How would you react to being set up?

[Pleco]

Say someone was setting you up for whatever reason. They were doing a good job of it too. Forwarding your wife/girlfriend emails between you and another woman, making it look like you were lying.

 

So your wife/girlfriend (or husband, whatever) was threatening to leave because everything pointed to you lying.

 

If you REALLY hadn't done anything wrong, how would you react?

[ADF]

That's easy. You beat whoever is doing it to a bloody pulp with a baseball bat, and make them fess up. Problem solved.

[Corporate]

Say someone was setting you up for whatever reason. They were doing a good job of it too. Forwarding your wife/girlfriend emails between you and another woman, making it look like you were lying.

 

So your wife/girlfriend (or husband, whatever) was threatening to leave because everything pointed to you lying.

 

If you REALLY hadn't done anything wrong, how would you react?

 

This is a VERY HIGHLY unlikely case.

[varaski]

Say someone was setting you up for whatever reason. They were doing a good job of it too. Forwarding your wife/girlfriend emails between you and another woman, making it look like you were lying.

 

So your wife/girlfriend (or husband, whatever) was threatening to leave because everything pointed to you lying.

 

If you REALLY hadn't done anything wrong, how would you react?

 

If I was accused but hadn't done anything wrong, in no way would i entertain any words or actions aganist me, if they said they wanted to leave i would let them.

 

No need defending myself aganist a lie. Mature people don't leave people that they love, i say miss me with that mess, and if you wanted to leave, i reconie that this would be a good reason for you to do the thing that you were too afraid to do all on your own.

 

to answer your question... i would have no reaction. If my heart was in the right place, i'd continue to do the right thing.

[ADF]

This is a VERY HIGHLY unlikely case.

 

This is what I think. It would be awfully difficult to engineer a hoax so airtight it led to the downfall of a marriage.

[HappyAtLast]

Forwarding your wife/girlfriend emails between you and another woman, making it look like you were lying.

 

Why would there be such emails between yourself and another woman?

[Spark1111]

Say someone was setting you up for whatever reason. They were doing a good job of it too. Forwarding your wife/girlfriend emails between you and another woman, making it look like you were lying.

 

So your wife/girlfriend (or husband, whatever) was threatening to leave because everything pointed to you lying.

 

If you REALLY hadn't done anything wrong, how would you react?

 

people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

 

They also do not protest or defend themselves toooooo loudly or vocally.

 

If you are truly innocent, then your actions speak for yourself. It is almost impossible to defend yourself from a well orchestrated smear campaign done intentionally to malign you.....

 

...but to what purpose? What intention? If my SO believed lies about me when I had only a faithful and honest history with him, I guess he leaves.

[2sure]

LOL. Ah, brings back memories. When I found out that my H was cheating because I had, like, ALL this proof he couldnt deny. His first reaction was OMG, someone is setting me up!! And they must be professional because it looks so good.

 

It was the only bright spot in an otherwise depressing day

[Pleco]

If I was accused but hadn't done anything wrong, in no way would i entertain any words or actions aganist me, if they said they wanted to leave i would let them.

But what if the evidence is so much that if you were in their shoes, you wouldn't believe yourself either? I mean, can you fault someone for being logical?

 

And what if there HAD been some question in the past about your honesty, so your SO had every reason to doubt you. But this time you really were innocent. You would still react with a "whatever, I don't care, if you don't believe me then leave" attitude?

[norajane]

Do people really go around setting each other up? Where there's smoke, there's fire. If somebody is going around setting me up, I have probably been doing something I shouldn't or they wouldn't have such a stake in screwing up my life. Unless we're all 13 years old.

 

To answer your question, if I were being set up and there is nothing I am guilty of, I'd immediately be gathering all relevant parties together to confront the person setting me up. I would not take it lying down if my relationship is at stake.

[imagine]

Pay for a polygraph test. Both of you.

 

Your test: to prove your innocence. His test: to check whether he is involved in the scam.

[lilagirl]

You need to be honest and real in your post first, before you will get some honest and useable advice. You are too vague for any of us to be of assistance

[bananalaffytaffy]

At first blush, it looks like you are guilty, but coming to this board looking for ideas on how to look innocent.

[White Flower]

Say someone was setting you up for whatever reason. They were doing a good job of it too. Forwarding your wife/girlfriend emails between you and another woman, making it look like you were lying.

 

So your wife/girlfriend (or husband, whatever) was threatening to leave because everything pointed to you lying.

 

If you REALLY hadn't done anything wrong, how would you react?

If this was a friend of yours I'd dump the friend.

[Dexter Morgan]

If you REALLY hadn't done anything wrong, how would you react?

 

I'd find someone who administers lie detector tests and take one. I couldn't really get mad because you couldn't blame them for thinking I may have cheated if someone did what you said.

[Owl]

My first thought was "What was in those emails that were fwd'ed that makes this "seem" like an affair when it's not?"

 

Doesn't seem likely, my friend.

 

If there's enough in those emails to convince the spouse/bf/whatever that there's an affair, then there's clearly boundaries being violated, regardless of whether or not the originator agreed that it was an affair.

 

If you're really "not guilty"...then fwd'ing those emails on should have SUPPORTED your stance, not condemned you.

 

The fact that they don't should show YOU that you're clearly operating "beyond the boundary". It should be a catalyst for some re-examination of your motives and actions, rather than a request for "how do I prove myself not-guilty" post.

 

Why DON'T they support your viewpoint rather than that of your evil arch-enemy?

[Pleco]

I am not the one who did anything wrong.

 

I received a facebook message from a stranger last Monday night which said, "I think there is something you need to know about your boyfriend, please text this number 555-5555."

 

The person then told me that my boyfriend had had an affair with his wife a year and a half ago and has been contacting her asking for sex ever since. He forwarded me emails that were sent between my boyfriend and this man's wife a year and a half ago when the affair occurred (December of 08) and more emails from last April between them trying arrange another meeting.

 

My boyfriend and I met last April and began "officially" dating in June. We were not together when he was with this woman. In fact, he told me about her when we first got together (we are very open about past lovers) and he has shown me texts that she has sent him asking for sex since we've been together. His response to them was "I have a girlfriend now."

 

However, he was in a 2 year relationship before he met me and claims that he never cheated on his ex and was not with anyone during the month that they were broken up (which happened to be December of 08). HE says that his affair with this woman happened in 07, before he started dating his ex.

 

At first he claimed that he had not tried to meet up with her after he found out she was married, but the email from last April says otherwise. According to it, they tried to meet up after he had already met me (we were not dating, so I would not have a problem with this, however at the time he was telling me that he was not seeing anyone else). He says that they are sending me emails from 3 years ago and changing the dates or are making innocent emails between them look bad. There's more but I'll stop here I guess.

 

Confused? Me too.

[Fight4Me]

This clears up a lot, and now makes sense (at least to me) in regards to your original question. Although, I would say that it seems like you really want to know if your bf can be trusted.

 

I am not the one who did anything wrong.

 

I received a facebook message from a stranger last Monday night which said, "I think there is something you need to know about your boyfriend, please text this number 555-5555."

 

The person then told me that my boyfriend had had an affair with his wife a year and a half ago and has been contacting her asking for sex ever since. He forwarded me emails that were sent between my boyfriend and this man's wife a year and a half ago when the affair occurred (December of 08) and more emails from last April between them trying arrange another meeting.

 

This is actually not entirely unusual. Often, a betrayed spouse will contact the other "betrayed" SO with real evidence (particularly if it's recent), hoping to spare you the same pain and/or help keep the OM/OW away from his/her spouse.

 

My boyfriend and I met last April and began "officially" dating in June. We were not together when he was with this woman. In fact, he told me about her when we first got together (we are very open about past lovers) and he has shown me texts that she has sent him asking for sex since we've been together. His response to them was "I have a girlfriend now."

When he told you about her, did he happen to mention she was married?

 

However, he was in a 2 year relationship before he met me and claims that he never cheated on his ex and was not with anyone during the month that they were broken up (which happened to be December of 08). HE says that his affair with this woman happened in 07, before he started dating his ex.

 

At first he claimed that he had not tried to meet up with her after he found out she was married, but the email from last April says otherwise. According to it, they tried to meet up after he had already met me (we were not dating, so I would not have a problem with this, however at the time he was telling me that he was not seeing anyone else). He says that they are sending me emails from 3 years ago and changing the dates or are making innocent emails between them look bad. There's more but I'll stop here I guess.

This all boils down to the part in bold. It is extremely unlikely, imho, that they would go to such lengths after so much time. Is your gut telling you he's lying?

 

It's possible that this A truly is over, and your bf is lying to protect his new relationship. Lying, for whatever reason, can turn into a chronic bad habit, and there's nothing like an A to sow and nurture something like that.

 

You should NOT ignore this, especially since you're in the early stages of your relationship. You may be able to overlook his past relationship choices, but the lying is current which could turn into a cancer if not dealt with early on.

 

Trust your instincts on this one. Don't ignore those nagging gut feelings.

 

Best of luck to you. (((Pleco)))

[Owl]

He says that they're changing the dates. And you've made it sound like they hacked his email account and fwd'ed them from that account.

 

Have him show you the originals with the correct dates on them. Should be no problem if he's telling the truth.

 

Ask yourself one basic question...WHY would this person send this info to you? What do they gain by making him look crazy? Is it his ex, trying to get him to ditch you so she gets a shot at him again? Or is it his ex's betrayed lover, trying to let you know the truth or 'get even'?

 

What are the odds that it's being made up to hurt him and/or get rid of you...or what are the odds that it's for real coming from someone who has reasons for you to know?

 

Heck...ask your bf to do a polygraph test if you think it's needed.

[Pleco]

To Fight4me:

 

Yes, he told me they hooked up twice and he found out she was married the second time. He told me this at the VERY beginning of our relationship and even showed me a booty call from her to him early on. And as to why they would bring this up after so much time...it's because the husband only found out about the affair a few months ago. So to him, it's new. The husband had taken over his wife's phone and email/facebook accounts. My boyfriend text her the day that the husband came to me. He thought he was texting the wife but he was texting the husband. The husband forwarded those texts to me. They were innocent. My boyfriend was trying to reach out to the woman as a friend, someone to talk to because we (me and him) were already in an argument.

 

However, the husband says that my boyfriend has been texting him (thinking it was his wife) and asking to meet up again. He told me that he has been considering agreeing to a meeting and then hurting him when he showed up. THIS is what I'm not sure about. Who to believe?? My boyfriend says that he and the woman have texted 2-3 times in the last year and that HE has been the one saying no to meeting up.

 

To Owl:

They didn't hack his email. She is sending me copies of the emails from her account. He says the emails have long since been deleted out of his account. He doesn't save anything (which is true and not unusual...his computer doesn't even save internet browsing histories).

 

He is saying that they are changing the dates to make it look like he is lying to me. The wife could be trying to cover her ass and make my boyfriend look bad to save her marriage. And the husband could be trying to break us up because in his mind my boyfriend is the cause of his pain...when in reality his wife is the cause.

 

 

OR, my boyfriend could be lying about the dates because he didn't want to admit he was f*cking around at a time when he and his girlfriend were having problems/on a break because he was ashamed and didn't know how I would take that. OR, he could be lying about it all because he HAS been contacting this woman, trying to arrange a meeting and figures if he admits to lying about the dates, I will know he has been lying about not trying to meet up with her too.

 

Everyone has something to lose, therefore no one can be trusted.

[Owl]

OK, so both husband and wife are saying that your BF is contacting the wife? If you're hearing it from BOTH...I'd say that the odds are greatest that they're telling the truth trying to get your BF to go away and stop contacting her, and that your BF is lying to cover his butt.

 

If the H is contacting you...it's a lot more likely he's trying to end the affair than it is that he's trying to hurt you or your BF.

 

If the affair is over...odds are the husband is going to be the one fighting for NC at all, not aggravating the situation.

 

You should absolutely be suspecting your BF of cheating and lying at this point.

[White Flower]

Owl and Sadintexas have given you excellent advice. I agree with them wholeheartedly.

 

I hate to say it, but I have a feeling this guy will do this the rest of his life. I mean, why cheat on someone brand new unless you're a sex-addict and a cake-eater?

[Pleco]

Thank you for all the advice. I'm going to clarify a few things...and add some more info.

 

To sadintexas: The man and his wife did not tell me the dates of the affair until after I told them the dates of my relationship with my boyfriend and the dates of his relationship with his prior gf. Basically, I told them my boyfriend's side of the story and they countered with their's. So they DID have intimate knowledge about what my boyfriend had said.

 

Here is something I am further confused about. My boyfriend usually has short, almost black hair. There was one time in his life where he died his hair with blonde tips. I THOUGHT he did it that winter, so I asked the woman what color his hair was when they had the affair. She immediately responded (within 5 min) "short with white tips."

 

I asked my boyfriend about this, as I thought it was proof positive that the affair happened when they said it happened. His fire from the hip reply was a lie: he said "well I've had that haircut more than once." I told him I knew this was a lie (he said it while drunk). Later he sobered up and said, "well she must have seen pics on facebook and known the hair I had."

 

I knew that was impossible too, because while there are pics on facebook of him with this hair, there are none from that Dec/Jan. Plus she answered too quickly.

 

But then today, I was looking at photos on his computer and it turns out that I was wrong about the hair...he didn't get that haircut till March! Wtf?

 

And as far as looking at old texts on his phone...they are gone I'm sure. His phone only saves texts from the last month or so.

 

I know that the dates on the emails are correct because in the emails he mentions things that I know he was doing at the time. He is saying that they must be changing it to look like he was soliciting her, when really it was the other way around.

 

They say they are sending me phone bills but I'm not sure. They seem to be growing weary of this whole thing.

[threebyfate]

Yes, he told me they hooked up twice and he found out she was married the second time. He told me this at the VERY beginning of our relationship and even showed me a booty call from her to him early on. .

How did he have this dated booty call saved but everything else deleted?

 

Your b/f is lying.

[Pleco]

How did he have this dated booty call saved but everything else deleted?

 

Your b/f is lying.

No, she sent him a booty call early on in our relationship. We were lying in bed when he got it and he showed it to me. I pointed this out because according to the husband, my boyfriend has been soliciting his wife and she has been saying no and trying to get him to stop. But I *know* this is not the case because I've seen at least on text from her to my boyfriend asking for sex. It's pretty much the only hole in their story though.

 

And I don't know anything about SIM card readers but I will definitely look into that.

I feel confident that the dates on the emails are correct. But he and his ex were broken up at the time so I don't know why he would keep lying to me about that unless he just felt ashamed.

 

I still don't get the hair thing though. :/