Circular Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 All day I've been thinking about my xAP. It's been 8 weeks of NC (except for the voicemail she left me last week) and I'm doing everything I can to not pick-up the phone or send an email. So I thought I'd post here instead. I miss her sooooooooooooo much though. Some days I feel fine, think of her fondly. Other days I start of feeling indifferent and then others like today I feel like a friend of mine died. I think this was triggered by seeing some mutual friends of ours a few days back, that and the voicemail just set me back a bit.
ladydesigner Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 All day I've been thinking about my xAP. It's been 8 weeks of NC (except for the voicemail she left me last week) and I'm doing everything I can to not pick-up the phone or send an email. So I thought I'd post here instead. I miss her sooooooooooooo much though. Some days I feel fine, think of her fondly. Other days I start of feeling indifferent and then others like today I feel like a friend of mine died. I think this was triggered by seeing some mutual friends of ours a few days back, that and the voicemail just set me back a bit. Sorry you are having a hard day unfortunately we have to go through quite a bit of these to make it out on to the other side. It won't always feel like this. These things come in waves some are just a lot larger than the others and we are not prepared for them. Take your time, grieve her. Eventually it won't bother you. I never thought I was going to get over my XOM, 2 years later I did. The hole in my heart has repaired itself and my grief is gone. I no longer think of him and if I do there are no feelings attached to my thoughts. Hang in there and keep sticking to NC it really works!
jennie-jennie Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Circular, I respect your decision to be NC, but I can't say I agree with it. You love your MOW. Perhaps you should be considering whether you should be staying in your marriage instead, when your wife is not the woman you love the most.
StoptheDrama Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 (edited) All day I've been thinking about my xAP. It's been 8 weeks of NC (except for the voicemail she left me last week) and I'm doing everything I can to not pick-up the phone or send an email. So I thought I'd post here instead. I miss her sooooooooooooo much though. Some days I feel fine, think of her fondly. Other days I start of feeling indifferent and then others like today I feel like a friend of mine died. I think this was triggered by seeing some mutual friends of ours a few days back, that and the voicemail just set me back a bit. Circular - sorry you're having such a rough day NC, especially in the early stages, can be a very difficult process. And 8 weeks (although it may seem like a lifetime to you right now) is the early stages. You're going to have good and bad days - that's normal. Throw in a voice mail and seeing mutual friends and no one could blame you for being down. Got to love those triggers! Just know that every day is progress and try to take it one day at a time. ((hugs)) Edited June 19, 2010 by StoptheDrama
Author Circular Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 Thanks everyone. In some ways it has gotten easier like it's not weighing on me every single day. But sometimes the down days really suck and I feel I really lost something. Matter of fact in my life at my age, like many, I've lost a lot of things, friends, parents, extended family... This one seems to extend deeper for some reason and I really need to understand that reason. JJ, I can see why you're coming from that point of view. At one time I had thought that was the direction but circumstances sometimes dictate direction and between my XMWs guilt when it comes to her children and some other things going on in both our lives dictate the direction I decided to take and I believe it is the right one. Sometimes I have to leave things to fate. For now I have to get through the grieving part, that is step #1 and during this time I'm trying to look deep inside myself and understand those things that are missing. Like I've said in another thread, trying to spend more times with friends, find the things that fill that missing element that put me in this to begin with. Then step #2 is to work on my marriage and see if it can be fixed. Sure, I probably will hold on to hope for a long time and maybe something will come of it, maybe not - I know I can't hold on to the outcome. Thanks for all the thoughts though NC can really suck some days. And there are days where its unbelievably hard not to want to pick up the phone, or send and email or a text.
jennie-jennie Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 (((((Circular))))) You seem to be a wise man. I hope everything turns out well for you, whichever direction your life takes.
Fallen Angel Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Thanks everyone. In some ways it has gotten easier like it's not weighing on me every single day. But sometimes the down days really suck and I feel I really lost something. Matter of fact in my life at my age, like many, I've lost a lot of things, friends, parents, extended family... This one seems to extend deeper for some reason and I really need to understand that reason. JJ, I can see why you're coming from that point of view. At one time I had thought that was the direction but circumstances sometimes dictate direction and between my XMWs guilt when it comes to her children and some other things going on in both our lives dictate the direction I decided to take and I believe it is the right one. Sometimes I have to leave things to fate. For now I have to get through the grieving part, that is step #1 and during this time I'm trying to look deep inside myself and understand those things that are missing. Like I've said in another thread, trying to spend more times with friends, find the things that fill that missing element that put me in this to begin with. Then step #2 is to work on my marriage and see if it can be fixed. Sure, I probably will hold on to hope for a long time and maybe something will come of it, maybe not - I know I can't hold on to the outcome. Thanks for all the thoughts though NC can really suck some days. And there are days where its unbelievably hard not to want to pick up the phone, or send and email or a text. I may be wrong, but what i think jennie meant was that you should be reconsidering whether the choice to stay in your marriage is right, REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE MOW DOES, knowing that you are so very in love with someone other than your wife. I am sorry I have not read your whole story.. are you in IC? Or are you attempting to slay this dragon on your own?
pureinheart Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Hi C, All I have is hugs for you ((((((((((©))))))))), and a hope that all is better for you sooner than you think...
Author Circular Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 @FA - Yes, I think you're interpreting JJs message correctly and for now, once I get through this I'm going to focus on reparations (something I just don't feel I can deal with now) - And work on the M, since I know I'll be at a point of acceptance that the A is over at some point. I've done IC on and off for years and right now I'm not doing it but focusing a lot on the things to get through this stage of it all I find journaling helps a ton because I can go back and learn a lot about myself and whats going on internally. I think once over this hump, probably MC and working hard on reconnecting on the right levels is what I need to focus on the most. I will say though this is the most deeply felt breakup I've ever experienced. Just got to keep strong and keep pushing through it, everyone's stories and thoughts help a ton.
ComputerJock Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Does your wife know? If not, do you plan on telling her understanding that you may not have many options once she finds out, like dumping you to the curb and going on with her life.
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