harkkam Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 The last she ever said to me was ... "If you cant let go..ill never give you a second chance. You're pushing me away with your inability to control yourself. If you cant do this I will never look back and push you away. I dont think you will ever change you keep acting the same." Can I just send one text saying "Hey whats up, hows it going?" Its been two weeks of NC. A part of me is thinking that if SHE wanted ME then she would have reached out to me by now. But no nothing at all. I was just dropped and she just gave up all our memories and what not. I really badly want to, I am sitting here by myself on a friday night and my ex is maybe out with her friends who probably will take her to a bar and get her to hook up with guys eventually. I dont know im speculating.
brokenamy Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 please, stay strong and don't mess up 2 weeks of hard work over a second. don't call or text her.
teanoranges Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 2 weeks is definitely not long enough! give yourself 60 days before you even think/consider it. once your 60 days is up, ask yourself if you can handle it. if not, and be honest, extend it. Sooner or later, you won't worry about it. You'll kind of realize that you don't want that crap in your life anymore anyways. be strong. Been NC for 7 months. it DOES get better.
Author harkkam Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 Yeah these two weeks have been hard, what helps is hitting the gym and making a dedication to get huge. I want to build muscle and it really helps take the mind away from feeling alone. I just so badly want to know what she is up to.
Art_Critic Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 The last she ever said to me was ... "If you cant let go..ill never give you a second chance. You're pushing me away with your inability to control yourself. If you cant do this I will never look back and push you away. I dont think you will ever change you keep acting the same." She says this to you... Can I just send one text saying "Hey whats up, hows it going?" and you want to do exactly what she said not to do... Reread what she said to you dude.. she said to leave her alone.. so do it.. Treat her to unadulterated silence.. Silence can be deafening.
Author harkkam Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 (edited) I know...its the exact opposite but when is it okay to contact her even after a txt like that? Maybe she was just trying to get me to forget about her and gave me breadcrumbs to get me to do it. If thats the case and her txt was not sincere, then FK her im out. But if she was genuine what do I do just wait for her to contact me? Or set like a time limit like 60 days. Edited June 19, 2010 by harkkam
Art_Critic Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Maybe she was just trying to get me to forget about her and gave me breadcrumbs to get me to do it. If thats the case and her txt was not sincere, then FK her im out. Leave her alone... She asked you to leave her alone and when a woman uses those words you do exactly that.. If you don't and you text or contact her she will get pissed and if you continue to contact her then you look very crazy.. I know it's hard.. but you need to go out with someone else now..
Author harkkam Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 So its time to forget about her and "fall" out of love with her and not think about her. My heart is so broken I cant even think about dating or talking to other women. I feel like how the hell will I find a girl like her etc. I just want to sit alone and feel sad and hurt.
chooch Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 So its time to forget about her and "fall" out of love with her and not think about her. My heart is so broken I cant even think about dating or talking to other women. I feel like how the hell will I find a girl like her etc. I just want to sit alone and feel sad and hurt. Same here... but you can do it. Don't give in and make contact. You must go through the pain to reach the otherside. One day you will find someone to love you better than she did. Give it some time, let things breathe and find yourself. You deserve it.
teanoranges Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 You might not have any people around who seem better than her, but soon you'll start to daydream and believe people are going to be better and that is when you start realizing that even if she comes back... you don't want that. You want to go explore and find that person who is better for you... and in the end, you are giving them the line 'got to see what's out there' and understanding it and blah blah blah I'm so not good at motivational speeches.
AlwaysConflicted Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 I was NC for 4 weeks, but I broke it to because my ex had a birthday. I felt if I ignored her birthday it was disrespectful and I would not have a 2nd chance. That was a special circumstance which I may have handled incorrectly. Regardless, you have no special event excuse so you need to stay NC until she reaches out to you. I imagine it you feel the same as me. It's like we're in prison and we may or may not get paroled. So I guess we just pretend we have life sentences? Wow, my comparison is sad.... Many of us are in the same boat as you. Comfort in numbers.
sedgwick Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 (edited) The last she ever said to me was ... "If you cant let go..ill never give you a second chance. You're pushing me away with your inability to control yourself. A part of me is thinking that if SHE wanted ME then she would have reached out to me by now. But no nothing at all. There's your answer. making a dedication to get huge. Eww nooooooo!!!!!! Huge guys are such a turn-off! Edited June 20, 2010 by sedgwick
DenverBachelor Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Leave her alone... She asked you to leave her alone and when a woman uses those words you do exactly that.. If you don't and you text or contact her she will get pissed and if you continue to contact her then you look very crazy.. I know it's hard.. but you need to go out with someone else now.. You should really listen to Art Critic. I made the mistake of contacting my ex about a month and a half after we broke up and one thing lead to another and I had a restraining order in my hands written by an ex I didn't know apparently. Sorry you're going through this, but the simple fact is that she doesn't love you or love you in the same way. Don't waste energy and time pursuing someone who doesn't feel the same way. She's got the power right now. Anything you do will look desperate -- anything. There isn't one thing you could do to make yourself look charming in her eyes because she isn't looking at you with the same eyes she once did. Spend time improving yourself and do what you love to do. Be a good person and just do your thing and eventually you will find someone much better than your ex. The reason why is because you'll know yourself better. The less you know yourself, the ****tier your mate choices. Peace out.
DenverBachelor Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 T Eww nooooooo!!!!!! Huge guys are such a turn-off! Not exactly. I know plenty of women who dig that. The point we should make to him is to be who he wants to be and be true to it. If he's working out to make her jealous, he's not being true to himself. He needs to do the things that he loves to do and not do things he thinks someone else will like.
teanoranges Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 There's your answer. Eww nooooooo!!!!!! Huge guys are such a turn-off! I normally don't like to be rude, but found this comment kind of insensitive.. This is just your opinion. There are plenty of women who like bulk guys. If building muscle makes the OP happy and takes his mind off the pain, then that's all that matters.
spyyder Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 There are plenty of women who like bulk guys. It depends. ALL women like men with a decent & toned set of pecs and abs, but very few women like the huge body builder type. Ask any body builder and they'll say they most of their attention comes from guys, and girls just gross out when seeing them.
Ilovecake Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 The last she ever said to me was ... "If you cant let go..ill never give you a second chance. You're pushing me away with your inability to control yourself. If you cant do this I will never look back and push you away. I dont think you will ever change you keep acting the same." Can I just send one text saying "Hey whats up, hows it going?" Its been two weeks of NC. A part of me is thinking that if SHE wanted ME then she would have reached out to me by now. But no nothing at all. I was just dropped and she just gave up all our memories and what not. I really badly want to, I am sitting here by myself on a friday night and my ex is maybe out with her friends who probably will take her to a bar and get her to hook up with guys eventually. I dont know im speculating. Wait let me see if I understand correctly. This girl told you not to contact her so you are going to ignore her request and piss her off by completely going against what she asked and you go to a website asking a bunch of strangers for permission to contact her against her wishes? Besides a good dose of rejection by your ex what else are you looking to gain from this call?
teanoranges Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 It depends. ALL women like men with a decent & toned set of pecs and abs, but very few women like the huge body builder type. Ask any body builder and they'll say they most of their attention comes from guys, and girls just gross out when seeing them. That is why I said 'plenty' instead of 'ALL'.. every woman is different. I have quite a few female friends who like their men scrawny skinny. I myself don't like scrawny guys.. I try to avoid the use of 'all' in my sentences for these purposes..
Manutara Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Get out there and bulk up...it doesn't matter what shape your ex (or any other woman for that matter) likes their men. At this point so soon after a breakup it's all about YOU, and hitting the gym hard will give you a sense of purpose, a goal on which to focus, and also make you eat and sleep well, both things that we tend to stop doing after a crisis. There's the off chance that you'll run into your ex at some point, and you don't want her to see you looking like a traumatised scarecrow....instead, let her see you looking buff and with an incresed self-confidence. Go out and buy some new clothers too, and focus on all the positives around you. Stick to NC, work hard on yourself (not just your physical appearance but on self-knowledge too) and whether this girl comes back or not, you'll be a vastly improved human being as a result of it all.
LovelyDaze Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 (edited) The reason why is because you'll know yourself better. The less you know yourself, the ****tier your mate choices. Peace out. LOVE this, DB. And sorry, another poster slightly advises that it is OK to contact her on special event days....um...NO! You don't text her on her birthday, Christmas, Summer Solstice, Granparents Day or Free McRib Day. Just work on healing for yourself by eliminating all contact with her. Just as DenverBachelor stated, you will always have poor relationships until you get to know who you are. Take this time to do so. Think of this, if you were fired from a job you loved, would you call your ex-boss to shoot the s***? No? Well, you don't owe your ex who did "fire" you....anything. Edited June 22, 2010 by LovelyDaze
Author harkkam Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 You should really listen to Art Critic. I made the mistake of contacting my ex about a month and a half after we broke up and one thing lead to another and I had a restraining order in my hands written by an ex I didn't know apparently. Sorry you're going through this, but the simple fact is that she doesn't love you or love you in the same way. Don't waste energy and time pursuing someone who doesn't feel the same way. She's got the power right now. Anything you do will look desperate -- anything. There isn't one thing you could do to make yourself look charming in her eyes because she isn't looking at you with the same eyes she once did. Spend time improving yourself and do what you love to do. Be a good person and just do your thing and eventually you will find someone much better than your ex. The reason why is because you'll know yourself better. The less you know yourself, the ****tier your mate choices. Peace out. Thats some great advice man. But why does she not see me in the same light as she used to thats what I dont get. We had great memories and she knows how great of a person I can be. Why would someone turn around and then just change their perspective on you. She knew I was fun and charming when I met her, and if she would just talk to me again like a normal person. I could charm her again. I think that over the course of a relationship that when her expectations were not met and I disappointed her, it built up to a point where her perception of me as a person changed. Her anger over all her disappointments allows her to forget about me and treat me with no respect. So this was something that was a long time coming that built up over time and eventually just boiled over. How else do dumpers just turn around and stop loving the person and actually start treating them worse than they would a stranger. It has to be because they feel hurt or disappointed in you and their expectations in the relationship. Maybe underneath all the anger and coldness and ignoring the person is anger and disappointment of who you actually where and who they wanted you to be and having invested X amount of time and not having it work out to their satisfaction. Then they reach a point where they are so hurt that they just cut you out.
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