ringoffire Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I wouldn't and haven't. I've waited a minimum of 3 months and a max of two years.....all in the idea of getting to know the guy before bedding down with him.
Engadget Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 (edited) This thread is awesome. Kdark -- I completely agree with everything you've said!! I'm a pretty sexual person, and to be honest, I actually prefer having sex before I make any type of commitment. If I don't have a sexual connection with that person, then the emotional connection will only go so far. A+ for helping me make my point while I was away Engadget -- Throughout your posts in this thread, I noticed you kept mentioning a 'first date' scenario. Do you not think that by the third date you've gotten to know a person much better than you would if you had only gone on a date with them one time? Also, I noticed you were referring to the girl you are currently 'seeing'. I know the both of you had sex on the first date, but didn't you say that you went into that knowing you didn't want anything serious? Do you think that might have swayed your decision, regardless of whether she slept with you on the first date/third date/ etc? CLC -- You're awesome Really? Wow. The sexual connection only goes so far for me if there is an emotional connection. Having sex with people off the bat, then finding out they're complete tools is a quick way to rack up the notches on the bedpost, and potentially the STD's regardless of protection. Sorry, that just isn't for me, and I LOVE sex. I'd rather sex with someone I connect with, because it's far better than sex with random women. Edited June 21, 2010 by Engadget
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Yes? No? Opinions? In your league? Definitely, (if, of course, Erica is agreeable). (the serious answer is "the third date" is a very, very popular point at which something significantly sexual should probably transpire) It's all about personal preferences, of course.
Diezel Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Who cares about a golden standard? It's so passe at this point. I heard about this "rule" of dating back before texting was even a popular word in our modern day vernacular. You know, back when people had to finger the phone in small clock-wise circles in order to actually place a phone call? You could feel a connection with someone on the first date as it could happen on the fifth? Besides, what if your first date lasts only 30 minutes and the next two only last 2 hours each? That's 3 dates. But what if your first date goes SO WELL that it lasts 5 hours total time? Do you still wait til the third date? Or do you take into account that situations could differ based on the couple of people in question. Having that in mind, I believe the correct answer isn't YES or NO, but older people diapers.... DEPENDS.
kdark Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Really? Wow. The sexual connection only goes so far for me if there is an emotional connection. Having sex with people off the bat, then finding out they're complete tools is a quick way to rack up the notches on the bedpost, and potentially the STD's regardless of protection. Sorry, that just isn't for me, and I LOVE sex. I'd rather sex with someone I connect with, because it's far better than sex with random women. For me, I've usually got a pretty good idea of the person I'm going on a date with before it even starts. I don't just go on dates with anyone, and if it's a blind date, it will have been set up by someone I trust and has my best interests at heart, hopefully. I haven't ever picked up a girl at a bar randomly. All the girls I meet are either on internet dating, at school, through friends, or at work. The getting to know you phase is usually long enough for each of those ways to have a pretty good idea of the person you are going on a date with.
Engadget Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 For me, I've usually got a pretty good idea of the person I'm going on a date with before it even starts. I don't just go on dates with anyone, and if it's a blind date, it will have been set up by someone I trust and has my best interests at heart, hopefully. I haven't ever picked up a girl at a bar randomly. All the girls I meet are either on internet dating, at school, through friends, or at work. The getting to know you phase is usually long enough for each of those ways to have a pretty good idea of the person you are going on a date with. It can take a very long time to truly get to know someone I find, and I'm pretty damn good at reading people. I'd just rather have sex with someone I like, rather than sex with someone I'm unsure of then find out I don't like them at all. That's just me though.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 Really? Wow. The sexual connection only goes so far for me if there is an emotional connection. Having sex with people off the bat, then finding out they're complete tools is a quick way to rack up the notches on the bedpost, and potentially the STD's regardless of protection. Sorry, that just isn't for me, and I LOVE sex. I'd rather sex with someone I connect with, because it's far better than sex with random women. But what if you connect with someone on the first date? Or the second date? Is it then ok to have sex with them? Or do you have to really get to know them (which can take years)? Or is it more of when you feel as though enough time has passed before it's appropriate? (the serious answer is "the third date" is a very, very popular point at which something significantly sexual should probably transpire) I agree! Who cares about a golden standard? It's so passe at this point. Oh, i'm not worried about it, I was just wondering what everyones take was on the matter. That's all You could feel a connection with someone on the first date as it could happen on the fifth? I fully agree with this. Besides, what if your first date lasts only 30 minutes and the next two only last 2 hours each? That's 3 dates. But what if your first date goes SO WELL that it lasts 5 hours total time? Do you still wait til the third date? Or do you take into account that situations could differ based on the couple of people in question. In this particular situation (the one I am currently in) the first date lasted 5 1/2 hours, and all we did was talked. The second lasted 4 hours, and the third lasted 6 hours. I feel as though i've gotten to know him pretty well (not enough to say I really know him, but enough to know there is definitely a connection). That being said, I would have had sex with him, if he wanted to. But i'm getting the feeling he wants to wait. It can take a very long time to truly get to know someone I find, and I'm pretty damn good at reading people. I'd just rather have sex with someone I like, rather than sex with someone I'm unsure of then find out I don't like them at all. That's just me though. Hey, I totally respect your opinion on the matter. I appreciate your input!! I guess it really does just depend on the person.
Engadget Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 But what if you connect with someone on the first date? Or the second date? Is it then ok to have sex with them? Or do you have to really get to know them (which can take years)? Or is it more of when you feel as though enough time has passed before it's appropriate? Hey, I totally respect your opinion on the matter. I appreciate your input!! I guess it really does just depend on the person. Well yeah, it all depends. However if a girl wants to jump in my pants on the first date (date, not bar pickup) then it gives me an automatic impression of her as kind of a hussy.
Diezel Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I guess I should actually read the thread. I thought it was more of an open question rather than situational. Erica, when he's ready to have sex, he WILL make a move... unless he's a eunuch. If you already know in your mind that he will, then the next move is his.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 Well yeah, it all depends. However if a girl wants to jump in my pants on the first date (date, not bar pickup) then it gives me an automatic impression of her as kind of a hussy. But what about the third? If you've both had enough time to establish an emotional connection, by the third date would you still consider her to be sleezy if she wanted to sleep with you?
Engadget Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 But what about the third? If you've both had enough time to establish an emotional connection, by the third date would you still consider her to be sleezy if she wanted to sleep with you? If there was enough of a connection I guess it would be fine, but I'd still rather it be a bit longer myself.
USMCHokie Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Well yeah, it all depends. However if a girl wants to jump in my pants on the first date (date, not bar pickup) then it gives me an automatic impression of her as kind of a hussy. What about a girl who wants to jump your pants on the first date but actually waits for, say the third or fourth date...? Makes her more desirable...?
Author EricaH329 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 I guess I should actually read the thread. I thought it was more of an open question rather than situational. Erica, when he's ready to have sex, he WILL make a move... unless he's a eunuch. If you already know in your mind that he will, then the next move is his. Oh no, it is definitely an open question. I just threw in my situation for the first time, just to get some perspective. Him and I have actually discussed when we both thought it was appropriate to have sex. And we both pretty much agree. I just don't think the right opportunity has presented itself yet.
Engadget Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 What about a girl who wants to jump your pants on the first date but actually waits for, say the third or fourth date...? Makes her more desirable...? Yes, exactly. It shows she has that amount of control and class not to open her legs day one. She may just like sex, but I want to know there's something else there.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 If there was enough of a connection I guess it would be fine, but I'd still rather it be a bit longer myself. That's more of the type of situation I was talking about.
Diezel Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Third date is not a bad standard, I just hate to establish a "deadline". If you two have discussed it... what the hell are you waiting for? If the right opportunity hasn't presented itself, you might as well "nudge" the opportunity and help it come along.
USMCHokie Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 If you two have discussed it... what the hell are you waiting for? If the right opportunity hasn't presented itself, you might as well "nudge" the opportunity and help it come along. I kind of agree with you on this one...such a conversation would seem hella awkward to me and would be one that might only come up if one person was growing impatient and wondering sex why hasn't happened yet...but not after three dates... Sex is just something that happens...but it takes two people to make it happen...
Author EricaH329 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 Third date is not a bad standard, I just hate to establish a "deadline". If you two have discussed it... what the hell are you waiting for? If the right opportunity hasn't presented itself, you might as well "nudge" the opportunity and help it come along. He actually asked me, at the end of the third date, whether or not I wanted to go home with him. I was so incredibly tired that I decided against it. We had our fourth date tonight, and i'm planning on staying with him on Wednesday.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 Why didn't it happen tonight? He has to wake up very very early in the morning tomorrow for work, and the date ended up running late (ended at about 11:30 tonight), so I didn't want to keep him up any longer than he already was.
Engadget Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 He has to wake up very very early in the morning tomorrow for work, and the date ended up running late (ended at about 11:30 tonight), so I didn't want to keep him up any longer than he already was. I'm sure he wouldn't have minded being kept up, girl I'm seeing keeps me up for hours. Not a bad thing.
Diezel Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 He has to wake up very very early in the morning tomorrow for work, and the date ended up running late (ended at about 11:30 tonight), so I didn't want to keep him up any longer than he already was. Is he 55??? Well, if it was HIM, then that's his own fault for passing it up. Don't see how a Wednesday night is so different than a Sunday night. Just less mini-golf next time, and more nookie next time.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 I'm sure he wouldn't have minded being kept up, girl I'm seeing keeps me up for hours. Not a bad thing. He actually told me that he wouldn't mind being kept up, but I feel bad about that sort of thing. It was already pretty late, considering he has to be up in a few hours, and I just figured it wasn't super important to have sex with him tonight. I can wait.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 Is he 55??? Well, if it was HIM, then that's his own fault for passing it up. Don't see how a Wednesday night is so different than a Sunday night. Just less mini-golf next time, and more nookie next time. No it wasn't him, it was me. I didn't want to keep him up. On Wednesday we are going to go out a bit earlier than we did tonight, so it won't be as late ending. Btw -- that's hilarious that you said less mini-golf next time, that's exactly what we are planning to do on Wednesday
Diezel Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I'm from the future. He'll like it more when you are on top and with a lasso in your left hand. Thank me on Thursday. PS: Trust me, he was already "up".
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