Cantcope Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 My ex and I spoke for about 2 hours last night about his request for my "friendship". Long story short, he says that he won't even CONSIDER the thought of a reconciliation until we see if we can form a solid base of friendship. I was open and honest and told him that I will try, but I feel that I have alterior motves to being his friend, since I do want to get back together. When I asked him if there was that potential, he said that he would never say never to anything, but I have to clear the hopes for reconcilliation from my mind, or it will never be a true friendship. We agreed that sex should be off limits (HIS idea), since it's only making things more confusing. I mentioned the future and how we would feel when or if the other starts dating or meets someone. He can't understand why I want to spend so much time right now worrying about what may or may not happen. I'm torn. Part of me says to try. Part of me wants all or nothing. I feel like I KNOW I want him as my bf, but he has a point with the importance of a friendship being the base of any relationship. Should I just chill out already and see where things go? I've always been one to make hasty decisions and leap BEFORE I look....for the good and bad. I would really love to take things very slow and see where things go naturally. But I'm scared......
sean1970 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Long story short, he says that he won't even CONSIDER the thought of a reconciliation until we see if we can form a solid base of friendship. 100% Grade A Bull$hit Part of me says to try. Part of me wants all or nothing. Go with your second part... Or don't you deserve it? But I'm scared...... Get used to that feeling in this 'arrangement'.
StarrySkyBlue Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I tried to be 'friends' with someone I liked but didn't like me 'that way', and I ended up getting more hurt, and the initial hurt of the rejection dragged on for a long, long time through the period when we were 'friends'. I know you might feel like you don't want to let go of whatever ties you have with this guy, but you need to move on BEFORE you can become friends. My advice is, don't do it. Go NC. This might seem cold, heartless, etc., but it does work, and it will help you heal faster.
ADF Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I don't know. I don't your ex-BF, so I cannot say for sure what he is thinking. But if I were you, I wouldn't necessariy take everything he has said at face value. Men almost never go out of their way to be "just friends" with women. Almost never. Maybe this man is that one-in-a-million exception, but I doubt it. But who knows? Maybe he is 100% sincere. But I think what you need to guard against--if you need to guard against anything--is his eventually trying to lure you into some kind of FWB arrangement. I know he says he doesn't want sex, but that somehow doesn't compute for me.
Author Cantcope Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 Thanks! I've drivien myself crazy trying to figure out his MO. Ive come up with: He wants to be sure to keep me in his back pocket and keep tabs on me. He KNOWS that there is SOMETHING still there. He needs time to clear his own head and figure out what he wants, hence the need to be friends. He knows that the sex freaking rocks and he doesn't want to let that go. I could go on and on....the list would never end. I went NC before. I can do it again, but I'm not sure. Maybe instead of rushing into any decision (either way), I need to take the weekend and see how I feel. If I'm completely anxiety ritten, waiting for his calls and texts and waiting for him to ask me to hang out, clearly I can't handle it. If I can go on with my weekend, just as I did when I was in NC, then maybe I'll give it a try. Regardless of how I may act/react at the time, I really appreciate the advice that ALL of you take the time to share.
heavensmesenger Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 If I were you I'd cut all ties with him and move on. I only say this because you deserve better then him and you don't want to end up where I am. I'm completely heartbroken because i tried to remain friends with my ex, at her request, after she cheated on me and dumped me for another guy. We tried to be friends and one thing led to another and we slept together, she promised me the world, told me I was hers and the next day changed her mind. I do not wish this sort of pain on anybody, not even my worst enemies. Please do yourself a favour and get rid of him, focus on yourself and find somebody better who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Recommended Posts