bananaboat11 Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Ladies, why do you say you want a tall, strong, caring guy and speak the niceness and contentedness of the present, but when it comes down to it... you find yourself in the arms of a tall, strong guy who doesn't give you the attention you want... who abuses you (emotionally) and so on and so forth. Not a bad boy by any means... just... not the one for you. Yet you persist in chasing him over this amazing guy you have that all your friends seem to approve of for you. But.. they're your friends so they're going to support your ultimate decision in which man you chose. Actions speak so much louder than words...
threebyfate Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 As I woman who's married to a big, strong caring, loving and all around awesome man, I disagree. How about addressing women as individuals, rather than generalizing the ineffective women with the rest? If a generalization needs to be made, the only constant is you in relation to partner selection. No one forced you to get involved with these women so why did you pick them?
Author bananaboat11 Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 As I woman who's married to a big, strong caring, loving and all around awesome man, I disagree. How about addressing women as individuals, rather than generalizing the ineffective women with the rest? If a generalization needs to be made, the only constant is you in relation to partner selection. No one forced you to get involved with these women so why did you pick them? You are right. I am by no means a nice guy... I see myself as a good guy. But yes, you are right. I apologize for making a generalization, but 2/2 with these types of women... please understand how I am making this assumption...
2sunny Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 just because YOUR experience with two women give you that assigned meaning for yourself - doesn't mean it applies to ALL women. some women make the same broad brush strokes when they generalize about men. our own individual life experience draws each to their own conclusions - but be cautious about sitting on the negative situations. there are lots of nice people out there. why focus on the negative ones?
threebyfate Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 You are right. I am by no means a nice guy... I see myself as a good guy. But yes, you are right. I apologize for making a generalization, but 2/2 with these types of women... please understand how I am making this assumption...The ex-husband was a cheater with NPD and the guy I got involved with right after divorce was nothing but a potential cheater. I did some serious self-examination after that to figure out why I chose both men. I'm not going into why since it's something I choose not to divulge on LS but in doing so, it helped me to recognize an emotionally healthy man. The other plus side to all this is that with the second guy, my spidey sense was tingling so it never went very far. In essence, I learned something from the ex-husband even though a third party who I trusted at the time, kept telling me he was the real deal. So, look back at why you're drawn to fixer-uppers. Go as far back as you need to find the source.
threebyfate Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 you were cuz they were hot guys, you know it and i know itStraight up, no. Every man I've dated or gotten involved with was a hot man, at least in my eyes at the time. My current husband IS to me, hawtness plus. The question is, what's the definition of hotness? You'll find it a subjective definition since it takes way, way more than looks to make a man hot.
threebyfate Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 I've thought about it and decided to fess up as to what the consistency was. Hope this helps you bananaboat. My father is an amazing man in all ways. I can't say enough good things about him since he's been and will always be my hero. He can also be manipulative but of every instance I've seen him be manipulative, it's always with the win/win in mind so everyone's interests are taken into consideration. When he manipulated me, I knew it but went along with it anyways since I trusted him implicitly. THAT is the prime reason I'm drawn to a certain type of man. He's got to be intelligent with a witty sense of humour. He's also got to be manipulative to a degree due to the above explanation about my father. Where I fell down twice was that I didn't take into consideration the unhealthy side of manipulative men. When they're self-centric, the manipulation aspect is all about them rather than us. That was my stupidity since intellectually, I've always known this as one of those "Duh" truisms. My current husband is also manipulative. But he's the win/win variety. It's all about us (including Bump), with the reverse holding true. There's more to it but that's the key negative factor that made me the constant in both situations. My choices, my responsibilities. bananaboat, can you be as honest with yourself? While it's probably not the constant for you, if you can't delve deep and fess up to yourself why you're drawn to these types of women, the cycle will keep repeating itself.
Serenitynow Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 I've thought about it and decided to fess up as to what the consistency wasEXACTLY what Ive been saying forever on forums. WHY WHY WHY cant everyone be truthful on here? NO ONE knows who the hell you are so why not just speak truthfully ? Do any of you realize how RARE it is for a women to drop her guard and come clean like this ? This is why these forums arent much help, because so many women DONT tell the truth. They twist, bend, curve their stories, comments, opinions. I wish more women would follow her lead and give HONEST insight to more threads. .
threebyfate Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 EXACTLY what Ive been saying forever on forums. WHY WHY WHY cant everyone be truthful on here? NO ONE knows who the hell you are so why not just speak truthfully ? Do any of you realize how RARE it is for a women to drop her guard and come clean like this ? This is why these forums arent much help, because so many women DONT tell the truth. They twist, bend, curve their stories, comments, opinions. I wish more women would follow her lead and give HONEST insight to more threads. .The reason I was reluctant to divulge this insight on LS, is that there are people who will use your vulnerabilities against you. For example, I had one regular member deliberately negate that I experienced an attempted rape. Brutal, petty and ugly. Brought it all back and for the first time in my life since the incident, experienced a form of PTSD. It was an unforgiveable action.
Author bananaboat11 Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 nice guys thinks a womans words match her actions, but who cant get women, nice guys this second one... her words and actions didn't match. I recognized that from the first moment she mentioned she went to lunch with her ex (from less than a month ago). This is thanks for a former unhealthy relationship that I had... learned from all those red flags and being burned... but A healthy woman wouldn't do that to a new beau in her life. I thought it was disrespectful... I even kindly asked 2 exes from well over a year ago to give me some space as so I can develop something with this 'new' girl free of past-relationships so that we may better develop a foundation and trust between the two of us. One can say, "I trust you", but to show it... it is an entirely different matter. I never told her I didn't trust the ex OR her. I never said I did trust her w/ the recent ex. I just told her it made me very uncomfortable they were so close so recently... she completely ignored this. not even 2 weeks later, I initiated the separation. Finally, we're broken up in no contact after she realized what she did. I almost feel like she used me to get her ex back... and it worked for her. Sucks for me.
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