. Spots that even I could not fill... it is HIM. And perhaps that is because he is the only one in the world who was made (by God?) to be able to do that? Therefore, soul-mates?

[GreenEyedLady]

I met mine at my work. I teach Special Ed at the elementary school level and the local fire department came to do a presentation for my class. He was one of the firemen.

 

He was very enthusiastic and good with the kids. They got a call after about 20 minutes and they were lights and sirens off the playground and I thought out of my life.

 

My class was making thank you cards and one day about a week later, I found a note in my box with a bunch of fire stickers. He basically said if I needed anything else to let him know, here's his numbers and work schedule.

 

I took a tin of Mrs. Field's cookies to the station and the thank you cards and the rest is history.

 

I fell in love with him because he was sweet, charming, funny, outgoing, smart and completely compatible with me.

 

I didn't realize at the time that we were on a roller coaster that would eventually end in M. But I'm glad that it did. :-)

 

He's my best friend and my lover. I got pretty lucky I got both rolled up in one.

 

GEL

[White Flower]

Always loved your story GEL. I never get tired of it. I'm so happy for you.

 

We met on a cruise, he said I looked like an angel who floated into the lounge, then he asked me to dance. I heard a voice I've never heard before whisper into my ear, Trust him. I could feel the breath of this voice on my cheek. Very surreal.

 

We've been dancing ever since.

Edited June 20, 2010 by White Flower

[Circular]

All I can say is that we had that 'chemistry', the kind you read about, hear about but never experienced. Everyone else noticed it (that is the scary part) before we even noticed it, it was like yin/yang. I'm still flabbergasted by it to this day as it existed a long time before anything started between us. It's actually an interesting story but TMI right now.

 

To say the least, the litmus test was her leaving for two years, us crossing paths one day and that chemistry kicking back in like we'd never had time apart. To me that was fate. We could talk for hours and did for years and years almost daily, we could cheer each other up, had so much in common that we would say the exact same things. I think what I loved the most is we just got each other we had this deep understanding and acceptance of each others ways and neither of us was judgmental about them. It was an uncanny experience, the physical part came in years later and was incredible. Thing is, fate changed - almost like a wind dying out of the sails, you could feel it, sense it and now we're where we are now. Oddly, for some reason, maybe its denial, but I don't think this is played out completely either.

 

I'm doing much better today so its easier to talk about.

[JustJoe]

My story sounds really stupid. It was "lust at first sight", for her, and I guess, for me too. I had seen her before at various political/Military events, and she was/is breathtakingly beautiful. But , to her, I was just another soldier, in ranks with lots of other soldiers. When we met, as individuals, the deal was sealed. It's surprising, really, she was a trophy wife, and a rich kid, people that I usually have little use for. But she has always loved me, or maybe at first lusted after me, even when I found out about her M, and wouldn't have anything to do with her.

[jennie-jennie]

To think that I have fallen in love with the same man twice in a life time. Once at 15, then at 46. 31 years apart.

 

When we were young, he seemed so exciting and dangerous to me, a shy, unexperienced girl. We would sit for hours on our porches and talk, just talk. He was too coy to even reach out and kiss me. He had this beautiful long wavy hair, I thought he looked so nice.

 

When he reached out to me again, he joked about becoming bald because of all his kids. I read his letter, and thought this is someone I could love. We were exploring each other again, only to find that we had more in common than any of us remembered and had probably even realized when we were young.

 

We talked and talked and talked about everything on earth. It was like sitting on those porches again, looking into each other's eyes, sharing a bond between us that was stronger than any other bond had ever been.

 

This time I discovered that he was not dangerous at all. LOL I had taken the dangerous paths in life, he had taken the safe ones. Yet I loved him. I loved him because he was so much like me. We looked at the world and we saw the same things.

 

While we were coy as young, we were anything but now. Both of us had matured into adults very much enjoying the sexual part of a relationship. This too we share. The chemistry between us was and is unbelievable.

 

He said once when we had just reconnected that he wanted to come by and drink coffee, but he knew that seven hours would not be enough, but neither would seven years be. That is so the truth.

Edited June 20, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[Ellin]

A mutual friend introduced us online many years ago, and we became friendly. Just idle chit-chat nothing too serious, but I knew I liked him as a person, and he enjoyed my company as well.

 

We stayed friendly for many years. Then he was deployed over seas several times back-to-back and we lost contact.

 

Whne we reconnected I was at a very low-point in my marriage, and he was easy to confide in. Comfortable, like a favorite comfy pillow or warm sweater that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. He was also "safe" in that he was half-way across the country from me, and so no threat for my husband. (My husband not only condoned my friendship with him, but actually encouraged my friendship with him.)

 

After a time, I realized I was falling in love. he is a wonderful, warm, caring, giving, tender, compassionate, passionate man. And he thought I was wonderful! Having someone else think I was something special and someone worthy of time, attention and affection was something I had not had in a very, very long time.

 

One day out of the blue he told me he loved me. I was not yet in a place that I was willing to verbalize that I felt the same, but it was not long afterwards that I confessed to also loving him.

 

In time, I separated, and have since divorced. Not FOR him, but he definately helped me to find my strength again to be able to leave a 15 yr long abusive marriage.

 

We are still very much in love. And he is sure to tell me daily that he loves me and values me. And I make sure he knows daily how much I love and value him.

 

Besides all that..

 

he is very smart.

 

very sexy.

 

very hard-working.

 

very loving.

 

very kind to me.

 

very gentle with me.

 

and very good to my kids.

 

What is NOT to love??

 

Thanks for sharing FA. It's nice to read all these real life love stories.

 

You, like others, had known your MM for quite a long time and were friends before. And then something that was happening in your life became a trigger for things to change and evolve into something else.

 

My guy and I weren't friends, but I had been seeing him around for several years, saying hello and having an odd chat when we bumped into each other. I always found him attractive but believed that it was wise to stay away. The time came, however, when I could not contain my emotions any more and they kind of exploded, making me feel completely out of control.

 

It happened some months after my D became final. I was ready to fall in love again and maybe it was something about me that was different, but he started to display more and more symptoms of being very interested in me.

 

That was crazy time. I could hardly breathe:D

[Ellin]

He drives after everything in his life with passion (Passion is a characteristic I give a lot of credit for, many go without it.) He has a strong personality naturally without overriding others or trying to assert himself over someone. He has achieved so much in so many aspects of his life. He enjoys the same hobbies as I, Ironman triathlon especially, and has a competitive spirit to match my own... Not to mention the body to show for all his hard work. He is intelligent. He is giving and kind and does anything I ask of him and acts happy to do so. He is incredibly handsome, but somehow does not know it -- I've seen girls fall over themselves around him and he doesn't even notice it. He's an awkward romantic, which I find charming. His accent is dreamy. There's so much I could go on forever. We felt like we connected immediately... I wouldn't say love at first sight, though he has, and has always acted accordingly, but it was clear quickly there was something between us neither of us had seen before. :love:

Sounds lovely. I especially like the bit about him being handsome but not realising it. So cute:laugh:

[Ellin]

I think it's about appreciating there is an inherent fit between you.

 

I also think it happens when you are ready for a big transformation in your life. (see Francesco Alberoni).

 

Personally, I loved the way he spoke, was funny, held himself so tense like someone with a passionate spring ready to be released.

 

I was drawn to his loneliness, and wanted to relive him of the weight of it. But he was in many ways married to it more than he was married to his BS.

 

He was the only man who ever made me feel beautiful, though others told me I was.

 

He 'made me feel like a natural woman'

 

Thanks Wheelwright!

 

I think I know what you mean by saying "he made me feel like a natural woman". I was so very attracted to my one, because he just... knows how to be a man... Something that is rare these days, around here anyway. And I really need it in order to be physically attracted to a man. If that was missing we could be great friends, and that would be it.

 

I also can identify with what you wrote about his loneliness. I was also drawn to what I sensed was his vulnerability.

[Ellin]

I met mine at my work. I teach Special Ed at the elementary school level and the local fire department came to do a presentation for my class. He was one of the firemen.

 

He was very enthusiastic and good with the kids. They got a call after about 20 minutes and they were lights and sirens off the playground and I thought out of my life.

 

My class was making thank you cards and one day about a week later, I found a note in my box with a bunch of fire stickers. He basically said if I needed anything else to let him know, here's his numbers and work schedule.

 

I took a tin of Mrs. Field's cookies to the station and the thank you cards and the rest is history.

 

I fell in love with him because he was sweet, charming, funny, outgoing, smart and completely compatible with me.

 

I didn't realize at the time that we were on a roller coaster that would eventually end in M. But I'm glad that it did. :-)

 

He's my best friend and my lover. I got pretty lucky I got both rolled up in one.

 

GEL

 

Oh, what a sweet story! It could be the storyline of a novel or a film.

[Ellin]

Always loved your story GEL. I never get tired of it. I'm so happy for you.

 

We met on a cruise, he said I looked like an angel who floated into the lounge, then he asked me to dance. I heard a voice I've never heard before whisper into my ear, Trust him. I could feel the breath of this voice on my cheek. Very surreal.

 

We've been dancing ever since.

 

That is very romantic W Flower! Thanks for sharing.