Morals Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 I have a lot more respect for a guy who makes his desires and intentions clear from the get-go than a guy who shuffles his feet around the subject and waits for me to take the initiative. And I have never rejected a man in a mean way. I try to let them down very easily, because I want them to keep at it. The world is better off if we are all going for what we want, not feeling dejected and blah. How exactly do you want a guy to express his desires??? I'm fairly certain that any rendition of "I want to screw you". No matter how eloquently put, is not goinh to endear you to a woman. Also, what you might view as "gently" putting a guy down, does not really help. Rejection is rejection. Plain and simple.
Morals Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Yes, you do. No, it's not. A guy doesn't need to start humping me outside the restaurant on the first date, but if he does nothing physical to signal his sexual interest in me, I might as well be having dinner with a girlfriend. Also, experience has shown me that the longer the guy waits to get sexual, the worse the sex is. Sigh... I notice you conveniently left out choice parts if my post. I stated that if you are going on a date with someone , there is already a level of sexual interest there. If not then why go on the date in the first place? Please see my above post, as I posed the question of how exactly you want a guy to express this interest.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 How exactly do you want a guy to express his desires??? I'm fairly certain that any rendition of "I want to screw you". No matter how eloquently put, is not goinh to endear you to a woman. Here are some good ways a guy can signal his sexual interest on the first date: Give me a lusty, come hither look across the table, or several.Let his eyes wander around my body while we talk and have wine.Make a witty remark that is sexually suggestive without being crass.Compliment some feature of mine he finds attractive.Slide his hand down my back as we cross the street, enter the restaurant.Grab my hand as we cross the street or ascend stairs.Kiss me later on in the date, and hug me so I get to feel up his bod. Put his hands around my waist while he hugs me, then wrap his arms around me and draw me in to his body. At the end of the date, make his desires to see me again and intentions clear, by saying, "I'll call you tomorrow", then doing it.
somedude81 Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Morals, have you ever had a 'date' with a girl and she didn't even know it was a date? I know I have, and it has happened a few times with different girls. And no I'm not talking about obvious dinner dates. These days nobody goes up to a girl and says, "Will you like to go on a date with me?" The word date is never said. So if I never ask her out on a date, how is she supposed to know that us spending time together is actually a date and not just two friends hanging out? The answer is to show the girl with my actions that I am sexually interested in her. That's accomplished by eye contact, being close to her, touching, compliments and trying to go for a kiss.
Morals Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 Morals, have you ever had a 'date' with a girl and she didn't even know it was a date? I know I have, and it has happened a few times with different girls. And no I'm not talking about obvious dinner dates. These days nobody goes up to a girl and says, "Will you like to go on a date with me?" The word date is never said. So if I never ask her out on a date, how is she supposed to know that us spending time together is actually a date and not just two friends hanging out? The answer is to show the girl with my actions that I am sexually interested in her. That's accomplished by eye contact, being close to her, touching, compliments and trying to go for a kiss. No I haven't. When I go on dates I make it known. Sounds like you're going out on dates with people who don't know it's a date, that you are in the friend zone. I would not advise going out as friends and expecting it to escalate to more. Disclaimer: it's not impossible, but it's not probable.
jamal Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 The only way to avoid the friendzone is to move real fast. I usually go for the jugular i.e. sex on the first date or at the latest on the 2nd date. No sex and I am moving on. IMHO sex is the cornerstone and everything else can build up from there. I am very upfront about my intentions in a very polite manner and I tell you women know what time it is. I used to be a very polite guy and one girl once called me a saint. I vowed that I will never go back to being a nice guy. Though I am a nice guy deep inside and also very emotional - I at least put up a front at the beginning of a relationship. Though I can go for days without calling a woman I will be obsessing over her 247. Remember, it is all about giving women what they want and not giving them what you think they need.
Lakeside_runner Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 "nice guy", "friend zone" etc. are notions invented by LS members i.e. us people who overanalyze relationships, text messages and pretty much everything that has to do with meeting people of the opposite sex and starting healthy relationships. While we try do make these notions more and more precise and formalize what puts you into the friend-zone and what doesn't or theorize if there ever is a way out of the friend-zone, the rest of the society is enjoying dates... So... les LS-ing more RL-ing!
Author Confused100 Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 Way to generalize... Ever think that maybe sex shouldn't be the first thing on your mind? I can think a girl is cute without wanting to mind-hump her. It's that behavior that seperates the chaff from the wheat, so to speak. If sex us the first thing on your mind in anything but a ONS or FWB, you have an issue with connecting emotionally with women. Sex is not bad to think about, but it should not be the first thing on your mind. I think that's a good characterization of how I feel. For me, it seems like as I'm more able to evaluate the woman holistically, the more attracted I get. Sure, sex would be wonderful, but I guess I'm more interested in one of those lovey-dovey relationships right now? The problem with 'nice guys' is that they place too little importance on sex. They effectively try to hide all sexual desire which results in them never making a move. Of course if the guy never makes a move, the girl is naturally going to only see him as a friend. I'm actually going to say that for a nice guy, sex should be the first thing on his mind. If it isn't it, it may be so far back on his mind that he never thinks about it. Well, I don't think I hid all sexual desire. In this past one, there was physical contact. You're right about the results, but I would argue that deep down, we "nice guys" actually view sex as too important -- like it's this mythical nirvana that we know we're not good enough to achieve but we'll be crushed if we don't. It shouldn't be any wonder that we freeze up. Like Kevin Spacey's line in The Usual Suspects, "Could you really shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss?" If I could go back in time 20 or 25 years to advise my foolishly "nice guy" self, I would offer these 3 bits of wisdom: 1. As has been pointed out here, get to know a woman while dating not before. (I think this is actually separate from whether or not you are a "nice guy" -- personally, I was just clueless here.) 2. Date someone because she's "cool", not because she's "hot". (A line from the No More Mr. Nice Guy site.) 3. Everything is practice . . . (another line from the No More Mr. Nice Guy site.) I simply based too much of my self-esteem on whether this or that random woman would be attracted to me. Plus, in typical "nice guy" fashion, I'm TERRIBLE at reading signs of interest, so approaching any woman seemed like a cold-call. Well . . . keep in mind that the world won't end if an approach doesn't work, so try a few cold-calls. In regards to the first point, especially in the last case, I didn't feel any emotional pull until after I got to know her more. I think that's where I keep failing. I gradually fall for the person.
sh3rvin Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 this has happened to me a few times getting in the friend zone.
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