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[marlena]

OldEurope;2849839]Does Greek Mythology have a God or Goddess anywhere who sets his or her or their holy wrath on idiot politicians and renegade bankers? The House of Agamemmnon set loose on the House of Goldman...or something like that?

Do you think that was Zeus and his thunderbolts last night? If it was, he sure was sending them in the wrong direction. Maybe we need to put up some road signs pointing to Wall Street! :lmao:

 

The day that anyone takes the sun and beaches away from the Greeks is the day the stars go out in heaven, the four horsemen of the Apocalypse gallop across the skies, and the Whore of Babylon does her last belly dance. In other words: when Greece's beaches go, we all go....

 

What wonderful imagery!! I love it! :love:

Edited June 19, 2010 by marlena

[OldEurope]

Do you think that was Zeus and his thunderbolts last night? If it was, he sure was sending them in the wrong direction. Maybe we need to put up some road signs pointing to Wall Street! :lmao:

 

 

 

What wonderful imagery!! I love it! :love:

 

 

I know---we re route the River Styx to the Hudson, and let one of those ten-headed dogs that guard Hades sniff out and kill anything that smells like a "foreign credit swap" !

 

Add to this little adventure recordings of Medea's screaming, Elektra's screaming, Clytemmenestra's screaming--hell, all those great ladies going bezerk--pumped into those wing-tipped Wall Street offices, and I swear, those "banker" schmucks will volunteer to go and clean the beaches of Greece with glee!

[OldEurope]

I'm speaking from experience, OldEurope. I had a friend, we were best friends and for years, I helped her a lot and being a friend, I didn't mind at all until a few other close friends told me that she taking advantage of me. Something happened and we had a fall out. It was about 2 years later that we bumped into each other and were friendly. She found me on FB a few days later and sent me a PM saying she'd like to reconcile. I thought that it couldn't hurt me as I have moved along.

 

Just one day after I approved her friend request, she wrote to me saying that she needed my help with a few things (sounds familiar yeah?) and that she saw my info that I had a lot of connections. That in itself was a red flag FOR me. I knew where she was going. I wanted to prove myself wrong and I helped her out anyway (stupid me!). She had a bit of difficulties in between which I helped her fixed them and when she got everything that she wanted, she just left.

 

I called her up to go for coffee and she always had excuses. A few months later, I noticed she was not listed on my friend list and when I searched her, I couldn't find her. Turned out she got what she wanted and blocked me after that.

 

It hurt me a lot. Even more so the second time. That's why I feel that your friend will never change and that recent email she sent you, was perhaps her way of trying to make it look as if your judgment of her was wrong.

 

Then again, I could be wrong. Some people do change and it is up to you to give her another chance or not.

 

Very interesting story, and I appreciate your taking the time to recount it. It does make one think.

 

The part of your post that I have highlighted is what I thought for a "split second" as well. The whole "Who, me?" bit maybe I've seen before.

 

I am going to be friendly, as she was once someone with whom I clicked in terms of shared intellectual interests, and philosophy and humor....But...but..I will be careful. If you see me back here after some time...well, then we know what was what!

 

Many thanks,

OE

[marlena]

OldEurope;2849870]I know---we re route the River Styx to the Hudson, and let one of those ten-headed dogs that guard Hades sniff out and kill anything that smells like a "foreign credit swap" !

That would be Cerveros!! Great idea. While he's there, he should take a stroll down to Fitch's, Moody's and all those rating agencies downgrading practically all of Europe and speculating big bucks on defaults.

 

 

Add to this little adventure recordings of Medea's screaming, Elektra's screaming, Clytemmenestra's screaming--hell, all those great ladies going bezerk--pumped into those wing-tipped Wall Street offices, and I swear, those "banker" schmucks will volunteer to go and clean the beaches of Greece with glee!

 

Haha!! You should hear my yowling. The Sirens pale in comparison! :laugh:

Edited June 19, 2010 by marlena

[Ariadne]

I just received an email from her...she is not motivated by business concerns, but is "suprised" that I had "such an impression".

 

Yeah, I think you are too apprehensive about this.

 

Be a little more open and not so afraid.

 

Besides, she introduced the topic of business after you had been speaking for hours..

 

The business is important for her and she had to mention it at some point and then things developed that way.

 

I'd say respond with sincerity.

[Ariadne]

Be careful,

 

A year had gone by after a pretty bitter fight

(on how she was handling her personal life)

 

but keep in mind we had not spoken in a year and we had a pretty bad falling out last summer.

 

You may lose this friendship forever.

 

The big falling was because of the way she was handling her life (I imagine you were disapproving).

 

And as soon as you get in touch with her you disapprove of the things she told you..

[Adunaphel]

I just received an email from her.

 

She wrote that she had a terrible head cold and "could not respond right away". Then she says "no", that she is not motivated by business concerns, but is "suprised" that I had "such an impression". Then she added that she hoped to talk soon.

 

Now, any thoughts on how I might respond to this? Now that I look like the bad guy for reading too much into things, must I "apologize" for what I thought was a reasonable suspicion?

 

What would the "pleasant and appropriate" words in reponse might be? I thought of these:

 

a) "As we had just resumed contact again, I wanted to start off on the right basis..."

b) "Well, you've been a bit of a user before so, hell, what did you expect?"

c) "Never mind, I'm happy to help where I can..."

 

Many thanks for any ideas...

OE

 

I'd go for a "Sorry about the wrong impression, see I've had a bad experiences with a person who mixed friendship and business that hurt me so much that I'm still affected, I am so happy I realized it's just a wrong impression, I look forward to talking to you soon" thing, where you apologize but at the same time reiterate the point.

[BentSpine]

I'd say a real friend would assure you that they won't bring up business again from then on, since you don't appreciate it. In general, we all make mistakes so for our own sake it's good to give someone a chance to redeem themselves. But only when the other party takes full responsibility for crossing boundaries.

[Taramere]

Normally I would agree with you. It is just that in the past I have "helped" without asking anything in return (or expecting to) and her request came on the heels of a reconciliation after almost one year of not speaking to each other--so bad was our falling out. I was always a true, blue friend to her...OE

 

I can very much relate to this, OE. I have a friend/more of a casual acquaintance now who is of a similar nature...always looking to combine friendship with business. I let her know that I wasn't keen on the businessy tone that was creeping into the friendship. I was pretty taken aback by her reaction. Very much throwing all kinds of personal things in my face, and basically leaving me wondering about the wisdom of being involved with such a person - either on a business or friendship level.

 

I knew she was under stress, and I generally have a forgiving nature - so I resolved it with her. Only to find that once she had obtained that resolution, she wanted to ditch the friendship. Really quite unpleasant. I feel that you must always have the option in friendship of saying no to things.

 

I don't often ask people outside of family to do me favours...but I've noticed that there are people who have the habit of doing you favours that you didn't ask for, and didn't necessarily want. All too often it turns out that they're doing such favours on a quid pro quo basis. "I did X for you, so you should do Y for me." Although I tend to be perfectly happy to do things for people, everyone has the limit they reach where enough's enough. Some people will push and push for that limit, and then when you reach it with them they get sulky and frosty because they can't bear to hear the word "no".

 

Friendships like that are very draining. I think your friend has a particular nerve to be leaning on you for business favours like this when the friendship has been tricky over the past year. If she's anything like the friend I had problems with, telling her how you feel and laying down boundaries will result in sulks, grudges and frost setting into the friendship. On the other hand, it pays to know the true character and motives of people you have in your life.

[marlena]

To me, friendship is like any other relationship, perhaps even more fragile than most. It will go through good times and bad times. When the bad outnumbers the good, it's time to put an end to it.

Edited June 21, 2010 by marlena

[OldEurope]

I can very much relate to this, OE. I have a friend/more of a casual acquaintance now who is of a similar nature...always looking to combine friendship with business. I let her know that I wasn't keen on the businessy tone that was creeping into the friendship. I was pretty taken aback by her reaction. Very much throwing all kinds of personal things in my face, and basically leaving me wondering about the wisdom of being involved with such a person - either on a business or friendship level.

 

I knew she was under stress, and I generally have a forgiving nature - so I resolved it with her. Only to find that once she had obtained that resolution, she wanted to ditch the friendship. Really quite unpleasant. I feel that you must always have the option in friendship of saying no to things.

 

I don't often ask people outside of family to do me favours...but I've noticed that there are people who have the habit of doing you favours that you didn't ask for, and didn't necessarily want. All too often it turns out that they're doing such favours on a quid pro quo basis. "I did X for you, so you should do Y for me." Although I tend to be perfectly happy to do things for people, everyone has the limit they reach where enough's enough. Some people will push and push for that limit, and then when you reach it with them they get sulky and frosty because they can't bear to hear the word "no".

 

Friendships like that are very draining. I think your friend has a particular nerve to be leaning on you for business favours like this when the friendship has been tricky over the past year. If she's anything like the friend I had problems with, telling her how you feel and laying down boundaries will result in sulks, grudges and frost setting into the friendship. On the other hand, it pays to know the true character and motives of people you have in your life.

 

Greetings, Taramere....Nice to hear from you, ye of the enlightened 18th century mind....

 

The grudges (hers, despite an "apology" from me and an offer to help "wherever possible")...hit fever pitch over the course of a conversation this weekend. Over the top, and I'm afraid the friendship is taking a pause for a bit. Just did not re-connect properly at all.

 

Freezing in northern Italy,

 

OE

[Taramere]

Greetings, Taramere....Nice to hear from you, ye of the enlightened 18th century mind....

 

Haha. Thanks

 

The grudges (hers, despite an "apology" from me and an offer to help "wherever possible")...hit fever pitch over the course of a conversation this weekend. Over the top, and I'm afraid the friendship is taking a pause for a bit. Just did not re-connect properly at all.

 

Freezing in northern Italy,

 

OE

 

I think you're right to back off. You can always resume the friendship when she finally gets over her grudge (if you want to that is), but I think it's difficult to have a good friendship with someone once you've seen that they have a tendency to hold grudges. It makes you that bit more hesitant about expressing yourself freely with them..hence, probably, the difficulty in re-connecting.

 

Freezing literally or metaphorically? I'm assuming the latter. If it's warm here (as it is today) then surely it can't possibly be cold in Italy!

[OldEurope]

Haha. Thanks

 

 

 

I think you're right to back off. You can always resume the friendship when she finally gets over her grudge (if you want to that is), but I think it's difficult to have a good friendship with someone once you've seen that they have a tendency to hold grudges. It makes you that bit more hesitant about expressing yourself freely with them..hence, probably, the difficulty in re-connecting.

 

Freezing literally or metaphorically? I'm assuming the latter. If it's warm here (as it is today) then surely it can't possibly be cold in Italy!

 

Literally freezing, believe it or not. We have Central European weather (I am near the Swiss border) and it's been annoyingly blah of late.....

 

Thanks again for your commenting. I just found it ridiculous that she could not offer a light apology (as I had done), and the whole defensive stance was a turn off. The conversation really soured.

 

Eh oui....

 

But...'nuff said....Hope you are well, TM!

 

OE

[Adunaphel]

Cold and rainy, actually *sighs*

 

OE, it really sounds like the pause you are taking is for the best.

Otherwise you'd risk re-starting the friendship on the wrong foot.

The point of reconnecting with old friends is putting old issues behind, not adding new resentments to the old ones.

[threebyfate]

There are all kinds of people in this world and different kinds of relationships. This woman sounds like a business contact or an acquaintance, rather than a friend. Friendships should source from caring not from mutual usage.

[Taramere]

Literally freezing, believe it or not. We have Central European weather (I am near the Swiss border) and it's been annoyingly blah of late.....

 

Sympathies. Just a few days ago we had weather that was near wintry. Yet a couple of weeks ago, I was rubbing aloe vera on mild sunburn that I got after cycling. Crazy weather.

 

Thanks again for your commenting. I just found it ridiculous that she could not offer a light apology (as I had done), and the whole defensive stance was a turn off. The conversation really soured.

 

I wonder if she's embarrassed?

 

But...'nuff said....Hope you are well, TM!

 

OE

 

Not so bad thanks OE, and likewise

 

There are all kinds of people in this world and different kinds of relationships. This woman sounds like a business contact or an acquaintance, rather than a friend. Friendships should source from caring not from mutual usage.

 

Sometimes I think things like blasted facebook contribute to the problem. I think quite a few people use them for business network as well as social...and it encourages these blurry boundaries. Thinking of this club my father's a member of...it's against the rules for members to do any business within the club, and I think that's a great rule. It gets a bit wearing when people see everything as a business networking opportunity.

[threebyfate]

Sometimes I think things like blasted facebook contribute to the problem. I think quite a few people use them for business network as well as social...and it encourages these blurry boundaries.

Fb isn't my thing. It would shock me if 90% of the friends people display were really friends. But then I have my own definition of friendship which not everyone shares.

Thinking of this club my father's a member of...it's against the rules for members to do any business within the club, and I think that's a great rule. It gets a bit wearing when people see everything as a business networking opportunity.

Yes, same as my Dad's and H's club. You're not allowed to do business on premise. But that never stops anyone from making contacts while at the club and then soliciting offsite. Edited June 21, 2010 by threebyfate

[OldEurope]

Fb isn't my thing. It would shock me if 90% of the friends people display were really friends. But then I have my own definition of friendship which not everyone shares.

Yes, same as my Dad's and H's club. You're not allowed to do business on premise. But that never stops anyone from making contacts while at the club and then soliciting offsite.

 

Really rather nice, isn't it? Pretty civilized.

 

And I agree that "blasted facebook" has cheapened the definition of friendship...

 

...TBF, I may have missed this somewhere, but aren't you Mama TBF by about now?

[threebyfate]

...TBF, I may have missed this somewhere, but aren't you Mama TBF by about now?

Yes! I'm a mama now to an 8.1 lb strapping baby boy who bellows when he needs something. He won't be allowed at the club until he learns to tone it down!

[OldEurope]

:love:

 

He'll be all black-tie, polo matches, and brandy-by-the club-fireplace in no time....Enjoying the precious bellowing while it lasts!

[vintagecat]

I'm not much for online social sites. I think they offer pseudo-friendships as opposed to real give and take interactions and are prone to using, abusing and misunderstandings but given the highly mobile world in which we live, they will have to do...

 

Having said this OE, you are clearly uncomfortable with the direction that your "friendship" reconciliation has taken. I think it's up to you to set boundaries that you are comfortable with in order to go on with this person if that's what you choose to do. Just tell your friend that you might have misinterpreted what she initially wrote and tell her that you'd rather not talk business (any business) at this point in your friendship. If your friend can't accept this boundary then what kind of friend are they?

 

You will get your answer by setting limits. A real friend will accept not discussing business as a condition of the friendship. A person that sees you as a business connection primarily will drop you like a burning coal as you will be of no further use to them. Better to know the truth than operate in the dark.