ecto-1 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I was reading the ONE SHOT thread And saw a couple of women who had men chasing them for years or asking them out repetitively only to have these foolish men be blown off on a consistant basis until the woman said, "Oookaaaay, I'll GO out with you" simply probably because she had nothing better to do, or the guy was her final choice of the other men that dumped her...or whatever reason. I read these stories of "Well, my current boyfriend pursued me for 3 years and I kept blowing him off" FOr one, the guy was a tool, #2...if he did it with the wrong woman, he'd probably have a restraining order. 3rdly, the woman isn't worth dating if you're constantly pursuing as such and she keeps blowing you off like that, and then you finally bend over backwards, if these relationships wind up in marriage, the marriage sometimes ends pretty badly or they turn into short lived relationships. I guess some of these women figure they can have these guys wrapped around their little finger, agreed?
jazzpur Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 the best practice to follow is to persist until she tells you to f*uck off, if she is worth it. make sure you have other girls in the picture, chasing after one will be bad for the ego if it never goes the way you want
TaraMaiden Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I was reading the ONE SHOT thread And saw a couple of women who had men chasing them for years or asking them out repetitively only to have these foolish men be blown off on a consistant basis until the woman said, "Oookaaaay, I'll GO out with you" simply probably because she had nothing better to do, or the guy was her final choice of the other men that dumped her...or whatever reason. I read these stories of "Well, my current boyfriend pursued me for 3 years and I kept blowing him off" FOr one, the guy was a tool, #2...if he did it with the wrong woman, he'd probably have a restraining order. 3rdly, the woman isn't worth dating if you're constantly pursuing as such and she keeps blowing you off like that, and then you finally bend over backwards, if these relationships wind up in marriage, the marriage sometimes ends pretty badly or they turn into short lived relationships. I guess some of these women figure they can have these guys wrapped around their little finger, agreed? Or maybe you just don't have it in you to recognise a good thing when you see one, and pursue it until you catch it.... 'Faint heart ne'er won fair lady'. The quality and endurance of the relationship is dependent on the compatibility in the long-term, of the couple. Not in how long it took to get it started. my father pursued my mother for 4 years. 57 years later..... Let's face it - you're a quitter, whereas other guys are a trier. And persistence, patience and personality pays. Dividends. They're the ones with a lady on their arm. Not you.
Bangle Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Or maybe you just don't have it in you to recognise a good thing when you see one, and pursue it until you catch it.... 'Faint heart ne'er won fair lady'. The quality and endurance of the relationship is dependent on the compatibility in the long-term, of the couple. Not in how long it took to get it started. my father pursued my mother for 4 years. 57 years later..... Let's face it - you're a quitter, whereas other guys are a trier. And persistence, patience and personality pays. Dividends. They're the ones with a lady on their arm. Not you. I have learned a lot from you, I might just have found out what my problem is. Thank you.
Arbitrariness Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I was reading the ONE SHOT thread And saw a couple of women who had men chasing them for years or asking them out repetitively only to have these foolish men be blown off on a consistant basis until the woman said, "Oookaaaay, I'll GO out with you" simply probably because she had nothing better to do, or the guy was her final choice of the other men that dumped her...or whatever reason. I read these stories of "Well, my current boyfriend pursued me for 3 years and I kept blowing him off" FOr one, the guy was a tool, #2...if he did it with the wrong woman, he'd probably have a restraining order. 3rdly, the woman isn't worth dating if you're constantly pursuing as such and she keeps blowing you off like that, and then you finally bend over backwards, if these relationships wind up in marriage, the marriage sometimes ends pretty badly or they turn into short lived relationships. I guess some of these women figure they can have these guys wrapped around their little finger, agreed? Yeh i agree and think its sick that some guys pursue girls for extended periods of time. What a waste of 3 years of your dating life and how could someone have such little dignity and respect for themselves? The relationship dynamic would be ****ed as the guy is whipped before it even begins. No disrespect, TaraMaiden, I'm glad your parents are happy, but for the majority aren't there enough fish in the sea?
phineas Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Or maybe you just don't have it in you to recognise a good thing when you see one, and pursue it until you catch it.... 'Faint heart ne'er won fair lady'. The quality and endurance of the relationship is dependent on the compatibility in the long-term, of the couple. Not in how long it took to get it started. my father pursued my mother for 4 years. 57 years later..... Let's face it - you're a quitter, whereas other guys are a trier. And persistence, patience and personality pays. Dividends. They're the ones with a lady on their arm. Not you. Tara, I have to ask, did he put his life on hold those 4 yrs while he held a torch for your mother, or did he just keep her on the radar asking her out while he was between other women he dated? There is a significant difference & I think it matters when pertaining to this thread.
TaraMaiden Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 he never so much as looked at another woman during that time. So much so that his brothers thought he was gay.
Author ecto-1 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 Not trolling at all.....what happened with you parents was the good old days....in fact, I wish I grew up in that time period where stalking wasn't illegal. Because unwanted pursuits can lead to legal action....you're just taking a serious risk. I've known guys to have authorities call them on the carpet at a college to tell them to back off on a woman that they tried talking too a little TOO much. Student affairs gave them a verbal warning. This is why men are afraid to try one too many time, friend of mine said it depends on the woman, but he says he calls once...and if she doesn't return her call....he moves on...anything BEYOND that....might be considered....unfortunately "stalkerish" behavior. Just laying down the facts of the reality of the situation here. Grandpa doing what he did was probably harmless, and it was great what happened, however...this is 2010, and interpretation of a romantic unwanted pursuit can cause problems Its one of those so funny, because its SO true situations Or maybe you just don't have it in you to recognise a good thing when you see one, and pursue it until you catch it.... 'Faint heart ne'er won fair lady'. The quality and endurance of the relationship is dependent on the compatibility in the long-term, of the couple. Not in how long it took to get it started. my father pursued my mother for 4 years. 57 years later..... Let's face it - you're a quitter, whereas other guys are a trier. And persistence, patience and personality pays. Dividends. They're the ones with a lady on their arm. Not you.
TaraMaiden Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 If a woman rejects me over and over again then why on earth would I continue chasing a woman who obviously have no intrest in me? It does not make me a quitter. It does if you really, really want her and you give up. If you give up, then you obviously didn't want her enough. I would never want to be with a Women who expects me to chase her for years and expects me to initiate every contact/date and do all the work. Sadly though thats how ALL women are so I guess I'll remain single. No woman 'expects' you to do anything. if you're chasing her, that's your choice. if you stop chasing her, that's your choice. If she chooses to reject you, that's her choice. if she finally relents, that's her choice. You're single because you expect things handed to you on a plate with an immediate response. Life isn't like that. If you quit that early, you're obviously not a long-term stayer either. Thought about it that way? if you give up so easily, what are you going to do when things get rough in the relationship? Walk away? In relationships where the man chased the woman for years, the love is loopsided. The man loves the woman ALOT more than the woman loves the man. I have never seen evidence or proof of that, at all. That again, is just your hypothesis. I'm a troll because I don't want to chase a woman for several years? Because I don't want to be the one who has to initiate EVERY contact EVERY date EVERY sort of affaection? Because I don't want to be with a woman who loves me less than I love her? no you're a troll because you post completely, wildly inaccurate, unfounded and generalised comments about women that are obviously from a base of bitterness, delusion and resentment. In relationships where the man chased the woman the woman has an advantage over the man because she loves less, she wouldn't care at all if the man left. Women who has the man chase her does not care about the man at all. In relationships where the man chased the woman and then promptly gave up, the woman had the advantage over the man, because he obviously just wanted to get between her legs, and had no emotional interest at all and gave up when he realised she was not an easy pushover, which is what he wanted in the first place. I guess you lose out on both counts. Oh, and I know that my assessment is as accurate as yours is.
espec10001 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 It does if you really, really want her and you give up. If you give up, then you obviously didn't want her enough. No woman 'expects' you to do anything. if you're chasing her, that's your choice. if you stop chasing her, that's your choice. If she chooses to reject you, that's her choice. if she finally relents, that's her choice. You're single because you expect things handed to you on a plate with an immediate response. Life isn't like that. If you quit that early, you're obviously not a long-term stayer either. Thought about it that way? if you give up so easily, what are you going to do when things get rough in the relationship? Walk away? I have never seen evidence or proof of that, at all. That again, is just your hypothesis. no you're a troll because you post completely, wildly inaccurate, unfounded and generalised comments about women that are obviously from a base of bitterness, delusion and resentment. In relationships where the man chased the woman and then promptly gave up, the woman had the advantage over the man, because he obviously just wanted to get between her legs, and had no emotional interest at all and gave up when he realised she was not an easy pushover, which is what he wanted in the first place. I guess you lose out on both counts. Oh, and I know that my assessment is as accurate as yours is. I don't really find that endless pursuit of one woman to be relevant to today's society. Women want to be regarded as equals, and in every case I believe them to be equals to men, but like others said these days a guy who is "persistent" is labeled "stalker". So I firmly believe that it is not only the man who has to do the pursuing, because it takes TWO (2) to tango. The woman has to give some sort of signals to the man that she wants him to pursue. It's not like in the past where man sees woman and he has his way with her regardless of how she feels about it. You can't do that anymore. I thought women wanted to be treated as equals, and respected as a person. If a girl says no I'm going to assume she mean's no, not yes.
ADF Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I agree up to a point. All I would add is that a widespread belief in the almost magical power of "confidence" is part of the problem as well. A lot of men persist even after they've gotten a clear refusal, or even multiple refusals. They think that accepting "no" would show they "lack confidence." And as you say, some of these guys end up getting slapped with restraining orders.
Author ecto-1 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 I agree up to a point. All I would add is that a widespread belief in the almost magical power of "confidence" is part of the problem as well. A lot of men persist even after they've gotten a clear refusal, or even multiple refusals. They think that accepting "no" would show they "lack confidence." And as you say, some of these guys end up getting slapped with restraining orders. Right...I had a female friend complain, "Why when men are told 'No!', they still pursue" I tell her, "Well, I guess they figure no means yes!" And these guys read Tara Maiden's posts and other women to who had been "pursued" by guys constantly to get them to "cave" and go out with them....so they believe TRUE LOVE will happen to them as well. It even happened with their personal friends that relentlessly pursued someone in their circle of friends...then the remaining single guy pursues the last of the snigle women in the circle of friend relentessly as well, because he figures, if it worked for his friend, it can work for him, right?! Only to be taken aside by said friend(s) and have them say to him, "dude, seriously, you need to back off, she is NOT interested, just giving you fair warning!"
Author ecto-1 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 Some men keep pursuing because it works with some women. If the wrong man takes this strategy, the consequences can be very severe. I'd rather not even go there. If I ask a woman out and she says she's not interested in me in that way, then I don't ask her out again. If she's says she's not interested after a date, I know it's over. Right, as always, it "depends on the woman" but MOST women, I dunno, it's not worth the risk, and I err on the side of caution....I know guys that are kind of "handsy" with women at certain house parties, a little too much too soon. Giving random backrubs to females as part of his 'game" apparently. I heard of a woman that said her brother left "Hershey Kisses" on the hood of her car. lol in the 1950's....a woman would swoon out of the romanticism of that....the female car owners hairs stood up on end on the back of her neck. LOL
TheLoneSock Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Show me a present day woman who wants a man to pursue her for 3-4 years, even after rejection, and I'll show you a mental illness to go with it. For both the man and the woman.
callingyouuu Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I don't really find that endless pursuit of one woman to be relevant to today's society. Women want to be regarded as equals, and in every case I believe them to be equals to men, but like others said these days a guy who is "persistent" is labeled "stalker". So I firmly believe that it is not only the man who has to do the pursuing, because it takes TWO (2) to tango. The woman has to give some sort of signals to the man that she wants him to pursue. It's not like in the past where man sees woman and he has his way with her regardless of how she feels about it. You can't do that anymore. I thought women wanted to be treated as equals, and respected as a person. If a girl says no I'm going to assume she mean's no, not yes. I agree; as much as I wish the contrary, times have changed. I just saw Pride and Prejudice for like the third time the other day, and if it were held in modern times, I think Mr. Darcy would have given up halfway through the movie. Either that, or he'll lose his half of Pemberley and his greek statue things over the divorce settlement.
bac Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 You can not say unless you know the situation. It depends on the situation and people involved. I have known guys who were persistant for 14-20 yrs about women who were special for them and it worked out well.
TaraMaiden Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 You guys need to tell the difference between 'persistence' and 'stalking'. The two are quite different. if you don't know the difference, then you have little hope in your pursuits.
fishtaco Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 You guys need to tell the difference between 'persistence' and 'stalking'. The two are quite different. if you don't know the difference, then you have little hope in your pursuits. The only difference is the outcome. If eventually she falls for him, he was persistent. If not, then he was stalking. A lot of women talk is like that. A guy goes up to a table of chicks and starts hitting on them. If the girls didn't like him, he was an "annoying douche". He goes up to a second table and does the exact same thing, but the chicks think he's hot and he gets some digits, then he was "confident". Every woman's threshold is different, it has more to do with women and their preferences at the time (because that changes quite often), then what the guy is doing, barring extreme cases. Either way, persistence is the most costly way to get a woman. No woman is worth this much effort. And from the women's perspective, no man is worth this much either. Not trying to say any gender superiority, we are the same. If a woman is showing disinterest, I would respect her choice by leaving her alone, immediately. 3 years is crazy. I agree 100% with TheLoneSock. There are all kinds of strange things in the world. Just because cadavers can score (read up on Karen Greenlee), doesn't mean I should kill myself and wait in the morgue for the right woman to come along. Persistence has extremely low win percentage. Not as low as being dead, which apparently is not zero, but pretty low. It's not a good approach.
Author ecto-1 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 You guys need to tell the difference between 'persistence' and 'stalking'. The two are quite different. if you don't know the difference, then you have little hope in your pursuits. There is a fine line between the two actually. I just use the 3 strikes rule....so I do give a certain amount of chances. If I get blown of 3 times, I delete her #, and move onto someone else.
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