threebyfate Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 No, she sent him a booty call early on in our relationship. We were lying in bed when he got it and he showed it to me. I pointed this out because according to the husband, my boyfriend has been soliciting his wife and she has been saying no and trying to get him to stop. But I *know* this is not the case because I've seen at least on text from her to my boyfriend asking for sex. It's pretty much the only hole in their story though. And I don't know anything about SIM card readers but I will definitely look into that. I feel confident that the dates on the emails are correct. But he and his ex were broken up at the time so I don't know why he would keep lying to me about that unless he just felt ashamed. I still don't get the hair thing though. :/I'm assuming this was sent as a text message? As well, how do you know it was her and not someone else beyond him telling you who it is? How did he tell you who it was and how was the message worded?
Author Pleco Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 I know it was her because I asked her about that message and she remembers it. It went like this: She text him asking to meet up, I don't remember exact wording. He showed it to me and replied jokingly, "sorry, I have a girlfriend now so it would have to be a threesome." She replied, "I don't want to share you, doll." Or something similar. I think they went on to some small talk and that was it. As far as I know.
Owl Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 OK, you've caught him once trying to put you off by lying (about the hair thing). Add in any real lack of motivation that I can see for the MOW's husband to lie about this...but a real chance for motivation to tell you the truth (so that you pressure your BF to stop pursuing this guy's wife)...and you have a pretty clear cut picture here. The question is...are you willing to see that? Or would you rather avoid seeing what the rest of us are pointing out to you, and rather cling to the belief that your BF is being honest and there's nothing to fear here? You posted here asking a question...and got some very consistent answers from a number of well-respected posters on this site. That leaves the question...what are you going to do with those answers?
Author Pleco Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 I don't think I've said that I'm ignoring the obvious and believing my boyfriend. I'm just one of those people who needs complete truth and I'm not getting it from anyone. In regards to why MOM would lie...he is definitely exaggerating some things to make my boyfriend look bad. And the wife is definitely lying about some things to make him look bad and cover her own ass. I'm still really confused about the hair thing. I am almost 100% positive that my boyfriend is lying about the date the affair occurred, and he's lying when he says the emails are made up. The two questions I have are 1) why? And 2) has he really been contacting the wife for sex during the last year? I could see the wife telling her husband that he has been trying to get her to meet up again and she has been denying him. But of course she is going to say this to her husband. They don't have texts or anything to prove this. As for what I have done, we are somewhat broken up. The problem is that we have a beautiful house together, a vehicle together, and live as though we were married. We were talking about getting engaged soon. Splitting up will not be easy and I want to make d*mn sure I'm not being stupid by believing a stranger's word over my boyfriend's. For now we are apart but together. I've told him I want to start seeing other people and over the next year decide what to do. Hoping to scare him into admitting to his lies. Hasn't worked so far.
Fight4Me Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 My boyfriend text her the day that the husband came to me. He thought he was texting the wife but he was texting the husband. The husband forwarded those texts to me. They were innocent. My boyfriend was trying to reach out to the woman as a friend, someone to talk to because we (me and him) were already in an argument.So, this appears to have been initiated by your boyfriend breaking NC (no contact) with this man's wife. After the discovery of an affair, as a condition of reconciliation, strict NC is put into place. Her BH had probably kept the option of contacting you in his mind should such an occasion warrant it (i.e. breaking of NC). It doesn't matter if the text your bf sent to his wife's phone was innocent or not. In fact, reaching out to a married woman as a friend after they were involved in an EMR is beyond inappropriate. It's even worse that he did so because you two were arguing. I can guarantee you the BH isn't just taking his wife's word for her side of things, and is most certainly looking for any evidence that would reveal any recent deception on her part. He may even have more evidence that he isn't willing to divulge to her at this time because it would reveal his methods/sources, and wants to give it more time to be sure he has all the information. At this point, I would be inclined to not mention to your bf any further evidence you should be receiving from the BS. It should speak for itself, and then after processing the info, you can confront him again. Just don't give him time to come up with more ludicrous stories of being set-up. Take care of yourself, and keep your eyes wide open.
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