Confusedalways Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Situation: One of my [best] male friends and I were heading out somewhere about 3 months ago when his friend texted him to remind him they had plans. My friend asked if I minded if he merged plans, and of course I didn't care. So him, me, and his friend [whom I've never met] all ended up going out together. That night, his friend asks for my number. I said, "you don't need my number." He thought this was funny. He starts texting our mutual friend how "fun" and "sweet" and whatever I am. I thought he was just way drunk. Anyway, he then proceeds to get on his iphone and add me on facebook right then and there, telling me to get on my smartphone and accept. Kind of weird but whatever, I guess. So, my AIM screen name is listed on my facebook, and this guy proceeds to IM me a few days later. Talking to me about the most boring stuff ever. My friend warns me that this guy was into me and I told my friend I'm not interested. Then this guy writes all up and down my facebook about how we need to do X, Y, Z. Luckily I was away at college at the time so I told him this was not possible, as I was not in the area. Fast forward to now, we've hung out a couple more times since our mutual friend is a really good friend of both of us, always obviously including the mutual friend! The guy CONTINUES to IM me, then give me his number and told me that he "really likes to be texted." I say things like, "that's nice" or "oh." So then my friend tells this guy I'm not interested. Then today awkward of all awkward I'm out and about and I SEE HIM. Not cool. I headed for the hills. I turned around and pretended to browse some stuff. I hear "Confusedalways?!" I ignore him. "CONFUSEDALWAYS?!?!" Ignored twice. I start heading in the other direction and somehow he ninjaed his way down a different aisle and is all of a sudden in front of me. I made small talk and he asks me to "hang out this weekend" [with him or with him and our friend, I have no idea], and asks me for my number. I tell him I have his number if we need to speak. He asks for my number again. I ask why he needs my number. He tells me 'so we can talk.' What? I don't want to talk to him Anyway, I get home and he wrote on my facebook asking me if we can hang out anytime at all within the next few days. Besides the fact that I don't want to deny this guy via facebook, what on earth am I supposed to say to convey that I really, truly do not want to ever find myself in a situation in which I hang out with him alone?! I have to play nice because this IS my best friend's good friend and I can't phase him out, I'm going to be in social situations with him again and am trying to be direct but not rude. Everytime he's asked me out, I've said no. Every time he's ask for my number, i've said no. Goodness.
somedude81 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Actually, you haven't said no. You've ignored him and given excuses. Most guys would pick up on it, but some are a little slow or are playing dumb. You need to flat out tell him that you are not interested. I'm sure you can find a way to be polte and still make sure that he completely understands.
alphamale Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I hear "Confusedalways?!" I ignore him. "CONFUSEDALWAYS?!?!" Ignored twice. how did he know your LS username? what on earth am I supposed to say to convey that I really, truly do not want to ever find myself in a situation in which I hang out with him alone?! don't see him under any situation and put a block on any way that he can contact you. if that doesn't work tell him you just started seeing someone. if that doesn't work then call the cops for stalking.
Author Confusedalways Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 Actually, you haven't said no. You've ignored him and given excuses. Most guys would pick up on it, but some are a little slow or are playing dumb. You need to flat out tell him that you are not interested. I'm sure you can find a way to be polte and still make sure that he completely understands. Oh. I left the part out where I actually said no. My bad. Anyway within these incessant AIM convos which he insisted on having he'd always drop things we should do and I'd flat out say no... many, many times. Isn't that enough?
alphamale Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Oh. I left the part out where I actually said no. My bad. Anyway within these incessant AIM convos which he insisted on having he'd always drop things we should do and I'd flat out say no... many, many times. Isn't that enough? why are you even conversing with this clown?
Serenitynow Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Because there are many many women that give in to overbearing persistent guys. I know plenty of people that are married, and the woman couldnt stand the jerk at first. But he never gave up and now they are married. Dont ask me WHY I'm not the one that is changing tune and saying yes. You need to ask your sex WHY they give in.
ShadowBlue Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Oh. I left the part out where I actually said no. My bad. Anyway within these incessant AIM convos which he insisted on having he'd always drop things we should do and I'd flat out say no... many, many times. Isn't that enough? If you've just said no to a particular thing to do, he may just think that you don't want to do just that thing. Your continuing to hang out with him but just saying no to specific things implies (however indirectly) to the love-infused mind/heart that there may be SOME interest, just not right now. Sometimes, you have to flat-out tell the guy "Look, I'm not interested in you in that way at all (or - not interested in you romantically - ever) and I am only interested in being friends". That's a nice way to go about saying that without being too mean.
Author Confusedalways Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 why are you even conversing with this clown? I don't think what we do qualifies as conversation. It's him talking at me over subjects I really couldn't care less about with occasional oh's and haha's from me. I don't want to be mean and/or block communication because then the next time I see him he'll either bring it up or annoy our mutual friend about it, so I try to tolerate it.
Left in a Lurch Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I agree, you never said no. You probably come across as being on the fence about him and he is trying to get you to go out with him. What you don't understand is the guy has to show interest and persue, and it's never black and white whether a woman is interested or not. Like someone else said I bet I have more married friends where the woman has told me she hated the guy at first. My 3 closest friends went through months of me saying, "dude, take the hint she is not interested" when they would get repeatedly blown off only to end up marrying the woman. A lot of women seem to think that guys can read their mind when in reality it is very hard to know what a woman is thinking. What I don't understand is why you never said, "Hey, I know you're a good friend of XXX, but I am not romantically interested in you. I don't want to hang out or date you or see you in that way." As an adult you should be able to say this.
alphamale Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I don't want to be mean and/or block communication because then the next time I see him he'll either bring it up or annoy our mutual friend about it, so I try to tolerate it. you need to forget what your mutual friend will think
Gallaxia Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I think you just need to tell him "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in hanging out" or maybe speak about having a date in front of him maybe? Maybe he'd get the picture that way.
Author Confusedalways Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 I think you just need to tell him "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in hanging out" or maybe speak about having a date in front of him maybe? Maybe he'd get the picture that way. Yeah I've said both of these things. The more I think about this and everyone's answers the more I'm convinced he thinks this is a challenge.
mixwell Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Homer Simpson said it best in the episode where Edna Kroboppel was led on by Bart's fantasy guy when he said "3 words... I...AM...GAY"
Gallaxia Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Careful with that one though- That could take the conversation a whole new direction.
O'Malley Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 (edited) Sometimes, you have to flat-out tell the guy "Look, I'm not interested in you in that way at all (or - not interested in you romantically - ever) and I am only interested in being friends". That's a nice way to go about saying that without being too mean. The above, but don't make any offers of friendship or claim you have a boyfriend -- he'll just keep hanging around in hopes of changing your mind. If your friend has actually told this guy you're not interested, your admirer is either a dimwit or Mr. Ego. You're not responsible if he gets upset at your rejection, because he's had more than enough clues thrown at him that you're not eager to hang out with him. Edited June 18, 2010 by O'Malley
sigurpol Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Agree with most. And yikes, haha, I'm reading and thinking, "how dense is this guy?!". I know I've pushed my luck a few times, but still... Kinda reminds me of a situation I was in.. met a mutual friend when a bunch of us went out. She's very close to them, and I'm very close to our mutual friend(s). But this girl continues to catch me online every time I'm on, always asking when we're gonna hang out and I've recycled every excuse. Work, school, studying, working EARLY, working LATE, I'm TIRED. I'm ready to tell her I'm actually a superhero and I have no time for a girlfriend unless she wants to live in danger. Yea, just tell him, "Sorry, but I don't have any interest in hanging out. Nothing personal".
phineas Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 And your (best) guy friend doesn't know you arn't interested in his friend? It sounds like you have very poor comunication skills. Also, this guy sounds like a D-bag. Adding you to facebook with his phone on the spot? seriously lame.
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