Is this a dealbreaker?

[espec10001]

I'm not getting mad it just requires so much patience and sacrifice to do this and the feeling of being "left behind" gets to you sometimes. My coworkers all have pretty wives and big houses and they like to show it off a lot. I just have a very strong aversion to debt, I don't like owing another person for my living. I try my best to save and buy what I want when I have enough money, but in America it's just the opposite spend then pay later. If you are in debt you are not independent. I think this mentality is going to collectively lead American's down a very dark path.

 

Like, for example, I had a very large chunk of student loans I had to pay back. Instead of using the money I saved to put towards a house, I paid off my student loan debt. Then I paid off my car. I'm now essentially debt free outside of normal bills like phone, insurance, etc. These guys have all this nice stuff but they keep going deeper and deeper into debt to maintain this lifestyle.

[hopesndreams]

Are you paying your parents room and board or getting a free ride?

[Mr White]

Owning a house is overrated, and a stupid financial decision to boot - especially as in your case where it is an end in itself. Leave the nest, rent a loft in the transitional/hip/gentrofying neighborhood in town, and the hotties will be all over you.

[Mr White]

I'm not getting mad it just requires so much patience and sacrifice to do this and the feeling of being "left behind" gets to you sometimes. My coworkers all have pretty wives and big houses and they like to show it off a lot. I just have a very strong aversion to debt, I don't like owing another person for my living. I try my best to save and buy what I want when I have enough money, but in America it's just the opposite spend then pay later. If you are in debt you are not independent. I think this mentality is going to collectively lead American's down a very dark path.

 

Like, for example, I had a very large chunk of student loans I had to pay back. Instead of using the money I saved to put towards a house, I paid off my student loan debt. Then I paid off my car. I'm now essentially debt free outside of normal bills like phone, insurance, etc. These guys have all this nice stuff but they keep going deeper and deeper into debt to maintain this lifestyle.

 

 

If you were serious about being debt-averse (which is great), you would be postponing the purchase of a home - aka the biggest honking liability there is - for as long as possible. Unless you can actually buy a house in cash, which I highly doubt. Even if you could, it would still make hell of a lot more financial sense to rent and invest the cash and earn real returns rather than sink it into a depreciating asset.

 

Trust me, you are unnecessarily complicating your life with this buying a house stuff. Move out, rent, date around, and only buy a house only when you actually get married. Then have your wife help with the down payment and the mortgage.

Edited June 19, 2010 by Mr White

[espec10001]

Are you paying your parents room and board or getting a free ride?

 

No I'm paying rent and I help out around the house and help pay bills.

[Mr White]

I'm now essentially debt free outside of normal bills like phone, insurance, etc. These guys have all this nice stuff but they keep going deeper and deeper into debt to maintain this lifestyle.

 

You are in a great spot, and you will ruin it by the stroke of a pen when you buy a house. If you do the numbers, and just rent for the next 5 years while continuing to save, you'll be much richer than the average joe shmo who yea, may have a house to their name, but is also in debt to their eyeballs.

 

here's my public service for the day, a list of all costs associated with owning a house:

 

1) Mortgage interest (by the time you pay off your house, you essentially pay double the purchase price due to interest)

2) Property taxes

3) Inflation. Must be mentioned, because just because the price of your house may increase 2% per year doesn't mean you made any money. It's just the inflation, silly

4) Maintenance/repairs - $$$. There is no getting out of this one, even if you buy brand new

5) Maintenance/repairs - time. Would you rather be sweating and mowing the lawn or painting on Sunday afternoon, or chilling someplace cool with your sweetie and just call the landlord if something goes wrong?

6) Mortgage insurance (if you put less than 20% down)

7) Homeowner's insurance, flood insurance

8) Other limitations (what if you find a dream job someplace else and need to move on a short notice?)

9) Stress (yep, being chained to a giant amount of debt isn't exactly conducive to peace of mind)

10) (depending on neighborhood) - Homeowners' Association dues

11) Depreciation. Yep, a house is just a big honking machine that wears out. Do you honestly believe that in 15-30 years it will be worth more than it does now, all rickety, with a termite hole or two? Impossible, barring some major change in the development of the region/city

 

 

I could probably come up with more, but that's already pretty good. Put all of the above together, and hopefully dissuade yourself from complicating your life earlier than necessary.

Edited June 19, 2010 by Mr White

[espec10001]

You are in a great spot, and you will ruin it by the stroke of a pen when you buy a house. If you do the numbers, and just rent for the next 5 years while continuing to save, you'll be much richer than the average joe shmo who yea, may have a house to their name, but is also in debt to their eyeballs.

 

here's my public service for the day, a list of all costs associated with owning a house:

 

1) Mortgage interest (by the time you pay off your house, you essentially pay double the purchase price due to interest)

2) Property taxes

3) Inflation. Must be mentioned, because just because the price of your house may increase 2% per year doesn't mean you made any money. It's just the inflation, silly

4) Maintenance/repairs - $$$. There is no getting out of this one, even if you buy brand new

5) Maintenance/repairs - time. Would you rather be sweating and mowing the lawn or painting on Sunday afternoon, or chilling someplace cool with your sweetie and just call the landlord if something goes wrong?

6) Mortgage insurance (if you put less than 20% down)

7) Homeowner's insurance, flood insurance

8) Other limitations (what if you find a dream job someplace else and need to move on a short notice?)

9) Stress (yep, being chained to a giant amount of debt isn't exactly conducive to peace of mind)

10) (depending on neighborhood) - Homeowners' Association dues

11) Depreciation. Yep, a house is just a big honking machine that wears out. Do you honestly believe that in 15-30 years it will be worth more than it does now, all rickety, with a termite hole or two? Impossible, barring some major change in the development of the region/city

 

 

I could probably come up with more, but that's already pretty good. Put all of the above together, and hopefully dissuade yourself from complicating your life earlier than necessary.

 

Thanks. Yeah, it does look like a lot. I've just dreamed of having my own nice studio and work bench to build guitars in since I was young. What you are saying is what a lot of people say about housing, how it's so expensive and not worth it. Even my coworkers who own the houses! They say the same things you are and they owe an obscene amount of money on it!

[Chocolat]

Definitely not a dealbreaker imo.

 

A man who is smart enough to plan for the future and has a healthy family relationship is very attractive.

[Krytie TV]

In my opinion, you made the mistake by spending all of your income at such an important age to pay off student loans. If you had instead spent that money on a home down payment you would be living comfortably in a low mortgage home and well on your way to a good living.

 

Have you considered seeking a financial advisor? You seem to be a good candidate for one. You have strong desire to save but it might be possible you're not doing it in the best/most efficient way.

[ascendotum]

+1 very well said.

I also thought it was this a good post by ArtCritic.

 

I’m interested to know if the fact that you are living at home has had a negative impact on your love life or if this is just something you just have an inkling of?

 

At your age I wouldn’t have thought it was going to be a big deal just yet, but for JohnnyDrama quite likely. I had a couple of mates who stayed at home saving till their early 30s. From about 26 to 33 when they finally bought a house they really struggled with women. They admit now they were really naïve about the impact living at home was having on potential girlfriends, as no women ever told them as such, but their change in fortunes when they lived in their own house, hit it home.

 

Both these guys are very family orientated & responsible guys and mistakenly thought this and the fact they were fiscally responsible would be seen as a positive aspect. If they had of met a great women then, they would have moved out sooner, but it became somewhat of a catch 22 situation..but who's to know for sure as the women that went cold on them never gave reasons. Neither of these guys are mamma's boys.

 

I remember reading an article in Cosmo (I read it at the pizza shop/doctors to get an insight into women ) about new relationship deal breakers, and high up on the list was 'still living at home at 29. The usual pop psychology reasons were given..they are mama's boys, they have no initiative, they will expect you to be a girlfriend and a mother, they will be useless around the house, etc. In some cases this will be true but in many cases not. The trouble is millions of women who read cosmo will file this stuff away in their memory as being fact and will immediately mark guys down because of it.

 

The view that returning home to save is equivalent of running home to mommy when things get tough, is really such a jaundiced perspective. For every women who thinks like this there will be 3 who will judge you for not owning a house or not living in a nicer/bigger house or not living in the right suburb.

 

I agree with Silentvoice and say just take a bit of a hiatus from serious dating for a while...thats assuming you are finding you are getting given short shift from women when you mention living at home with the folks.

Edited June 19, 2010 by ascendotum

[Feelin Frisky]

I wouldn't fret over it. You have goals and a decent girl will give you the benefit of the doubt. Any huffy bitch who judges it as "living with mommy and daddy" without much more of a thought is a turn off. It cuts both ways.

[Ruby Slippers]

I remember reading an article in Cosmo (I read it at the pizza shop/doctors to get an insight into women ) about new relationship deal breakers, and high up on the list was 'still living at home at 29. The usual pop psychology reasons were given..they are mama's boys, they have no initiative, they will expect you to be a girlfriend and a mother, they will be useless around the house, etc. In some cases this will be true but in many cases not. The trouble is millions of women who read cosmo will file this stuff away in their memory as being fact and will immediately mark guys down because of it.

I find it offensive that you are assuming all women form their opinions based on Cosmo articles.

 

I'm speaking from experience.

 

A man still living with his parents in his late 20s is one of the major turnoffs I can think of, and it has nothing to do with what some stupid magazine prints.

[JohnnyDrama]

I also thought it was this a good post by ArtCritic.

 

I’m interested to know if the fact that you are living at home has had a negative impact on your love life or if this is just something you just have an inkling of?

 

At your age I wouldn’t have thought it was going to be a big deal just yet, but for JohnnyDrama quite likely. I had a couple of mates who stayed at home saving till their early 30s. From about 26 to 33 when they finally bought a house they really struggled with women. They admit now they were really naïve about the impact living at home was having on potential girlfriends, as no women ever told them as such, but their change in fortunes when they lived in their own house, hit it home.

 

Both these guys are very family orientated & responsible guys and mistakenly thought this and the fact they were fiscally responsible would be seen as a positive aspect. If they had of met a great women then, they would have moved out sooner, but it became somewhat of a catch 22 situation..but who's to know for sure as the women that went cold on them never gave reasons. Neither of these guys are mamma's boys.

 

I remember reading an article in Cosmo (I read it at the pizza shop/doctors to get an insight into women ) about new relationship deal breakers, and high up on the list was 'still living at home at 29. The usual pop psychology reasons were given..they are mama's boys, they have no initiative, they will expect you to be a girlfriend and a mother, they will be useless around the house, etc. In some cases this will be true but in many cases not. The trouble is millions of women who read cosmo will file this stuff away in their memory as being fact and will immediately mark guys down because of it.

 

The view that returning home to save is equivalent of running home to mommy when things get tough, is really such a jaundiced perspective. For every women who thinks like this there will be 3 who will judge you for not owning a house or not living in a nicer/bigger house or not living in the right suburb.

 

I agree with Silentvoice and say just take a bit of a hiatus from serious dating for a while...thats assuming you are finding you are getting given short shift from women when you mention living at home with the folks.

 

From my understanding of things it may have had a negative impact on things but by the same token early on I was absolutely dreadful in relationship etiquette etc.. so I was probably my own worst enemy before you ever consider the other characteristics. Overall I don't believe it has both my parents are retired they vacation quite often and by quite often I mean half the year they aren't around. So during that time yes I do everything around the house but by the same token I rarely feel the effort to find a relationship, I usually just watch tv, listen to music, have friends over.

 

I also agree with SilentVoice to an extent, what might be a relationship on the horizon found me I didn't go searching for it so if that individual decided to take a hiatus I can understand.

 

I also find the term "mama's boy" ridiculous actually. I know some mama's boys that live on their own so this idea of if you live at home at a certain age you're a "mama's boy" is pure folly.

[Ilovehim]

I don't think it's a turn off at all..

If you have a good career and are saving up money that's fine. If you were a bum with no job and no goals at all then that's a problem.

 

I do agree with the fact that you can't have sex wit ur parents next room but I believe in waiting for sex anyway..when you're getting to know a girl, sex shouldn't be the problem anyway. Once she is your girlfriend and sometime has passed & you have decided it's right, then you can see what you can do.

[Tayla]

In my opinion, you made the mistake by spending all of your income at such an important age to pay off student loans. If you had instead spent that money on a home down payment you would be living comfortably in a low mortgage home and well on your way to a good living.

 

Have you considered seeking a financial advisor? You seem to be a good candidate for one. You have strong desire to save but it might be possible you're not doing it in the best/most efficient way.

 

Umm I beleive your commentary isnt reaching the masses, tis best to get an education then later invest in material things, a mind is a terrible thing to place on hold, plus its a great investment for employment!

[Tayla]

To the poster, no its not a deal breaker. With the economy its best to consolidate til the real estate stabilizes .

 

As to the living circumstances, if the house is large enough, folks can find ways to have their own privacy and sustain a safe environment for adult happen'ns. Most adult children living at home are an asset overall...someone is often there for security reasons, plus one more hand helps the overall management of the estate. Some adult children stay at home to tend to a parent who may have medical needs or financial help as well. NO harm no foul in that.

 

Best to you in your endeavor as a home owner, you've chosen a goal that is worth saving for!

[CrestfallenNoMore]

At 27, it wouldn't be a deal breaker. BUT, I'd very much want to know the reasons for this living arrangement. Your explanation is one that wouldn't have alienated me.

[JohnnyDrama]

To the poster, no its not a deal breaker. With the economy its best to consolidate til the real estate stabilizes .

 

As to the living circumstances, if the house is large enough, folks can find ways to have their own privacy and sustain a safe environment for adult happen'ns. Most adult children living at home are an asset overall...someone is often there for security reasons, plus one more hand helps the overall management of the estate. Some adult children stay at home to tend to a parent who may have medical needs or financial help as well. NO harm no foul in that.

 

Best to you in your endeavor as a home owner, you've chosen a goal that is worth saving for!

 

This is also a very good post.

[espec10001]

Hey all.

 

I've decided that I'm going to move into a nice apartment a friend was showing me this week. It has 2 bedrooms 1 I can put my studio in with an electronic drum set. I honestly don't see anything wrong with living with your family, but I gotta get back out on my own again. Honestly I was way more confident with the ladies when I was out on my own so I do think it does have an effect.

 

Down the road I still want a house but for right now a single 27 year old man with a good job a nice apartment will suit me well.

[Krytie TV]

Good on ya. Glad you found your answer here!

[Mimolicious]

Umm I beleive your commentary isnt reaching the masses, tis best to get an education then later invest in material things, a mind is a terrible thing to place on hold, plus its a great investment for employment!

 

You probably misunderstood the post. The way I am reading it, says that he focused on paying off his loans not putting off school.

 

Yes, given the fact that student loans don't loose property value nor gain equity (besides getting you the degree that can make you wealthy lol) and depending on your type of loan federal or private lender, the interest rates fluctuate with economy, catching bottom at the housing market can be a wise financial decision for someone his age. Of course, also depending the demographics, credit, budget and funds available for a d/p.

 

Anyway, it's not absurb for someone at his age to be a property owner. Only you know what your financial goals are an advisor (like Moi) can help you design a realistic approach to achieve them. Not impossible.

[electricity]

In my opinion, you made the mistake by spending all of your income at such an important age to pay off student loans. If you had instead spent that money on a home down payment you would be living comfortably in a low mortgage home and well on your way to a good living.

 

Have you considered seeking a financial advisor? You seem to be a good candidate for one. You have strong desire to save but it might be possible you're not doing it in the best/most efficient way.

 

It depends on what the terms on his student loans were, but in general I agree with this. A financial advisor might be useful in helping you determine how to best use your money. While it's true that you shouldn't be incurring monthly credit card debt as many Americans do, there are certain kinds of low-interest debt that can be good to incur, such as student loans and mortgages.

 

The idea is, let's say you have $100. You could pay off a loan with a 4% interest, OR you could invest in a portfolio that has an estimated 10% return rate. In this case, it's advisable to keep the debt and invest your money. You'd get $10 from your investment, use $4 to pay the loan interest, and net $6.

 

The problem is when people in debt USE the money instead - they have student loans/mortgages and instead of paying off that debt or investing their money, they spend the money on vacations, HDTVs, etc. THAT's what's causing the current credit crisis.

 

 

That said, I'd be wary about a guy living with his parents, but it wouldn't be an automatic dealbreaker. I and many other women like signs that a man is family-oriented and financially responsible. However, I don't want him to still be extremely tied to the family his PARENTS built. I want him to be ready to build OUR family. If he's still living at home with the parents and siblings because they're incredibly tight knit, I'd be concerned about coming into that as an outsider. I'd also worry about if he could ever break away from them to build a family with me. It doesn't sound like that's why the OP's living at home though, so I personally wouldn't find the OP's situation to be a reason for concern. It's unideal sure, but as long as it's temporary and he's worth it, I'd be OK with it.

[hopesndreams]

Be independent. It's time to cut the apron strings. You have to make your own way into this world and no parent should have to put up with an adult (son) in their home which prevents them from living their life without a needy sponger.