Topping the strongest emotional connection you've ever had.

[EricaH329]

I wanted to start a new thread asking this question. It might sound very confusing, i'm not exactly too sure how to state this.

 

If you've ever had a really strong emotional connection with someone, and have moved on from that... the next time you date or begin a relationship, do you look for someone who can top that? Or do you 'settle' (for lack of a better term) for someone who makes you happy, but there isn't necessarily any strong connection?

 

If it's the latter, how do you get over knowing that you've experienced something much greater than that, and aren't receiving it in this particular relationship?

[threebyfate]

Erica, in each relationship I've always upgraded so there's no regret.

[espec10001]

I wanted to start a new thread asking this question. It might sound very confusing, i'm not exactly too sure how to state this.

 

If you've ever had a really strong emotional connection with someone, and have moved on from that... the next time you date or begin a relationship, do you look for someone who can top that? Or do you 'settle' (for lack of a better term) for someone who makes you happy, but there isn't necessarily any strong connection?

 

If it's the latter, how do you get over knowing that you've experienced something much greater than that, and aren't receiving it in this particular relationship?

 

I think our bonds we form with people are all different. Like the bond I formed with my past relationships aren't better or worse, but different. I've been madly in love with women before and felt an intense connection with them, but that's only one kind.

 

I find myself seeking a mental bond more and more with women these days. It's not a better or worse connection, just a different one. Also these days I find it's important to have common interests and hobbies and that's another bond forming activity two people can do together.

[EricaH329]

Erica, in each relationship I've always upgraded so there's no regret.

 

So you're saying that your emotional connection with a person always tops the last? Do you think that if an emotional connection isn't as strong as your last, it would work out in the end?

 

I think our bonds we form with people are all different. Like the bond I formed with my past relationships aren't better or worse, but different. I've been madly in love with women before and felt an intense connection with them, but that's only one kind.

 

I find myself seeking a mental bond more and more with women these days. It's not a better or worse connection, just a different one. Also these days I find it's important to have common interests and hobbies and that's another bond forming activity two people can do together.

 

I see what you're saying. There are different types of connections for a person to make. Do you think that one is better than another (i.e. mental vs emotional)? If so, what has worked out for you the best? I know you say that you are looking for more of a mental connection with someone, but do you think that having that mental connection leads to a strong emotional connection?

 

Are the connections that you've made with people progressively getting stronger?

[quankanne]

each love experience you go through is WAY different than the others before. In college, I honestly believe I'd met The One ... I was in love for the first time in my life. He ended it and I was devastated. But, about that same time, I met the guy that I eventually married, and believe me, I was not looking for a permanent relationship, and was just casually dating while I mooned over College Boy.

 

and as espec points out, the bonds were incredibly different with my husband when we first met than they'd been with College Boy at any point in our relationship.

 

pretty much, there's a surprise waiting in your future, you've just got to decide whether you want to be open to it, you know?

[quankanne]

Are the connections that you've made with people progressively getting stronger?

 

I think it's because our needs change as we grow that we're able to forge what seems like stronger connections with a new person, when it's that maturity process kicking in and helping determine what best suits us at that point in time ...

[espec10001]

So you're saying that your emotional connection with a person always tops the last? Do you think that if an emotional connection isn't as strong as your last, it would work out in the end?

 

 

 

I see what you're saying. There are different types of connections for a person to make. Do you think that one is better than another (i.e. mental vs emotional)? If so, what has worked out for you the best? I know you say that you are looking for more of a mental connection with someone, but do you think that having that mental connection leads to a strong emotional connection?

 

Are the connections that you've made with people progressively getting stronger?

 

I believe that when we form relationships with other people, they act as a mirror of ourselves. When you look in the mirror, you can see it like this:

*******

*Mind**

*******

******

*heart*

******

******

*privates*

********

 

As we form relationships with other people, one, two, or all three bonds light up in passion. So lets say you meet a guy and he's really smart and you share common interests and you both can see being friends with each other, this passion lights up in the mind and this is the bond. It may never go further than that.

 

For others, there may not be a mental bond but a bonding in the heart which is more emotional. It's the connection that people feel in their beings, like the butterflies and the excitement of being with the people.

 

And finally, is the private parts connection, reproduction. Like you love family members with the heart but you don't think about having sex with them. Also you have friends that you form mental bonds with but you don't feel love for them but relate on shared activities and hobbies.

 

Do you get what I'm saying?

[EricaH329]

I think it's because our needs change as we grow that we're able to forge what seems like stronger connections with a new person, when it's that maturity process kicking in and helping determine what best suits us at that point in time ...

 

That's definitely a perspective that I haven't thought about before! From my experience, every connection i've had with my ex's have gotten stronger with each relationship. I feel like i'm on my way to finding the best connection possible for myself.

 

However, the main reason I started this thread (and I think I may have worded it incorrectly) is because i've had the opportunity to experience a very strong instant connection. I was wondering if that was something that should be my focus on finding again, or if that sort of thing only happen once in a blue moon and in reality that sort of connection rarely happens.

 

It's tough taking the time to build a connection, when you know that there are people that will give you an instant connection. That just sounds lazy

 

I believe that when we form relationships with other people, they act as a mirror of ourselves. When you look in the mirror, you can see it like this:

*******

*Mind**

*******

******

*heart*

******

******

*privates*

********

 

As we form relationships with other people, one, two, or all three bonds light up in passion. So lets say you meet a guy and he's really smart and you share common interests and you both can see being friends with each other, this passion lights up in the mind and this is the bond. It may never go further than that.

 

For others, there may not be a mental bond but a bonding in the heart which is more emotional. It's the connection that people feel in their beings, like the butterflies and the excitement of being with the people.

 

And finally, is the private parts connection, reproduction. Like you love family members with the heart but you don't think about having sex with them. Also you have friends that you form mental bonds with but you don't feel love for them but relate on shared activities and hobbies.

 

Do you get what I'm saying?

 

I completely get what you're saying! Thanks for the perspective!! After reading that, my next question is: in your experience, would you date someone who doesn't have that immediate bond (whichever bond that may be) even if there is another bond that you've made with this person? Ok, that just sounds confusing. For example: if you have a physical connection with a person, but not an immediate mental or emotional bond, do you allow it time to grow? If so, how do you know when it's just not there?

 

I have never questioned, or analyzed, dating this much in my entire life. I don't mean to sound ignorant or naive, I think I just put a lot more importance on the people that I date now.

[threebyfate]

So you're saying that your emotional connection with a person always tops the last? Do you think that if an emotional connection isn't as strong as your last, it would work out in the end?

In my long-term relationships, yes, the emotional connection is much stronger each time. But not only that. As far as I'm concerned, everything meaningful has been upgraded.

 

IMO, my husband is everything I've ever wanted in a man and more. I can't imagine upgrading from him. I thought this before but seeing how he feels about and treats our son, can't be topped.

[Shakz]

It's changed over time. When I was in my teens I was completely clueless so I went for the first girl to show any interest in me and held on for dear life. When I was in my 20's I was very involved in school/career concerns and my relationships were many and largely superficial. In my 30's I was a bit more stable and gave some consideration to the marriage and family thing, but found because I had never invested much time in developing emotional bonds with women that I got involved in some ill-considered and volatile relationships. In my forties I've pretty much resigned myself to looking for women that share my values and my interests, but to whom I'm relatively detatched emotionally. That way I can't get hurt if things don't work out, which they never do. I'll be fifty soon enough. Maybe then I'll grow a real heart, but probably not.

[Feelin Frisky]

If one's super-great emotional connection relationship winds up on the scrap heap, perhaps one should consider that it was a false take on some kind of torrrid flash of co-dependence and not the romanticized emotional connection. Things that are really that right and personal should last, nay? Just check both sides of the coin and give yourself a reality check.

[VelveteenBunny]

Why is it settling if it doesn't "top" it- wouldn't getting something equally good be above settling?

[spookie]

After reading that, my next question is: in your experience, would you date someone who doesn't have that immediate bond (whichever bond that may be) even if there is another bond that you've made with this person? Ok, that just sounds confusing. For example: if you have a physical connection with a person, but not an immediate mental or emotional bond, do you allow it time to grow? If so, how do you know when it's just not there?

 

I have been doing so. The emotional connection is growing, but VERY SLOWLY. However, the more I get to know him, the more I like him. I wasn't sure whether I should be dating him at all in the beginning, but now it's at the point where I don't question it anymore. He makes me happy and he's the only one that I want.