worlybear Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Yes I know it's also known as "Hallmark Day" and it isn't such high profile as Mother's Day- but tomorrow morning when my ex has not been contacted by any of his 5 children ( 4 adult and 8 yr old) -I wonder if he'll feel a pang for his past family that he has so casually dismissed. Wonder if getting a card from 10 yr old stepdaughter will fill the gap? And before I'm berated- adult children and 8 yr old made separate choices not to contact him. It hurts a lot and its very,very sad.
Corporate Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Yes I know it's also known as "Hallmark Day" and it isn't such high profile as Mother's Day- but tomorrow morning when my ex has not been contacted by any of his 5 children ( 4 adult and 8 yr old) -I wonder if he'll feel a pang for his past family that he has so casually dismissed. Wonder if getting a card from 10 yr old stepdaughter will fill the gap? And before I'm berated- adult children and 8 yr old made separate choices not to contact him. It hurts a lot and its very,very sad. Is he living with his mistress?
Art_Critic Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 It sounds to me that some therapy might be in order for your household.. It also sounds like your children need someone to talk to that is an uninterested party... Kids take on the burden of the Adult issues without their even knowing they are doing it and it is up to you.. the adult to make sure they get what they need to get thru this...
Author worlybear Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 Am in therapy myself. All the kids have had therepy too. Yes he is living with his mistress.
Art_Critic Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Do the kids still go to therapy ?.. By the way.. sorry for the pain you are feeling.. it sucks and he sucks...
Author worlybear Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 2 younger sons no longer go- they both prefer to consider that their Dad is dead. Oldest son is in a heap of trouble and facing DUI charges. Both daughters still see a counsellor.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 I feel the same way about Mother's Day. My birth mother and my first stepmother both ditched my father and us (one for a MM, the other for a TEENAGER I went to school with). I tried never to speak to either again. They would beg, plead for some sort of connection over time and especially when my daughter was born, and I gave it the same thought they gave to us: that is, none. We aren't talking a divorce, followed by new partners. My mother dumped us in a playpen in the morning, and taped a note to the TV for my father to find when he got home later that night saying she had gone to live in a hotel with a MM. The other screwed one of my fellow high school students and left for him. The divorces followed afterward. So did their getting dumped by the people they left for. My mother died without me saying goodbye, and the other one - who knows. I couldn't even tell you if she was dead or alive. The way I see it, when you ditch your kids like that, and your kids cut you off - you have no one to blame but yourself. I hope your exH gets to think long and hard about his choices and the impact they had on his family. Father's Day indeed. Hope you will all hang in there, and continue to get the help you need to make it through the days and years.
Spark1111 Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Worly, I am so sorry for the pain you and your children are experiencing today. I hope you find the courage and resolve to become the best, strongest, and happiest role-model for your children you can be, and as hard as it may be to hear, that includes no "daddy-bashing;" not today, or any other day. If you need to vent about him and your situation, use IC, friends, support groups. But not the kids. Children still need the best relationship possible with their father and they need you to encourage them to do so; even if he is a total bast**d! I also hope there is a man, any man in your lives that can provide a positive role-model: grandparent, uncle, someone? Because your children will need that too. I wish you peace.
MizFit Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 My heart bleeds for you...I've been there. My son was 3 when exH and I divorced...his visits and contact were sporadic at best and he drove by his day care twice a day. Son is now 22 and it's been 12 years since he's seen or even heard from his father. It's horrible...what is more horrible is the fact you have to be the strong one. After going through so much you still have to make sure the avenues for a relationship are there if they choose to take them. Every birthday and Xmas I ask my son if he wants to contact his dad...the decision is his and has been since his father didn't respond to the last contact all of those years ago. His loss Worley...my son is a wonderful man and he got that way because of ME. Me and a whole cast of characters through his life. As Spark said I sought out male influences...I am the least athletic person in the world and I raised a professional ice hockey player. The coaches and dads rallied around him...I was so lucky with friends and family and teachers and day care. It's his loss...one day he will realize it. I just hope it's not too late for all parties. Don't know about your kids, but my boy always gave me a FD card...today he stuck his head in my room and wished me a happy FD and I got a huge hug and a chat about all the great times we've had together. I hope you have the chance to have those hugs and chats as well.
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