bluz73 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Just trying to still struggle with this...recap the ex bf of 6 1/2 years suddenly decided to go date an 18 yr old he iwas 30 I am 36...He cut off all contact and changed his cell, email ect... HE HURT ME SO WHY ignore me? WHY not just say I am so sorry for what I have done to you, HOW can he just throw me away without any words of kindness...Was i really dating a coward heartless bastard? Somebody just tell me How you could be with someone this long and treat them so badly when they done nothing to deserve this??
LoveTruthChaos Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I'd love to ask my ex the same question. Seems like both our ex's really are heartless cowards. I hate cowards. All you can do in this situation is flaunt what your mumma gave you. Chin up, chest out
Author bluz73 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 I'd love to ask my ex the same question. Seems like both our ex's really are heartless cowards. I hate cowards. All you can do in this situation is flaunt what your mumma gave you. Chin up, chest out So true..and I am so broken I cant do that yet:( but here I am the one forgiving him for hurting me and asking him to forgive me for being crazy when I found out. I get nothing no I am sorry nothing...very strange..i think i should just start being heartless like him
LoveTruthChaos Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Who says that you have to forgive? Is it in order to move on? This phrase has become 'the norm' so much, that I actually thought that I was being emotionally immature my whole life for having the attitude of 'never forgive, never forget'. I mean, for God's sake, who's ever going to forgive Hitler for what he did? It was only from reading a thread here on LS a few days ago that made me realise that no, I do not HAVE to forgive anyone. If someone's done you wrong, it's okay to not forgive them. It really is. And you DO move on, even without forgiveness. I've done it with another ex. IMO, I think that if you forgive, you're glossing over their mistakes, and you're more likely to repeat similar mistakes. Sorry if that was a bit of a tangent
Author bluz73 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 Who says that you have to forgive? Is it in order to move on? This phrase has become 'the norm' so much, that I actually thought that I was being emotionally immature my whole life for having the attitude of 'never forgive, never forget'. I mean, for God's sake, who's ever going to forgive Hitler for what he did? It was only from reading a thread here on LS a few days ago that made me realise that no, I do not HAVE to forgive anyone. If someone's done you wrong, it's okay to not forgive them. It really is. And you DO move on, even without forgiveness. I've done it with another ex. IMO, I think that if you forgive, you're glossing over their mistakes, and you're more likely to repeat similar mistakes. Sorry if that was a bit of a tangent He surely done me wrong and i just cried again for the first time in 2 months thinking hard about how he just ignored my emails and letters. He messed up and admitted it. Its been 8 months that he left me for a teenager half my age and Im still having difficulty, not with him bein with her but him ignoring me and not forgiving me for cussing out his new GF and dishing the scoop on him. I should hate him but I cant and I want to so bad..why cant I hate him?
skydiveaddict Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 you cant hate him because you still love him. there will come a day when you can let go
Narf Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 To much focus on him ... and not enough on you You have no idea what he is thinking or feeling about you... You do know that he is over your relationship and in love with another girl. But does he hate you?? Or is he indifferent?? Does he care but doesnt want to start all the drama again? The simple truth is he is with someone else and they are his priority now. It might not have anything to do with hating you... Maybe you make him feel guilty and out of contact out of mind... He doesnt want you around because of the feelings you make him feel... Whatever it is, focus back on you, get you feeling better! He is gone and yes it hurts like hell but time to move forward and focus on you
ADF Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Was i really dating a coward heartless bastard? Yes, you were, and the answer is really that simple. He handled it the way he did because like all cowards, he was only interested in making things as easy as possible on himself. Your feelings didn't count. In future don't date a man in his 30s for 6 1/2 years. If he won't make a commitment after that long a time, he's trouble.
Author bluz73 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 To much focus on him ... and not enough on you You have no idea what he is thinking or feeling about you... You do know that he is over your relationship and in love with another girl. But does he hate you?? Or is he indifferent?? Does he care but doesnt want to start all the drama again? The simple truth is he is with someone else and they are his priority now. It might not have anything to do with hating you... Maybe you make him feel guilty and out of contact out of mind... He doesnt want you around because of the feelings you make him feel... Whatever it is, focus back on you, get you feeling better! He is gone and yes it hurts like hell but time to move forward and focus on you Okay if the roles were reversed..It wouldnt be too difficult to say, "Look I did you wrong I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused you Thank you for forgiving me, You were an amazing girlfriend and I wish things didnt have to be this way??? Wow atleast I know that I didnt waste over 6 years of my life on him.. Why is it so hard? is the guilt too much or hate? It hurts like hell and I want to be happy and I just dont understand the difficulty in being nice to someone
AlwaysConflicted Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Somewhere along the line he fell out of love with you and didn't know how to tell you. You'd think it would be easier for him to express his decision on 2 levels. 1.) If he didn't love you anymore, he wouldn't care so he could easily say he didn't love you. or 2.) You've been a couple for so long that he should feel comfortable sharing anything with you. But there is option # 3 as well. 3.) Some people just panic and run away while others stay and fight. It's not an original concept at all, but I think that's what happened here. He's a coward. In an earthquake, he's the guy running around screaming "We're all doomed, run for your lives!" You're the one telling everyone to relax and find a safe place for shelter. My question to you is: which personality would your rather spend your life with? I'll end with the quote: "A man's character is measured by his actions."
StarrySkyBlue Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I totally feel for you and I really hope you would feel better soon. Yes, some people are just cowards. If he could do that to you after 6 years of being together, there's no doubt he's going to keep doing the same thing to whoever he will be dating. He's not mature enough for a real relationship, and I doubt he would ever be truly happy with anyone, ever, because at the first sign of trouble he would just run, leaving the mess for the other person to deal with by themselves. I'm really sorry you're going through this right now. There's no easy way out of heartbreak. Wish you all the best!
Ilovecake Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 He’s ignoring you because he doesn’t want to give you any more hope. He knows you’ve been obsessing for months and probably just wants to disconnect from the drama. What he did was ****ty, he knows that but doesn’t care enough to make you feel any better about it since he doesn’t feel bad. He is following his emotions just like you are following yours. Just as you are constantly asking why he is ignoring you he’s probably thinking why won’t she leave me alone, why is she apologizing for me cheating and treating her like a used pair of socks, why after months of ignoring her is she sending me facebook friend requests…etc. He’s probably trying to go on with his life and doesn’t want the ex drama in his life. If he apologized to you he knows you would probably be there even more. The less contact he has with you the better it is for you and him. As I said before you need to stop concentrating on him and his new girlfriend 24/7 and you need to do something about YOU. You have a lot of control issues to work through. You are way too old to be this irrational for this long and to be acting like this. I'm really not trying to be cruel, I don't know you but I'm starting to worry about your obsession with this.
sean1970 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 He’s ignoring you because he doesn’t want to give you any more hope. He knows you’ve been obsessing for months and probably just wants to disconnect from the drama. What he did was ****ty, he knows that but doesn’t care enough to make you feel any better about it since he doesn’t feel bad. He is following his emotions just like you are following yours. Just as you are constantly asking why he is ignoring you he’s probably thinking why won’t she leave me alone, why is she apologizing for me cheating and treating her like a used pair of socks, why after months of ignoring her is she sending me facebook friend requests…etc. He’s probably trying to go on with his life and doesn’t want the ex drama in his life. If he apologized to you he knows you would probably be there even more. The less contact he has with you the better it is for you and him. As I said before you need to stop concentrating on him and his new girlfriend 24/7 and you need to do something about YOU. You have a lot of control issues to work through. You are way too old to be this irrational for this long and to be acting like this. I'm really not trying to be cruel, I don't know you but I'm starting to worry about your obsession with this. Pure truth...
Author bluz73 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 He’s ignoring you because he doesn’t want to give you any more hope. He knows you’ve been obsessing for months and probably just wants to disconnect from the drama. What he did was ****ty, he knows that but doesn’t care enough to make you feel any better about it since he doesn’t feel bad. He is following his emotions just like you are following yours. Just as you are constantly asking why he is ignoring you he’s probably thinking why won’t she leave me alone, why is she apologizing for me cheating and treating her like a used pair of socks, why after months of ignoring her is she sending me facebook friend requests…etc. He’s probably trying to go on with his life and doesn’t want the ex drama in his life. If he apologized to you he knows you would probably be there even more. The less contact he has with you the better it is for you and him. As I said before you need to stop concentrating on him and his new girlfriend 24/7 and you need to do something about YOU. You have a lot of control issues to work through. You are way too old to be this irrational for this long and to be acting like this. I'm really not trying to be cruel, I don't know you but I'm starting to worry about your obsession with this. ya know you always comment on my posts and dont make me feel beter at all..I have been through the worst thing I have ever expierienced in my entire life..I am broken and I dont need people like you to say things to make me feel worse. I dont sit around all day and wait for him. the fact of the matter is I DONT want him back..even if he begged me..I cant forget what he done I cant forget he chose someone else over me and the years we put into our love. I honestly was hoping for a written apology, maybe admitting what he done and a sorry?? Its really tough to live day to day knowing someone could hurt another human and be so cold and heartless and not give a crap. This person he turned in to was not the same guy I met and grew to love..he is now changed in to someone that takes feelings as a joke. And as I noticed your posts Are you obssessed with your ex? You posted they got a new kitty together? How do you know this if you are not stalking them? I NEVER asked for a friendship request via FB...I simply sent a closure message, of my feelings and forgiveness, and simply asked him to return the favor, he hasnt done so nor has he blocked me yet...so I am done. I am angry, but I am beautiful and intelligent enough to know someone else out there will appreciate me and respect my feelings and never treat me in such a horrible manner
Author bluz73 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 Yes, you were, and the answer is really that simple. He handled it the way he did because like all cowards, he was only interested in making things as easy as possible on himself. Your feelings didn't count. In future don't date a man in his 30s for 6 1/2 years. If he won't make a commitment after that long a time, he's trouble. ADF...thank you for seeing he is a coward..I do not plan to ever be with a man that long without lifetime commitment..sad thing is he bought me a ring after a year but it never happened thankfully. He is selfish and heartless and he doesnt deserve a woman like me. karma is a b*tch and he will get his heartbreak sooner or later.
sean1970 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 ya know you always comment on my posts and dont make me feel beter at all..I have been through the worst thing I have ever expierienced in my entire life..I am broken and I dont need people like you to say things to make me feel worse. I dont sit around all day and wait for him. Her post was not meant to make you hurt or feel better. Cold water to the proverbial face would be more accurate. I honestly was hoping for a written apology, maybe admitting what he done and a sorry?? Its really tough to live day to day knowing someone could hurt another human and be so cold and heartless and not give a crap. This person he turned in to was not the same guy I met and grew to love..he is now changed in to someone that takes feelings as a joke. While you might not wait all day for him, you seem to be waiting for him to show remorse. It wont happen... It would seem you want, very desperately, to know that he sees himself, and his actions, as you did/do. Its almost as though it would affirm how you feel about him and what he did if he wrote you and apology. Again, it wont happen... If he does feel this way, even just a little, it is higly unlikly he would admit it to you. It sucks, I know, but it does not often work out that way. If believe your view of him is accurate, and his actions deplorable, why is his opinion important?
JeffFatherree Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Very little information..Could be a wide array of things from He Lost interest because he Knew he had you wrapped around his finger, to his own personal commitment issues. Sorry to hear this!
lonelygurl Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 (edited) Your age has nothing to do with grieving the loss of a relationship. For someone to say that is just plain stupid. I am still not completely over my X of 7 years and it has been 1 1/2 years...and believe it or not my therapist said it could take up to two years to heal well. I feel bad that your X did what he did after 6 1/2 years. It is extremely hurtful and very cowardly. My X left me a note on the table. Short and to the point that he was leaving. That was also cowardly. They don't give you any reasons or what they think went wrong. I feel too many people now a days don't really want to work on a real loving relationship, but would rather just move on. Likely your X has done this to other women and not just you. I know my X always had a woman waiting in the wings, but they convince you that you are different. May I suggest reading a book called Men Who Can't Love: How to Recognize a Commitmentphobic Man Before He Breaks Your Heart. This book made a lot of sense to who my X really was and how he acted. It doesn't matter if you've been together a short time or a long time. It explains a lot and may help a wee bit for you trying to understand why he left the way he did. It really is him and not you!! Remember this!!!! Edited June 18, 2010 by lonelygurl
stillafool Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Okay if the roles were reversed..It wouldnt be too difficult to say, "Look I did you wrong I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused you Thank you for forgiving me, You were an amazing girlfriend and I wish things didnt have to be this way??? Wow atleast I know that I didnt waste over 6 years of my life on him.. Why is it so hard? is the guilt too much or hate? It hurts like hell and I want to be happy and I just dont understand the difficulty in being nice to someone Bluz, I read your message to your ex and it didn't really seem like you wanted a reply but just to let him know how you felt. I think that is the reason he didn't respond to your message. Not that he "hates" you or anything. Also I think at this point he doesn't talk to you because it is the dare I say "honorable" thing to do so you can move on. Trust me, anything he could say at this point would surely set you back to 10 months ago and just put more on your mind to anyalyze.
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