Annan Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Well this is my first time here so sorry if i don't understand any terms you all might use. I'm changing the names because in case this comes back to haunt me someday. Also sorry if this is too long but please help. Basically I'll start from the beginning. First things first, I don't really like boasting and I'm somewhat modest, however for this case I think it's fair to say I am quite attractive 'cute' (It feels weird admitting that). For some time now i noticed that girls often keep looking at me when I'm not looking at first i thought it was some joke but it happened outside school and more and more. I also heard people say stuff like "hey your sexy" as a 'joke' from guys but then again i was pretty shy then and didn't fight my own battles (still don't do now). Anyway I figured out I was well liked after like couple of months. Now the story starts Well when I was in year 8 I had a crush on this girl. Her name is Jackie she was pretty cute i guess but here's the thing she had a friend and at that time I barely paid attention to her. Her name was Linda. Why is that relevant I'll tell you in while. Some time in year 9 I found out Jackie liked me at that time I was quiet and cute (you know that typical kind of guy). However here's the thing I was fat like almost obese level which is why people teased me more I guess. Anyway she liked me I guess because of my quiet personality and I guess my looks (again weird). One day Linda got like a makeover or something and she looked quite (how should i say this) unbelievable like cute. However I have to admit I'm somewhat a stubborn guy I didn't change who I liked at the time. By the way Linda had changed for a guy she liked. Jackie came up to me some times and found random things to talk about like 'your mum's a teacher, tell me something about... religion etc'. One time when she asked me about religion I even thought about saying how cute her friend looked. No I'm not really that evil I was just nervous because I knew about her crush and wasn't sure how to take it (remember the kind of person I am). There was a person 'Jake' trying to 'win' Jackie he was a close friend of hers thus he knew about her crush on me. He kinda made fun of me but then again everyone did. In one point in science while the class was mucking around. A class clown kinda like me in the future, thought it'd be funny to get Jake to ask Jackie out. So he got the whole class cheering ask her out, and he did, during class. No offense but i think any girl would of said no if a guy asked them out like that. Any way while Jake was rejected the class clown got the class cheering for another person. Guess what, it was me. He got the class cheering to get Jackie to ask me out. i still can't believe she went through with it I of course said no. If somebody would ask me out I'd prefer it on their own accords even if it was her. Later about middle of the year I became loud and annoying (yes a typical guy) I think mainly because it was when i found out about my 'charms'. Jackie even at one point told me to 'shut up'. At that point I knew she didn't like me anymore or was it? To tell you the truth I was pretty hated in the year because I was annoying and loud. Yet when I didn't I noticed some girls used to like me. It was several months later that i realized that i didn't have any friends. It was mainly because I made fun of people then they made fun of me back I didn't retaliate but laugh. Also when they hit me i pretended to enjoy it. When I realised I had barely a friend I stopped talking as much and became friendlier I found friends but even they had trouble with me. Even now I guess I'm not as annoying but I guess I talk too much. Right now I guess I'm semi-quiet guy and talkative kind of guy. (Feels weird talking like this). Anyway my friends that I made happened to be somewhat close to Jackie and Linda (strange huh?). I saw them frequently and Jackie somewhat seemed to over me. From my previous actions Jackie didn't like me but instead Linda did. Later in the year there was an excursion, I still liked Jackie at that time. She noticed me stare at her now and again so did Linda she seemed sad. Jackie asked questions abut me attempting to get something started. Still I was shy then and didn't answer prperly. Later Jackie gave up on me (again) because I wasn't as quiet but equally shy also I think I was fatter than before. Later I knew that Jackie liked me but I didn't know she had give up. I thought she was playing hard to get like I heard girls do. So I didn't give up. By in about 2 months everybody knew that I had liked Jackie. Also that I wasn't giving up made it seem to everybody I was a stalker or pervert (I really wasn't). I thought she was playing hard to get so I did stupid things like flirt or tell people that i like her etc. Eventually everybody made fun of me even then I thought she was playing hard to get so when I told her I had a crush on her she said she didn't feel the same way. I fell into deep sadness. Cause i realized how stupid I had been. By that time only one girl liked me that was left was Linda. When I had gotten over Jackie, I fell for Linda (big problem arising). With her I was even more shy. I became friends with Jackie at that time but I was even more shy of Linda because of how I ignored her for Jackie. When about the end of year 9 she found out that I liked her, she was really happy. Again I'm a shy person so she probably got that from me looking at her from a distance away. What really made me fall for her though was that she had a crush on me even when I was basically in love with her friend. Later about 2-4 years i just kept holding it in (I was way too shy). I fell on love with her without talking to her. When i told my friend this he said I was crazy and just smitten, nothing else. Now at this point she had really fallen for me too like she got jealous if I talked to other girls and stuff. One time or another she stopped liking me for someone else but never done any thing then returned to me. Now that I think of it I should of been ticked off but I wasn't (I think I was smitten). Finally I get the courage to talk to her but next day she makes herself look that sexy that I can't (yep I think it was to get my attention). Later when I thought that I should get to know her friends more I did starting with Jackie I heard from her friend, that she thought I liked Jackie but I paid no mind. This was a weeks ago I guess. Few weeks from this thread she started avoiding me I guess especially eye contact. About that time I heard that she was dating someone when I heard this I rushed over and asked her and the person who she was dating Mark. Linda said swiftly with a no while Mark just laughed but didn't answer. I thought it was just a rumor but then I went into it further I found they were holding hands and he was stroking her hair. The moment I saw this I felt faint I told my friends they said I should be a man (very supportive). They also said that she doesn't think of me like that. WTF how did it change that fast. 3 years it took that long because Linda's friend's' had a crush on me and I was waiting for them to give up. But for this to happen I'm so confused I started thinking about jumping form the forth story and I've sliced my arm too many times to count. What happened? When I ask mark what's going on he laughs and so does his friends. Should i just give up was i too late or something. I can't focus on school feel like dropping, and above all suicide. I think I fell in love with her despite actually talking to her. Also should i tell her how I feel or just let t slide please help me I'm so confused.
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