Lidarius Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Its been a few a little over a month since we broke up, it was for many reasons. When we first started dating we got along great. I dont even know when it started to fall apart, it just happened. When we broke up I knew that I had much to do with myself, I need a lot of work. I have had a few bad relationships. Recently we started talking about what has happened, she says I need to find out how I can be ok with myself. It so hard to do, I figured out that I push so many people away. I never listened, I alwasy interjected with my opinions thinking thats what was needed. I find myself currently laying flat on my bed on some nights crying because I am upset and angry at myself. I want to chagne but its so hard. One of the many reasons is I dont have many friends, I work alone so where and how I dont know when I will meet some. . I know I am going on a tangent about my problems, They seem to much for me to handle at times. THe only person that I could talk to was my ex. NOw she is finding time to be with another guy and it hurts me. We still talk but I just cant count on her any more as the go to person for me. What can I do thats the question she says tackle one problem at a time but I dont even know how to do that.
Brokennnn Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Its been a few a little over a month since we broke up, it was for many reasons. When we first started dating we got along great. I dont even know when it started to fall apart, it just happened. When we broke up I knew that I had much to do with myself, I need a lot of work. I have had a few bad relationships. Recently we started talking about what has happened, she says I need to find out how I can be ok with myself. It so hard to do, I figured out that I push so many people away. I never listened, I alwasy interjected with my opinions thinking thats what was needed. I find myself currently laying flat on my bed on some nights crying because I am upset and angry at myself. I want to chagne but its so hard. One of the many reasons is I dont have many friends, I work alone so where and how I dont know when I will meet some. . I know I am going on a tangent about my problems, They seem to much for me to handle at times. THe only person that I could talk to was my ex. NOw she is finding time to be with another guy and it hurts me. We still talk but I just cant count on her any more as the go to person for me. What can I do thats the question she says tackle one problem at a time but I dont even know how to do that. Hmmmm ... I don't really think you should talk to your ex, when you are feeling down seeing her move on or seeing her doing well is only just going to make your problems feel worse then they are. When you decide to work on yourself to deal with your issues it's best to talk to friends or people on here. I know it's hard I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years and it's only been 5 days since but I decided to go on no contact so I can work on myself and find myself again as 3 years was long time I need to now learn how to be me again without him. I am in no way saying that is going to be an easy thing to do but I am pretty sure at the end of it all you will look back and smile and she is right tackle one problem at the time maybe one of them is her the fact you still try talk to her and see how she is moving on is probably not helping your situation.
xox101 Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 (edited) You need to talk to somebody but as Brokennnn has said that person is not your ex. It is good that you see that you have problems making relationships work, that shows maturity and the ability to take responsibility for your own life, quite rare in people I have to say! Have you thought about professional help? Very often a professional can point out things about your personality that even your friends and family can't see and more importantly help you to deal with getting past these sticking points. I know that for a lot of people the thought of seeing somebody on a professional level seems somehow to be an admission of failure or somehow makes you less of a man but in my opinion it is actually the opposite. It takes a lot of courage to talk with a complete stranger about your life but it is well worth it. As for having no friends, how about online dating or joining a gym/book club/sky diving centre etc? Fire up your computer and LOOK for friends! There are plenty out there, you just have to find them. Stay away from your ex and let her get on with her life while you improve yours. Edited June 19, 2010 by xox101 spelling!!!
S.Tee Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 It is good for you to know where your weakness is and what went wrong. The whole break-up was due to your lack of self-esteem and maye you were kinda boring. well your ex should be helping but probaly it was too much for her to take and decided to shy away. It was sincere of her to tell you the truth and probably the intention for you to change and then reconcile. Whatever the reason, you need to build confidence in yourself. "A man who cannot control himself cannot control others". So learn to love yourself more and always remember not to show your lack of confidence to others, especially your ex. Be cheerful and as if the whole break-up was a blessing for you to explore your inner self. Let her know that you are happy with the whole thing and be thankful for her for reminding you to change. She shall see the new you. Do not bother of her seeing new guy. It might not work between them or it was only a disguise for her to get you moving. Whatever the outcome, if she returns, then start a new relationship (if you still willing to) but if she is gone for good, let her be. At least by now you know if was part of your mistake in attitude. You are a better man now and she is losing a great person. Explore, mix more with others and of course, get help to build your self esteem. Good luck.
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