Art_Critic Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 He actually told me that he wouldn't mind being kept up, but I feel bad about that sort of thing. It was already pretty late, considering he has to be up in a few hours, and I just figured it wasn't super important to have sex with him tonight. I can wait. Since it went down this way then it sounds to me that you were trying to force it.. and most likely you still are... Honestly.. I would wait a while before having sex with this guy.. I have nothing against sex early on but since you have had this reaction to proceeding then you need to listen to yourself.
CLC2008 Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Since it went down this way then it sounds to me that you were trying to force it.. and most likely you still are... Honestly.. I would wait a while before having sex with this guy.. I have nothing against sex early on but since you have had this reaction to proceeding then you need to listen to yourself. This is sound advice. E - Is this the same individual whom you posted about in the "preferences" thread?
climbergirl Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I wouldn't even bother being on a third date with someone if I didn't feel an emotional/physical connection to him.
Billzebub Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Third date sounds about average, but you can go as long as fifth or sixth date. Unless you're some kind of religious prude, waiting beyond that won't endure you to him. I think part of "getting to know you" is knowing if you're sexually compatible. A lifetime is a long time to spend with someone who you don't enjoy having sex with. At the same time, I don't advocate putting out before the third date, because that just makes you a fling. Never had a relationship develop (healthily) from that scenario.
cdubs32 Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I used to be a guy who would say "no" if I liked her and I wanted something to develop. But after my experiences I'll take it when I can get it. Holding out because you like them hasn't paid off for me.
Crazy Magnet Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 For me it's a no. I will wait for some type of exclusive to me commitment. I won't even take my clothes off until then.
TaurusTerp Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Yes. Earlier the sex is, the better IMO. Bad sex is a dealbreaker. Bad hygiene/grooming is a dealbreaker. I'd like to know that stuff up front before I make a further commitment.
threebyfate Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Rule of thumb, if you start a thread wondering if you should be having sex with them, for certain you're not ready to have sex with them.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 Since it went down this way then it sounds to me that you were trying to force it.. and most likely you still are... Honestly.. I would wait a while before having sex with this guy.. I have nothing against sex early on but since you have had this reaction to proceeding then you need to listen to yourself. I'm certainly not pushing him to do anything he doesn't want to do. Since it's still early, I can wait. I'm going to allow him to make the move. I have been able to notice that he is the type of guy who enjoys being emotionally connected to a person. He does compliment me on my physical appearance, but he most often compliments me on my personality. I've been able to tell that he isn't the type of guy who enjoys rushing into sex (considering he's only slept with 2 girls). As much as I would like to have sex with him, i've told him that I can respect the fact that he enjoys waiting a bit, and i'll wait until he's ready (to a certain extent, I most definitely won't wait longer than 2 months). I guess we'll see how this whole thing plays out. E - Is this the same individual whom you posted about in the "preferences" thread? It is! I decided to give him a shot regardless of my preferences, and i'm glad I did. While I don't feel an immediate connection with him, I do feel as though it has the potential to build. I wouldn't even bother being on a third date with someone if I didn't feel an emotional/physical connection to him. I think part of "getting to know you" is knowing if you're sexually compatible. A lifetime is a long time to spend with someone who you don't enjoy having sex with. Bad sex is a dealbreaker. Bad hygiene/grooming is a dealbreaker. I'd like to know that stuff up front before I make a further commitment. I agree with you guys! Sexual compatibility is equally as important to me as emotional compatibility. While we have already established some sort of emotional compatibility, i'd like to see if we are sexually compatible as well. I can get completely turned off by a guy if we are having sex and there is zero compatibility. I'm hoping that's not the case here, and i'd rather find out sooner rather than later. Rule of thumb, if you start a thread wondering if you should be having sex with them, for certain you're not ready to have sex with them. Oh I already know i'd like to have sex with him I'm just curious as to what everyone elses opinions on the matter are.
impz Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 (edited) I am probably a very conservative person compared to the normal loveshack member, but it's an absolute turn off if a girl offers sex at the third date. I will personally find her a little loose for my likings. In my opinion, sexual compatibility can be improved if both parties are willing to learn and understand, but the emotional compatibility is something that just cannot be easily learned or understood. For me, it's emotional compatibility, then sexual compatibility. I don't need to know how good the other party is at sex (good if s/he's great, we can always practice more if not ^^), but I want to know through the first few dates how we are interacting socially and emotionally (chemistry etc). It will work for most if they can get into the pants of someone, just not for me. I also don't have the urge to bang up the random girl on the bar because she's hot. That said, I am happily married, so dates are out @_@;; Edited June 22, 2010 by impz
Diezel Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 For me it's a no. I will wait for some type of exclusive to me commitment. I won't even take my clothes off until then. So you dangle sex as a reward for sticking around??? I don't get it. What if you two become exclusive and then you realize he/she/it is TERRIBLE at having sex and will NEVER improve... so you just formally dump the unfortunate person then, even after developing an emotional connection?
Diezel Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 That's nonsense. Some people place more value on sex than to have it with someone they've only met a few times. How is it nonsense? If you're going to call it nonsense, you could at least answer the second half of my post while you're at it. What if that were the situation for you, would you just endure it?
Diezel Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I'm simply agreeing with Crazy Magnet. I don't agree with your use of "dangle sex as a reward". I personally believe it's a good idea to wait a month or even a few months. Now if it's nothing until marriage, that would be too long. Crazy Magnet said that she would hold out til there is an "exclusive commitment"... what if that takes a year though? She wasn't specific as to a timeline. And maybe you don't agree with me, but that's how it comes off as. So all a guy has to do is be exclusive to her and THEN she'll have sex. Doesn't matter how long it takes.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 I will personally find her a little loose for my likings. So if a girl only has sex with someone that she really cares for (whether it's the first date, third date, tenth date), then she's loose? Or are you basically saying there's a specific time line in which a girl is allowed to have sex with a man without being considered 'loose'? That's nonsense. Some people place more value on sex than to have it with someone they've only met a few times. So is it completely unreasonable to say that a girl can care about a guy after hanging out with him a few times? Also, what i'm getting from this post is that we don't 'value' sex if we decide to have it after hanging out with a person a few times. Is that what you are trying to imply? Because i'm under the impression that we actually place more value on sex by doing that. We obviously care a great deal about sex if we want to make sure it's something that two people can enjoy together, as opposed to it being awkward because one isn't enjoying it. If an exclusive commitment takes a full year, then there's other issues. I don't think I would be able to stand that. Really? Because the same can be said about having sex after knowing a person for a few months. It's all about perspective.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 You completely missed my points. There's nothing wrong with a woman caring about a guy he only met for a few times. Caring does not necessarily mean having sex. If they both want to have sex, that's fine. Can there really have a deep emotional connection when they've only met a few times? It seems unlikely. I think that should be part of sex, at least for me. I'd like to know who she is and have deep feelings for her. I completely understand what you are saying. It makes sense. It really does just depend on the person, and the importance they place on sex. So many people place so much emphasis on their first time and quit if it's anything less than outstanding. So what if the first few times are awkward if you have thousands of wonderful times after you get used to your partner. I wouldn't quit if it was anything less than outstanding, but if it was horrible then i'd consider starting to date other people. I like to know what i'm getting myself into, before I get into it. Just like I enjoy learning about why my dates previous relationships failed (not on the first date, of course), the relationship they have with their family, etc. It's a pretty good way of finding out what you are getting yourself into. It seems that so many people want to do things quickly and if someone disagrees, then they are a prude or whatever. I would never, ever judge someone who enjoys waiting for sex. Just because that's not the way that I want to go about it, doesn't mean that it's the only way. I also wouldn't consider someone a 'prude' if they wanted to wait. However, as you've seen on this thread already, people who enjoy having sex after the first few times of meeting a person, is automatically assumed to be 'easy'. I think all of those judgments are only used to make a person feel better about their actions, and decisions on this particular matter.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 What is horrible first date sex? Sometimes people have anxiety when having sex with someone new and don't perform because they are nervous. On the other hand, some other people are very rigid in their beiefes about what they will do or not do during sex. You mean what is horrible first time sex? Everyone has different ideas of what makes sex good and what makes it bad. Emotional connection definitely does help. If i'm dating someone, and it's the third date, then i've already established some sort of emotional connection. I didn't use the term 'easy' and didn't mean to imply it. I'd just prefer to have sex where there is an emotional connection in addition to the physical connection. If you feel you don't need the emotional connection before sex or feel that you can have the emtional connection after meeting someone a few times, that's ok. I wasn't saying that you used that term, but if you look back through this thread, you will see the term 'easy' or something along those lines being used. Just as you said that some people would consider a person 'prude', some people would consider a person 'easy'. As I said before, emotional connection definitely does make sex better. I can't argue that. But, to me, when some sort of emotional connection has been established (and has the opportunity to grow), is when i'd like to have sex with that person. I have waited before, and allowed the emotional connection to grow, and then have had sex with them. In one particular instance, the sex was so bad (and was continually bad) that it completely turned me off to them altogether. Then, it was harder to get out of the relationship. So, for me, sex is just as important as a great emotional connection.
Diezel Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 So, for me, sex is just as important as a great emotional connection. I'm glad Erica got the point I was trying to make.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Oh I already know i'd like to have sex with him I'm just curious as to what everyone elses opinions on the matter are. Yes, we'd like you to have sex with him too!! But c'mon, you can be honest here... this thread is giving you the green light to sit and ponder and think about and write about him more and more and more... and you are loving that, right???
Author EricaH329 Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 Yes, we'd like you to have sex with him too!! But c'mon, you can be honest here... this thread is giving you the green light to sit and ponder and think about and write about him more and more and more... and you are loving that, right??? If I wanted to write about him, I would. And I have. That isn't the question I was trying to raise. I was basically wondering what other peoples position on having sex with someone they are dating was. If I wanted to know whether it was 'ok' for me to have sex with him, I would have come straight out and asked that. If I thought for one second that I was going to use other peoples opinions to determine whether or not I would have sex with him, I also would have posted that. It just so happens to be that the urge to have sex with him came about during the third date. I already knew where I stood on the subject, and was curious to know where other people stood as well. I really hope this clears up any further confusion as to why I started this thread, and my motives behind it.
CLC2008 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 If I wanted to write about him, I would. And I have. That isn't the question I was trying to raise. I was basically wondering what other peoples position on having sex with someone they are dating was. If I wanted to know whether it was 'ok' for me to have sex with him, I would have come straight out and asked that. If I thought for one second that I was going to use other peoples opinions to determine whether or not I would have sex with him, I also would have posted that. It just so happens to be that the urge to have sex with him came about during the third date. I already knew where I stood on the subject, and was curious to know where other people stood as well. I really hope this clears up any further confusion as to why I started this thread, and my motives behind it. The urge has to spring up at some point, right? But in all seriousness, I think you made some really good points here. You seem to be feeling your way through it just fine, while examining it from all angles, which is good.
Diezel Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Good luck tonight Erica, let him bang on the female bongos.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 Ok Diezel you asked for an update, so here it is. We've had sex a couple of times, and i'm not exaggerating when I say that it is the best sex of my life!! I don't know how he does it, but i've never had an orgasm from sex alone before, and with him I have multiple orgasms. :bunny:
Diezel Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 Ok Diezel you asked for an update, so here it is. We've had sex a couple of times, and i'm not exaggerating when I say that it is the best sex of my life!! I don't know how he does it, but i've never had an orgasm from sex alone before, and with him I have multiple orgasms. :bunny: Nice. Success then. I'm happy for you and glad to see that it progressed along nicely.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 Nice. Success then. I'm happy for you and glad to see that it progressed along nicely. Thank you hun!! I'm glad I didn't wait. I'm not sure if he is someone that I want to commit myself to quite yet, but until I figure that out I can definitely enjoy the sex!
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