xpaperxcutx Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 This question is really bothering me. For people who don't know me, they will always judge me based on appearances first. It's like being an animal at the zoo getting the once-over. Then when they really want to break the ice, I feel like I have to try extra hard to make them like me. Am I anti-social? No... I don't think? It's just the older I get the more I feel like my tolerance for certain types of people waning. Then I become picky and judgmental. I'm a bit introverted if that's the word to describe myself. I can't open up myself to people like I normally do on a forum like LS. I'm more quiet than I'm loud at times which can easily translate to me being rude or hostile to people. I can't approach guys in public as easily as I used to and I feel more shy than usual. Guys don't approach me because I'm too guarded, hence they feel like there's a wall around me. Add to the fact that I sometimes feel more insecure than confident... well I don't know how I'm going to find someone in the future.... Yep those are my faults but I'm trying to fix them.... anyways rant over.
callingyouuu Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 I feel the same way sometimes, though I wouldn't call us undateable as much as just not in the right mental state to date. I don't really have the issues with people giving me the once-over, especially since that's pretty much mutual; I do it to people I see all the time, and if they really want to judge me, they're more than welcome to enjoy the show. I am, however, selfish, overly judgmental, and a bit too introverted to fully fit in with the college social scene. I have the "wall syndrome" as well, and I think people usually mistake my silence for disapproval. Kind of unfortunate, really, since it's hard to make friends when people automatically assume that you don't like them. I'm trying to become more aware of the impact that my actions (or lack thereof) have on people, and it's hard to shed old habits, but it's for the better.
Morals Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 It's hard opening up to people. Dating is an emotional investment. And like all investments you expect some return. When you don't receive any, you become guarded by that type of investment (type if person). Eventually you get to the point of being emotionally drained. You stop putting forth as much effort. This is the "wall". That you speak of. The only way this wall is torn down is by mutually reciprocated relationships and friendships, which I don't have to tell you are rare to find...for the true ones. The hardest obstacle for this IMO is the ability to open up to others. As you get older, your tastes do change, your social circle usually isn't as widespread as it once was, and the ability to connect with people on similar interests isn't as apparent. My only advice for this is to find a good friend who can reinfoce those positive feelings for you, and then use that to open up to others. Don't neglect your friend though!
Mr White Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Online dating. For all of its shortcomings, it's the perfect way to pair quiet girls like you with guys who are over the whole dating bull**** and just hope to find a sane nice girl. True story.
Gallaxia Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 xpapercutx, I totally feel you. I find myself more introverted than I ever used to be. Unfortunately I had a situation being thrown at me that was affecting me quite hard and like Morals mentioned, I became emotionally drained and had that "wall" up. It wasn't r'ship related but I soon realized it was affecting me overall & making me withdraw and it was this reaction that could be mistaken for being "anti-social" or "judgemental" so now I try to smile more (with a genuine smile) and be engaging when approached or in general convo. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't... (p.s.) I'm on the upswing of things of that situation btw. Hopefully things will progress.
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