nineyearsgone79 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Hey Guys! So.. I'm just getting out there dating again. I actually had a guy from my high school contact me like 12 years later out of the blue. So we got chatting on instant messenger and met up last week. He asked if i wanted to go to a local museum so I said sure! So we met up and went to pay and I wasn't sure if he should pay or I should etc. So I sort of let him pay but took out my student ID from grad school and the ticket ended up at $5.00. So.. we walked around etc. and then after the museum walk he asked me out again to dinner. However, the day of the dinner he contacted me to cancel because his mom wanted them to eat dinner together. ((BTW he is 28)) He doesn't live at home but as he said she has a "routine" she doesn't like having broken. He goes over there wed, sat, & sunday... uh huh. So he asks if i want to get together for the dinner on Monday.. and I say sure. I thought I'd give him a chance etc. So we have a dinner and as I normally do on a date I chose the most affordable meal at $8.50. When the check came again I wasn't sure if I should pay or not..so I pull out $9.00 and he put it in his pocket. Then we went over to the mall and walked around (again his idea.. mall I thought was sorta lame as a "date" idea)... I mean watching him shop for socks is a bit of a yawn. So after the mall walk he asks me out again for this weekend. So I'm really debating about this 3rd um "date" if you can really call it that. He wants me to burn some movies online and bring them over.. he said he is looking forward to the presents. I said "presents??" he goes oh the movies etc. Then he asked where I'd want to eat... at this point I'm wanting to sort of say subway because not only am I the one having to drive an hour up to him.. but then forking out for a dinner on top of that and supplying the movies is all getting a bit annoying. I'm not really into this guy physically or personality wise and am not even sure why I agreed to a second date. Just in general he makes a lot of comments about money .. such as how he'd never pay to get into a club... how expensive the shirts were at the mall etc. He also goes on a lot about his family. Ugh the list grows lol. Anyway... not sure what to do yet. The third date is suppose to be tomorrow?? Any suggestions at this point before I waste another evening! Thanks!!
mixwell Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Maybe this guy has some financial issues or whatever ? Does he even drive ? I know this sounds shallow but at the age I wouldn't date anyone who didn't at least have a car.. I've dated chicks when I've been unemployed but at that stage its kinda like "hey your not 16 years old anymore" I can understand the economy now and what not but yea.. It sounds like you already have no real interest romantically so maybe let him know instead of leading him on ? Us guys can be pretty clueless when it comes to female signals and hints and you usually have to bluntly just flat out tell us. I say if you aren't into him romantically you should just tell him.. Just say something like this " I don't know what perspective you see us 2 in but I just want to let you know I see us as friends and nothing more so I just want to let you know" That is polite and to the point and I think it's only fair to him because I am sure he thinks of these repeat dates as you're into him to a certain degree to agree to these "dates" so to speak.
Engadget Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Wow I can't comprehend going on dates with someone I had 0 interest in
Zansatsu Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 ...at this point I'm wanting to sort of say subway because not only am I the one having to drive an hour up to him.. but then forking out for a dinner on top of that and supplying the movies is all getting a bit annoying. I'm not really into this guy physically or personality wise and am not even sure why I agreed to a second date. I hate to say this but I think you answered your own question, dear. I often say that if there is any doubt, then there is no doubt. Meaning of course, that you have a "gut feeling" for a reason. Granted, my guts have been known to be full of it. (Sorry, couldn't resist. lol) If these are things you can ignore safely for the remainder of your relationship with him, then I'd say go on another date. However, I also believe in finding someone with flaws I can live with. It's really just a matter of whether you want to run the risk of getting to know him despite his eccentricities, or cut the possibility of your emotions falling flat and possibly hurting him.
Author nineyearsgone79 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 He does have a car.. new 2008 camry he just paid off. He is also is planning a cruise for him in aug as well to alaska... so he has money.. but he said before that his mom takes his "frugality" as cheapness haha. Well.. honestly the not that attracted thing didn't bother me as much as these personality quirks of his. I don't feel like i'm really being treated like a lady i guess hehe.. that sounds so silly! But.. seriously maybe i'm old fashioned a bit but he doesn't even open doors and that's fine but i'm 16 inches shorter than him and they constantly hit me when he enters first. I duno.. is it wrong to want a little bit of the old fashioned spirit. He thinks we'll be cuddling tomorrow night and in fact i'm cringing a bit. :/
Author nineyearsgone79 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 well i was trying to really give him a shot... 10 months ago i got out of a 9 year relationship and i'm having a hard time in general (finding interest in a new guy etc.) I really loved my ex and didn't want to break up. So.. this is all new to me and I thought maybe it's just me .. maybe i need to really genuinely give him a shot (this new guy.)
Zansatsu Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 well i was trying to really give him a shot... 10 months ago i got out of a 9 year relationship and i'm having a hard time in general (finding interest in a new guy etc.) I really loved my ex and didn't want to break up. So.. this is all new to me and I thought maybe it's just me .. maybe i need to really genuinely give him a shot (this new guy.) Attraction and chemistry are still important. If you aren't feeling it, you aren't feeling it. If you want to give him a chance, go for it. No one here can stop you, we just like to make you aware of certain things.
SarahRose Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I don't get why you would force yourself to keep going out with someone you don't like who treats you like crap? Just cancel the date and do some others things. I think watching the grass grow would be more exciting.
jamal Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 If you are not attracted to this guy then move on and spare him a heartache. BTW I find it rather shallow to dump a guy because of his frugality. It is a trait that less than 5% of the population possess in these times of consumerism. I would not really call him a cheapskate. Appears the boy has a game plan and I bet he has a very fat 401k. He sounds so like me. I clip coupons, know all the sale days at my local supermarkets, buy only in-store no name brands. I pretty much pay at least 40% less than the average population when it comes to consumer goods and services. I do not use debt. I pay cash for my cars (not rust buckets - real cars costing thousands). My frugality allowed me to save from my paycheck and start my own business and I have never looked back. When it comes to dating I never took girls to fancy dinners. I have taken women to fast food joints or ordered pizza while watching a movie at home. However, once I escalate the relationship (knowing that the woman wants me for who I am) I then let the wallet lose. Whats mine becomes hers. Before marrying my fiance, I had VISA issue an additional credit card under her name and she could go crazy at the mall. I never make money an issue in a relationship. My wife could spend on whatever she wanted. If I really like you, our dates become Eurotrips and shopping in Milan. My strategy weeds out all the gold diggers and I am left only with those women who wanna be with me even if I were to live at grand central station.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 BTW I find it rather shallow to dump a guy because of his frugality. It is a trait that less than 5% of the population possess in these times of consumerism. I would not really call him a cheapskate. Appears the boy has a game plan and I bet he has a very fat 401k. Oh come on! Being frugal and completely cheap are two different things. And if a guy is as cheap as him, then he shouldn't be dating in the first place. God knows, dating costs money too! OP, if you don't like dating this guy, then don't go out with him. Dating a guy you have no interest is a complete waste of both your time and his. If you're looking for special treatment or just someone who will at least be gentleman enough to open the door for you, then do go out and find someone who has that courtesy. I'm not being harsh, but what will will a third date bring for you except for you to complain more about him.
Author nineyearsgone79 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 Hey guys! Thanks so much for your thoughts on this! Yeah Jamal I am far from a golddigger.. haha I am sure I have more than him as I run my own business and have no interest in that. He even commented when i took my wallet out.. reading the label out loud. He was like oh designer brand.. it was a bit off putting.. I just responded it was a gift from my family. Also at the museum he was buying postcards for his mom.. and I pointed some nice ones out. He goes oh these are 7 for $1.50 those u pointed out are like 6 for $1.50 (rolls eyes.) We do go through lots of effort getting ready to look nice for them etc. I always pull out the wallet.. it's just sorta off putting when he keeps the dinner $ overage and pockets the cash... and when I can't burn the movie he won't even rent it = lame. As is I'm driving up to him.. which is around 30 miles. But anyway .. yahh I think tomorrow will be it. I'm not the type of person to cancel the day of as he was.. so I'll go for the third and last hang out. I'll let him know at that point we just aren't connecting.. friends etc etc... Thanks again guys!! This really helped me put it all into perspective ! Without that magic... those little quirks are just way to much for me to put up with in the long run hehe. Thanks!!
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