Egychick Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 OK, this is a really sad and messed up situation. My boyfriend and I were together for 3 years. Everything was great until about October or November of last year. We started having lots of problems. But from the beginning, I lied to him...I told him I was a virgin, when I'm not...but it was to protect myself. In this society and culture, you have to be careful, because people will judge you...and if they find out you are not a virgin, they will think of you as a disrespectful girl. I didn't want him to think badly of me, or use me to sleep around with. So, I kept it to myself. I know it was wrong, and I feel soooo guilty...but I felt if I told him, it would hurt him more...so I was basically in limbo the whole time. But my love was true for him....i loved him more than anything in this world....I did anything and everything to make him happy. Well, he just found out. Somehow, he was snooping through my facebook, and came to the misconception and conclusion, i guess (there's nothing written in my facebook). I'm not sure how he figured it out. Now him....he traveled on a business trip....and cheated on me with a prostitute....also since october or november, he had been very inconsiderate of my feelings by suggesting sexual things (inviting other people) but in my love for him, i passed it off. And told him to stop...so he did ....for a while. After he cheated on me , i was absolutely crushed...but because i truely loved him, i forgave him, and tried to lock it away and forget. He never said sorry, but tried to work it out with me. He even told me, the prostitute was "damn hot." When he traveled to another country, he stayed with friends on couchsurfing....I had no idea until I joined and figured it out from comments on his profile. he never told me. I never cheated on him. I had guy friends, but just friends, and he knew them all. Even I was willing to quit facebook for him. So, my question...who was wrong? who is more guilty? I lied, but it wasn't my intention to hurt him. And I loved him with all my heart. And I wrote 2 long apology letters and explained everything...and told him my feelings. I never got a sorry for the things he did. But he ignored me, and acts like he is innocent and the honest one, and that I'm the only one keeping secrets. He is too... Who is really the one in the wrong? Me or him?
StarrySkyBlue Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Please, please, please for your own sake break up with him now. I hate it when people judge girls based on their sexual experience. Why would it be okay for him to sleep with prostitutes when it's not okay for you to have sex? I understand that he might have issues with the whole sex-before-marriage thing and I respect different beliefs and values. But it's clear from his behavior that he DOES NOT respect you. He thinks himself above you and is tormenting you on purpose. Please open your eyes to the fact that he is an abusive boyfriend who does not have your best interest at heart. End it before it gets any worse.
Cracker Jack Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Ugh! While I agree that you should've been more straight-forward with him, cheating on you was NOT the antidote to this situation. Let alone with a prostitute; that's just downright dirty. You simply didn't want to be judged based on your sexual experience, and told a lie, but it wasn't that big of a deal. He's clearly in the wrong here. You weren't honest and what's done is done--but he should be more guilty, considering he actually cheated on you. And the fact that he gloats about how hot the prostitute was shows how childish and silly he is. If you're smart, you'd be done with him. Seriously.
Author Egychick Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 (edited) We are broken up. BTW...he just realized that I was lying 2 weeks ago. For 3 years, he had no idea. SO, he cheated on me before he knew the truth that I am not a virgin. And I haven't heard from him in like 11 days. But I wanted just to know, who was wrong. I beat myself up, and felt soooo guilty for lying. But I don't think he felt guilty that much for what he did. But it was strange for him on the last day we spoke...that he wanted to know how the details of my life in the past 10 years. To not keep any more secrets from him. So, I told him when I lost my virginity, but I said it was a painful part of my life I wish not to relive. And I'm not proud of it. So I've denied it to everyone. But I apologized again for lying.... I've never got a response until now. At least I was hoping for, "I understand, it's ok, I'm not mad...you had your reasons, you were a wonderful, loving, and faithful girlfriend." But I've gotten nothing. Edited June 19, 2010 by Egychick
Cracker Jack Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 He just sounds manipulative; making you out to be the one who did something wrong when it really wasn't much of an issue. He was looking for a reason to justify his cheating urges--and your lie somehow did that for him. Just sounds like a typical loser. Good to know you're no longer with him, though. Btw, how old are the two of you?
Cracker Jack Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 I see. Certainly doesn't act his age. You can do better.
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