Hazyhead Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Quite often on this forum we see a post or thread from a member who has recently been through initiated NC, at their APs request, and gone along with it because of the realisation that they did want more, but then got sucked back in again, also at the APs request because having some of them is better than having none of them. They allow themselves back into the hurt. I have to say, I completely understand the temptation to do this, and I know that if I was willing to enter back into an affair situation myself, I could do. However, the knowledge of the pain and stress that follows is enough to keep me on the straight and narrow. No matter how much I miss him sometimes. I was just wondering, for those who take another chance, how do you cope emotionally, knowing how easily your AP could turn around and cast you aside again? Is it easier just to focus on the now and not think into the future? Do you find yourself straight back into slipping into their timetable again? Do you hope it will end differently or are you content that you might not end up with them after all?
Just a stone's throw Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 In a FWB situation without the underlying "love attachment", it is what it is. It's living for the moment and THIS time going in with eyes wide-open. Knowing that he can turn on a dime. It's also still a question though, do I want to take that chance? But as I see it, nothing stops me from turning on a dime either if I don't feel it's the right thing to do. I feel like the playing field has been leveled now. I can walk if I need to. I didn't feel that way before. Thought I had to be there for him. He proved that he wasn't there for me. So it is what it is. Doubt that relates to a lot of others out there. JAST
OWoman Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Quite often on this forum we see a post or thread from a member who has recently been through initiated NC, at their APs request, and gone along with it because of the realisation that they did want more, but then got sucked back in again, also at the APs request because having some of them is better than having none of them. They allow themselves back into the hurt. I would imagine that the fact that the MP called time on NC and indicated that they can't live without the AP could be affirming to the AP. It's a strong signal that the M itself - even worked at full-bore without the AP as a distraction - isn't and can't be enough for the MP; or perhaps it gets read as the BS not being enough for the MP? Not sure of the nuances, but I imagine it's one or the other.
her_halo_slipped Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I was just wondering, for those who take another chance, how do you cope emotionally, knowing how easily your AP could turn around and cast you aside again? Is it easier just to focus on the now and not think into the future? Do you find yourself straight back into slipping into their timetable again? Do you hope it will end differently or are you content that you might not end up with them after all? HH for me I naievely thought his behaviour might change. Not that we were ever going to leave our Ws's.Just that he would put in a little more effort and become emotionally more available. He didn't. We ended and he threw me under the bus. Everything LS'ers said came true!
her_halo_slipped Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I was just wondering, for those who take another chance, how do you cope emotionally, knowing how easily your AP could turn around and cast you aside again? Is it easier just to focus on the now and not think into the future? Do you find yourself straight back into slipping into their timetable again? Do you hope it will end differently or are you content that you might not end up with them after all? HH for me I naievely thought his behaviour might change. Not that we were ever going to leave our Ws's.Just that he would put in a little more effort and become emotionally more available. He didn't. We ended and he threw me under the bus. Everything LS'ers said came true!
joey66 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Not sure if I'm answering the question exactly, but here goes. I am NC for nearly four months. I'm pissed (angry, not drunk) at what she has put me through. She left me hanging with no explanation. I have finally reached the anger stage. I'd take her back in a second.
Silly_Girl Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Not sure if I'm answering the question exactly, but here goes. I am NC for nearly four months. I'm pissed (angry, not drunk) at what she has put me through. She left me hanging with no explanation. I have finally reached the anger stage. I'd take her back in a second. Oh god, that just properly twanged my heartstrings.
califnan Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I would compare it to how often would one wish to be the rug hanging on the clothsline, being beaten by the rug beater .. (olden times) ..
ladydesigner Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Quite often on this forum we see a post or thread from a member who has recently been through initiated NC, at their APs request, and gone along with it because of the realisation that they did want more, but then got sucked back in again, also at the APs request because having some of them is better than having none of them. They allow themselves back into the hurt. I have to say, I completely understand the temptation to do this, and I know that if I was willing to enter back into an affair situation myself, I could do. However, the knowledge of the pain and stress that follows is enough to keep me on the straight and narrow. No matter how much I miss him sometimes. I was just wondering, for those who take another chance, how do you cope emotionally, knowing how easily your AP could turn around and cast you aside again? Is it easier just to focus on the now and not think into the future? Do you find yourself straight back into slipping into their timetable again? Do you hope it will end differently or are you content that you might not end up with them after all? Totally agree with the bolded. Now I am so far into to NC in healing myself that to go back to a situation that is so unhealthy not only to myself but to my M it would be senseless for me to break NC. Not only do I not want to open old wounds but I do not want to open wounds for him either.
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