I'm Batman Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 If you've read my previous threads this is a continuation, I'll do a quick rundown. I've been seeing this girl for about a month. She recently broke up with her bff two months ago, and they dated for a year. I've asked if i was the rebound and she said no, since there is absolutely no chance of her going back, fine. Our dates have been going well and we both agreed to take it slow since she's still healing from her breakup. I personally want to be more intimate with our relationship but I also don't want to come on too strong or too quick. She's a fantastic girl that I can see myself with for a long time. Here's the thing, its common that after every date you conclude with a kiss. Our kiss last for a second (yes sad/awkward, never had a relationship like this). Is this healthy in the relationship? Are there future issues with taking things TOO slow? Or am I thinking too much?
Chocolat Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Just because she is not going back does not mean she isn't on the rebound. Of concern is that she is "still healing." Until she has processed and healed from the past relationship, she is not ready for a r/s with you, a truth that appears to be manifesting itself in the non-kisses you are receiving. This is just a guess. What are the other aspects of your r/s like?
Author I'm Batman Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 Just because she is not going back does not mean she isn't on the rebound. Of concern is that she is "still healing." Until she has processed and healed from the past relationship, she is not ready for a r/s with you, a truth that appears to be manifesting itself in the non-kisses you are receiving. This is just a guess. What are the other aspects of your r/s like? r/s = relationship status?
shleybutler Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 I think it depends on what your relationship was like before you started going on dates. Did you guys flirt? Did you ever kiss before you went out? Or did you just ask her one day, out of the blue? I mean, a peck on the second date doesn't seem that slow to me, because at the end of the day, what you should be concentrating on during the date is getting to know her and seeing if she's the right one for you. On the other hand, I don't know how much I'd recommend going out with someone who just got out of a relationship. Those things usually don't work out.
aerogurl87 Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Well if she's still in the healing process, then your probably the rebound. With my ex boyfriend, I started dating him a month after my other ex broke up with me and at the beginning I honestly did not want my ex back, but I was still in love with him and trying to move on using my new (and now ex) boyfriend as a crux. In the end, my heart wasn't completely in it, so be careful. On another note, you can move too slow I believe in a relationship. If you've been out 3 times and haven't kissed then I think your moving too slow in my opinion. That's just one example though.
shleybutler Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 i want and get sex by the second meeting Do you dump the girl after? I mean, this girl is definitely not gonna wanna have sex right away if she just came out of a relationship. OP should be aware of that and not expect it. This isn't just some regular hook up he met at a bar one night.
aerogurl87 Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 only a nice guy wouldnt kiss after 3 times out haha Well depends on what your definition of a nice guy is. I consider my boyfriend to be a nice guy and we made out the first day we met in person and had sex that night. (LDR for 4 months prior to that). I think only a insecure guy wouldn't kiss on the third date or someone who's way too old fashioned.
Serenitynow Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 This is a never ending battle Theres no right answer. Each women is different. And the woman that has wanted to take it slow with 5 previous guys, may want to attack guy # 6. or vice versa
Chocolat Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 r/s = relationship status? Relationship. What does the rest of your relationship reveal about this girl's heart/intentions?
ADF Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 There is definately a problem with taking things too slow. You need to keep in mind that any attractive, unattached woman is likely going to be targeted by more than one man. Ever notice how right after a break-up, a woman's male "friends" suddenly start taking a romantic interest in her? I bet you have. If you take things too slowly, there is a good chance you'll be pushed aside by another guy who is more aggressive.
Major Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 I do agree that this young lady is still healing. I have found in researching relationships and my own, that most of the time, people who have been in long term relationships or marriage, are eager to find the love and security they used to have. As opposed to processing what happened, how it happened, and their part in what happened, it's much easier to bypass the self-reflection and growth process, and just keep getting involved in relationships that pacify their emotional, emptiness. Now, if she was just casually dating, no big deal. However, I wouldn't say this is a problem, you just need to be aware of what's going on. She sounds like a great girl that you like very, much. However, make sure that she is dealing with herself holistically. Many insecure people need others to fill them up sort of speak or give them meaning. In the long run, you can love a victim who doesn't love themselves, and in the end, find that you are giving so much that you are no longer fulfilled. Also, if something doesn't work out, you will be the blame. Now, of course, her personality is probably nowhere close to this, and that's great. I think slow is good. Slow is best so that you know what is real and what is fantasy and therapeutic on her part.
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