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How slow should I take this...we are talking again

cafe267

By cafe267
in Second Chances

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cafe267 New Member

cafe267

Posted
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Its been 3 mos since the breakup, we were engaged, I emotionally cheated...we have a daughter so NC is not an option however it has been up and down w/contact until I went w/the letter a month back and really withdrew. I know I want her back more than anything and to have her as my wife.

 

We had our first meetup over coffee...it went well and she has been really warm since it...over coffee she said she has been talking to some guy she knew from grade school via facebook (he lives several states away) a lot and he's flying out to visit in july...also said they aren't dating but that there's "some attraction there"...think she was testing me for a reaction, didn't give one.

 

should I care at all about him? seems like she's just using him to cope

 

she also said she's not over us but that she can't trust me etc...i just played aloof and happy...she's been sick last two days so i've helped a lot w/our daughter...during that time she's been very warm and seems to be getting warmer and warmer...

 

last night i got a text at 10pm, 2 hours after i had left saying:

 

"has been very nice having you around. want you to know that."

 

should i just keep playing things cool? does the text really mean much or am I reading too into it? ...tom was our wedding date, i'm wondering if i should let her know I'm there for her if she needs someone to talk to on that day since its hard for both of us...also imagine I can make a move at that time and I know if we are physically intimate things will come back together very fast...or should I just keep biding my time, taking it slow and risk this guy turning up in 2 weeks and further complicating things?

Edited by cafe267
ADF Established Member

ADF

Posted
Posted

I've read your post twice and to be honest, I don't see any clear signs on her part that she is interested in resuming a relationship with you. I'm sorry, but I just don't.

 

You should keep in mind that while men rarely go out of their way to spend time with women without some romantic and/or sexual motive, the same is not true for women. Women will make a real effort to cultivate purely plantonic relationships with men.

 

I would take her text as a sign that she genuinely appreciated your being helpful with your daughter. That's it.

 

And I wouldn't let myself believe that this new guy is just some "coping mechanism." Given the circumstances, it likely she is downplaying her affection for him to spare your feelings.

 

Still, you know her and I don't. But I would go with your instincts to play it cool for now.

cbee New Member

cbee

Posted
Posted

It seems like you could take this either way, its possible she could be trying to maintain a warm friendly bond with you especially if you two have a child together. However she must still have some feelings for you, it seems like her trusting you is a big factor. If you betrayed her in some way then you are partly responsible for the break up. Does she have a clue you want her back? If she already fully knows that then maybe playing it cool would be a good idea, not pushing anything especially physical intimacy. However if she doesn't know how you feel yet it would be a good idea to let her know, and see where that goes.

heavensmesenger Member

heavensmesenger

Posted
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also imagine I can make a move at that time and I know if we are physically intimate things will come back together very fast...

 

Playing with fire getting intimate with her...I did that with my ex and she still kicked me out the door and went back to her current squeeze even after I was promised the world from her. Then again you know her better then me.

 

You wanna be intimate get a commitment from her first, however I have to unfortunately agree with ADF.

 

You need to ask yourself if you can truly spend time with her without any expectations...women sense that we want more it's like their spidey sense or something.

 

You want to see her and spend time with her? Don't act desperate or needy. You feel yourself coming into that zone make up an excuse and leave. Don't push her. You can always see her in a few days.

 

I wish you luck in your endeavours

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