wildestkabs Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Hello everyone! I had posted this in a different section, thought this section was more appropriate. I am new here and am heartbroken. Here is my story. So me and my ex were madly in love with each other but the problem was that we lived in different states, thousands of miles away. Initially everything started great but then the long distance problem started to kick in and we had less and less to talk about since we were leading independent lives and togetherness was not there. 6 months later, she told me that she was no longer interested and wanted to date locally. Two days later, she met this guy with whom she had an unbelievable chemistry and since then, they have been inseparable. A week and a half down the line, they are spending hours together talking on the phone, meeting up with each other whenever they get a chance. She can't stop raving about him (we are still friends and I try to gather information from her). Today she told me that he has started leaving his clothes and his shoes over at her place and they joked about him moving in with her (remember, it has been less than 2 weeks since they first met). He has talked about getting a puppy for her, they are spending tomorrow on a cruise all day and will be meeting her parents soon. To me, this is a relationship that is moving way too quickly and I am able to recognize this, since I have been in similar situations in the past where a lot happened way too soon and the relationship died its own death shortly afterward. Here comes the twist - this woman lives on the East Coast and I have plans of moving there by the end of the year. So long distance would no longer be an issue. I currently don't have the time or interest in meeting anyone new locally, since I am going to be leaving my state within the next few months.. Should I take a calculated risk and wait for her to come back to me because this super fast moving relationship could get over quickly and she might realise that she loves me and may be more willing for a relationship with me, since we will be closer to each other soon? I speak with her frequently and I know that she cares for me still. She is 35, the guy is 38 and I am 33. We do talk with each other and our conversations are still long over the phone. I am going to have to ask her again when they met, I am sure she will tell me. I am not counting on her breaking up and I am prepared if it does not happen. And I am moving to the East Coast to be closer to friends and for better job prospects, not for her.. However, don't you folks think that this is a rebound relationship, though? From what I understand, these generally don't last long..time will tell.. Thoughts?
spyyder Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 (edited) I also think that its possible that her relationship will die out soon. From what you've said, its going way too fast, and although personally I love going fast I know that it will suddenly spring up problems that lead to a breakup. Because she said that she's no longer interested AND wants to date locally, its possible that she wants love, wants you, but would rather have someone like you that lives nearby so she can indulge herself rather than having to savour moments with you. Perhaps that's why she's going so fast with this new guy as she never was able to get so much conversation and face time with you, and get it easily. If he really did get her a puppy, it could either bond them closer or spread them apart - it will go either way. If he does get the puppy, remind her to feed the dog, wash him, etc and ask how she has the time to maintain the dog, etc when you chat with her so she starts to hate all the maintenance involved and hopefully will lash it out on her new bf. I also wanted to say that you need to find out if she was seeing this guy during your relationship, as it sound pretty suspicious for her to break up and then suddenly meet this great guy just 2 days later. When you do move, don't let her know too soon. In fact I would go slowly go into no contact for a while, move and then call after a month. This way you could say that you've moved a month ago because of work, family, etc (DON'T MENTION HER) and you didn't call because you were so busy. Later on ask if you'd like to meet up for coffee. Make sure that she doesn't think you moved because of her, as she'll then feel pressurized and perhaps you'll drive her closer to her current bf. Also before the meet up, get a makeover: *New Haircut that makes a statement *Trendy designer outfit *'designer stubble' on your face to make you look older (closer to her age) but well groomed *spray on a designer fragrance...ask the sales lady her opinion when picking it out. Get a small/travel bottle because if she breaks up with her bf and you make it to her place, you can easily bring it along and spray it very very lightly (barely noticeable) on her pillow and bed to make her think of you. I do it all the time....girls actually dream about you if they can slightly smell you (in a good way) when they sleep but your not there. Just make sure she see's you have some contact with her bed or else she'll realize that you sprayed your fragrance on her bed and will think that your trying to trick her (don't ask how I know this haha). Also make sure that she doesn't see you spray it, but if she catches you just say that you like spraying places you go with your fragrance (I said that once and pulled it off). Also before the meet up have some new exciting things about yourself to talk about. The basic idea is to get her to think that your a better guy than the guy she has, and to remind her of your history to win her back. But don't ever directly say anything to encourage this e.g. "I'm a better guy because I take better care....", say things that would make her think it e.g. "he brought you chinese takeout last night? Oh do you remember that time I made you that lovely macadamia sprinkled lasagne on the black square plates my parents got you?". Edited June 19, 2010 by spyyder
Author wildestkabs Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 (edited) Spyyder, thanks for the response. Not sure if this is important or not but the last two times we have talked, she is the one who has called, though she insists that I should keep looking. I also think that its possible that her relationship will die out soon. From what you've said, its going way too fast, and although personally I love going fast I know that it will suddenly spring up problems that lead to a breakup. It is moving fast. She called me today to check up on me. She told me that "honestly speaking, I really do care for you." She does, though I did not take it to mean that she was trying to imply that she still loves me, since for now at least, she seems really happy. She can't stop raving about this guy and was talking about what a refreshing change this guy is, how he is always telling her how beautiful she is and what a great time they are having together. They started talking with each other on the 3rd of June this month and met each other in person a week back (11th of June). So this relationship, in person, is a week old! They are already talking about kids, marriage etc and my guess is that moving in together is next on the cards. This is actually making me happy, because even though this could be successful, this can go the other way quickly as well. Because she said that she's no longer interested AND wants to date locally, its possible that she wants love, wants you, but would rather have someone like you that lives nearby so she can indulge herself rather than having to savour moments with you. Perhaps that's why she's going so fast with this new guy as she never was able to get so much conversation and face time with you, and get it easily. Agreed. I also wanted to say that you need to find out if she was seeing this guy during your relationship, as it sound pretty suspicious for her to break up and then suddenly meet this great guy just 2 days later. I asked her today and I know she was telling the truth. The timeline is: June 3rd - Started speaking with him on the phone. June 8th - Officially told me she was not interested. June 11th - met him in person for the first time. Though there is a possibility that she may have emotionally checked out a lot sooner than this, I still feel that she did love me and had hopes of getting back together before she started talking with this guy which, in turn, eased her out of the relationnship. But yes, for sure, they have known each other in person for a week. When you do move, don't let her know too soon. In fact I would go slowly go into no contact for a while, move and then call after a month. This way you could say that you've moved a month ago because of work, family, etc (DON'T MENTION HER) and you didn't call because you were so busy. No plans of letting her know when I move. Interesting you mentioned the makeover, since I am going to start working out like crazy at the gym from tomorrow, after being away from it for a while..A few months down the line, I will be a stud for her.......or someone else.. Edited June 19, 2010 by wildestkabs
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