Woggle Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I know porn threads are overdone on here but I thought of a positive use for it. I have a close friend who has been through his share of woman drama and he is very bitter at this point. He has been going through a player stage which is only making it worse. It is not fair for him to be using innocent women and dating married women will really make him bitter and mistrustful against the female gender. I bought him a stack of mags and told him to have fun and stay single for a while with no dating. I know a lot of people here are against porn but isn't this better than the self destructive and jerkish behavior he was on?
Pyro Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I think so. I believe the majority of the porn debate on here has to do with those who are in a relationship. Big difference between what you are talking about.
ADF Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I don't think one thing has anything to do with the other. ALL men look at porn, whether they're jerks or not.
that girl Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I don't really care about porn- it isn't my thing but I don't generally have a problem with other people (including partners) watching it. But I think a misogynistic guy watching porn (not so much the mags) could end up even more damaged and abusive since so much of what is out there has to do with degrading woman. Now some people are into consentual BDSM and some guys use degrading porn on occasion but the degregation is something they ignore rather than seek out. On the other hand if you already have woman issues, I think porn could possinbly push you into the straight out physically/sexually abusive category because it is reinforcing your image of women as deserving of bad things. Really I think you should be pushing him towards therapy while you actively keep him away from seemingly nice women.
Mr White Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Well, it's a valve with potentially - but not by definition - dangerous implications. The same could be said for alcohol, and really any activity that occupies too much of one's life. Here's another positive spin on porn: it has prevented me multiple time from going through the trouble/risk/etc. of calling a hooker. Related, multiple (academic) studies have demonstrated NEGATIVE correlation between porn use and incidence of sexual crimes, further strengthening the "valve" argument.
hopesndreams Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 I bought him a stack of mags Were any of the pages sticky?
marsle85 Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 (edited) Pshh, no biggie. Edited June 19, 2010 by marsle85
Engadget Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 No more porn threads ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ruby Slippers Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 In this case, it's the lesser of two... I won't say evils, but I will say vices. Porn is by and large a vice. Like cheeseburgers. And weed. And too much time on the Internet. And hey, I'm a fan of these latter three vices. But you have to keep control of your vices. If cheeseburgers, or weed, or too much time on the Internet, or, yes, porn impacts your life and relationship negatively, you have gone too far with your vice. More men are overindulging these days, and porn is having a negative effect on more men's lives and relationships. It's not surprising, given the glut of material available and the increasing need to take a break from what a cluster**** this world can be. But it is dismaying to women who care about men and want to love them. I'm not going to be quiet about problems I notice in society. You don't have to read what I say or heed any of my warnings or advice, but I am going to speak them freely.
Author Woggle Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 Why do some women constantly think that porn is the reason why some men have a negative view of women? I know a lot of bitter men and as you all know I am a man who has some bitter thoughts towards women and none of it has to do with porn. Believe me when I say this. I don't know any man who was a nice evolved man and then looked at a playboy and all of a sudden became a male chauvinist pig. It does not work that way. Men who are negative towards are usually that way because of experience. Do women really think that men are solely to blame for the problems we see in relationships these days? This one sided view of things as if women are 100% innocent and blameless really gets to me.
Shakz Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 In this case, it's the lesser of two... I won't say evils, but I will say vices. Porn is by and large a vice. Like cheeseburgers. And weed. And too much time on the Internet. And hey, I'm a fan of these latter three vices. But you have to keep control of your vices. If cheeseburgers, or weed, or too much time on the Internet, or, yes, porn impacts your life and relationship negatively, you have gone too far with your vice. More men are overindulging these days, and porn is having a negative effect on more men's lives and relationships. It's not surprising, given the glut of material available and the increasing need to take a break from what a cluster**** this world can be. But it is dismaying to women who care about men and want to love them. I'm not going to be quiet about problems I notice in society. You don't have to read what I say or heed any of my warnings or advice, but I am going to speak them freely. Well if cheeseburgers and weed are wrong I don't wanna be right! Porn is lame. There, I said it and I don't care what anyone thinks!
marsle85 Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Well if cheeseburgers and weed are wrong I don't wanna be right! Porn is lame. There, I said it and I don't care what anyone thinks! Shakz, your posts constantly amuse me.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Why do some women constantly think that porn is the reason why some men have a negative view of women? I know a lot of bitter men and as you all know I am a man who has some bitter thoughts towards women and none of it has to do with porn. Believe me when I say this. I don't know any man who was a nice evolved man and then looked at a playboy and all of a sudden became a male chauvinist pig. It does not work that way. Men who are negative towards are usually that way because of experience. Do women really think that men are solely to blame for the problems we see in relationships these days? This one sided view of things as if women are 100% innocent and blameless really gets to me. Woggle, you jump to a lot of conclusions based on things that were not said. You need to stick to the facts of the discussion, not tracers of the issue from three threads ago. When you do that, it's obvious you're speaking through a veil of fear/anxiety and not calmness. Of course I don't think men are solely to blame for relationship problems and women are blameless. But I do think porn causes problems in many relationships, and helps ruin plenty of them. I also think other factors, such as the mass media, vanity and luxury culture, materialism and consumerism, and the iCulture have very negative influences on relationships. All these topics are subject to criticism, and I let them all have it.
Engadget Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 This site makes it seem like all women are rising up in anger against porn and the problem is so widespread it may destroy us all. Guess what? It's being greatly exaggerated here, sorry. Porn is simply a tool for men's ever constant sex drives, nothing more. The end. Anyone that ruins their lives with it chooses to do so, it's not the fault of the porn. Now, make these threads go away forever.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Oh, and Woggle, from everything you have said, it sounds to me like you have a reasonable view of and relation to porn and erotica.
marsle85 Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Oh, and Woggle, from everything you have said, it sounds to me like you have a reasonable view of and relation to porn and erotica. Yeah, funny enough- I thought the same thing... This is a first for me, lol. Bravo, Woggle! Porn- off, off and away!
Ruby Slippers Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Now, make these threads go away forever. You are so obviously new here. This is an important topic. I'm glad people are discussing it honestly here. We used to be constantly plagued with retroactive jealousy threads -- i.e., "my girlfriend had sex before, and I'm so insecure I'm obsessed with the thought of her having screaming Os with someone other than me I can't sleep at night". It's been a while. But don't worry, they'll be back around.
Shakz Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Shakz, your posts constantly amuse me. Thanks, but I should warn you that right now I'm all hopped up on groundbeef and cheddar so I'm liable to say anything.
Engadget Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 You are so obviously new here. This is an important topic. I'm glad people are discussing it honestly here. We used to be constantly plagued with retroactive jealousy threads -- i.e., "my girlfriend had sex before, and I'm so insecure I'm obsessed with the thought of her having screaming Os with someone other than me I can't sleep at night". It's been a while. But don't worry, they'll be back around. Doesn't matter how new I am, they need to go away. It's not that important a topic, you ladies make it sound like a monumental problem when it's really, really not one.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 It's not that important a topic, you ladies make it sound like a monumental problem when it's really, really not one. Many of us have been in relationships in which it was a problem. There have been lovely, attractive women on this site who have been nearly in tears because their boyfriend would honestly rather watch porn than have sex with them. I've never been in one where it was a serious problem, but it had an obvious negative effect on the great sex I had with my ex. To make a long story short (not my strong point, haha), my ex once responded to the concerns I expressed by giving up porn for a month and not telling me till the end. He could not deny that our sex during that month was boiling hot again. Not only that, he was treating me better and our emotional connection was much stronger. It makes perfect sense why. I was the only woman he was seeing naked. Kind of has that "woah" effect that you lose when other naked chicks are part of your daily visual diet. This is not a relationship ender, but it didn't sit well with me that he would lazily settle for OK sex when we could be having great sex with a slight change in his habits. To me, a healthy sex life is a very important aspect of happiness in a long-term relationship, and he agreed with me on that wholeheartedly. If I'm dulling myself to the intensity of sex with my lover by masturbating too much or flooding my system with junk food for the libido, that's just not cool.
Engadget Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Yes but a few random anecdotal examples of it being a problem doesn't make it this massive problem that you guys are making it out to be. You're making it sound like a widespread epidemic and that every guy abuses it and ignores his SO, which just isn't true.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Yes but a few random anecdotal examples of it being a problem doesn't make it this massive problem that you guys are making it out to be. You're making it sound like a widespread epidemic and that every guy abuses it and ignores his SO, which just isn't true. No, we're really not. And I've read a lot on the subject. It is becoming a problem in many cases. Men certainly aren't going to address it. A handful of women will. Like I said, you don't have to listen. If it doesn't apply to you, cool. But I do enjoy hearing from men who have a healthy involvement with it and don't let it intrude on their relationships. My perception is that these men are rare. You know how a lot of women have 100 pairs of shoes? Yeah, that suggests a compulsion and an unhealthy attachment to things. But so many women do it. (No offense to the shoe-loving ladies, but c'mon, it is kind of ridiculous. )
Author Woggle Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 Sometimes giving up porns makes no difference whatsoever towards women. A a few years ago while my ex and I were still engaged the friend I am describing in this thread myself and about four other guys decided to take a trip through the south on the way to Virgina Beach and they stopped at a sleazy strip club. The rest of the group went while him and I decided to not go out of respect for our girlfriends. Guess which two of us got cheated on and treated the worst in our relationships. I wish I would have gone and enjoyed the debauchery along with most of the other guys. I understand why a woman would feel resentful towards especially if she genuinely treats her man well and he still picks it over her but situations like the one I just described are more the cause for men's negative view of women than porn ever could be.
Engadget Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 No, we're really not. And I've read a lot on the subject. It is becoming a problem in many cases. Men certainly aren't going to address it. A handful of women will. Like I said, you don't have to listen. If it doesn't apply to you, cool. But I do enjoy hearing from men who have a healthy involvement with it and don't let it intrude on their relationships. My perception is that these men are rare. You know how a lot of women have 100 pairs of shoes? Yeah, that suggests a compulsion and an unhealthy attachment to things. But so many women do it. (No offense to the shoe-loving ladies, but c'mon, it is kind of ridiculous. ) Yes but if you have a certain, negative view of it and you go out reading about it, chances are you're just reading things that confirm what you already believe. Everyone does this, like someone who hates Obama will search out sites that agree with them. I watch porn maybe once every two weeks for 10 minutes when I masturbate. I've seen the people "addicted" to porn, which is a joke to me. I still don't see it as a widespread epidemic.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Guess which two of us got cheated on and treated the worst in our relationships. I wish I would have gone and enjoyed the debauchery along with most of the other guys. Yeah, and I was a total sweetie, and completely faithful to my ex, who professed his love in all kinds of ways, told me he wanted to marry me and have kids, got right to the brink of going all in, then told me he was "scared". I wasted two years of my life on that joker, and even a year and half after I left him, I still feel very cynical about men. I'm not even bothering with them right now because I just expect them to let me down, or lie to me to get what they want, or waste my time. I would have done a lot of things differently, and certainly not been so sweet and loving to that POS, if I had known what his true colors were from the start. Hindsight's 20/20. I understand why a woman would feel resentful towards especially if she genuinely treats her man well and he still picks it over her but situations like the one I just described are more the cause for men's negative view of women than porn ever could be. Well, thank you for understanding. That's all I want -- for my thoughts and feelings on the matter to be respected and understood. I want guys to really think about it. If you really think about, and get down to the heart and soul level when you do, whatever decisions you make after that, I will also respect and do my best to understand.
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