I need support and assistance again

[HurtinginTexas]

Im sure you rememeber my posts.

 

I reallly feel so badly. I went onto facebook (please dont blast me I need somekind words) and I see hes talking to a girl he used to work with (dont know if its romantic or not) but hes all "hey sweetie Ill make that banana pudding for you and your girls. We can go for a bikeride or grab a beer or both. Ive moved back to town. No more (my name)....And then gives his phone number out..etc...".

 

Gosh how could he tell people NO MORE *** when I want even told. How rotten.

 

And hes on thre tellling relatives about his therapy session and how the counselor is going on vacation has to give him a letter to go back to work,since his last suicide threat made at work, and how its nice he found somone he doesnt know to unload the last 3 years on etc..

 

Its been 26 days and I havent heard a peep from him. Even especially with the NC thing with the exwife Id thought I would have heard something. Hes NEVER gone this long without trying some sort of contact. I just dont get how I meant nothing. How Im forgotten. How Im the bad guy here that he had to escape from and go to this extreme measure to delete me from his life.

 

It hurts so badly that hes just moved on and nothing he said or promised meant a damn thing. Its killing me inside to not email or write and say what an animal he is. Or how could I mean so little after 4 years??

 

I keep thinking I did something so wrong. Why do I feel that way?

 

How could I have meant so little. How could I have been used and not seen it??

 

I feel like crap.

 

What do I do

[lolapalooza]

What do you do? You show some pride in yourself and you stop hacking his private information. What has it gotten you in the past but hurt? You would be well on you way to healing if you'd stop reopening the wounds by reading his crap.

 

Good luck.

[TinaniT]

I don't know your situation or what to say, but I hope you heal from the hurt you are feeling.

 

You really should remove him from your facebook if it is causing you pain.

[MizFit]

What do you do? You show some pride in yourself and you stop hacking his private information. What has it gotten you in the past but hurt? You would be well on you way to healing if you'd stop reopening the wounds by reading his crap.

 

Good luck.

 

I agree with this...I'm still seeing MM, but I never, ever, ever look at his FB. He always assures me there's nothing that would bother me, but I won't take the chance. I actually have taken him off my friends list and set it so he can't see mine now either.

 

He makes the decision to stay home and I make the decision to have a life away from him...as far as I'm concerned, never the two shall meet. I think it's even more important in your situation. You need to have someone email him and let him know you have his details so he can change his passwords. You don't need to be seeing what he's doing...you need to see what you're doing.

 

Small steps, but they need to be taken. I wish you luck as well...

[jj33]

Hurting you are overlooking the facts.

 

He is a troubled man with many problems.

 

Regardless of his motive HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF.

 

Whether it was to get his Ws attention or for real, he tried. That says it all to me.

 

He is troubled and lost and now he is finding himself.

 

The fact that you were not "the answer" to his problems doesnt mean that there is anything wrong with you.

 

It means that he feels he needs a fresh start in his life.

 

I appreciate that its difficult to let go but you must.

 

You must stop looking at his FB pages it will only bring you more sorrow.

 

It will take time but you will move on. You are afraid of moving on because hte future is a blank page and you have no hope other than the hopes you have pinned on him.

 

But each day the rest of the world is moving forward. You need to try a little bit more each day to move yourself forward with your healing. As you do that your future will take shape.

[Pink_orchid]

I agree with others, I think you're just re-opening the wounds looking on facebook, delete him as a friend if you haven't already, better still deactivate your account or set up a new one without all the old stuff on it.

 

Why is he being so rotten? Being rotten is second nature to him by the looks of his past behaviour.

 

The reason he's chasing this girl is more than likely because he has a gap in his life now that you've gone (well, he messed up) and he needs validation of his worth again, to confirm his attractiveness to women, and deep down he knows he's a heel, but he wants to boost his ego again.

 

Getting someone new is just the ticket to do that. I suspect it doesn't mean a great deal to him, just an ego boost. HOWEVER who cares? You really don't want this man back again. I know it's easier said than done. But try and stick to NC and stop looking on FB. Keep away. Some space to put things in perspective is what you need I think. And space for him to miss you and realise what a mistake he's made, if there's any chance in the future for you two. BUT I hope you will see that you're better off without this flip flopper. He sounds like a very mixed up person. And it's not up to you to help him. Look after yourself.

 

((Stay strong)).

[BB07]

 

I feel like crap.

 

What do I do

 

 

You feel like crap because you keep torturing yourself, you no one but YOU can stop it.

 

Your behavior is such that it's like opening a drawer (reading his emails and looking at his f/b account) taking out a knife and cutting yourself over and over again, can't you see this?

 

He is an asshat.....men who are asshats don't care about anyone other than themselves, you've got to face it......he doesn't give a rat's ass about you or anyone else, he is a pig.

 

Now get some self respect and get some balance back in your life and stop obsessing about him and what he is doing, and pick up the pieces and go back to living a life where you care about yourself more than that asshat.

[Silly_Girl]

HIT, I hope and pray it's not long before you feel grateful to him for freeing you of this. You need to work on yourself, disengaging from this, occupying yourself elsewhere. But one day you will be so relieved that it is others who are on the roller coaster with him and not YOU. Give it time. Sending you a hug from over here...

[fooled once]

Im sure you rememeber my posts.

 

I reallly feel so badly. I went onto facebook (please dont blast me I need somekind words) and I see hes talking to a girl he used to work with (dont know if its romantic or not) but hes all "hey sweetie Ill make that banana pudding for you and your girls. We can go for a bikeride or grab a beer or both. Ive moved back to town. No more (my name)....And then gives his phone number out..etc...".

 

Gosh how could he tell people NO MORE *** when I want even told. How rotten.

 

And hes on thre tellling relatives about his therapy session and how the counselor is going on vacation has to give him a letter to go back to work,since his last suicide threat made at work, and how its nice he found somone he doesnt know to unload the last 3 years on etc..

 

Its been 26 days and I havent heard a peep from him. Even especially with the NC thing with the exwife Id thought I would have heard something. Hes NEVER gone this long without trying some sort of contact. I just dont get how I meant nothing. How Im forgotten. How Im the bad guy here that he had to escape from and go to this extreme measure to delete me from his life.

 

It hurts so badly that hes just moved on and nothing he said or promised meant a damn thing. Its killing me inside to not email or write and say what an animal he is. Or how could I mean so little after 4 years??

 

I keep thinking I did something so wrong. Why do I feel that way?

 

How could I have meant so little. How could I have been used and not seen it??

 

I feel like crap.

 

What do I do[/QUOTE]

 

Stop looking/hacking into his face book.

Stop waiting for him to contact you.

Stop analyzing every thing he says on FB

Stop remembering what he said to you.

Stop thinking it is your fault

Stop waiting for him to come back to you.

 

You have GOT to move on. You have GOT to close this chapter of your life.

 

Write him an email - pour out all you want to say. Say it all. Then print it, file it, delete it, send it to a friend ... anything but send it to him. Sending it to him would further humiliate yourself. Get the words out, just don't hit send.

 

Only YOU can change the path you are on. Only YOU can stop moping around. Only YOU can put the past to rest. Only YOU can stop obsessing over him and what he said at one time to you. It isn't doing you any good and it is eating you alive.

 

You have got to realize he doesn't care about you ((hug)) I am not saying that to hurt you, but to make you realize he is SICK. He doesn't care that he hurt you, he doesn't care that he made you promises, he doesn't care that his going NC on you is making you crazy. No amount of begging, pleading or whatever is going to get him to come back and no amount of crying is going to get him to come back. He did you a HUGE favor, I know you don't see it, but he did.

 

Enough of the feeling sorry for yourself. Enough of the crying, sadness and despair. God gave YOU a life to lead - go lead it. he is not worth all this heartache you are going through. He just isn't.

 

You feel like crap because you keep torturing yourself, you no one but YOU can stop it.

 

Your behavior is such that it's like opening a drawer (reading his emails and looking at his f/b account) taking out a knife and cutting yourself over and over again, can't you see this?

 

He is an asshat.....men who are asshats don't care about anyone other than themselves, you've got to face it......he doesn't give a rat's ass about you or anyone else, he is a pig.

 

Now get some self respect and get some balance back in your life and stop obsessing about him and what he is doing, and pick up the pieces and go back to living a life where you care about yourself more than that asshat.

 

I agree

[bentnotbroken]

How to stop feeling like crap? Stop doing stuff that makes you feel like crap.

[Fallen Angel]

How to stop feeling like crap? Stop doing stuff that makes you feel like crap.

 

I agree with bent 100 percent on this.

 

:eek:

[whichwayisup]

How to stop feeling like crap? Stop doing stuff that makes you feel like crap.

 

Exactly. You look at his facebook, then you suffer. WHY do this to yourself?

 

Delete and block him, that way you're not tempted to sneak in and look.

[cavedweller]

HurtinginTexas,

 

It is over..You have to put him behind you and move on..

 

cavedweller

[HurtinginTexas]

I am having a really bad day. Still in NC. Even though I am hurting so badly from seeing his facebook stuff which I have not looked at since.

 

Have not been more then 1 month ever of not talking to each other.

 

I am in pain LS. I would share that he had to go to therapy in order to return to work, due to his friend calling the police to report what he thought was an attempted suicide and had to get a letter to return to work. this makes 2 strikes on his record here for those issues.

 

He was a huge part of my life every day. Whats wrong with me. Why cant I let go?

 

How did I go all these years being used and not know it? How did I mean so little that he has no concern for me at all?

[Confused4Now]

Exactly. You look at his facebook, then you suffer. WHY do this to yourself?

 

Delete and block him, that way you're not tempted to sneak in and look.

I believe there was a post about things that send us spiraling down....I'm sure I put deleting, blocking accounts on facebook was one of them. Find all the things that will get you thinking and start eliminating them NOW!!!

[BB07]

I am having a really bad day. Still in NC. Even though I am hurting so badly from seeing his facebook stuff which I have not looked at since.

 

Have not been more then 1 month ever of not talking to each other.

 

I am in pain LS. I would share that he had to go to therapy in order to return to work, due to his friend calling the police to report what he thought was an attempted suicide and had to get a letter to return to work. this makes 2 strikes on his record here for those issues.

 

He was a huge part of my life every day. Whats wrong with me. Why cant I let go?

 

How did I go all these years being used and not know it? How did I mean so little that he has no concern for me at all?

 

 

HIT........tough love OK.

 

You don't seem to want to do anything to help yourself, you keep coming back and asking the same questions, which you word in a way that puts a slightly different spin on them, but yet they are the same.

 

Again.......he is/was an asshat, no way around it, that's why he doesn't care, the reality is, he probably never did, people like him don't. You allowed yourself to be used.....and if you are completely honest with yourself, you know this deep down, so take your part of the blame and move on, so you can heal.

 

You keep beating yourself up, you made mistakes, we all do. Forgive yourself, get some help to do this, so you can get past it.

 

You can let go......but you are not letting yourself, no one else can do it for you. Get the help you need in order for you to do this. Don't allow him to steal anymore from you. If you don't somehow stop what you are doing, you are going to go off the deep end. Fight for yourself...get your life back.

Hugs...........

[Jilly Bean]

Bottom line, the two of you had a very sick and co-dependent relationship.

 

HE has finally seen it for what it was, and has ended it and moved on.

 

The fact you are still craving the abuse and drama is really the issue. Not him moving on (and good for him!).

 

You REALLY need to get yourself into intensive therapy, or else you will implode with this crap.

[HurtinginTexas]

JillyBean

 

I dont think its fair to say hes moved on. He used me, yes I ENABLED it for 4 years. He told me daily I was his life, hed never leave or hurt me and wed be together forever. Went back and forth many times.

 

Asked me to marry him while he was married. Then when she divorced him it didnt seem as appealing. He used me, kept me aroud for fun, and romance and when it stopped being fun becaues I nagged and expected him to make good on his promises he bailed.

 

You say "Moved on Good for him!!" Not what a sick person for using a suicide threat to get the wifes attention.

 

Not he should at least have had enough decency or respect to look me in the eye and say it was over or for all the love and time I gave at least an apology or explanation. To allow him to hurt people over and over and not be accountable.

[Jilly Bean]

I don't disagree it was cowardly and crappy to not tell you directly it was over.

 

But, sometimes we don't get the courtesy we deserve, you know? And then we need to find the closure within.

 

You need to view his actions over empty words he told you years ago during an affair, when he was clearly confused and acting out. He's moved on, and is trying to build a new life for himself. And you need to start doing that as well.

 

You both were a horrible couple in a very dysfunctional relationship. He is working on his issues and trying to get well.

 

I strongly suggest you do to the same.

[bentnotbroken]

JillyBean

 

I dont think its fair to say hes moved on. He used me, yes I ENABLED it for 4 years. He told me daily I was his life, hed never leave or hurt me and wed be together forever. Went back and forth many times.

 

Asked me to marry him while he was married. Then when she divorced him it didnt seem as appealing. He used me, kept me aroud for fun, and romance and when it stopped being fun becaues I nagged and expected him to make good on his promises he bailed.

 

You say "Moved on Good for him!!" Not what a sick person for using a suicide threat to get the wifes attention.

 

Not he should at least have had enough decency or respect to look me in the eye and say it was over or for all the love and time I gave at least an apology or explanation. To allow him to hurt people over and over and not be accountable.

 

 

Yes, he is sick. That is usually the state of mind of someone who tries to commit suicide for any reason. And he was sick when he was with you, mentally defective...yet you aren't opening your eyes to that fact. :sick:What he said and did during the affair are suspect because of the "sick" person you describe. Were you this adament about him being accountable when he was hurting his wife? or are you only outraged because you are on the receiving end this time?

[HurtinginTexas]

I do accept balme. It stills hurts. Im sorry maybe Im a little gullible or childlike for 40. But when you spend almost 4 years with a person how can you not care? Or have any feeling or be sorry? Toss a person like garbage. If i did something to hurt him I could accept this, but i didnt.

 

I understand all thats being said. i have been in therapy. it still hurts. To be used and not know it?? To have meant nothing?? Is a hard pill to swallow.

 

I give myself credit for a month NC. It hurts but its my only saving grace. I would have by now in the past. But how could I I have been so used and hurt and disrespected.

 

So ANGRY I want to let him have it. But theres no point..I cannot make some miss me or care..I know that. i am just hurting

[HurtinginTexas]

I beg to differ. But we can agree to disagree. His attempt was to get the exW attention she wasnt inteersted but rather NC for one year.

 

He is ONLY going to therapy to impress. He made it clear years ago he will lie to a therapist and tell em anything they want to hear.

 

He needed to go to have a letetr to allow him back to work otherwise he wouldnt be able to come back.

 

As far as a horrible couple I was honest, loyal giving and loving. I dont appreciate being told Im horrible for believing in someone and all there lies. You seem awfully confident that the once a cheater, liar and manipulator always one has someone redeemed himself.

 

For you information to call me a horrible couple. I have been there by his side to uplift him, support him, be proud of him, try and help rebuild and repair him. To want to improve him and love him completely.

 

I never got that in return. Only words

[Silly_Girl]

Hurting... your opinon of your man is clearly pretty low. And rightfully so.

 

So do you REALLY believe he's the best you're gonna get? Is HE where you're setting your sights now? He's hurt you even more than before, but it's him who continues to get your time and attention and thoughts...

 

I think you know there is absolutely no chance on earth there will ever be a Happy Ever After for you and he (and if he came begging you'd be crazy to give him a fifteenth chance), so what's your plans now? How do you plan to pull yourself out of this bubble and look beyond this one person? You've got people here willing to help you help yourself

[Jilly Bean]

You were a horrible couple in that your entire relationship was utterly unhealthy.

 

You are an enabler, and a co-dependent.

 

It doesn't matter how sweet and supportive you were. It was a sick dynamic from the get-go. The first time he walked out on you, you should have slammed the door, as he showed you who he was. The sickness was that you kept taking him back, in effect, inviting and encouraging further abuse and mistreatment.

[HurtinginTexas]

Jilly Bean

 

you are right!